Days 11-13 - Bleh. April 2, 2012
I think the title sums it up for me.
I did some major fails over the weekend. What bothers me the most is that I didn’t even care. And if I don’t care, whats stops me from giving up entirely, again? I didn’t exercise at all and alot of my food wasn’t great. Again, it was really my attitude that bothers me now; that I so easily abandoned everything I had worked hard for up to that point.
I don’t want to entirely condemn myself because I did some positive things too, but I think they were mainly because I was being held accountible and was with my bf who knows I’m not eating sweets etc.
So, Friday night was really what kicked it off. I stupidly drank some tea (weak but still, plenty of caffeine which ain’t great) and I was feeling a bit stressed at the tail end of work and my bf asked if he could let himself into my apartment because he was tired etc. For some reason, I got strangely annoyed at the idea and by the idea that he didn’t offer to stop and get stuff for dinner even though he was already at the store and I was running late. I fumed all the way home, stopped and got dinner stuff and bought a petit four. Not a box or anything, but a good sized one and scarfed it down in my car on the way back. I don’t know why. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. We proceeded to have a healthy dinner and I said I didn’t want to go running which he was ok with since he was tired too. But, I insisted we go tomorrow for sure.
Yeah, that didn’t happen either. I started the day well with oatmeal and apples but then spent the next few hours working very hard in a practice counselling training session, feeling tired and mentally worn out by the end. I felt tired, spacey and then ended up going shoe shopping for new running shoes, which they didn’t have in my size. Crap. Because I hadn’t eaten lunch, I had to get a sandwich from Costa coffee shop and opted for the healthiest option they had which was chicken pesto. Adding a decaf skinny coffee to the mix and 8 euro later, that was that. On the way home I got really grouchy because we started trying to decide on what to have for dinner and I was just.so.sick of planning food. Sooo, we decided to make something simple and comforting and had Bangers & Mash. Now, this has to be one of the best comfort food dishes of all time, especially in Ireland where the sausages are heaven. I never used to like sausages but when I came here, I was converted. After a nap and some wine, my boyfriend sensed my need for relaxation and offered to make it for us which was very much welcome. So, our evening was lazy, food-filled and well, not quite perfect in Eat to Live terms.
Sunday was much better. As tradition dictates, we went to his family’s house for lunch where I generally am prepared to eat what I’m given. I did come prepared with decaf tea bags but then watched in horror as his mother started frying up fatty bacon in dollops of oil and then a handful of sugar to the tomato sauce. Then as usual, serving it with white pasta and white bread… :( But I had a bunch of salad, a small-ish portion and just dealt with it. Then she brought out the chocolate cupcakes and I wanted to cry. When I announced that I was trying to cut back on sweets, the look of confusion just spread on their faces. My bf backed me up and reprimanded his mother when she said, “Well, just have a little one then..” Luckily she backed off but I sat there and smelled the wafts of chocolate goo coming from them all and pretended to be indifferent. If the bf hadn’t of been there, I likely would have one, and probably not a small one. Earlier she had mentioned she had dug out the deep-fryer from the attic to make homemade chips and I was VERY thankful I wouldn’t be there for dinner. Instead, I went home and made the leftover bangers & mash for dinner, eating far too much and feeling too full and upset with myself.
So here I am this Monday, not having exercised since Wednesday maybe? I didn’t stick to my fruit-only breakfast and stupidly had another cup of weak caffeinated tea. Why?! Anyway, I’m looking to get back on the horse tomorrow food-wise and have big plans to finish off Week 1 of my C25k tonight, finally. I have 8 weeks until the wedding and I am dress shopping this week which I’m praying will not reduce me to tears.
To make things worse, Easter weekend is upon us and so will be lots of chocolate temptations, Easter dinner and other things that are so hard to resist. So I’m feeling a bit disheartened today but I know I can just start again and all is not lost. My body will thank me when I’m pounding that pavement again tonight!