Deb’s BIG Journey

So alot has happened since I was here. This weekend my right knee, which is the good one, popped when I was doing housework. It was extremely painful and it didn’t just go away. So I could not exercise. Ugh. I did however stay on my diet for the most part. It’s alot easier to be around sweets now. I sometimes wanna eat the donuts at work, but eat a piece of peanut butter toast instead. I try and eat lots of protein.  My knee is some better today, so I will be hoofing it to the gym. I will try and just put a few miles in and then do weight training.  I wish there was a way to hacksaw this gut I have off! And when I look at my legs, I think ummm ya, cottage cheese!!! I soooo need to get this weight off. I am sick of looking at ooey gooey ME!

I think I am going to make the date thing a little less day to day and more weekly. That way if I don’t have enough time to write, I don’t feel so badly about it.

So this weekend was a good one, all in all. I was busy and thought I might lose my swing into this deal of the four letter word….dundunda!!! diet!!! But I am mostly doing pretty well with it.  I am eating smaller portions, eating healthier foods and just trying to make sure I don’t pig out! I soooo needed chocolate on Monday, so endulged in that. I had to be around donuts all day yesterday and although I was tempted to have just a half of one, I knew I would start a rollercoaster. So, I was a good girl and just DIDN’T. Then I took myself off to the gym and did me 6 miles of bicycling on a resistance one above last week. I could feel it for sure, but it wasn’t terrible. So in a week, I worked out 5 times with an average of 5 miles a day and ate better. I just have to keep this up til the end of the month and get into a HABIT. I can honestly say I do not care too much how much I weigh once I am into the 200’s. I just want my tummy gone. It actually repulses me to see myself in the mirror. I want to be proud of myself when I see the cute face with the body.

It was a busy day, but I did really well all told. I am feeling a little better about eating and tracking everything that goes into my mouth in a journal. It really is helping me to see what I am putting into my mouth and helping me to NOT put some things into my mouth. I had another OMG moment with food and a co-worker. She came up to me and asked me to please open a piece of candy for her. Well, she has CP so of course I could not deny her. I even popped it into her mouth for her. It was kinda hard but I keep thinking, one day at a time. I feel like I am 12 stepping it sometimes.

I got 5 miles on the bike tonight and then came home and made dinner. They have these new hamburger buns that are very thin. So I got those instead to cut down on the carbs for our turkey burgers. Those, by the way were way better the the regular. Anyhow, then I had a big salad. I am still hungry but gonna tough it.

I decided that for a month I will work out 6 days a week. I have heard a habit is created in 25 days. So, that is my goal. I am on my way!!!

Well, I can tell you this has been the hardest day dietwise for me, but I am doing it.  I still have yet to put down on paper what I put in my mouth but will do that here shortly.  I was doing pretty well until the new guy at the office came in with fries! I hauled out my kashi bar and water. I wanted to throw it at him, but ate it instead. My muscles are so sore from working out, but I went to the gym anyhow. I was only going to bike for 2 miles but did three, so I feel good about that. Now, I believe I am going to go crawl under a blanket and watch American Idol. I am going to take Sundays off for exercise. I think that’s okay. But I know me and my bad habits and if I do not stick to a plan for at least 2-3 weeks, I will stop. I want to be rid of my bigself. Gogogo!!!!

Another day down on this journey. I did really well today. I started a eating journal so I can keep track of what I ate for the day. Kinda makes you want to do better. I got off work, ran errands and came home. I sat in the chair for a few minutes and relazied that if  I didn’t get up right then, I was going to. So off to the gym I went. I wanted to do the bike for 30 minutes not for the miles. When all was said and done, I did my 30 minutes and got 6 miles in! Yeah for me! Karen saw that I was trying to do this and asked me what gym I went to so we could do this together. Well, we decided on whomever goes to the gym the most in a given month gets a free lunch from the other. Good plan! At least a little incentive to go go go.  I am tired, but it’s a good tired. More tomorrow!

So this is officially my first day at the diet and exercise thing. I am really wanting to be healthy. Nothing has helped on my own, so here I go into a group of ladies I hope will encourage me to stay on track. I am 45 years old and over 350 lbs. I have a slight blood pressure issue but am healthy in every other way. I get bloodwork done every year and my doctor is amazed at home good my counts are. But…I have really bad knees, especially my left one. It is bone on bone. They will not replace my knee until I lose weight and am older. I know if I do the first, I won’t have to do the last. So, here I am, hoping the people out there like me will help me stay focused. I want this bad enough to put it down on paper, so to speak and to make sure I am not alone.