bits of string and sealing wax

Things To Do Instead When I Want To Stuff My Face

1) Are there any dishes? If the answer is yes, do the dishes! You love washing dishes and it certainly calms you down.

2) Clean the kitchen. Cleaning helps you relax, and the kitchen is the heart of the home. A happy kitchen equals a happier heart!

3) Sick of cleaning? Too bad! Go and clean the bathroom. The smell of horrid bathroom cleaners and the act of scrubbing the toilet is sure to kill your desire to cram handfuls of mashed potatoes mixed with corn into your gullet. Yep. I said handfuls. Sometimes big bitches don’t have time for all that fancy dancey silverware and cutlery nonsense.

4) Mist your plants and shine their leaves. They enjoy the attention and will send you soothing vibes that will perhaps trigger the fat ass center of your brain and convince it to chill the fuck out.

5) Make lists of things. You love making lists. List your top ten favorite songs, books, movies, or whatever. List five reasons why you know you aren’t really hungry. List recipes that you want to try next week. Whatever. Just list something.

6) Make a chart/ drawing of some project that you are working on or start a new one. You LOVE LOVE LOVE this activity. Design garden bed plans for a patch in the yard, or draw out possibilities for a large indoor herb garden window box. Draw plans for a new art project, or some bizarre item you are thinking of making. There is ALWAYS something in your mind that you wish to try to create, so map it out onto paper.

7) Go sing in the shower at the top of your lungs.

8) Give yourself a full facial.

9) Go try on dresses that make you feel pretty and twirl around in them in front of a large mirror. Admire your shapely legs and sexy ass. Uh huh, that’s right, you know you wanna get with this. Feel your desire to swallow cheeseburgers whole drift away.

10) Glue something to something else. For realsies. Glueing shit to other shit is one of your greatest joys in life. Paper a piece of furniture, or create a new work of art. Attach tea cups to the ceiling. Line the trim around the door with tarot cards. Just do what you gotta do, girl.

11) Draw or paint a picture. Ink is a good thing.

12) Take Lali for a walk. Get outside and in the trees. Go to the water.

13) Bring Lali somewhere where she can run. Watching Lali run is watching pure joy covered in fur and silliness.

14) Check out dresses on Modcloth or some of your other dress sites. Add stuff to your wish list. That’s always a good time.

15) Call a friend and go for a walk, to the beach, to a store, to a movie- just about anything to get you out and about and doing something active.

16) Read the blogs/ comment on them

17) Write a new blog

18) Do some journaling on your thoughts at the moment

19) Organize something! Throw things out, find things to give away or donate, and make spaces more efficient and aesthetically pleasing.

20) Play the guitar or fiddle with an instrument.

22) Read a book.

23) Play some jammin’ tunes and dance on the couch. What is more satisfying than that? Well, there are probably a lot of things that are just as good…

24) Plan some kind of day trip or camping trip with friends. It is awesome to get out of town for a bit, so find some buddies to go to a preserve, state park, the museum, zoo, aquarium, or whatever. Perhaps there is a musical or show in Chicago that you would like to see. Make plans to head to a spot that you haven’t been to before.

25) Make crystals

26) Go visit mom

27) GO TO THE ZOO!!!!!