From clumpy chick to chic chic

And eat and eat and eat.  I just feel stressed today, stress triggers eating, so I want to eat.

I sit here trying to distract myself.  I made a snack of cheese, broccoli, and rice.  Not the best choice, but easy.  Better than chocolate.

The thing is, there is nothing to be really that stressed about.  Joshua is sick, but has perked up.  Elijah is Elijah.  How I wish he would nap.  I resent that he won’t.  That sure sucks to say, but it’s true.  I need to clean, and I don’t want to.  It’s a bright sunny day, and all I want to do is lounge around.  I feel anxious and itchy in my own skin.  I need to turn off the computer and get away, and yet I feel myself getting sucked in.  I should just go fold my clothes, not that I want to.

Deep breath.

Breathe in breathe out, breathe in breathe out.

I got my workout in today, I have logged in all my food.  I have about 1000 more calories that I can eat today, I WILL have a healthy dinner.  I will get up and clean.  I will not yell at the sick kid hanging on me, even though it’s making me nutty.

There it is, I’ve said it.  It’s not knowing what choice to make that’s tough.  It’s really not even the making of the choice that’s hard.  It’s the “making the right choice even though everyone else is doing what you would rather be doing” that is tough.

For me, one of those tough choices is soda.  I love it, especially the Dr. Pepper.  The problem is that I would rather drink that over anything else.  And that is not a healthy choice, especially when one is trying to lose weight.  The Bible says :

It doesn’t get much clearer than that.  Now I realize that Jesus is speaking figuratively, but I took a literal approach.  I tossed out all of my soda.  I have not had any since the second day, when I grabbed one of Jeff’s.  It’s hard too.  I want soda.  I miss soda.  I crave soda.  But I am not having it.  And I feel good for it.  Another shortcoming is my eating.  I love to eat, and I don’t always want to make the best choice.  Jeff got pizza for dinner the other night.  I really like pizza, although nothing out here compares to Chicago.  However, pizza is not on my diet.  So I had lime chicken breast (sans skin) instead.  Not a choice that I liked making, but I did it.  Funny thing though, I felt good because of it.

The sugar monster got me last night though.  I wanted icecream.  I have been so good, watching everything I eat, giving up on sugary and fattening foods.  So I took a spoon and had one spoonful of icecream.  Really, what is one spoonful (and a small one at that) going to hurt every once in a while.  Nothing.  But I had that spoonful, and it was good.  And I wanted another.  Oh boy, did I want another really bad.  I am proud to say that I didn’t have one.  I washed the spoon and put it away.  But I am not ready for the treats yet.  It’s still too soon not to fall into the old patterns.

So here we go on day to day.  I am trying to make the right choice for me, in order to meet my goal.  Oatmeal for breakfast.  Crystal lite, unsweetened tea, or water to drink.  I have managed to exercise every day since I made the choice to change me.  So far, the scale is flipping between 219-220 lbs.  Not bad, since 5 days ago I was at 225.  I am taking strength from those on the site who have done this before.  I have been reading their successes, and I know that I can do it too.  I just have to go one day at a time.