I went to the store today to do some shopping, took me 2 hours to finish because I was looking at labels.   Watching nutritional values is a task! Anyway I went shopping and sort of inadvertently shopped not only for my weeks food, but also my favorite binge foods, not good.  So here I am typing in a blog to keep my fingers busy for another few minutes while I find something else to do. I started a binge today and am trying to cut myself off before I go over my limits.   I know myself well enough to know if I don’t keep busy my binges can last through the night. And the night just started.  I’ve done, redone, and redone again the dishes.. yes I washed my dishes 3 times, swept the floor twice, and now I think I will go dust a few dozen times.  Hopefully I can just wear myself out before I make another trip to the kitchen AAARGGG!   My brain is going a million miles an hour in five hundred directions.  And it’s driving me NUTS!

Today I sat and thought, a lot. Hours of thinking of nothing, and everything. And I thought, I say I am going to do this, I am going to do that. And I thought of all those things I promised myself I would do over the years and never did. Of all the projects I started and never finished. (This includes weight loss). Then I thought, what if I actually did something, anyone of those things I keep saying I am going to do, or I am going to finish.

So I wrote down a couple dozen ideas, promises, and unfinished tasks on little papers and did the old pick one out of the hat routine. Cliche I know but effective. I decided it’s time to stop saying and start doing. I am going to learn an instrument that I have been talking about for 20 years . Already ordered and soon on its way. Not the most productive of hobbies and I will probably never be good at it, but as I said, it’s time to stop saying I’m going to do things, and start doing them. I am going to learn the guitar, and I am GOING to lose 100+ lbs. All it takes is time and patients, and I have plenty of both. Maybe in a few weeks I will pick another paper out of the hat.

Bad pun title, I know.. It is march first, I have lost about 10 lbs so far.. I don’t feel it but my scale does and it makes me smile.  Almost went on a binge the other day, but somehow managed to look at what I was doing and stop it before it got going, I am proud of myself for that.  Proves to myself I can do it if I really want.. and i have the support of everyone here to help me along.

So march goals.. Lost at least another 15 lbs by the end of the month, get into healthier eating, and join a gym. even if its just for swimming once or twice a week.

UGH! Start exercising and I over do it and pull something, go figure.  So now I am prescribed rest and lots of IBProfrien.. Oh well…..*sigh*

February 24

Calories: 1,746……………………Goal: 1,860-2,210
Carbs: 235…………………… Goal: 237-343
Fat: 52……………………….Goal: 47-82
Protein: 93…………………… Goal: 60 - 185

February 25

Calories: 1,074……………………Goal: 1,860-2,210
Carbs: 172…………………… Goal: 237-343
Fat: 20……………………….Goal: 47-82
Protein: 62…………………… Goal: 60 - 185

I bought this book, and I have been reading it and it got me to thinking. I am way to hard on myself all the time and I need to just chill out.  I have always been a people-pleaser.  long as everyone around me is happy and content, don’t matter if I am.. Well you know what, I call shenanigans on that one!  If they think I’m a B***h cause I am thinking about me for once, they can kiss my temporarily big round @$$.  But enough ranting for one day.

Another day down, didn’t do so great went over a little, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it, it was a small amount and I won’t let myself make a habit of it.

Tuesday February 23 Nutrition.

Calories: 2,251……………………Goal: 1,860-2,210
Carbs: 369…………………… Goal: 237-343
Fat: 47……………………….Goal: 47-82
Protein: 91…………………… Goal: 60 - 185

Today was ok, Can’t wait till I can afford the right kind of foods though, most of what I eat is “Just add water” diet food stuff. Bleh.

Calories: 1,530……………………Goal: 1,860-2,210
Carbs: 192…………………… Goal: 237-343
Fat: 36……………………….Goal: 47-82
Protein: 112…………………… Goal: 60 - 185

I didn’t do so well today. I stayed within my plans ranges barely, but since most came from tortillas I say I did horrid. UGH! This is going to be harder then I thought, but I can’t give up. If I give up I am hurting no one but myself.. Just gotta keep telling myself I can do it.

Calories: 1,912……………………Goal: 1,860-2,210
Carbs: 302…………………… Goal: 237-343
Fat: 33……………………….Goal: 47-82
Protein: 101…………………… Goal: 60 - 185

Oh yeah and in case your wondering, my days start at 5pmish and end around 10am. So my breakfast is during your dinner/supper

Today I told myself, soon as this bag of sugar is gone no more sugar..  This is my HEAD and this is my DESK *CRACK* Not really but the visual is amusing. … 10 seconds later I rolled my eyes and poured the rest down the sink.   I hit 1200 of my 1800 calories today.  and well,  thats it. Boring uneventful, mourn my sugar day.

Today was a bit interesting, I decided I was going to find a calorie counting plan, and use this SparkPeople meal plan.  I was so intent on not eating to much I didn’t eat more then 500 calories today, which sort of made me laugh.  Not really a good thing on it’s own I would think but I will get there even if I have to kick my own ass to do it. I also got two books today.   Twelve Steps for Overeaters, and A substance Called Food.

So, today was my first full day of my new start up, and well it didn’t go great.  I have decided that I need a hobby.  My hobby now is eating, and well we know that’s a really bad hobby.    I decided today that instead of eating a bunch of food, I was going to glue my Risk game together, ran out of colors and Africa has no army… was actually amusing, although now i can’t play it :D.  Time I found a hobby, something that keeps my mind occupied.

My ideas are …

Try out models, like little model cars. - this might be fun

Take up an instrument - though this can get expensive depending on instrument.

Drawing/coloring.. This one was always fun.

read - but since I already do this, I guess I can’t “start” it

exercise- well this one is a given.

Trying to think of some others, I can’t afford a real hobby for two more weeks but till then I can ponder.