no teddy bears at this picnic August 28, 2010
I took a dose of “time release” melatonin that ought to keep me snoozing happily all night long; the stuff works so darn good that I am awake and writing a new blog entry. I slept for about two hours, and have now been awake for an hour and a half. Normally I try to stave off the boredom with books and crafting projects, but I still don’t have my room set up yet. My books are out in the car, and my crafting stuff is back in Wisconsin. I would have set up my room by now, but my uncle’s brother is visiting and has been camping out in the room that I will be using. Le sigh.
Counting sheep doesn’t really work. I end up worrying about all these sheep running around, and who is going to be the one to take care of them?
I have tried tons of things to trick my insomnia into going away, but my success has been limited. Sometimes a new “insomnia cure trick” will work for about a month, but then it stops working and becomes useless. Here are some things that have followed this pattern: listening to sleep cd’s, aligning my bed north and south, taking valerian, taking melatonin, drinking chamomile tea before bed, doing Sudoku puzzles, playing a boring game on my phone, spraying lavender oil on my sheets, powdering my bed with lavender baby powder, making sure my feet don’t face a doorway, doing squared breathing, repeating affirmations in my head, setting up a sort of prayer routine, white noise, eliminating caffeine from diet, etc.
My insomnia dates back to when I was born. No, really. As far back as my memory goes I have had issues sleeping. Sometimes I surmise that there are tiny demons in my brain that poke the insides of my head to keep me awake at night. It’s like a teddy bear picnic. Only replace the teddy bears with demons, and instead of being beneath the trees they are beneath my skull. I know. It’s far creepier and way less mirthful, but still manages to be sorta cute in a disturbed way. They must climb in through my ears toting bag lunches and hackey sacks, and then they stay ‘til morning having sing-alongs.
Another cause could be brain chiggers. If there is something going on in your life that you cannot explain it becomes an issue of brain chiggers. Those little bastards cause headaches, brownie cravings, foul moods, forgetfulness, and all manner of other mildly irritating things. Beware the elusive brain chigger. Beware!
I like to think about other possible explanations for my insomnia that do not involve demons or brain chiggers. Perhaps I am too controlling and am afraid that if I fall asleep the world may stop spinning. I could be apprehensive about the monsters that are going to get me just as soon as I nod off. The best rationalization is that it is a result of attachment disorder. My relationship with mum was wonky from the start which could explain why I have had sleeping issues since I was a wee lass.
I just wish I could fall asleep right away whenever I so desired. I used to have a roommate that could literally fall asleep immediately. She would say something like, “I’m going to take a nap for sixteen minutes,” and then she’d be out for exactly sixteen minutes. It was bloody amazing. I have hope that I can learn this skill myself, because clearly it would be a useful technique to master. For a person who intends to have a career involving very long and unpredictable hours napping and being able to sleep is sort of a must. If anybody knows any cures for brain demons/ chiggers, please let me know.