bits of string and sealing wax

my quest to achieve a balanced life

Who Is This Goon, Anyway? August 19, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 12:55 am

I started a diet blog in August of 2010 when I moved to Florida.  I lost twenty pounds.  I moved back to Wisconsin.  I gained twenty pounds.  I lost ten pounds.  These changes weren’t all crazy huge and drastic as the gains and losses of some people, but still.  It has been six years of me trying to lose fifty pounds, and discover myself, and find my place in the world.  It is now 2013.  Instead of focusing only on my weight I am now focused on overhauling my entire life.  I want to be my best, happiest, and most authentic self, and focusing only on my weight isn’t going to get me to that goal!  I am trying to change my entire life, and to live each day!  I want a career, a place in the world, supportive and positive relationships, balance, and to just be in love with who I am and what I am doing.  I am trying to figure out the career part of that equation, and where I want to move in about six months.  It’s tough growing up.  I wish that there were an Idiot’s Guide to myself.  For realsies.

THE BIRTH OF THIS BLOG

Hello there.  My name is Deonn and I turned 27 on August 12th 2010.  I moved to Florida on the 22nd of August so that I could attend a midwifery college in Gainesville.  Here is a picture of me that was taken the morning of the 23rd.  I am sprawled on a bed and wearing a tacky plaid shirt.  Hooray for moving!

As you can see, I have quite a nice face.  In fact, I’ve got a very lovely figure, but it happens to be buried under around a billion pounds of what I like to refer to as “emotional marshmallows.”

See the above picture?  Those are emotional marshmallows.  I know what you are thinking.  “Well, those little puffs of sugary bliss couldn’t hurt anybody.”  You are correct, but only if a person has a normal amount of emotional marshmallows.  I do not have a normal amount of emotional marshmallows.  As I mentioned earlier, I have an extra metric ton or so of these babies.  If you can’t consume your emotional marshmallows within a few days you need to reevaluate things and find a new way to deal with your bullshit.  And let me tell you, there is no way I could eat a metric ton of marshmallows in a few days.  In spite of the fact that I am an emotional eater, I really don’t care for marshmallows much.  Do you know what happens when the marshmallows of emotion go unchecked for too long?  Disaster.

That’s right.  It ain’t pretty.  My extra pounds are just as jiggly and just as pissed off as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in The Ghostbusters.  That much puft is simply dangerous.  And that is why I am here.  I am here so that I can slowly dissolve my marshmallows of torment before they consume my life (even more than they already have) and destroy the city of New York.


You see, I am a lot of things, and one of those things is a writer.  Writing helps me organize my thoughts and puts my emotions into perspective.  I got the idea to start a weight loss blog after reading the books “Half-Assed- A Weight Loss Memoir” and “Secrets of a Former Fat Girl.”  These were inspirational books back when I was getting ready to leave Wisconsin.  Now I have moved on to other favorites, and if you are interested there is a nice little book list you can check out.

My favorites are not diet books.  I have completely gone off of dieting, and never intend to return.  Dieting made me gain weight and has never had any positive or lasting affects on my health or well being.  Dieting turned me into a fatty.  It increased my number of emotional marshmallows tenfold, and it added inches to my waistline, making me far more Jabba-The-Hut-like than I care to be.  Jabba clearly harbors a lot of emotional eating issues, and I just don’t want to be stuck in the same camp with that guy.  It’s bad enough that I’ve got Stay Puft after me, but I have to draw the line at intergalactic crime lords.  Enough is enough.

jaba, look what all the yo-yo dieting has done to you

Since I made the commitment to never diet again I have dropped fifteen pounds (ten of that in the last two months), and am in a better spot emotionally than I ever have been.  I don’t do weekly weigh ins, I don’t force myself to do exercises that I don’t like, and I have pledged to never ever ever ever run a fucking marathon.  I don’t like running, and I prefer to bike at a leisurely pace.  I’ve never gotten into yoga, and I’m totally ok with that.  I no longer have any interest in forcing myself to be what I’m not.

What I am doing is releasing the toxins of my past.  I am using transmutation to craft my pain into something beautiful, inspiring, and lovely.  I don’t have any interest in being thin.  I’d prefer to be a little chunky rather than to look as though I’d just wandered out of Auschwitz.  My natural size is between ten and twelve, and I was pretty smoking hot at that size.  A goddess has curves.  She isn’t walking around with her ribs sticking out and with sunken chesticles.  Just sayin’.

The purpose of this blog is all about healing and moving forward.

 

3 Responses to “Who Is This Goon, Anyway?”

  1. pepagirl Says:

    You are so effin hilarious! I love how you make all the stuff that should be sad and depressing so funny! I try to have a sense of humor too, but my creative writing needs a brusher up- keep it up. And btw, everytime I look at your blog title you make me think of “Puff the Magic Dragon” and little Jackie Paper, my mom used to sing me that song as a lullabye.

  2. felesi Says:

    Hey, just wanted to let you know I think you really have a cute hilarious blog. I’ve never blogged before or even read a blog and just started because I recently made the same exact discovery about myself you did when you started. The cycle of dieting and the emotional garbage. Yeah, good times. I’m extremely excited about your success, both for you and because I just knew that dieting had to be complete bullshit for it to be such a failure over and over again. If you wanna blog-chat…okay I’m sucko on techo stuff but I can figure it out…I’m Felesi under Enough Already. Take it easy.

  3. rockyhorror Says:

    I like your writing style and your take on healthy living! I lol’d out loud several times.

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