bits of string and sealing wax

my quest to achieve a balanced life

bolas, bellydancing, and bollywood September 30, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 2:08 pm

An eternity about a week has passed since I’ve been on here, but I’m back and I’m ready to babble lovingly about my day to day life.  A requirement for my communications class is that I journal about my life, midwifery school, etc., and I think at some point I’ll just give my teacher the location of this blog.  She seems like a sensible gal and can surely appreciate the struggles and glories of an overweight midwifery student.  Everything ties in together, right?

I skipped class on Tuesday, because I set my alarm clock and then forgot to turn it on.  Wow.  It is really something that a 27 year old woman can still manage to make such blunders.  I woke up at 8:30 instead of 5:00, and could have made it to my last three classes, but would have missed Anatomy and Physiology.  A&P is the mucho importante class, so I made the responsible decision to call it a wash and just stay home for the day.  It was a good choice, because I have a presentation to give on midwifery in Mexico in a few weeks, and I spent the entire day working on it.  I love love love doing power point presentations, and got my half (working with partner) of the project completely finished.  I found tons of lubberly pictures to adorn my slides with as well, and I’m so pleased with my work that I can hardly keep my arms from waving around maniacally.  And since I know you guys are just dying to know about some of the wondrous things that I have learned, I am going to share a little.

Some women in Mexico use these chime necklaces called a “bola” that I think are the bees knees.  We have all heard about playing music for our babies in the womb, but often times after the baby is born Mom is too busy to play special music each day.  The Mexican Bola utilizes the same concept.  A sort of bell chime is worn on a long necklace so that it rests on Mum’s pregnant belly.  Babies start to hear between 18-20 weeks, and can hear the soothing sounds of the bola in the womb.  After baby is born the bola is familiar and comforting and can be used to calm the baby.  It also helps relax baby for effective nursing, and is convenient because a bola can be carried around anywhere.  How cool is that?  I am personally going to send them to all the preggo chicks I know from now on.

every belly needs a nice bola

We are also going to do a segment on Robozo with a nice demonstration.  Robozo is so massively useful I believe that all obstetricians, nurse midwives, professional midwives, and doulas should know all about it.  The relief and assistant that is provided to laboring moms by something as simple as a long scarf is just incredible, and every couple and mom-to-be should know  how to do basic Robozo techniques.  Do your homework, ladies!  Labor and birth are transformational experiences (just like dieting and weight loss, haha) and don’t have to be traumatic or awful.  The information is out there and waiting for you.

Alright, I’ll cut it out with the baby/ pregnancy stuff for now.  I don’t want to overload anybody with my passionate nonsense!

On a health related note, I have decided that due to budget cutbacks I will no longer be paying my fifty dollar monthly gym fee.  If I want to have extra money to do ANYTHING I’m going to have to juggle my finances a bit better.  This is not my forte.  I am a sub par juggler though I aspire to learn within the next three years, because I feel like I could benefit from some extra deftness.  As it stands, I am the opposite of adroit.  I probably only know what the word means because I have always been an avid reader, otherwise I’d only have words like sluggish, torpid, and not-fucking-moving in my vocabulary.

But don’t you worry about this little cookie.  I’ve been wanting to dive back into my belly dancing dvds for quite a while now, and my broke-as-shit-ness is supplying me with an opportune time to do so.  I have Veena and Neena’s “Discover Bellydance” boxed set which includes three dvd’s that teach a nifty choreographed routine on each one.  I’ve done them before, and they are sensual and make me feel like a sexy beasty.  I stopped doing them because I had lots of roommates and felt odd sashaying around the living room when they were home.  (I stuck to pilates in those days, because for whatever reason I don’t feel like a goontard doing pilates in front of people)  I recommend these workouts BECAUSE THEY ARE FUN and don’t make you dread your activity time.  The set is forty bucks off of Amazon, and that isn’t a bad deal.  I also have their earlier workout dvd’s that are nice, but don’t teach a whole dance.  The Basic Moves & Fat Burning dvd has two full workouts and is eight dollars on Amazon.  Arms & Abs and Hips, Buns and Thighs is ten bucks and also has two full workouts.  What I spent on the whole set is about what I have been shelling out for the gym every month.  I am still going to miss the gym, and hopefully will be able to start going again in a few months.  But to tide me over I have plenty of exercise dvd’s that I don’t use enough.  And I just ordered Veena and Neena’s Bollywood Blast (with Indie Hop) because I think it is the only one of theirs that I don’t have, and golly, I need a complete set!

me at the moment. actually i’m thinner than this chick, but you get the idea

I have also decided that I am going to do Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred so that I can keep up on my strength training.  I’m shooting for five days a week, because I know that on the two days a week that I have to be up at 4:30-5:00 in the morning I am not going to feel like bouncing around with weights in my hands.  Sorry Jillian.  This kid ain’t slinging weights at the ass-crack of dawn.  No thank you.

If I am satisfied with my work-out goals by the end of the month I am going to check out some of Hemalaaya’s bollywood dance workouts as a reward.  I’ve done enough pilates over the years, and although I’ve got spectacular yoga dvd’s I’ve never gotten into yoga much, so I’m going to indulge in dance type workouts.  I like the fun and sensual aspect of a good dance workout, and I also like to trick my brain into thinking that I love to work out.  October is dedicated to belly dancing!  November will be dedicated to bollywood.  What ever shall December be dedicated to?

rarr. here is me by next summer.

I have a learn to salsa set squirreled away in my amazon.com wishlist, but it is a little pricier than other dvd’s, so it may have to wait until next year.  I would love to learn to salsa though!  I am totally willing to take salsa classes, but in all honesty I kind of want to know the basics before I join a class.  I’m the kind of girl who likes to learn on her own.

I gotta go eat dinner and get some reading done.

 

this and that September 24, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 8:06 pm

I really want to write new posts every single day, but I’m just unable to scrape up the time. RARR! Tomorrow I have to get up at five in the morning so that I can make it to Gainesville by nine a.m., because the brutes have scheduled a few Saturday classes. I have to give up a precious Saturday to “student success” from nine to four. You know what? I’m pretty pissed about it. And I’m going to complain and piss and moan in this blog, so that my frustration doesn’t get all bottled up and cause a spontaneous head explosion. I can’t do homework if my head is popped and my brain gook is all over the place. (Oh boy, oh boy, that would show ‘em!)

Everybody is all up in grumbles about the tragic loss of our Saturday. With this immense amount of homework the loss of a Saturday is kinda scary. Whine whine whine. Didi no likey!!

I switched rooms yesterday, and am no longer trapped on a bed shoved into an office. I will show a happy face for that. I can’t abide by white walls, and the walls in there were sooooo fricken white. Now I’ve got deep yellow walls, and the color goes great with my Lady Godiva tapestry. I enjoyed putting up all my stuff. I now have my own little corner once again.

Today I spent most of the day reading and doing homework. I felt drained and tired, and as a result neglected to work out as much as I would have liked. I bought lots of fresh stuff at the grocery store though, and that made me feel pretty spiffy. Grocery shopping is an activity I very much enjoy. Produce markets are the best! I need to do a search on farmer’s markets to see if there are any around here.

My dad is going to be here tomorrow with some of my stuff, and I look forward to seeing him. I wish I could be a little wild girl on a sheep farm in Missouri all over again. I’d like to regain my innocence and trust and fearlessness. Children are braver than adults a lot of times.

I am tired and rambling like a goofus ninny.

Hope everybody has a great weekend!

 

the three r’s September 20, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 7:13 pm

reading, riting, and ridding myself of excess flub.

What did I do today?  Homework and working out filled up my day.  I fear that in the coming months my social life is going to suffer, because it seems all my brain has time to fixate on is school and exercise.  I did not expect such an immense workload at school, and I admit to not being fully adjusted yet.  It has only been three weeks, and I am certain that I am still in an integration process.  I’m not always the quickest to fall into a routine, but once I get going I reach sloth cheetah speeds.

I am proud of the progress I have made since my big move.  My eating habits are oodles better, and I’ve fallen into a pretty kick-ass work out routine.  I have surpassed my weekly exercise goal already, and there are still two more days to add onto the chart.  That pleases me immensely.  It’s been a while since I’ve had an impressive work-out schedule.  And by a while I mean wayyyyyyyyy over a month or so.  Like, somewheres around severals upon severals of years.  By the looks of things my baby steps are turning into big girl strides.  Yay me!

There are still things I am worried about.  I like to make lists, so here is a list of shit I worry about when I have a mind to worry:

#1. What the fuck will I think about when I’m not overweight anymore?

#2. What happens if I reach my goals, and still feel unsatisfied with myself?

#3. Am I ever really going to be at ease with who I am?

#4. Will being in shape turn me into a vain asshole?

#5. Will I be able to maintain my level of fitness during clinicals?

#6. Does any of this matter at all?

#7. Can I learn to not expect myself to be flawless?

My biggest concern is that I am too hard on myself, and expect too much from myself all at once.  I get into this mindset sometimes and end up feeling as though nothing can be good and satisfying until EVERYTHING is taken care of.  I’m going to need a few sets of volunteer hands to tie up all these loose ends.

The best thing I did today was take a bike ride with my cousin on the very scenic bike trail that runs near our house.  There are some killer hills lurking on that trail, but it is awfully purdy.  I hope my legs don’t feel like achy jello tomorrow.  I might have pushed myself a bit too hard with all the exercise today.

 

i finally decide to log something September 19, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 8:12 pm

Today I didn’t feel like heading over to the gym, so I opted to do the 30 Day Shred.  I picked the level 2 workout, because I remember liking it better than the first.  Boy, that Jillian Michaels sure doesn’t screw around.  That workout kicked my butt proper.  For a moment I was afraid that I was going to toss my cookies all over the tile floor and my exercise mat, and that has only happened to me a couple of times during my entire workout career.  Eesh!  I ended up stopping it after 22 minutes (it is 28 minutes total) so that I could sit on the edge of my bed and pant like an overworked hound.  I refrained from doing any howling, however.

In spite of the fact that I have never actually seen that “Biggest Loser” show, I like Jillian Michaels.  I read a couple of her books, and got the impression that she does indeed want to help people, and isn’t just in it for the cash.  One thing that makes me feel a little sad for her is that she claims to really dislike working out.  I must donate a tear to the woman, because she spends so much of her time working out.  I would think that she’d be happy and full of rainbows about exercise since that is the profession she chose.  I’m a fricken lard ass, and I like to work out.  Being all sweaty and nasty kind of makes me feel good about life.  I also enjoy wearing official workout clothes, and that in itself is a riot because they sure don’t flatter my puffed up figure any.  My approach is definitely different though.  I do not see exercise as a chore, and if I strongly do not wish to do a certain activity on a certain day then I don’t do it.  Voila.

After my slightly shortened workout with Jillian, I hopped on my cousin’s exercise bike for half an hour.  This was followed with twenty minutes of swimming, and then a bunch of reading for class.  It wasn’t the most exiting day, but I got a lot done.

I also decided to start logging in the amount of calories that I am burning each week.  I’ve no interest in recording my calorie intake, but the idea of typing out my physical activities for the day appeals to me.  It’s totally the same thing.  Counting calories makes me want to commit sepukku, but I’m okey dokey with counting the calories I burn.  Oh the silliness of me.

I am using this link for calorie calculations   http://www.healthdiscovery.net/links/calculators/calorie_calculator.htm    so let me know if you are privy to a better or fancier one.  I checked a few of them out, and find it amusing that each calculator will give you a different number of calories burned.  Naturally, I chose the calculator that averaged the highest amount of calories burned per activity.  My goal for the next several weeks is to burn 3,500 calories a week.

Oh, and yesterday I ate two pieces of cake. Today I ate one. I don’t know why I even bring it up. I don’t normally like cake too much, but it sure tasted off the freaking chain delicious. I don’t feel bad about it either. I’ve improved my eating habits so much in the past month that I’m pretty pleased with myself overall.

 

the hub of my life September 18, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 7:45 pm

I should be doing homework, and I don’t feel like it. I’d like to go to bed, but it’s only six p.m. so it really isn’t a viable option. I hiked around with my cousin and her husband at a nature preserve today which has left me feeling contentedly sleepy. My eyelids are so heavy I can hardly keep ‘em propped open, so it’s lucky that I have superb typing skills and don’t need to look at the keyboard.

When I feel contentedly sleepy it triggers some sort or corresponding snuggle hormone. I like to refer to it as the “cuddle response.” The cuddle response can be a disquieting foe, and often leads to ill-advised hook- ups on cold nights in January when the sun is long gone by six p.m. I have had a large quantity of aforementioned occurrences, but am currently resolved to avoid that whole mess altogether. Still I have to admit that some dozy snuggles would be heavenly right about now.

All of you folks out there who have well suited companions should consider yourselves blessed. I made the conscious decision to focus on my studies and career at this particular crossroads in my life. I know that sounds all sensible and noble, but you want to know something? That kind of an attitude doesn’t get a person laid. Place personal growth and achieving inner balance at the hub of your life, and sometimes celibacy shows up at your door and ends up camping out on the porch. It doesn’t have to be that way, but it just so happens that it has to be that way for me at the moment. Abstinence makes for some pretty lame slumber parties, let me tell you.

In the past I have always used sex as a distraction, but with hobbies like mine it’s regrettably all too easy to lose focus and derail. My train slid off the tracks a while back… too many people rattling my caboose, tee hee hee. Sex is one of the things I used to keep myself from moving forward, and though it may have been enjoyable and entertaining it didn’t get me where I wanted to be. (And maybe if men didn’t like me so much in spite of my extra weight I would have been motivated to slough it off a long time ago. Perhaps there are downsides to being able to feel sexy even as a fatty.) I’ve been overfed and oversexed for too many moons. Now I’m trying to eat a lot of greens and keep my legs together. It’s a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll.

this train is bound for… err… maybe it’s best if i don’t say, there could be small children that haven’t been put to bed yet.

I’m not just seeking to overhaul my body; I’m seeking to overhaul my whole being. My weight issues are the physical manifestation of a barrage of mental aberrations. It’s a package deal composed of layers and layers of sponge cake addictions and habits. The way you approach something is the way you approach everything. I wasn’t just stumbling through binges on food. I binged on booze, and sex, and irresponsibility. Periods of productivity were followed by droughts of mindlessly self indulgent behavior. I leveled off the benefits of my positive relationships by hanging onto other interactions that were dominantly negative. I consumed happiness as much as I consumed sorrow. What I wish to undertake now is a balancing of the extremes of my personality. I am in pursuit of cleansing as a means to regain innocence and trust.

I moved a thousand miles to chase a dream and achieve a hundred goals in one mad dash. (It was a sort of dash in the beginning, but has gradually shifted to an extensive hike) This isn’t just a question of whether I can keep eating what my body truly needs or steer away from those who would use me all up and leave me depleted and drained. It isn’t as simple as taking my vitamins, going to the gym, and getting my homework turned in on time. There is more to consider than the desire to find a companion. So what is this really about? Can I truly join with myself? Can I love my whole being and merge with all of me, even the parts I do not like? Weight isn’t about weight. That’s just fucking gravity, darling.

So I guess the sex wasn’t about sex either.  Are the cuddles just about the cuddles?  The tenuous grasp I have on my personality is a silly thing to contemplate.  When will I live and be?  Sometime between stops at the club car I suppose.

 

gyming it up September 17, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 4:16 am

Since the move (and the start of school) I’ve been suffering from brain death congestion and a case of off-track-ed-ness.  However, I finally feel as though I am getting back to a steady state of on-track-ed-ness.  I can only hope that this feeling isn’t a fleeting trick of hormones, and can claim permanency.   I suspect it is permanent because I started my cycle on the fifteenth, and I’m not feeling overwhelmed and cluttered up.  It could be too soon to say, but I am taking this as a good sign.  A sign that depicts a contented puppy eating a savory slice of chocolate peanut butter pie would be an example of a good sign.  I would also accept something advertising roadside attractions.

After much adjusting and molding myself around my new workload, I have at long last made it over to the Anytime Fitness.  It pleases me that the place is painted in prettier colors than the one that I went to back in Wisconsin.  Purple has become my favorite, and the walls there are purpled-up, and the floor has purple tiles mixed into the mosaic.  I love a lot of colors in a room, and to me there is nothing more dismal than four white walls with a white ceiling overhead.  The Earth is saturated in a multitude of hues, tones, and lovely shades, so I feel like rooms should likewise be clad.  A gym with a brightly colored theme pleases me immensely.  It is good to appreciate the little things.

It is with much woe that I am forced to report to you that there is no stair machine.  My heart has been spared the inevitable bursting that it would have experienced each day as I struggled to reach a fifteen minute climb.  Surprisingly, the stair machine was the first piece of equipment that I scanned for as I scoped out my new exercising environment.  I truly felt disappointed when I realized that I wouldn’t be doing any demi-god training that afternoon.  Part of me wants to request that the place invest in a stair machine just so I can achieve the silly goal I made last month.  I’m thinking that once I’ve made myself a regular there that I will do exactly that.

In spite of the absence of my beloved torture machine, I am in raptures about the variety of other equipment that is offered.  It appears that some of my old favorites aren’t around, but there are a lot of promising new things to explore and figure out how to use.  I get a little nervous the first time I’m in a new spot (typical mammalian behavior) so I didn’t use all the fancy shmancy stuff, but I might pop over there later today and play on all the new exercise toys.  Embarrassing truth: I have a fear of making an ass out of myself by incorrectly using a machine in front of others, so I usually wait for an opportunity to use something new when nobody is around.  I am such a goofball.  Since there were others there working out I chose to use the elliptical and one of the bikes.  I was literally DYING to try out all the cool looking and slightly intimidating equipment, but I can be a real pussy sometimes.

When I got home I waited for my muscles to cool down a little bit, and then I jumped in the pool.  I could really get used to such a routine.  I burned off five hundred calories at the gym, and I’d like to get that number up to seven hundred by next week.  What I like to do is go in and use all the circuit stuff (which I didn’t do today because I was too busy being a scaredy baby), and then hop on the elliptical, followed by a bike.  One of my mini goals is to work in the stepper as well.  I estimate spending about three hours at the gym in the wee hours of the morning at least four days a week.  Since my ass has to be out of bed at five a.m. on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I’ve decided to just get up that early every day.  That way I have time to really go all out at the gym, and still have a whole day ahead of me.

My cousin has also expressed interest in joining a Zumba class, and I think that sounds pretty fun.  I looked into it, and a lot of the other gyms around here offer them for five bucks a class.  She wants to go twice a week, and I hesitate to add forty dollars on top of my already pricey monthly gym membership.  Guess I’ll have to suggest that Anytime add Zumba classes to their roster as well.  They’ve got a very nice room for classes, but as far as I know they don’t offer Zumba.  Hmmm.

I also decided to join the following club from Sistahpat’s blog.  Good stuff.

 

what is that in dog weight? September 12, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 6:16 pm

I was just trying to cheer up jetperson (I like reading her blog, so you might want to check it out- Pretty Much a Normal Person Losing a Chunk of Weight) and I think I came up with something brilliant.  Something brilliant, or smilliant, as they say in the trade.  What trade, you ask?  Why, the trade of diet blogging of course.  Is diet blogging really a trade, you inquire?   I don’t know if I’d invest in it, but you do as you like.  Do you even know what investing is, Didi, you cautiously question?

Ok.  Enough of that.  I get to typing and my mind wanders away.

Anyway, so back to my smilliant idea.  You know how you can convert years to dog years?  Sure, it’s a stupid waste of time and isn’t even accurate because life expectancy varies from breed to breed, but it can be done.  Well I think we should start converting weight to dog weight.  Then you’ll hear people asking, so how much is that in dog weight?  Wouldn’t that just be the bees knees?

my health has been superb since i worked off a west highland terrier

I have to lose seventy pounds.  It is absolutely no fun to say that out loud at all.  Not only that, but try to imagine seventy pounds creatively in your mind.  What the crap weighs seventy pounds?  I have nothing in my brain to compare such a figure to.  This is where my handy dandy dog weight conversion chart steps in to save the day.   I have to lose an Irish Setter.  Now saying that makes me feel a lot more… well… I’m not really sure how that makes me feel just yet, but you have to admit that it’s an attention grabber.  Imagine me strolling around in public and having an Irish Setter just fall off of me, and you can successfully picture about how much weight I am wanting to lose.  But, Didi, I don’t even like Irish Setters!  Ah, don’t trouble your pretty little head.  You may also want to choose imagining a Foxhound, Briard, Coonhound, Labrador, or the noble Belgian Sheepdog falling off of me instead if Irish Setters don’t float your boat (or should I say retrieve your duck?).

I like to visualize, and if you are right there with me I think you may just want to convert your weight to puppy pounds right now.  Are you looking to drop a Cairn Terrier or has your journey just begun, and you are still carrying around an extra Malamute?

Maybe dog conversions aren’t useful, but they sure make conversation a bit more lively.  It also puts a ridiculous spin on things that ought to brighten up your outlook a little.  Numbers can be so dullsville, which is why I propose we speak in terms of dog breeds.

Oh boy.  My brain is clearly taking a beating from all the homework if this is the kind of garbage I am cooking up.  Pray for me, people.  Pray for me.

i just need one more krispy kreme donut, and then i’ll start my diet

 

palominos, sunshine, and sultry, sexy saturdays September 11, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 10:39 pm


Remember the portion from my last post when I was blathering about not wanting to weigh myself? Well, as it turns out I am full of shit at least half of the time (which means I’m not full of shit for the other half of the time, right?) and never know what mood I’m going to be in from one day to the next. I felt bold today, so I mounted the beastly scale with my six shooters drawn and wearing my Clint Eastwood style poker face. And then I realized that six shooters add quite a few pounds onto an already large figure, so I set them down on the sink counter and got back onto the scale sans six shooters. The ten gallon hat my head was adorned with had been overlooked, so once again I was forced to step down from the scale to remove accessories. This time I was wise enough to remove not just the hat, but the spurred boots and chaps as well. But to my intense chagrin my palomino gelding was whinnying outside because I’d forgotten to refill his feedbag with oats. Feeling somewhat flustered I fed my horse and began to head back to the bathroom scale when I had the misfortune of noticing that the beast had managed to throw a shoe… After several hours of odd issues arising that were somehow related to the old west, I was finally able to weigh myself, and guess what? I lost a pound.

good job on losing that pound.  now go fetch me some molasses and oats, bitch.

I spent a very long time swimming in the pool as a reward, and I’m feeling pretty fine about life. After my swim I slathered on some fancy shmancy tanning lotion and sprawled out poolside to do some of my school reading. In the future I am going to do as much reading homework as possible whilst covered in scented oils and browning in the sun. I recommend a little tanning to soothe the soul and ease the mind. In my opinion, natural sun gives better color than the beds, but I also enjoy tanning beds. What a way to relax! Oh, and for any tanners out there it really does make a difference if you use those expensive tanning oils. My mother and I conducted a wee experiment involving tanning oils (from about 30 dollar varieties up to 120 dollars) and noticed a huge difference in color. Your skin stays nice and moisturized too. When you lose that next five pounds maybe you should reward yourself with a nice trip to your nearest tanning salon, and bring a bronzing lotion along to make you feel like a brazen sex goddess. Just sayin’. Avoid purchasing lotions at the beds, unless you are just getting samples to see what you like. Search for lotions on Amazon, and you will be amazed at the price difference. Australia Gold Vogue bronzer was $120 at the salon, and about $39 off of Amazon. I sure do love that Amazon. I am a fan of these lotions: Australia Gold Wicked, Crystal, and Vogue; Swedish Beauty Fig Get Me Not, Take Olive Me, and Bronze Voyage (only thirteen dollars on Amazon, and I love the stuff!).

When I first decided to try tanning I felt a little awkward about it because I’m not a beach beauty or anything, but shoot, pudgy girls look cute with tans too! Just because I’m the size of a sub-adult manatee doesn’t mean that I can’t rock out a bronzed goddess image. Pictures of me with a tan always make me look skinnier too. I wonder why that is…

Oh, wow. I feel like a bimbo for typing about tanning and lotions for as long as I did. And this is supposed to be a weight loss blog. Where does it say how many calories I consumed? Where is the list of crap that I ate today? Oh yeah, I wrinkled it up and threw it out after I had my second toffee ice cream bar. By the time it hit the trash I was washing my ice cream bar down with a fudgesicle. Ah, me.

I was carrying on about tanning because I believe it is very important for a woman to feel pretty. No, not just pretty, let me rephrase that. It is very important for a woman to feel like a sexy minx. Trust me. I don’t care if you weigh one hundred pounds or you are the size of a damn barge, do something that makes you feel like the bloomin’ queen of France! Drink soy milk out of a wine glass and invest in an oriental silk robe. Connect with your inner Aphrodite. If you can’t feel a spark of inner gorgeous no amount of weight loss and dieting is going fix your broken bits, so do the world a favor and sew those broken bits back together with the prettiest embroidery floss you can find. Spare no expense, baby, because we’re playing for keeps.

The silliest thing about my weight gain is that it taught me to feel sexy. I had to pack on sixty pounds so that I could learn what “sexy” was all about. After highschool I lost forty/forty-five pounds and kept it off for years, but I NEVER REALIZED I WAS ATTRACTIVE, and not just attractive, but quite beautiful. What a goontard. I must laugh at myself. Over the years there have been loads of times when I felt smoking hot, and that is just such a swell feeling. I just did everything all ass-backwards. I lost weight and still felt insecure about my looks, and then I gained weight and learned to feel like a vixen. Yep. I’m a jackass.

You, too can learn to play the part of the vixen. You just gotta figure out what makes you feel sultry and scrumptious. I recommend mismatched tea sets and racy lingerie from lingeriediva.com.

Well, it is pretty late, so I’d best be getting to Bedfordshire. I hope you all have a great Sunday.


 

tick tock tick tock September 9, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 8:51 pm

I haven’t been able to carry on with any more of my “four day wins,” because I have been trying to adjust to a new schedule and mountains of homework. Many apologies to those that may have been following along and hoping for the next one! Tomorrow I am starting fresh, and getting back on track. I have a lot of school reading and homework that I need to get done, but I am choosing not to let school put my physical and mental health on the back burner. To get things going again I am going to redo the four day win called “The 10 Minute Vacation From Predation” which can be found in my blog titled “buckets of rain.” Simultaneously I will be doing another four day win that will require me to do 35 minutes of either pilates, yoga, or cardio at the gym. This should be pretty easy as I don’t have any classes for the next four days, and only have to work around the dump-truck load full of homework looming over on my desk.
My reward for working out for at least thirty-five minutes is a nice swim in the pool. Aren’t I bright and brainy? I managed to disguise additional exercise as a reward, and I’m so pleased with myself about it.
I haven’t weighed myself again, because I’m tired of seeing numbers that begin with a two. Scales can get to be such a ridiculous obsession as well, and I don’t want to get back into the habit of weighing myself every single day. Bollocks. I make a stydgian oath to weigh myself next Friday morning, because that might encourage me to keep eating (slightly) healthy. Friday will be my new weigh-day. And to prove I’m playing for keeps here is one of those diet tickers. Shit just got real!

I chose a snail, because sometimes my pace is lower than average; I am comparable to many varieties of coral in fact.

I would really like to be in decent physical condition when clinicals begin in January.  That gives me about nineteen weeks to get crack-a-lackin’ which is ample time to make some lasting changes even for a slowpoke like me.  Attending women in labor can be arduous, and it takes a toll on the body, so I need to be prepared.  I have a responsibility to get myself (and keep myself) in good shape so that clinicals don’t wipe me out.  You gotta be hardcore to do this sort of work, and I’m about as hardcore as a fluffy bunny.

 

let’s talk costumes September 4, 2010

Filed under: Life, The Universe, And Everything — didibuttonsley @ 7:58 pm

Halloween happens to be my favorite holiday, and I am already mulling over costume ideas.  A little silly, one might say, but I personally feel that if people spent more time dressing up in costumes and passing out candy we would all be a lot more satisfied with life.  And for all you diet-girls out there I guess we can nix the candy and pass out raw fruits and crudities instead.

I am just crazy about designing and creating my own costumes.  If I had more talent as a seamstress I’d sell costumes as a side job during the Halloweeny season.  (I sell skirts once in a while, and still haven’t managed to set up the rest of my etsy.com site, but one of these days I will get to it)  Any old how, I would like to go as a steampunk for Halloween, but I think I will wait until I have reached my goal weight to do that.  I have also never (gasp) gone as a witch on Halloween, and that makes me feel like I’ve missed out on something.  Doesn’t every girl out there dress up as a witch for Halloween at some point?  However, since I don’t have a ton of money I sort of need to utilize what fabrics I already have on hand.  That kind of eliminates the witch option, because I’d like to really go all out with that costume (when I can) and I don’t feel like I have the right sorts of fabrics for the job.  I have numerous varieties of brightly colored silk brocades along with piles of printed fabrics.  I’m leaning towards creating some kind of fairy costume, because it is always fun to wander around wearing a nice pair of wings.  Some years ago when I was forty-five pounds lighter I went as a button fairy, and it was the cutest dang costume ever created in the Midwest.  (The “Tragedy Ann” demented ragdoll costume I created last year was also pretty good)  So are there any thoughts on what kind of fairy I ought to be?  I also went as a harvest fairy one year.  Maybe I need to branch out and get a bit more creative.  I basically have a bunch of mismatch fabric to work with, and can’t seem to come up with any ideas beyond ragamuffin dolls and fairies.  Suggestions anybody?

Oh, and I also found this corset that I would somehow like to work into a Halloween costume, but perhaps it is not feasible seeing as how I’d have to lose four inches to get into it.  Can a person lose four inches in eight weeks in a healthy fashion?  Oh boy…

 

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