Day Seven

Well, it’s coming to the end of day seven now. I’m down 2.4 pounds since day one. I didn’t stick COMPLETELY to plan, because I was at a teaching conference and had to eat what they had there, when they had it available…so I’m happy with a 2.4 pound loss. I will do better this week though. I don’t have any conferences to distract me. I’ve got my meals all planned out and my groceries all bought. I just ate my dinner….a PB&J sandwich, some grapes, and a tangelo. I couldn’t even eat the whole PB&J, I only ate half.

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night I woke up with SEVERE muscle cramps/ charlie horses in my calves. I figured since I am eating less, and avoiding dairy because of my gallbladder, that I’m probably not getting enough calcium or potassium. As of yesterday, I’m taking a daily multivitamin and a daily calcium supplement. It seems to be helping so far. I’m already feeling less achy and tired then I was. I’m planning on continuing to take them since I know I should have been taking them anyways.

I’m doing the 20 something’s Biggest Loser Challenge…I’m on the Lovely Leaves team. I’m super psyched about it. I love challenges like that because it definitely helps to motivate me! I’m also going up to Fitness Connection with my boyfriend tomorrow to see about a one week trial, and if we both like it then in September after I’ve recovered from surgery I’ll look into getting us both a membership there.

That’s really about it. I just felt that I should update. I WILL stick to my plan this week. I want to TRY and get under 240 by next sunday. I don’t know if it’s achievable, but I’m definitely going to try.

<3

Day One

Well, it’s Day One of my revamped diet. I already had my first NSV too! I drove my boyfriend home from my house and on the way home I was SUPER hungry and really really craving some fast food. Usually without even thinking about it I would have found myself in the drive through getting those super sized fries and a large dr. pepper….but I DIDN’T! I resisted the urge! I got all the way home and made myself a lean cuisine…and you know what? It was damn good. I felt satisfied, but I didn’t feel sick like I feel after eating junky fast food. It was actually kind of nice not feeling like that.

I’m so excited for tomorrow….well I guess today, but whatever. It’s 12:31 am and I should be in bed…but I keep thinking about my new Britta pitcher and my new water bottle that holds 64 oz of water. I got a bunch of Tupperware stuff and veggies and fruits and my crock pot chicken is cooking right now (it should be ready by the time I get up in the morning for work). I’m going to eat healthy. I’m not going to count or journal or keep track of it all. I know what is healthy and what is not, and I need to trust myself and learn to listen to my stomach when it tells me it isn’t hungry anymore. I shouldn’t decide how much I eat based on some magic number. If I’m going to be able to really make a lifestyle change, I need to really change and not just crash diet. I am trusting myself to make good food choices and to learn from the occasional mistakes that I am bound to make. I feel like this time around, it’s going to be a lot less stressful and a lot more natural. I’m on the path to a new, healthier me!

I really should be going to sleep now though. I’ve got a little over 6 hours before I have to wake up for work in the morning….so I should have been asleep a long time ago. Goodnight!

Revamping My Diet

Okay, so I haven’t been on track. At all…

I went to the doctor, they did a HIDA scan, and now I have to have my gallbladder out. I haven’t been paying attention to whether or not what I am eating is healthy or not because I’ve only been caring about eating what makes me NOT feel sick vs. what makes me feel awful. I’m sure my weight is up, probably right back up to my original starting weight, but I am NOT going to let that get me down.

As soon as I get paid (either Friday or Monday) I will be heading to the grocery store, and revamping my diet. I’ve decided to switch to 4 smaller meals a day, filled with a lot less junk and processed food. I will be eating a lot more fruit and veggies then I usually do, and I will be drinking only water (with the exclusion of my daily bottle of benefiber flavored water) and LOTS of it.

Here’s the plan…

7am ~ Breakfast - Yogurt Smoothie & Banana

11am ~ Half PB&J & Apple & 1 cup of Green Beans & A piece of a cheddar cheese block

3pm ~ Crock Pot Chicken & Broccoli & Grapes

7am ~ Half PB&J & Orange & Corn & more cheddar cheese

Notes:

For the veggies I would probably season them with I can’t believe it’s not butter spray…

Crock Pot Chicken is chicken breasts, frozen veggies, and cream of mushroom soup cooked in the crock pot. I would be eating a chicken breast, with a small amount of the soup poured over it and a cup of the veggies that cook with it.

I will also be drinking 64 to 128 oz of water a day. My beginning goal will be 64 oz…but by the end of the first week I would like to be up to 128 oz daily.

I will be looking into getting a gym membership for myself AND my boyfriend so that I have a partner who will go with me and help to motivate me. He is also trying to live a healthier lifestyle…and this is something that I know we can do if we support each other. I won’t be actually getting the gym membership until after I recover from my surgery (scheduled August 19th), but we might do a trial week at the gym we are thinking about some time next week after I get paid and I’m eating healthier.

I feel better about things this time. I feel like I have a real, new, fresh plan. I think the reason I’ve had so much trouble getting back on plan is that I’ve felt like I have done this all already and it just wasn’t holding my interest. This 4 meals a day thing is new…and these are new goals for me..so I think that I’m well on my way.

For every pound I lose I am going to save $7…I’ll keep it all in a jar. I am going to use this money to reward myself along my weight loss journey.

Here are the things I would like to reward myself with…

230 lbs ~ Some new workout clothes
210 lbs ~ A new pair of shoes
190 lbs ~ Whatever I want right them (spending limit $50 and must not be unhealthy)
170 lbs ~ 2 new bras
150 lbs ~ All new clothes with the rest of the money

After I get paid I will be checking back in daily to let everyone know how it’s going…and I will be weighing in once a week. I’m excited to get started! =D

Well…a lot has been going on.

I’ve been going through a lot lately. 2 weeks ago I was in the ER with what they thought was a heart attack and turned out not to be. Then I had to do a bowel prep (eww) and have a colonoscopy and an endoscopy. They found that I had severe gastritis in my stomach and they put me on a medication that I’m supposed to take every single day but keep forgetting. I don’t know what the gastritis means because the doctor talked to my mom after the procedure and not me, and my mom forgot everything he said. He also had me do a HIDA gallbladder function test today and I’ll be doing a follow up with him on tuesday for all of the results.

Every time I eat, I feel sick to my stomach. Greasy foods don’t make it as bad, and so I’ve been eating a bunch of things I shouldn’t be eating…but whatever. Half the time I eat and I’m having to run to the bathroom constantly for a week, and half of the time I eat and I can’t manage to go for a week. It’s ridiculous and I hope they just get it figured out soon. I know that the HIDA scan didn’t do what it was supposed to do, and that the stuff they injected didn’t get all the way to my gallbladder, so maybe that means something IS wrong. I really just want a definitive answer so that they can get to the bottom of this. It sounds bad, wanting something to be wrong…but I am just so sick of feeling awful and NOT knowing why. I want something they can treat or fix so that I don’t have to feel like this anymore…

Anyways, I’ve basically been ignoring any kind of diet. I’m sure that I am gaining weight, but right now I don’t care. I am probably making excuses…but I just feel like right now I’m really stressed about balancing my health and my job and I’m doing my best and I am already getting tension headaches….and I don’t need any more stress because I cannot even take the medicine I used to take for my tension headaches with the medication I’m taking for the gastritis….so I can’t seem to EVER get rid of this damn headache. I feel it all the way down the back of my neck and in the back of my head and behind my ears and in the top of my head. It’s absolutely miserable. I’ve been putting warm compresses on the back of my neck for a week now. It’s miserable.

I just wish I didn’t feel so guilty about all of this. I feel guilty that my parents are having to pay for all of these tests. I feel guilty that I keep having to take time off of work when my boss has ALREADY talked to me twice about my being out sick so much and how it needs to stop happening. She seems to understand that these tests could get down to the bottom of the whole problem and could lead to a solution….but I can’t help but worry about my job and feel guilty for making everything harder for the people who ARE at work simply because they are not there. I feel guilty for not caring about what I eat. I just feel so guilty and so stressed and I think that I might explode. Maybe I should talk to somebody…but that would mean taking more time off of work and more money for my parents and I would just feel more guilty. I don’t know. I’m not depressed…I’m happy and I love my job and I know I could have it a lot worse…and I’m one of those people that always has a positive outlook…I’m just lost right now.

I wish I could just pull myself together.
=/

A Bad Day =(

i’m sitting here at work while the kids are napping (i teach at a day school) and i’m really honestly not having a very good day. A while back my boss told me that I had missed something like 45 days in the year that I had been here from being sick. Obviously that’s a lot. Since then I have had my tonsils out and haven’t been sick since (this was like the very beginning of april). The other day I had to call in because I pulled a muscle in my back and my mom wanted me to go to the doctor and get it checked out. Fine, whatever. Well today my boss pulled me into her office and said i’ve missed something like 60 days now, and this can’t keep happening. I tried to explain to her that 10 of those 15 days were from after the tonsillectamy, and that one day was my back and one day was because I was throwing up and I got sent home….so that’s really only 3 days that i’ve called in for something that wasn’t serious….but it’s like that didn’t matter. I have been working SO HARD to be here even when I don’t feel like it. I have come so many times lately with headaches and stomach pains and things like that….even though I didn’t feel like it, and it’s like they haven’t even noticed a difference. I was supposed to go get an MRI on my back tomorrow because it has still been hurting and i’m not so sure it’s a muscle anymore…but I called and cancelled it because I feel like if I miss another day i’ll end up losing my job. It’s just so frustrating. I feel guilty and upset and angry all at the same time. I love my job, I love these kids, but I have always had an awful immune system and I get sick a lot….and i’m definitely accident prone, so I get injured. It just sucks that i’m trying so hard to please my boss and she doesn’t see it. I haven’t been working out as much so that i’m not as sore so that I don’t miss as many days as I was before for injuries caused by stress on my muscles. I’ve been going to sleep at 9:30 or 10:00 pm so that i’m well rested. I’m just so frustrated by this. I don’t know how to handle it. I’m going to have to figure something out, it’s just not easy. Idk.

i’ve got to go put the kids snack out. Thanks for listening =/

Having a Difficult Time

So I am seriously having a difficult time getting back on track. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Back the first time I really stuck to this diet….I was able to lose over 70 pounds. This time around I haven’t lost anything yet. I think I might be self-sabotaging myself, but I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe there is some underlying reason why I’m struggling with this so much. I mean, I KNOW that I want to lose the weight. I know that I felt healthier when I was down to 180 pounds then I did at 250. I’m not sure of my weight right now but I know it’s climbing and I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m over 240 by now. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to stick to plan….

I live at home with my parents and although I buy all my own groceries and no one else eats my stuff, the kitchen is always a mess and I would have to do dishes and clean for and hour just to be able to cook anything, and then I would have to do more dishes when I was done. I guess that’s one thing that makes it hard.

I think I just got so sick of my go-to diet foods the first time around that maybe I’m having trouble getting strictly back on plan with those same foods now….but I am honestly such a picky eater that I can’t think of much else that I would eat.

I come home from work so exhausted that I don’t want to move and I basically become a couch potato…and then I see the weekends as my days to relax since I’ve been working every day all week…and I don’t get up and do much. I need to be more active.

I know my boyfriend has something to do with it. I love him to death, but for our entire friendship (over 8 years) which blossomed into a relationship about a year and 2 months ago….having fun was like a synonym for eating out. whenever we were doing anything together, we would always eat out. It’s just an EXTREMELY hard habit to break.

I have been diagnosed with PCOS. I don’t know exactly what it is or how it affects my weight, but my doctor told me it probably has something to do with all of the cravings that I get.

I just can’t seem to make myself want this enough….

I think I need to sit here right now and come up with a list of reasons why I DO want this…so please be patient with me. I’m thinking while typing…lol

  • I want to be able to buy smaller clothes, instead of having to go out and buy bigger ones.
  • I’ve got two words for you. Cute Swimsuit.
  • I would like to not feel winded when I finally make it to the top of the stairs
  • I want to be able to wear a cute Halloween costume and not feel like a cow.
  • I want my confidence back
  • I want to feel just once like I’m gorgeous.
  • I am going to a friend’s wedding in October and I will see a lot of people that I haven’t seen in a few years and I would like to be smaller then the 200 pounds that I was when I graduated (by a lot, if possible).
  • I’m not even taking an active role in my own life, and before I know it my life is going to pass me by.
  • May 2012 I will be graduating from the community college with my associates degree, and I would like to look cute when I walk across that stage.
  • August 2012 (hopefully) I’ll be moving back to Huntsville to go to Sam Houston State University. The first time I was there (my first semester of college) I got good grades, but I made absolutely no new friends. I was too shy and too self conscious. I sat in my dorm and ate and ate and ate, and by the time that semester was over I had gained 50 pounds. I don’t want that to happen this time. I want to adopt my healthy lifestyle before then so that it becomes a routine, and I want to be confident and outgoing and finally meet new people!

My hope is that when I come here and look at this list, maybe it will help to motivate me a little bit more. Tomorrow I get paid, and later this week I will be going to the grocery store. I am going to plan out every single meal I will eat for a week ahead of time, and buy everything I need at the grocery store. That way, if I stick to that list, I will save money AND I will be able to stick to my plan. Hopefully this will make things a little bit easier.

I can’t exercise right now, I actually have an MRI scheduled Saturday because I’ve injured my back….but I guess maybe some hand weights wouldn’t hurt. I just need to rest my back until the doctor tells me otherwise.

Oh, and I’m saving for an exercise bike. I should be getting it hopefully by like the end of july. I figure that’s a low impact exercise that I can do that won’t hurt my feet or my back. =D

Day 1 - Starting Over

Well, I’m not exactly new to dieting, but I’m new to this blogging thing. We’ll see how it goes…

Over a year a go I lost 71 pounds. I went from 251 to 180….I felt healthy and happy. Then I started dating the most amazing guy ever and I was just so happy that I stopped caring about being healthy. Now I’ve been with him for a year and I’m back up to 231 pounds. It’s not my highest weight, but it’s high enough that I feel winded climbing stairs and I have trouble buying clothes anywhere but a plus sized store. I’m sick of it. I liked that feeling of being average. They always say size 14 is the average American woman. That’s what size I was at 180 pounds. I can’t wait to get back to that, and to go even further.

I have a very hectic life. I honestly don’t even really have time to be posting this right now, but I’m finding the time because I feel like this will help me. I work teaching Pre-K from 8am until 6pm Monday through Friday with an hour commute each way. Sundays I babysit a severely autistic 5 year old boy from 9am until 2pm while his parents are at church. I’m also a full time student, although I do take my classes online which at least relieves the pressure of actually having to go to class. I still manage to get straight A’s, but all I really do is work or stay at home and do homework and study and take tests. Its so hard to find time to exercise and to cook healthy meals when you’re exhausted all of the time. I feel like I’m already doing more then I should be, and that I deserve a break. Obviously I need to find a way to get motivated again…so I’ve decided to try blogging.

My plan for today:

I will write down absolutely everything that I eat in my food journal.
I will try and exercise at least a little bit.
I will come back here and post if I managed to stay on track today.

Wish me luck everyone!