bits of string and sealing wax

my quest to achieve a balanced life

what the what? June 29, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 2:35 pm

I wasn’t going to post anything today because I have been packing up my suitcase and getting last minute things done before I go pick my mom up from the airport… but…

I WEIGHED MYSELF TODAY AND I AM AT 197!!! FUCK YEAH!!! I have finally broken the barrier, and damned if I’m not feeling super rad about it.  It has been a superb week for me.  I read a book called Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Johnston, and I recommend it for all of you gals out there.  Several parts of it actually had me sobbing.  It’s an interesting book because she uses myths and stories to help people change their relationship with food.  It would be a fantastic book for anybody with an eating disorder- binge eaters, bulimics and anorexics would all benefit a lot.  As I was reading it I kept a notebook nearby so that I could write down sudden thoughts and feelings.  I’d really love to reread it, but I’ll have to order another copy because I want to give it to my mom before she goes home.

I also had the urge to binge BIGTIME two days in a row.  It was funny, because I was rereading When Food Is Love (so I can give that one to mom too) as I was having my binge urges.  I had to go to the grocery store also, but for whatever reason the feelings weren’t making me panic.  I picked up a publix sandwich for dinner on Monday night, and was planning on eating the whole damn thing.  I also intended to get an order of popcorn chicken (a small one, but still).  Well, I kept thinking about why I was feeling like I wanted to binge.  I knew the reasons.  I was feeling lonely, kinda frisky, and unsure about my future.  The choices that I need to make in the next couple of months were seeming so big, and I was feeling about six years old.  Instead of blaming and hating myself I thought that I would just indulge… So you want to binge for comfort?  Fine.  Let’s do that.  Nothing is forbidden anymore, and you can pick yourself right back up tomorrow.  I am aware of what I am doing, and why I am doing it.  I won’t make myself starve tomorrow, and I won’t beat myself up.

So it was kinda late as the woman was making my sandwich, and I was thinking that I was lucky I got there before the deli area closed.  I know in my heart that the lady making my sandwich was an angel.  She was the nicest person ever.  I’m not kidding at all right now, and I’m seriously starting to cry.  This woman was being such a MOM- she was attentively making this sandwich, and making suggestions of things I might want to try (oh, i bet you’d like some oregano sprinkled on this), and I was just filled with joy and happiness.  I don’t know if anybody ever made me a sandwich like that before.  All I could think was “Oh thank you universe, and Gods, and Godesses, and leprechauns, because this is exactly what I need right now.”  I was so engrossed with the kind woman making my sandwich that I didn’t even notice the counter with the potato wedges and popcorn chicken and all that stuff closed down.  Yeah.  It shut down during the sandwich making thing.  Somebody was totally looking out for me.  I planned on wolfing the popcorn chicken down in my car, so that my roommate wouldn’t see me eating it.  Uh huh.  I’m sure a lot of us have been there.

So I get my sandwich, and walk past the section with organic produce.  There is also some veggie meat stuff there that doesn’t need to be frozen.  Instead of the popcorn chicken, I picked up some veggie chicken nuggets.  I still wanted to give myself the option of having a good binge if I wanted it.  I know.  Sounds nuts, right?  I put the “nuggets” in my cart and then went past the frozen food.  The tyson frozen chicken nuggets were buy one get one free.  I don’t buy that kind of crap unless I’m on a binge.  I considered it for a moment, and then opted to stick with the veggie nuggets.  At least they have less calories and fat.  I was planning a binge with compromises.  Isn’t that hilarious?

So I pay for my items, and I am putting the cart back, and a female employee is gathering up some carts and she says, “Wow.  I love your hair.”  Mind you, I hadn’t showered that day and was thinking I looked a little rough around the edges.  I felt so damn happy.  By the time I got home I only had the slightest urge to binge.  I decided to eat half of the sandwich, and then drink a large jar of water, and wait for thirty minutes.  IT WORKED!  By the end of the thirty minutes I didn’t feel like stuffing myself anymore.  I felt so proud of myself, and so grateful for the employees at Publix!

Yesterday I had the urge to binge again, but I just repeated the same thing.  I ate the other half of the sandwich and drank a lot of water.  The feelings diminished enough so that I could deal with them.

I’ve been following the “intuitive eating” so well, and for the past week I was really concerned that it was going to kick me in the ass.   I ate grilled cheese with shaved turkey on it for four days in a row.  On one of those days I had grilled turkey and cheese for breakfast and another for lunch, and then I had a peanut butter and jelly for dinner.  I was thinking, shit, I’m not going to see any loss at all this week.  I’m supposed to listen to my body, so I am going to, but what the hell…

Anyway, I am glad that I have been sticking to my decisions and making progress.  And I am thrilled by my three pound loss.  YAY!  Hope you all have a successful week- I may not be posting until my mom leaves.

Here is a picture of a happy three pound lighter me. WOOOOO WOOOO!!!  Welcome to onederland, girlchild!

 

oh dear… June 27, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 12:50 pm

Last night I was on the phone with an old friend from junior high and highschool.  I was telling her about my blog, and how it started off as a weight loss blog.  I also shared with her that my mom now has access to my blog and hasn’t returned my calls for several days.  I am not sure if the two things are related.  There are perhaps three out of one hundred of my blogs that have crap about my mom in them.  Son of a nutcracker!

I reread those blogs and immediately felt a little shitty.  In spite of the fact that, yeah, they capture my memories and experience as a kid I don’t want my mom to feel bad about them.  I wrote that crap so I could heal and get over it.  Ug.  My relationship with my mom is better than it ever has been in my whole life.  I’ve finally reached a point where I’ve stopped blaming my parents for shit and accepted responsibility for myself.  Our parents did THE BEST that they could do, and I know that in my heart.  I also know that though I was once resentful about crap from my childhood now I am grateful.  I’ve got a heck of an interesting personality, and none of that would have been possible without all the painful parts.  If I had learned to live more in the world as a kid and been comfortable with myself and others I wouldn’t have turned inward and learned so many other things.  I would not have been drawn to metaphysical healing.  I would not have been compelled to learn how to assist (and recognize) others when they are in pain.  That shit is some of the best shit about me.  Woo hoo!

I also feel lucky that I’ve had the pleasure of knowing extreme contrasts in my life.  I’ve been really down and really fantastic.  I am accepting of how other people choose to live, because I know that there are different paths and none of them are wrong.  Every person is a teacher and fulfills an important function.  There are no Disney bad guys in the real world.  It just isn’t that simple.

I told my friend that there really wasn’t anything about her in my entire blog.  She joked that it was because she wasn’t important, and that now she would be giving me the silent treatment.  Pfffft!  There’s nothing about her in here because this blog was set up for therapy and healing.  She never really did anything to me that was traumatizing.  I thought I might try to talk some shit in here about her, so that she would have something interesting to read, but I literally got nothin’.  It’s such a relief to know that there are folks from my past that weren’t enormous leeches sucking the lifeblood out of me.

Zozzy, you are a non leech, and an all around good friend.  It is a shame that I am such a silly bugger and had to move a thousand miles away before I could learn who my real friends were/are.

Oh, and Mom, if you are reading this I love you a whole bunch, and I don’t want you to feel bad if you read any of the crap that I wrote about my childhood.  I don’t have the same attachments to that stuff that I did when it was written.  Seriously.  It isn’t that bad.

*update* I talked to my mom, but I didn’t actually get around to asking her if she read those blogs or not.  She was talking about her weight issues, and her marriage issues.  I want to do more to help her.  :(   Last time I visited she lost ten pounds, but she has gained it back (at least she didn’t gain more than ten).   I’m trying to talk her into staying longer than a week, because her environment is so stressful.  I’m going to give her the books that helped me the most with changing my outlook on eating and my body.  Hopefully they will help her maintain better habits so that she doesn’t gain back what she loses while she is visiting. I seriously wish she could just hang out for two or three weeks, because I know it would help so much.

 

school updates / me updates June 25, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 3:58 pm

Today I was on the phone with my dad and I burst into tears.  I didn’t mean to start crying, but I was telling him how frustrated and angry I feel because it didn’t work out at the birth center.  I kept making light of my concerns and thinking that I could brush them aside.  Ha!  I made so many sacrifices and changes to move here, and it seriously sparks my unrelenting fury that things didn’t turn out the way that I planned them.  I would like to rain an unholy shitstorm down onto somebody’s head at least.

He asked me what my intentions were for school, and I wish I knew that myself.  Here is what I do know: I have to generate a client base before I decide to start up my program again, because once the ball is rolling there simply isn’t enough time; I need to find vendors for my crystals ahead of time for the same reason; I have to save up a little bit of money because spending two days a week in school, two days a week at the birth center, and then being on call the rest of the time doesn’t leave much time for working; I must research my preceptors a bit more before I start with them, because I have no intention of repeating the last fiasco.  So there’s what I have on my brain plate today.

I’ve decided that I’m going to put midwifery school on hold and work for about a year.  As I’ve said before, I want to focus on working with pregnant clients who are at least around sixteen weeks.  I feel that I can do much more for them at this point through energy work and straight up counseling than I can being a stressed out, broke as shit, and under appreciated student.  If they wish for me to attend their births I can do so as a doula and charge whatever fee we have worked out ahead of time.  Maybe this is a better plan for me.  Doulas aren’t legally responsible for anything, nor are metaphysical healers.  The climate is rough out there for docs, midwives, and other folk working in healthcare.  I still fall under the umbrella of healing that is totally made fun of, but maybe that is a good thing.  Make fun all you want, bitches, but I’m not liable!

And anyolddanghow, in all my experience I know that the work that I do has more positive and long term results than the standard fare western medicinal care people generally get ’round here.

New subject! (this is like a whole separate blog… sorry about my lack of brevity)

There are two weeks left for Pepa’s summer slam down challenge, and my weight has been the same (of course) since the challenge began.  Today I was reading a lot of progress updates, and it made me think that I should post something similar.   For a moment, I actually felt kinda bad because since joining 3fc I have only lost 15.5 pounds.  It’s been ten months for pete’s sake!  However, ten of that was lost in the last two months, and in the beginning my weight was bouncing all over.  I was still having binge moments.  I was still countering that by starving myself.  Repeat cycle of stupidity.  I feel like I should admit that, because I hadn’t written about it before because I was too shame filled.  Oh the disgrace!  Tee hee hee, now I could care less about it.

But since I do have two months left of my 3fc year I’d really like to make them count.  My mom will be here from the 29th to the 6th, and she wants to lose ten pounds that week.  Generally when I’m around her she loses ten to fifteen pounds because I make her do all this crap with me.  I told her over the phone that we were having an all veggie and grilled fish week, and she seemed to think it was a good idea.  I’ve got so much planned for that week that I hope she doesn’t drop from exhaustion.  It’ll be nice having a person around at all times who actually wants to do all the things I want to do.  Yay!

So I now have a goal to lose at least fifteen more pounds before the first year of this journey is over.  I am pretty confident that I can pull off a seven and a half pound drop over the next four weeks, and then repeat that effort again.  I FINALLY updated the pictures tab up there, but I’ll stick it on here so you don’t have to put forth the extra effort of one click.  :)  I’m always looking out for you guys.  (blue dress is from today, the other is from ten months ago)

 

it’s not delivery it’s digiorno. no wait, it is delivery- a well delivered blog title. zing! June 24, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 9:04 pm

Uuuuuuunnghh.  That is the sound I scrumgle out when I am in distress.  And scrumgle is some halfsie between the scraping sound my throat makes when it’s all scratchy & needs to be cleared, and a kind of rumbling growl.  A scrapey grumble, if you will.  I repeat.  Uuuuuuunnghh.

My stomach is, like, pretty much a rumbling mess of wanting-to-throw-up-ness right now.  Wanting to throw up made me think of frozen pizza, because that stuff is so damn gross.  Eating a frozen pizza is like snacking on a thin sheet of circular cardboard loaded up with shame.  Frozen pizza says, “I’m too lazy to bother ordering a pizza, because I don’t want to shower today or put on pants when the delivery guy gets here.”  Frozen pizza is not for champions.  There will be no marvels of athleticism featured on the circular wrapper of the next Tombstone that you surreptitiously slip into your grocery cart.  Hide it under the bread, canned goods, and diet cokes if you want to, but at some point somebody is gonna know.  Every time you slide a frozen pizza into the oven (or even worse *shudder* the microwave) it’s like you are also sliding a little bit of your self love into the toilet.

In fact, I should come up with my own brand of frozen pizza.  How hard can it be when the finished product always turns out to be nothing more than a foul tasting wheel of awful?  On every wrapper there will be a new synonym for the word “defeat.”  And when I run out of synonyms I’ll just look it up in different languages.

Didi’s frozen pizza: fresh it ain’t.  Laced with disgrace?  TENFOLD!!!

I’m not entirely sure why my stomach ache made me think of frozen pizza.  I guess I was just languishing near my lappy, and I was thinking, “Meh.  It could be worse.  Somebody could be microwaving Totino’s.”  The smell alone is enough to make a person blow chunks.  And notice that it says “party pizza” on the Totino’s box.  Yeah, that’s right.  Not “dinner” party.  Just the regular kind.  You don’t have frozen pizza at a dinner party, unless you can attach a hitch to your house.  It ought to say “after party pizza” because no sober man should be offered that detestable shit.

Can you guys tell that I really don’t care for frozen pizza?  It just tastes real funny to me, and I’m bored right now & have a stomach ache, so I’m jabbing it for all I’m worth.

Sometimes I wonder about the amount of time I spend writing nonsense digiorno baloney like this.  If I accepted my full power and potential what would the world be like?  Uuuuuuunngh. (scrumgle scrumgle)

 

blog book June 23, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 7:13 pm

I am looking at sites that print blog books.  There is one I like that does a nice hardcover with color pictures, but it seems a little pricey.  We’re talking seventy dollars.  I would LOVE to print a year of my blog though just to have a copy of it to laugh at five years from now.  Or, gosh, my future kids could read it and understand my craziness better.  Wouldn’t that be interesting?  I started this blog on the 16th of August, so I’ll wait until August to get it printed if I decide to.  At the moment I have 92 posts on my blogger.  There are a handful of posts on 3fc that aren’t on blogger, but not too many.

I have completely transferred all my pages to my site on blogger.  I’ve been meaning to do that for a while, because at some point I likely won’t post on this site anymore.  I hopped onto 3fc to heal, and to get over my food and weight obsessions.  I’m making so much progress that I truly believe in a year from now I will have achieved all of my goals related to that area.  And to celebrate I added a cute pink owl to the right side of my blog that rains down little hearts.  So- same tickers, same posts, same pages, same blogroll + a cooler background with a pink owl.  Hooray!

I feel a little bad though, because my mom is reading my blog right now and IMing me… thinking she is a horrible mother.  I don’t think that about either of my parents.  I love ‘em both.  Parents make mistakes.

 

honestly, love

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 1:08 pm

Yesterday afternoon Little Jen asked me if I would at least stay here through July (and maybe even August) because she is concerned that if they rush to get somebody moved in by the first it won’t be a good fit.  She also has been getting hours cut at work and cannot afford to pay extra rent if I’m not here in July.  I am fond of LJ, so I gave her request a lot of thought last night.  Annnnnnnd I decided that the right thing to do would be to stay through July.  I also agreed to stick around in August if they needed me to.  I don’t want my impulsive nature to cause others stress.  I wrote a note for them last night (both were gone) and left it on the table.  Onions was extremely nice to me today, and both were relieved.  I feel good about my decision.  Give me a little time and I always work it out in a fair and just manner.  That’s one thing I’ve learned over the past couple of years that I am proud of.

Yesterdays grumpiness has faded entirely.  To combat it, last night I updated my blogger by adding my blogroll and a list of “fan favorites.”  I was hesitant to do that before, because I was kind of nervous about friends or family members having access to ALL of my shit on 3FC.  And that brings me to today’s topic.  Honesty.  Honestly, love, how honest are you being with yourself?  Honestly, Deeders, how are you really feeling?  Blogging on two sites permitted me to hide the ugly bits that I am afraid to show folks.  If they know I started a weight loss blog they will realize how fucking pathetic I am.  I seriously felt that way up until, oh, last night.

My grumpiness served a useful purpose.  I thought about how I’ve been feeling all week.  I feel too much.  I notice everything.  I sense the broken hearts and wounds of all the people around me, and it sort of gets added on top of my pile.  How did I turn that off?  I drank.  I ate.  I fucked my way through half of the town.  I had these good productive years, but then it was like I couldn’t adjust and couldn’t deal anymore.  I rejected myself and set about consuming the world.  I became the destroyer goddess, burning everything in my path.

But I knew that cycle had served it’s purpose, and it was time to move on.  I learned what I needed to, and I did what I had to do to survive.  I moved far away, covered in ash and soot, still guarding the little seed of my heart from the heat and the flames.  I decided to not have sex for at least a year (mid August makes it 12 months).  This may not seem like a big deal to some, but I happen to be a total sex fiend in the first place, so it was a HUGE change.  I lost my attachment to binge eating for the purposes of numbing my emotions.  It seems that everything is falling away, and what is left over underneath the emotional addictions is scarier than the damn addictions.

I think to myself, “I’m not hungry.  I don’t want to drink.  Even me feeling horny as all-fricken-get-out is an illusion.  I want a diversion so I can feel anything other than what I am feeling right now.  Fuck it.  This feeling won’t last forever.  Let’s ride it out and see what happens.”

What am I feeling right now? All week?  I feel like a rabbit out in the open that can’t get underground.  I feel like I’m drowning.  My chest hurts.  My heart hurts.  Everything I did, everything that happened to me and for me, it’s all here and bursting and clawing it’s miserable way up my throat.  There is a loneliness that runs so deep that archaea from the fucking Mariana Trench could reside there.  I am five or six years old again, and I am being told that there is something wrong with me.  I am being set aside.  That wide eyed little girl is listening to adults tell her that she is lying when she knows that she isn’t.  You can’t know those things.  Little girls don’t talk like that.  What’s wrong with you? They are helping me break my own heart.  A fool I was to believe somebody else’s poisoned words over the truth of my own soul.

I may as well drown out in the open.  Why bother hiding any of it anymore?  Let them see the funny parts and the bad parts, and if I lose approval or love because of it that person ain’t worth my god damn goddess blessed time anyhow.

Cause here’s the real truth: I’m one of the luckiest girls on the planet right now.

My issues all made themselves physical.  After I gained weight again people could look at me and offer brilliant gems of wisdom such as, “You need to eat healthier.” “Don’t drink.” “Don’t smoke.”  It’s pretty fucking easy to tell somebody else just what they need to do to have a perfect life.  Oh, if she would just lose some weight…  As if food, and weight, or alcohol are the real issues.  There is always an emotion underneath.  Take responsibility for your actions.  McDonald’s putting sugar and additives in their “food” isn’t what made your ass blossom into the range of the morbidly obese.  Ug.  Now when I hear people make comments about eating/drinking/smoking/insert any other vice here  my response is always, “Oh, and what is it in your life that you need to be working on?  What flaw do you have that you think you have effectively hidden?  Can we talk about yours when you are done going over mine?”

Mind your own mess, sugar, because I’m sorting through mine and I don’t need any back sass about it.

I am lucky because even though it hurts I am looking at where I am and how I got here.  I am forgiving the past.  I am figuring myself out so that I can maximize my happiness.  It takes real work to do this kind of shit.  And for somebody who has always seen herself as kind of a natural fuck up I think I’m doing pretty good.

 

well, f–k June 22, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 1:13 pm

I had to give up on the damn picture taking yesterday, because I got so frustrated with the piece of shit camera I was using.  That thing just won’t focus.  The pictures are simply terribly, and don’t show off the product at all.  The crystals are just gorgeous in real life.  GRRRRRRROWWWL!

My mum is going to be here on the 29th, and I am thinking of having her help me out with her Nikon.  She takes great pictures, and has a great camera.  Win win.  I wanted to have this project done though, because I have to pack up all my crap and move it over to my aunt’s by next Tuesday.  I am house sitting for her the first week of July, and will be staying there until I move in August.  Oh, frustration!  I can’t wait to buy a camera… for realsies.

I’ve had my eye on a Panasonic Lumix for some time now.  Four and a half stars on Amazon!  I’m drooling just thinking about the one with the pancake lens that I totally can’t afford.  And no, I’m not just drooling because I typed the word “pancake”.

I’m so flippin’ grumpy today.  I have to go to the grocery store to restock my greens (I’m down to half a head of red leaf, and there are no more mushroom! NOOOOOOOO!)  Perhaps that will perk me up.  Later on I will be back to posting new items on etsy, and getting myself all fuckin’ frustrated and pissy.  Fun times.  What the fuckin’ fuck?  I want to punch somebody in the head until they agree to purchase me a new camera.  And then I’m going to pee on the old one before throwing it into the fucking sea.  All this swearing is making me feel slightly better.

I was talking to little Jen today (who is also having a bad day) about my plans for the future.  She’s going through similar stages in her life, and we were chatting about the nervousness and fear of the future.  Our conversation was going well until the other Jen (I shall henceforth refer to her as “Onions”) got all moody about me moving out.  Onions is taking it very personally that I am not staying here, and I’m not entirely sure why.  They already have several great options for a new roommate, and just have to determine which gal to pick.  Perhaps I should punch her in the head… the moody slag.

 

picture taking for the next fortnight June 21, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 1:12 pm

Yesterday I made 26 crystals in about four and a half hours.  I have finally found a productive crystal making groove.  When I was first making them it took me half a freaking hour just to do one.  No bueno!  Yesterday afternoon I was in the zone.  Riesling plus crystal making = a simple equation that the whole family can enjoy.  I have another sixteen that I made the other day, and then the 37 that are currently posted on etsy.  More math, guys, more math.  Tomorrow I am heading over to my aunt’s to retake pics of the old crystals, and get new ones.  Ok.  So.  79 crystals.  I need five pictures of each one.  395 pictures.  Bloody hell.

Hmmm.  I think what I’m going to do is take some pictures today (for scale) and get all the information written and posted on etsy for each item.  I can just add extra pics tomorrow.  Writing the product descriptions are tedious and time consuming.  This project is going to take forevs, and I’m out of Riesling.   My aunts have this lovely arbor thingy in the backyard with a birdbath underneath it, and I want to hang the crystals on it for the new photos.  I think it’s gonna fucking knock some socks off guys.  I mean, I haven’t worn socks since I moved to Florida a year ago, but if I was wearing socks they’d be preparing to be schooled.

Check the shop tonight to watch my progress…  No, really, it’s going to be so interesting!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheTenMoons

 

the in betweens June 18, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 12:13 pm

Christen and her father are here today to collect Emily and her items and sweep her away to South Carolina.  This morning we went to Station 400 (great place if you ever visit Sarasota) for breakfast, and then we had a short walk on Lido beach.  I’m feeling a little blue over the whole thing.  Emily is such a great and inspiring person for me to be around, and I suspect that I shall be moping tomorrow.  I’m going to wander about the place drinking shiraz, wearing nothing but a towel, and sobbing.  Maybe I’ll throw in some Ethel Merman for dramatic emphasis, in case shiraz and a towel aren’t enough drama.  “There’s NOOOOO business like SHOWbusiness…”  Anybody wanna come over and hang out with me while that’s going on?  I’m kidding.  It’s totally not that bad.

The roommate that has been in Brazil since a couple of days before I moved in is back.  (Though she left two days later THANK GOD to go to New Orleans until either Sunday or Wednesday)  Within three hours of her arrival home I knew I couldn’t live with her.  Quelle horreur!  Emily told me an abundance of hilarious and awful stories about her, but geez- I didn’t think she’d be turning up the crazy to eleven within the first evening of her return.  Yeah.  This one goes up to eleven.  The girl was in the shower for an hour, and I almost decided to piss in the yard because my bladder was near to bursting.  When she finally got out I stepped in and there was standing water covering the entire floor.  For realsies, gang, it was a fucking lake in there and the rugs were all sopping.  I’m pretty sure that she stood on the tiles outside of the shower, and then pointed the shower head towards the middle of the room.  That isn’t the best bit though.  The room reeked of onions.  I walked into a warm lake puddle in a steamy room that smelled so heavily of vidalias that I nearly gagged.  It was so baffling.  The bathroom was spotless and smellin’ fine before she went in there.  I was thinking to myself as I hurriedly brushed my teeth, “Damn, did she smuggle onions back from Brazil in her kittycat?  What the crap was going on in here?  How is this even possible?”

Yesterday Emily and I drove to St. Pete to go to her tattoo supply shop, and we had a blast.  We were singing show tunes and songs from “The Little Mermaid” at ridiculously loud volumes.  I can’t bear to go from the best roommate in the history of all roommates (I’ve had eleven other roommates at different times in my life) to steamy onions and water on the floor.  Really though, guys, the girl is 34 and still living life as though she’s in a  college dorm.  If she was humorous and entertaining about it I could deal, but she’s moody and complains a lot.  Eeeesh.

Yep, WebMD has diagnosed me, and I have a case of the-in-betweens.  I can’t move to Beaufort until August, so I’m just playing the waiting game.  I am finishing out the semester, and it’s starting to make me feel all panicky and nervous.  On Monday I’m going to make a mad dash to St. Armand’s circle to check to see if any of the shops do consignment and want to buy some of my crystals.  I’m also going to leave business cards in the hopes of picking up some clients.  My reserve of cash is ever dwindling and this issue is grating on my poor nerves.  On Tuesday I’ll be updating my shop (going to shut it down on Monday for the day) with better pictures and all the new stuff that I made last week.  Oh boy, I hope everything works out.  I feel scared and human.  Damn it.

 

what do y’all think? June 16, 2011

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 8:25 pm

The theme that I am currently using won’t show tickers in the columns.  I have grown fond of the tomatoes at the top of my page, but perhaps it is time for a change.  Most of the styles don’t work well for me since I am always posting pictures.  When I first started my blog on here I was a “Magnolia” girl.  Shall I wave goodbye to “Pomodoro” and switch to “Rounded” or does that make me seem fickle?  I can’t even commit to a blog theme…  What will the neighbors think? I wish they had themes that were more colorful.

What do you guys think?

It’s so hard making these huge life changing decisions all the time.

 

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