beer bloat is a bitch August 29, 2011
Hey gang. I just wanted to let you know that I’m still alive. I am leaving Sarasota tomorrow to head for Clermont. I may be in Gainesville Wednesday and Thursday, and might still go to Georgia for labor day weekend, but I’m not sure about that stuff yet. I am financially D-E-S-T-I-T-U-T-E. I really ought to get my butt home and get to work or I’m gonna have to sell a kidney on the black market. I wish I could sell my belly fat. Ooh, and my arm fat. Is there much of a market for belly and arm fat? What back alley do I need to hang ’round to find out about the seedy underbelly of the blubber trade? (Get it… underbelly… hahahahahah, aren’t I just the cleverest cookie in the jar?)
So my scale got packed before I did a weigh in, and I can’t tell you what my final weight was at the end of my detox. (it was at 187 last time I weighed) What I can tell you is that I am feeling really satisfied and happy with my progress, and I am totally proud of myself. I fit into my 16 shorts again, and that pretty much rocks. I am also at a point where I feel… you know… HUMAN again. I mean, yeah, I have more to let go of, but I’ve been feeling pretty sexy lately. I got chunk, boys, but you know you wanna chase it. Come on, ladies, make him chase the chunk. (I totally stole that from 30 Rock, gads, I lubs that show)
My self talk has gotten a lot more positive, and I’ve been viewing myself very differently. I am treating myself better. Yay Me!
As far as food goes I did just fine while Chris was here, but we went to Mad Crow Brewery on Thursday. God help me, I just can’t turn down a good beer. And that place has good beer! The food is good too if any of you gals are ever in the Sarasota area and are looking to screw up your diets. On Friday we went to the beach, and I took him to The Old Salty Dog for lunch… and we got a pitcher of beer. Then we walked around for a while, and goofed around at the Super Target. On our way out of Target Chris noticed that there was a Total Wine and More, and insisted on bringing me in there. I’ve never been inside one of those things before. It was flippin amazing!
Here are some fun factoids about the Deedster that you may or may not know: I LOVE booze. Good wine, good beer, good scotch (Laphroig, please), good gin, and good absinthe (which can’t be found in the states… grrrrrr… gotta order it from Europe) just take me out at the knees. Maybe cause sometimes I have a bit too much of it. Total Wine has good everything (apart from the absinthe) and I felt like a kid in a candy store. A candy store that destroys your liver. You can mix and match single bottles of beer to create your own six pack. We couldn’t resist. I drank so much beer between Thursday and Sunday. Needless to say today I am feeling slightly bloated, and can tell I am retaining water. If I had to guess my weight today I’d guess 190, but it will be back down again in a few days so it isn’t a big deal.
Whoa. I can’t believe I just typed that. Seriously. That is how I really feel though. It isn’t a big deal. It’s just weight, and in another five months I’ll be back to my natural size. No. Big. Deal. WOOOOOT WOOOOT!
Once I am back in Wisconsin I am going to do another detox. I think I will do one a month until I reach my natural size. I don’t have a problem maintaining, but I totally don’t have the patience for the half pound to one and a half pound a week loss. I’m ready to fit into all of my old clothing and get busy living! I lose about ten pounds during a detox, and it would be more if I could get into a better workout routine. I want you guys to get on my case about working out. I need kicks to the ass. Many of them.
So yesterday my roommate, cuntzilla Jen, stuck LJ and I with ALL the cleaning. She made elaborate lists with boxes for check marks and stuck them on the fridge. Yeah. And pretty much all she did was move out all of her stuff. They did take a bunch of unwanted furniture to goodwill, and that was nice, but still. LJ got here right as I was about to explode in fury. Thank God. Oh, and the delectable cherry on top of this steamy shit pie is that as she was backing out of the driveway to leave she hit my car. Hit. My. Damn. Car. That part actually didn’t even upset me. My Eli and I love each other madly, but he has dings in him anywhoozles, and he also has 100,900 miles on him. He doesn’t look that old, and drives great now that we got a new clutch put in him. Buuuuuut, it was just the combination of everything. I couldn’t even get mad at her. I was just like… is this really happening? Am I being punished by the gods for drinking so much beer this weekend?
So now I am waiting for the landlord to show up @ 5-5:30 to get my security deposit. I think bitchface Jen should give me her part of the deposit for jackin up the passenger side of my baby, and for not cleaning a GD thing. GRRRR. She should be here now, but I think she wants to show up last minute in case there is any cleaning left. There are little things, but I’m going to wipe down the counters and that’s it.