Not so hot on the numbers, but I am at 286 lbs which is a drop.  9 lbs down many many more to go!

7/31

	2,046	55	309	67
	1810 - 2160	46 - 80	232 - 335	60 - 180

8/1

	1,714	76	205	61
	1810 - 2160	46 - 80	232 - 335	60 - 180

8/2

	1,312	51	175	42
	1810 - 2160	46 - 80	232 - 335	60 - 180

8/3

	2,054	100	145	122
	1810 - 2160	46 - 80	232 - 335	60 - 180

I went over on my fat today

FRIDAY, JULY 30, 2010
BREAKFAST
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein
Bread, whole wheat (including toast), 2 oz	173	3	32	5
Hot Dog, beef and pork, 2 frankfurter (5 in long X 3/4 in dia, 10 per lb)	275	25	2	10
American Cheese, Bongards’ Creameries (Reduced Fat), 1 oz	90	6	1	6
	537	34	35	22
LUNCH
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein
American Cheese, Bongards’ Creameries (Reduced Fat), 2 oz	180	12	2	12
Bread, wheat (including toast), 3 oz	240	4	44	8
	420	16	46	20
DINNER
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein
Pears, canned, 1 cup, halves	143	0	38	0
Yellow Sweet Corn, Canned, 0.5 cup	66	1	15	2
Del Monte Sweet Peas no salt added, 0.5 cup	60	0	11	3
	269	1	64	6
SNACK
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein
AllGood Peanut Butter - Creamy, 4 tbsp	360	30	16	14
	360	30	16	14
	1,587	81	160	62
	1810 - 2160	46 - 80	232 - 335	60 - 180

finally figured out how to make this show up lol..  So simple I missed it.  By the way I tried honeydew melon for the first time today.. WOW yumm!

WEDNESDAY, JULY 28, 2010
BREAKFAST
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein
oatmeal, instant great value, 1 serving	100	2	18	4
	100	2	18	4
LUNCH
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein
Rustic Italian Bread, 2 oz	138	0	28	4
AllGood Peanut Butter - Creamy, 3 tbsp	270	23	12	11
	408	23	40	15
DINNER
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein
Sunshine Harvest cheesy tuna skillet prepared (Made with nonfat milk and no butter), 2 serving	462	12	60	32
Honeydew Melon, 1 cup, balls	64	0	16	1
	526	12	76	33
SNACK
	Calories	Fat	Carbohydrates	Protein
AllGood Peanut Butter - Creamy, 1 tbsp	90	8	4	4
Honeydew Melon, 2 cup, diced (approx 20 pieces per cup)	122	0	31	2
Sunshine Harvest cheesy tuna skillet prepared (Made with nonfat milk and no butter), 2 serving	462	12	60	32
American Cheese, Bongards’ Creameries (Reduced Fat), 1 oz	90	6	1	6
Rustic Italian Bread, 3 oz	207	0	42	6
	971	25	138	49
	2,005	62	272	101
	1810 - 2160	46 - 80	232 - 335	60 - 180

http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_tracker.asp?id=CRYS01&dte=7/20/2010

will be updated as I add to it

Until I find a way to cut and paste it successfully I can only use a link to my spark page..

http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_tracker.asp?id=CRYS01&dte=7/14/2010

Today I was playing this game called evony and yapping it up with my alliance, and I get a whisper from someone who tells me I am very amusing and awesome and she looks forward to talking to me every day, that I brighten up her evenings after a hard day. Shes not the first to do this, but she’s the first I really agnoliged.. I kinda come to realize, the people who take time to know who I am on the inside are the only opinions that matter…. Well truthfully in the end the only real opinion is my own. however, when someone can finally open your eyes to see who you really are on the inside, not on the outside its…. the word eludes me, but if your weird like me you can figure it out 

So anyway I sat for awhile and I thought back,, really thought and realized there are alot of people online and in real life that I have spoken too, that like me for who I am inside, and in some cases, counted on me more then I let myself believe. Example I remembered calling a friend i hadn’t talked to in over 2 years, and he told me just hearing my voice and knowing that someone as cool as me (apparently alot of people think Im cool, /shrug) saved his life, literally. he was on teh verge of suicide that week.

Point, There are alot of people in this world who see me as ME. Not as another fatty walking down the street. Those who only see physical are the ones I need to ignore, not those who care and love me. Time I start listening more to my friends, if you can call half of them that, and less to those who I pass on the streets… So someone looks at me with disgust.. I need to brush it off, it’s him thats disgusting for being so judgemental, not me. I need to remember people like Tsarg (online name) who got to know me, and when he saw my picture his first words were “You have prettiest eyes, the shape, wow!” That made me laugh alot. But it was sweet.

Amazing how sometimes it just takes one person, and the right words to make you really see.

easy to write the words, harder to live by them, but I’m going to try… thanks for listening to another rant on Crys’s blog!

I really need to get into this blogging thing. Anyway update.. I lost 15 lbs so far.  But today I fell off the plan and binged.  Now i feel icky and like I’m going to explode. And I am very upset at myself.  I ate over 4,000 calories today.  Even my guitar practicing couldn’t keep me away from the food.  I feel so, UGH.  I just hate myself right now, I know that’s counter productive but it’s hard not to.   I have thrown out all the food that was left over before I touch it again. Which I know i could do.  So that’s something, but it doesn’t erase what i did.  Maybe a nights sleep and some good music will help me get back in the right mind set. I am trying not to beat myself up about it but it’s hard.

It’s been awhile since I blogged here, Still here still kickin, losing weight slowly. Been having a hard time staying on track, between stress, more stress, everyday stuff, and the death of a very good friend. I have lost maybe 1lb in the last few weeks but at least I haven’t gained any back.

Recap, I bought a new guitar, learning to play it. I binged for two days, BUT they were relatively small, no more then 500 cals over my daily intake… Small compared to what they usually are anyway. I am 3 days binge free and trying hard to keep it that way, I practice the guitar alot, facebook some, and read. Watch movies, clean house, talk to friends on the phone. whatever keeps me occupied.

Taking it one day at a time, and soon (hopefully) I will beable to keep everything under control, get back to excercising and start losing again.