From clumpy chick to chic chic

I have lost in total 41 pounds from my high weight of 235 lbs the first time I did TBL with a group of friends.  I have lost a total of 59 pounds from my high weight total, 6 weeks after the birth of my youngest.

I write this, not to get congratulations, but to remind myself how far I have come.

Why?  Because I have found it lately so easy to quit.  A little slip here, a soda there.  What’s the big deal, right?  Except that leads to another, and another.  And before I knew (or rather before I acknowledged it), exercise that I had once done daily was now being done every other day……or every third day.  Why should I bother anyway, I wasn’t gaining any weight, other than a few pounds that seemed to come and go.  The problem was, as soon as I hit a plateau weight wise, I quit.  I got tired of seeing no progress, so I quit.  It’s a hard reality to look at, and it’s sure not a lot of fun to admit.

I am blessed though to have friends on my side though.  I am a competitive person by nature, and the same group of girls have just started another biggest loser contest.  That is just the bump up I need to get myself back into the swing.  So day 2 into this contest, and I am one pound less than when I started yesterday.  Hopefully I can beat these 190’s, they are killing me.

So my goals for the next 12 weeks are

• To drink 2L of Crystal light or water daily, before having anything else to drink
• To exercise 6 days a week, alternating strength training with cardio every other day
• To maintain a HEALTHY diet of 1500-1800 calories

After those 12 weeks we should be in spring, at which time I intend to start the C25K program and complete it.

This has got to be my accountability site.  I am going to post here at least every other day, and give an honest account of my successes or failures.

That’s my story and I am sticking too it.  Or rather the scale is sticking too it.  196 lbs.  Ugh.  I should be happy about that, but I am getting rather discouraged and increasingly frustrated.  I think there are a few reasons that number gets me.

#1. One more pound and I get to 30 pounds lost.

#2. One more pound and I get to change my avatar.

#3. One more pound and I get to add a spinning smilie to my siggy.

#4. Five more pounds and I am officially overweight instead of obese.

I am so close to being there, and yet, I can’t quite manage it.  I think I need to do something to shake up my weight loss or get it moving again.

I stayed on plan today.  I noticed that after having off the bowflex for a few days that the workout was not as easy as I remember it being.  Either that, or the sub degree temperatures froze my muscles.  I was above my normal 1200 calories, at about 1580, or there about.  That’s great though, I seem to lose more weight as I have more calories.  I think it throws my system off of starvation mode, although I have yet to manage the balance there.  I managed to get all of my water in as well, so all in all a good day.

I have slacked with my pictures, so these are a little late, but better late then never.  Here I am this afternoon at 197 pounds.  (Still can’t believe that I am under 200, it’s odd not to hit the number 2 when typing my weight)

Starting pictures:

Today:

I can honestly say that I am darn proud of myself.

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone, and with it, some of my resolve.  I have to say that I am a bit disappointed in myself for allowing myself to fail.  It has become to easy to get complacent, too easy to be “too busy” to workout.  So without further ado, I am recommitting myself.  Today, now, because tomorrow will never be here, and the past is done.  My goal is to blog everyday as long and as honestly as necessary in order to keep me in check.

So today, I stayed around 1200 calories, lower than I should be since I am still nursing, but within a decent range.  I drank most of my water, and should be able to finish my quota of 64 oz before I go to bed tonight.  I did get a workout in, despite my best procrastination skills being at work.  I did the “Walk away the Pounds” video instead of the Bowflex, which I would normally do on Monday, because it’s darn cold down in the garage, and I did not want to be down there alone at 8:30 at night.

For my missing Monday morning weigh-ins…..I am down to 197.  I feel really good about myself.  I have yet to take photo’s this month, I am a slacker ;).

205.  Go me!

That’s about all.  I am sticking between 800 and 1600 calories a day.  I have trouble getting enough calories since I am obsessively watching everything I eat.  I am full, I am just making better choices.  With the exception of today, I have had 3 pizza puffs.  Not a healthy choice, but everything in moderation.

I’ve decided that one of the hardest things about dieting is the thinking.  I have not thought about what I have eaten for so long.  If I wanted it, I ate it.  Now I have to think about everything that crosses my lips.  Are those pizza puffs worth it?  How many calories is in the dirt cake for Zachary’s birthday?  Oohhh those Mozzarella sticks look good, maybe I can have one.  Well, cheese is so bad, and it’s fried, not worth it.  It’s not the choices that are hard, it’s the constant thinking about it that gets to me.

So it’s supposed to be a Bowflex day today, but my schedule has been mixed up.  I did cardio 2 days in a row, and then bowflex on Saturday.  Now I feel like I should Zumba today, but that will flip flop my whole week.  I think I’ll just bowflex and then Zumba tomorrow.  That way I am back on the right days.  I do marvel that it gets easier and easier to get through an hour workout.  Not a piece of cake by any means, but easier.  It makes me feel really good about myself.

Wow, I just went back to last Monday’s post.  That’s 5 pounds this week.  That’s something to be proud of!

Well, after my embarrassing 2 pound gain over the weekend, I am happy to report that I am back down to 208.  I have to say that the lesson was learned.  It’s amazing what the body is capable of.  I have to say that I am so relieved not to really have to re-lose that weight.

So I’ve developed a new addiction.  Red onions.  Seriously I have them in everything.  Yesterday I ate steamed broccoli and red onion with lime juice.  Today it was red onion and cucumber for lunch, lightly drizzled with vinegar, oil, and honey.  Seriously….yum!

I have to say that since changing my lifestyle that I have really gotten into eating fresh produce.  I have never been a really big fan of things like fresh broccoli, or sugar snap peas, the list goes on.  But now, I look at the food and I can’t wait to try it.  It’s amazing how different fresh tasted from frozen.  Not that I am totally going to give up my microwavable steamed vegi’s though.  I do love them, especially to cook for the family.

It’s been over a month now since I started this weight loss life adjustment.  Normally I would be bored by this point, or cheating here and there.  I mean, what’s the big deal if I have a Dr. Pepper here or there, or a candy bar.  I can’t say that I’ve made 100% perfect choices.  I would be lying, there have been little slips here and there.  But for the most part, I’ve been on.  And even better, I am not bored.  I enjoy getting up and eating something healthy.  I am feeling so much better about myself, and I am noticing the effects.  I am not as tired as I have been, save the sleepless nights with a 2 year old and a 4 year old in my bed.  I don’t feel so blah about myself.  I am actually enjoying exercising, as well as issuing new challenges for myself.  Today I doubled the rowing time from 10 minutes to 20 minutes.  I am up to 60 pounds of resistance on the bowflex, and it feels good.  My next big goal is to be able to do the entire 20 minute fitness express on the Zumba tapes.  Right now though, I want to do the beginning steps one trainer per cardio day, so that I don’t get bored and so that I can learn all of the steps.

So…off to finish my day!

I have decided that I will use Monday’s weight for weighing in for the week.  Hopefully this will eliminate some of the up and down and up and down nonsense.  That does not mean however that I will discontinue my daily ritual of scale dancing ;).

So today I am at…….210 lbs.  Up 2 pounds from yesterday.

Frick on a stick

I can’t say that I am too shocked though.  I stayed well within calories, but I had a crapload of salt over the last two days.  I had Olive Garden (salt), pizza (salt), and pumpkin seeds (with more salt than seed).  I also had a small about of Halloween candy to add to that delightful smorgasbord.  Not too muck of that though, I am proud of me.   I am guessing that I am just retaining water from over the weekend.  I am not going to stress about it, the weight came off once, it’ll come off again.  I just have to get back on plan.

Today I have been back to par, and have banned all pumpkin seeds from my diet.  I almost made it.  I only had a small amount today though, no more than 15 seeds.  Not to worry.

It was for me this morning!  I got on the scale and it read…….208!  So I did the scale dance.  Uh-huh, I see you snickering.  You’ve done it too.  You step up, look down, step off.  Step up, look down, step off.  Repeat until you finally believe in that number.  Of course, I have done that as well when the number has gone up, or stayed the same…..ok I admit it.  I scale dance daily.

Well I bumped my calories up for the last few days towards 1800.  I was wondering if I freaked my body out by giving it too few calories too soon, and that’s why the scale was stuck.  Except for last night, when I ended up with less than 1000 calories.  Oops.  I just was not hungry, although I did enjoy my icecream.  Thank you skinny cow!

This morning though, not so good.  I have been snacking on cereal, munching on pumpkin seeds, and I ate 2 starbursts.  Not that that in moderation is going to ruin anything.  To be honest, the candy didn’t even taste that good.  I just ate it because it was there.  The pumpkin seeds were alright, I made them with cinnamon, sugar and salt.  Not really my cup of tea.  The next batch will be plain, so that I can eat some too.

I have to say that I am majorly proud of myself for stopping drinking my calories.  I had 1/2 bottle of Dr. Pepper the other day (and it took me all day to drink that much), and I just tossed the rest.  I didn’t enjoy the taste like I used to.  The same thing happened with the ice tea.  It’s just too sweet.  I have no issue at all with drinking my crystal light all day or water.  It’s weird.

I am worried for tonight though.  We are getting pizza for dinner.  That is one of the foods that I miss most.  I love pizza, and I have indulged in a piece of two now and again.  It does not hurt until I go to plug it in to the fitday, and I go “ugh, I ate that.”  I need to have something fun that I can eat too, so that I am not tempted by the pizza.  More on that choice later.

Lastly, I am taking month by month pics to show my progress.  Lets see if this works.

Not a huge change, but I am on my way!

Hmpf….That’s how I feel today.  The scale is stuck stuck stuck.  I have to say that it’s wearing me down.  Sigh.  I want to give up, and eat and eat and eat.  Who cares if I am fat.

The fact is though, I do.  I care.  I want to be healthy.  So I just decided to make a list.

I want to be fit….

• So kids are not made fun of for having the “fat mom”
• So when we go to the amusement park I can fit into the rides and not worry
• So I can be in the pictures with the kids without cringing when I see them again
• Because I don’t want to die early because of obesity issues
• Because heart palpitations are scary
• Because I want to shop in the cute clothes department
• Because I want to wear a cute sundress over summer
• Because I am worth it
• So when I see family, friends, etc. I am not ashamed of how bad I look
• So I don’t cringe when walking past a mirror
• So I feel sexy again
• Because I want to be pregnant again and look cute

I want to stay fat……

• because it’s easier not to watch what I eat
• I like soda
• I AM LAZY
• because it’s hard to get thin

Looking at it that way, the pros outweigh the cons very clearly.  I really need to stick with it.

I AM WORTH IT!

Apparently we have H1N1 here.  Not that we have been tested for sure, but the symptoms all line up.  Judging by my aches and pains when I woke up this morning, I’m the lucky one getting it this time.

Needless to say, I didn’t want to exercise.  My joints feel like they are on fire and I am exhausted.  Skipping a workout for sure would not be the end of the world.  I’m sick.  I am working out 6 days a week, so I can easily make up for it on Sunday instead.

But I know me.  One day off, can turn into 2.  If I have h1n1, it’s not over in one day.  Two days turn into 3…and pretty soon I am not going to work out at all.  With that in mind, I went downstairs.  I eyed that machine with about as much enthusiasm as I would paying bills.  But armed with my little cheerleader, and bolstered with the knowledge that Elijah was actually sleeping and I could workout without him, I started.  Ouch.  Warming up was a killer.  I almost gave up there.  I made it through that, made it through the bench press.  Bending down to pick up the handles for the shoulder exercises was painful.  But you know what, I made it all the way through.  Nothing felt sweeter than getting to the cool down.

So take that H1n1!  I did it!!