Starting Over is Hard

I made a bit of a mistake while writing, I went and I read some of my past entries on here.

I’d been feeling uncomfortable in my skin lately, and noticing certain things in this summer heat. Warning, the following is gross. My inner thighs have been breaking out and chafing like no other. Even around my underwear is uncomfortable lately. Okay, you can look again.

So, true to my hypothesis, when I took my measurements EVERYTHING had increased. I’ve lost it before, so you can bet your patootie I’m going to lose it again!!

6/26/2015

Weight: 211lbs

Neck: 14 inches

Upper Arms (Bicep Area): 16 inches

Forearms (Just below the Elbow): 11 inches

Bust: 44 inches

Underbust/Chest:38.5 inches

Waist:40 inches

Midway (Belly button): 44 Inches (SAME AS MY BUST?!?!?!)

Hips: 47 inches (The junk in my trunk is more like the trunk spilling into the back seat :(()

Thighs: 26 inches

Knees: 19 inches (Also, I had a minor knee injury in January, which kept me from moving a while).

I also mentioned before I am growing out my hair. Well, I am still growing it diligently. I have 11 months left until I’ve finished my 3 years of no major cuts. I’ve done trimmings myself and given myself bangs. Other than that, no cutting. Currently my length is at 21 inches, and I am rather happy with it. I’m planning a morning workout to get me in the right mindframe and a start on getting into better shape!

I’ve returned!

So, Hiatuses are only fun occasionally.

Big updates: I’ve graduated from university, and gotten a big-girl job, and moved out from my parent’s house. I’ve also not really stayed up on my healthy eating and working out….and also was diagnosed with depression, so there has been another pill added (boo).

There has been a lot on my metaphorical plate lately, and because of it, when I look into the mirror I am no longer happy with what I see. I feel as though a good portion of my wardrobe is being wasted with the increase in my size, and I refuse to give up any of my cute clothing. I’m beginning to stitch myself together again, attempting to do things I enjoy and pay more attention to how I am feeling and why I feel certain ways.

I am looking forward to feeling like I can be proud of myself again. Lately I have been too caught up in my “failings”. It leads to a seemingly endless loop of negative feelings towards my self and my body. It causes me to seek comfort, and as my comforting person lives in another country, I turn towards food and often end up binging while messaging him how I feel. He tries to tell me I shouldn’t binge, but there is only so much comfort virtual hugs can do when I’m that low. I feel the desire to change though, and just like I stopped throwing up when I was younger, I know I can stop these other unhealthy habits of mine.

Wish me luck, I’m going to be pulling it together again, even if I have to do it one fiber at a time.

Measurements: August Addition

I am thinking that I will be tracking my measurements at the start and end of each month in order to track my body changes as well as my daily weigh in on 3FC.  Seeing as how it is now August 1st, this is the perfect time to do this!

On a side note, I am due for a new facebook profile picture. I have taken a new photograph each month as my hair has grown out. Once it gets long I will put them into a collage. ūüôā

So for my measurements! ūüôā

This morning I weigh 191lbs.

As you will Remember, July looked like this:

Weight: 195lbs                                         -10lbs in a month

Neck: 11 inches                                       -2 inches

Upper Arms:15.5 inches                          +2.5 inches

Forearms: 11.5 inches                             +.5 inches

Bust: 39 inches                                        -2.0 inches

Chest: 36 inches                                      -1.5 inches

Waist: 35 inches                                      -3.5 inches

Midway: 38 inches                                   -2.0 inches

Hips: 41 inches                                        -3.0 inches

Thighs: 21 inches                                    -3.0 inches

Knees: 15 inches                                     -3.0 inches

Well, as of August 1st, those numbers are:

Weight: 191lbs                                        Р4.0 lbs

Neck: 12 inches                                      +1.0 inches

Upper Arms:14.5 inches                          -1.0 inches

Forearms: 11inches                                 -1.0 inches

Bust: 38.6 inches                                    -0.4 inches

Chest: 34 inches                                     -2.0 inches

Waist: 34.5                                             -0.5 inches

Midway: 38.3 inches                              +0.3 inches

Hips: 42.3 inches                                   +1.3 inches

Thighs: 22.2 inches                               +1.2 inches

Knees: 13 inches                                   -1.2 inches

So I have had gains in a few places, and minimal losses in others. Either way, my body is changing, and I am embracing it. I look forward to the measurements I will take on the 31st of August.

A Week Straight!

So today marks day 7 of the 21 day challenge for me. This is a major accomplishment for me because it is the first time that I have worked out for a consecutive week. I feel like I am making a lot of progress towards my goals. Also, I nearly debated putting off my work out until after I get back from my dinner date with my boyfriend tonight. I didn’t. I got into my work out clothes and got to work.

My workout that I do is simple enough, one of those things I saw on pinterest and though “Well I can do that!”

The base is 20 Reps of Squats, Wall-Push ups (cause yeah, I had to do modifications, no shame. This is about getting stronger), and Jumping Jacks.

You can start with just one set of this (I usually put on Pandora). I started at one and then tested the waters to see what I could handle. When I first started out, three sets of 20 reps (that’s 60 reps people!) was the max I could do.

What I do now is 5 sets of 20 followed by 25 leg lifts and a 30second modified plank. After that I do a full body stretch through some old yoga poses I learned in high school. I am excited by how my body is changing and how I am craving these work outs. They put me in a great mood for the rest of the day and I feel like I can accomplish anything.

Here is to trying our best and remembering to ‘just keep swimming’!!

Heeeey, I’m Back!!! :)

So once again I have taken forever to get myself into gear, but I am hopeful about this next few weeks. I have been on 3fc nearly every day and I have hit a wonderful stride.  I guess I should give some updates since I have been terrible with blogging.

Firstly, back in January I decided to cut my hair, as I am one of those people who gets their hair professionally cut twice a year…and I had gotten a pixie cut in August 2012. Well, I originally just trimmed it back to the pixie, but my mother was aghast and told me to “at least even it out”. This lead to my hair becoming 1/4 an inch long, which of course I rocked. There is no feeling that I have experienced as of yet that is as liberating as cutting your own hair.

Well now I am in the process of growing it out. It has been six months, and my hair is grazing my jaw. I am putting myself up to the challenge of no cuts for the next three years, not even for my bangs. The wonderful part of cutting your hair to the same length all over is that as it grows, your natural layers look awesome. I keep on having people ask me if I recently had my hair cut. ūüėČ

Well in June I decided to take my measurements and they came out to be thus:

Weight: 205lbs (when did I gain everything I’d lost? :()

Neck: 13 inches

Upper Arms (Bicep area):13 inches

Forearm (just below the elbow): 11 inches

Bust: 41 inches

Underbust/chest: 37.5 inches

Waist: 38.5 inches

Midway(Belly Button): 40 inches

Hips: 44.5 inches

Thighs: 24 inches

Knees: 18 inches

Imagine my surprise when I took my measurements today and discovered that those numbers had changed.

Weight: 195lbs                                         -10lbs in a month

Neck: 11 inches                                       -2 inches

Upper Arms:15.5 inches                          +2.5 inches

Forearms: 11.5 inches                             +.5 inches

Bust: 39 inches                                        -2 inches

Chest: 36 inches                                      -1.5 inches

Midway: 38 inches                                   -2 inches

Hips: 41 inches                                        -3 inches

Thighs: 21 inches                                    -3 inches

Knees: 15 inches                                     -3 inches

Like I am still astounded!! ūüėÄ Seeing these results has me even more determined to stay on track with exercising every day. ūüėÄ

August Already?

Wow, time sure does fly by!

Well the semester is looming and work is winding down. I’m of course stressing out about many many things (per usual). This year is going to be one filled with changes and experiences. All I can do is keep an open mind and attempt to keep my head above water. I am fully intending on focusing on my studies this year and doing the best I can on my assignments. I am a terrible procrastinator…so that will be a challenge unto myself.

Currently I am looking for scholarships to attempt to ease some of the financial stress associated with studying abroad. I only have a few months before I will no longer be state-side and quite frankly I am scared that I am sorely prepared for such an adventure. Just thinking about it sets my stomach into knots because I am a planner. There are many variables in this life event, and I am not sure how to go about dealing with them all.

I’ve figured out that when I am stressed, depressed, or angry, I tend to eat a lot of crap and cry a lot. It could also be due to the fact that I was PMSing, but I have no clue. It is just frustrating, but I have held steady around 190 for the past few weeks. I have joined two challenges so far (12 weeks to take off IV and ¬†the 90 Day Exercise Challenge for Aug, Sep, and Oct.) and I am hoping that they motivate me to continue the positive changes I’ve already done for myself.

I’ve also gotten a bit more¬†serious¬†about finishing fleshing out the characters for my book. ¬†I didn’t do the work yesterday so today I have to spend a while with Mr and Mrs Flannery, but I have figured out that by setting the alarm on my phone, their creations hurry right along. I’m enjoying this creative bit. I love being able to create and control such interesting creatures. Well Hopefully I will return and be more productive with my postings on here ūüėõ

JULY!!!!!

So now it is July, the blessed heat of the summer has finally arrived!!

I had my first experience with swimming in a river this past weekend with my friends from church. I felt really self¬†conscious¬†at first. No one had ever seen me in that little of clothing before out of the people who I went with. We hiked about a quarter mile into the park to a section of the river known as “devil’s pool”. The water was so very cold! Little bits of rock floated in the current as we swam, but it was nice. I wasn’t brave enough to jump from the rocks into the pool, but it was a fun day anyways.

Another thing has happened, another dress size has been lost! Woot, woot!! ūüôā I’m really enjoying the fact I can now buy pretty cute dresses! I’m not enjoying how quickly my paychecks seem to be going by though lol.

Yesterday was Soccer at FHE, which was a total blast! I swear, soccer is the only sport I am willing to get injured for haha. Today my knees and elbows are bruised, but I played hard and had a blast. Also for any prevailing boo-boo’s there is Mr.Turtle, my ice pack. Tomorrow is the Forth of July and I am planning on going home for the day, hopefully I’ll be able to have an update on how much I weigh. ¬†I guess that is one of the good things about not having a scale, you never really feel impelled to judge your sucess on a number.

Since beginning this I’ve felt so much stronger, I’m able to run for long times now, and I don’t feel like I’m going to die! When my girls get back on campus we’ll have to make a gym run, but for now I am just working out in my apartment and having a blast at FHE. Next week is Kickball! ;D

What a Wonderful Weekend!!

Ah so many things went well this weekend!

Firstly I had a blast Saturday, and met some really awesome people! This weekend was out Alumni Reunion weekend, and of course I had to work. I actually don’t mind working, it allows me to do endless amounts of people watching and help people get to where they need to be going on campus. ¬†I enjoy helping people and working with them.

Anyways, I woke up early (6:00) and got ready for my shift. I worked from 7am-3pm, and did quite a lot of work on my scarf. I knit and I crochet, but my scarf is in knit. So many lovely ladies in their late sixties approached me and started conversations solely because I was knitting and it brought them back in memories of their school days. One went so far as to say that knitting was the only useful thing she learned at college. I don’t know if that was a comment about her enjoyment of the classes, or the educational aspects of life in the 1950’s for women.

After work I returned to my apartment, got changed into more comfy/cute clothes, and headed to the Train. I was going to meet some friends of mine from church for a dance in the city. ¬†That is just something I love about my church, all of us young peoples (collectively we are called YSA or the Young Single Adults) have a dance with the different YSA’s from the surrounding area every two months. It helps us get to know people in the area and (hopefully) meet some more people to date.

Well I took the train in from Glenside to University City, and boy was that fun. There was a cute guy sitting accross from me, but I didn’t initiate conversation (I much rather people watch). I was surprized how quickly I arrived at University City, and I was dismayed to find that the museum there had already closed. (BOO!) ūüôĀ

I did not let that deter my fun though! I had arrived with an hour and a half to spend before the start of the dance (curse my¬†extreme¬†punctuality!) so I just decided to go exploring a bit. I guess you can add walking around the city unaccompanied to the list of risky decisions I make every now and again. I wouldn’t make those decisions if they did not pay off in the end though.

As I was walking up Spruce around 38th or so I found a really cute bookstore! <3

I was drawn in by the sign about the front of the house, and I couldn’t help myself but to explore. I swear unless I have kids and get married….my house is going to wind up floor to ceiling bookshelves and flower arrangements haha. I even got to talking with one of the owners about the store and my love of reading and flowers, and oh it was just a lovely¬†experience! I also purchased a book from the 1940’s about a painter character who seems like a bit of a charleton, but I somehow still enjoy his company. It gives me inspiration for my own¬†future¬†characters.

After leaving the shop (I could not stay there longer without forfeiting all of my remaining monies), I stumbled upon this little greenery where I sat for a while reading my newest purchase, and yet another attractive young man sat across from me. Perhaps I should go into the city more often haha. I stayed reading for a while before making my way to the church building where the dance was going to be, but alas, I was still too early. I ended up walking around the block once before going inside and I was still the first one there haha.

Well the dance itself was lovely, and with a few breaks every now and then, I pretty much stayed dancing from 7:30 till near midnight. I was super tired, but the wonderful people who I met were well worth it. That and all of the sweat that collectively had gotten us all haha.

Sunday was wonderful as well, but Sundays generally are haha. I made Banana Bread for the munch and mingle after church, and it went over really well! I felt so full after not eating much, but the food was just sooo good haha. Later that night I went and got to play some games (charades and scum) with some of my friends from church, which was a lot of fun! Here’s hoping this week will be just as fun as the weekend! ūüėÄ

Why I’ve Got A Bone To Pick With Medical Professionals

Dear Medical Professionals,

My mother does not have cancerous moles on her body because she is overweight. No you cannot keep me as a patient. I am not in danger of being overweight, I am obese. Why haven’t you tested me for diabetes even though you know my mother has it? No, I won’t grow out of bad eating habits. No I’m not going to pay you to prescribe me pills that are going to make me all sorts of strange. No I won’t end up like them. I am making changes, and you aren’t checking up on me. Am I just another number to you? Fine then, Goodbye.

Every doctor I’ve had until my current one has never really took the time to look at what solutions exist for me. I finally found someone who truly cares about their patients, and believe me it makes a BIG difference! I am so thankful for my Doctor, for everything she does, and all of the help that she has given me over these past years.

Tuesday’s Adventuring

So this summer I am working on my campus and doing office work/RA/Camp Counselor/Conference Work. It’s an odd job that has odd hours, but my coworkers are wonderful people, and therefore it is not so terrible. Well Tuesday I discovered that I needed to go buy pants for Wednesday. We have to wear black dress shoes and dress pants with our Polo shirts for special events and group check ins. On Wednesday there was both a graduation and a group check in happening, so I needed to buy pants.

Well I took the bus to what I thought was walmart. However, the bus driver took a different route, so I wound up at the terminal and in a part of Philadelphia that I don’t really feel all that comfortable in (i.e North). Well so then I spent my last two dollars to ride the bus back (I knew then I should have taken the extra money from my cash envelop before leaving my apartment). I figured that knowing my luck I wouldn’t be able to find black dress pants at walmart, so I took the bus all the way to the mall, and went to Old Navy.

I knew that I’d lost some weight this past semester (I had bought new shorts before finals week due to unseasonably nice weather), so when looking through the pants, I first grabbed one in size 16. Something was funky about those pants haha. They were super baggy at my waist/thighs, and tight at my calves. Like they tried to make a skinny jeans version of dress pants. Either way, I knew that the 16’s would not be the best for what I needed, especially since I have decided to be more active this week (you know, to try it out haha).

I went back to the rack and looked, luckily enough they had one pair of pants in 14’s, so I headed back to the dressing room to try them on. Goodness graces they fit! I can’t tell you when the last time I wore 14’s were…most likely back in elementary school to be honest. ¬†Well after a few minutes doing a happy dance in the dressing room, texting my sisters, and admiring myself, I bought them. On my way to the cashier though I noticed a sale on active bras, so naturally I bought some of those as well.

In a way I think that the small victory of a smaller size pant has served as more encouragement for me to continue working on this body of mine, to grow stronger and more healthy.

After I had my bounty, I headed over to barnes and noble, found out I have to order a book, and then headed to mull around A.C. More. I think I have a yarn addiction haha. It’s all wonderful though ūüôā I grabbed dinner at subway in a hopes of pulling out cash for the bus, but no such luck. By then it was around seven and I needed to get back to my apartment as it had been a long day.

So I got to walking.

I’ve walked to or from the mall before, so I was not worried about anything. My only remorse was the fact that I was wearing flip flops instead of my sneakers, so every stone that got caught I had to brush off of my shoe bottom or get annoyed haha. I sent a text to one of my coworkers (we all live in the same hallway) that if I wasn’t back in two hours to call the cops, and I walked. It was a really lovely day Tuesday, and I almost wished that I could stay out more and walk, but I knew that would be a terrible Idea because I would be exhausted the next day.

When I got in, I let my coworker know that I was alive before heading to my apartment eating my Subway hoagie and ¬†falling asleep. I had been up since seven that morning, and we all had worked the day. All in all, I’d say it was a productive day.