I like the number 20. Less than 30 but still more than 10. I haven’t read or written anything yet so I know I’m falling behind. Linda said date 20 men. Ha! I wanted to do 20 of something that would actually enrich me. Dating 20 different men may actually decrease my IQ by 20 points so I’ll pass. I’ll do the 20 veggies though. Thus far, I’ve tried Bok choy. Hmm that was good.
So weigh in didn’t go so well. i gained 3 lbs. Sigh. More work for me this week. I’m not starting out that great though. I got hungry inbetween cases today and went for fast food. so I sat in my car thinking, alright, breadsticks are pure carbs so “no” Pizza’s got all that cheese and fat, so “no”. I’ll eat fish right? After all, it’s protein. i went to Long John Silver and had a fish basket. I asked the lady if it was one of the low cal ones they advertise on TV and she said ” yeah, yeah, it’s the special”. The lady at the window was a patient of mine, I don’t remember her name or anything like that but i figure she wouldn’t steer me wrong, right?
so I finally found myself in front of the computer. 935 calories and 23 points. for that damned basket. I’m so pissed it’s not funny. I’m determined not to go over my points today so I have 2 options. Not eat till tomorrow or workout and then i can have something small. I haven’t decided yet. I have one more surgery to go before I can go home. Harumphhh!!!
Proud of myself. Yesterday, instead of having the usual carb blowout after call. Ha!
Yesterday, I was just as tired as I usually am. i had to finish a consult at St. Mary’s. Afterward, I had something to eat. I chose sweet potatoe and spinach.
Then I actually worked out. Good day over all. I’m hoping today will be the same.
So I’m still working on a resolution. I think I’ll go with the nymber 20. Read 20 books, write 20 works of fiction. I already have at least 20 WW weigh ins to go to so I’m good there.
Today, DD has her tennis tourney. I’ll try to work out with her before that.
Well, I have realized one other occasion that weakens my resolve and that is sheer exhaustion. After 7 deliveries on Monday night, I found myself at the car dealership while my car was getting an oil change inhaling a whole basket of crazy bread. Awful isn’t it. I realize now that when I get exhausted nothing keeps me awake except for eating. Carbs specifically. AT least it lasted me the whole hour trip home.
THat night instead of going to the gym like I planned, I crashed and fell asleep at 6pm. Now I’m on call again. Sigh.
It’s an every day battle.
I hope tonight is better. ONly one in labor thus far. I’ve decided to buy some gum for tomorrow’s drive home. I think just the chewing might keep me awake enough to get home. I guess I am a carb addict.
I missed Monday’s weigh in because of call so at least I have a few more days to make up for the one day carnage. The good news is my daughter is still on plan and so was I after yesterday.
Another day and another year older. I hope that this year will be better for me and DD. Let’s hope.
Well, it wasn’t too bad when it comes to birthday weekends. I managed not to feel full at all at anytime. That’s quite a feat considering we went to a Japanese buffet and a fancy-schmancy restaurant.
I was able to stick with Miso soup and bok choy at the Japanese restaurant, along with tempura veggies. Fried stuff wasn’t good for me but I loved the veggie part.
We went to Capital Grille for my birthday celebration. I had a filet. Once wise it was the least i could find and it was good. Just think, an 8 ounce filet compared to my sisters order which was a 24 ounce porterhouse. DD had crablegs, so I think we both did okay.
Skinny cow icecream sandwiches are the bomb. I picked a 24 count box at Costco. I love that store.
I’m going to miss weigh in tomorrow because of call. So I get another week to be “good”.
I’m slowly getting my house into order. I’m so happy about that. The christmas tree is halfway down. Cleaning the house has it’s advantages. If I’m home I’m not out spending money. So it’s a win-win.
Let’s hope I can keep it up.
Yup, I’ve decided that one of the things I resolve to do this year is write in this blog at least three times a week.
I’ve also decided to read at least 20 works of fiction and to write 20 works of fiction. I usually like to write short stroies for my daughter.
Weigh in on Monday went okay. I didn’t lose but 0.2 pounds. I’m more worried about DD since she didn’t lose any. We have to work harder on the exercise this week.
I’m sittin ghere on call and reflecting that I’ve been a doctor now for almost 15years. Yet, there are still plenty of uncertainty in me. I somehow had this notion that once I had these many years under my belt, I would be super confident about my decisions. But there it is. There’s still a lot of second guessing going around. You know I pray everyday I go in to work that I do right by my patients. I’m not worried about making decisions based on money because that has never been something that guided my actions. I thank my father for that. Not that we don’t have financial concerns but he’s always instilled in me the philosophy that if you take good care of your patients, the Lord will take good care of you. It’s always been true. I’m more concerned about possibly practicing defensive medicine. It’s not proper medicine but what a life, always looking out for the worst possible case scenario. They say in OB, things go right 95% of the time. It’s that remaining 5% that we really train for. So maybe there’s a reason for all the pessimism.
Maybe I’m just not in a good mood. I never am anymore. Despite, my efforts to try to think of this new eating plan as a life changing practice, it really does affect my mood. I liked my carbohydrates. They made me feel good mentally not necessarily physically. I suppose I’ll have to substitute exercise for this now.
Well enough ranting. Time to actually get some work done.
Well, I managed to save my sunday despite being on call. It took determination and not leaving my room for mealtimes. I find that even going to the cafeteria can be a dangerous thing. Fortunately, I brought enough stuff in the freezer to last me awhile.
I love the morningstar grillers. 2 points a piece and filling. Maybe I can do this for awhile. I’ll see how it goes. It’s easy to give up on myself sometimes but not so easy to give up on DD. For her sake I need to get his down. I know if I falter she’ll just follow after me.
Still no progress in developing a resolution for this year. I’d hate to think that I’m not going to learn something new this year. Last year, I learned to knit. What am I going to do now.
Well, I imagine I’ll come up with something. AS for this week, I’ll just go day by day, not thinking too much about what I’m not eating. Like they say, stop dieting.
Well, I’m back. I thought I lost this blog. Lo and behold, Linda tells me it’s still here. Great!!!
So what have I done lately. Well, I actually did the transformation challenge, I got more muscle but I didn’t lose much weight. I think the weighing in every 12 weeks was just too long in between.
Nothing much new with me. I really don’t want to make the resolution of losing weight this year. I say that every year and nothing happens. This year I’ll use the WW motto and stop dieting and start living.
I’t a destructive habit, eating too much and I am afraid that I’ve passed it on to my daughter. So as of the beginning of the year I have signed as both up for WW with the hopes that accountability will make me stick to my resolve.
Plus, I really want to build better habits for my daughter. I don’t want her to have the awkward teenage years. I don’t want her to think about dieting every two minutes. I want healthy eating to come naturally for her. The good thing is after one week she’s seeing a difference in herself and is liking it. Now only if her Mom could do the same.
Thanks Vicki for reminding me that I haven’t been here in a awhile. Everything has been okay but hectic. I’ve been taking on more call than usual in preparation for my vacation that starts today. Yay!!!
So to recap. Week 8th through 10 I didn’t lose much weight. Maybe half a pound. But I have buckled down in the last two weeks. I’ve been kinda disappointed in the challenge. We started out with 4 people in the group. then one person changed her mind about the time so we ended up with three. On the third or so week, another girl went MIA because her Uncle came down with a brain tumor. So she postponed her challenge then in the last two weeks, I have been the only one there. I’m proud to say that I never missed a trainer session.
This week of course is going to be the challenge. After all, who doesn’t like to eat good food when were on vacation. Bad thing is that I’m going to miss a session but she says I can make it up when i get back. Also when I get back, I;ll get weighed. Oh fun.
I gotta get paking now but I’ll be in touch more this week.
My trainer let me off easy last week. She didn’t do the weigh in. She could see I had a bad week, poor choices and generally high stress.
I am still in a high stress mode today so I think I may go and work it off tonight at the gym.
I don’t feel well at all. I had a piece of cake and I think it’s taking it’s toll on me now. I don’t feel groggy but I feel tense. Not to mention the fact that I ran across my ex-husband and his new wife on Facebook. I don’t know why I’m mad all over again. It’s like the divorce happened yesterday and it’s been almost 3 years. Yuck. I don’t like feeling this way. I suppose it’s just compounding the “not feeling good about myself” mode that I seem to be in today. I”m not sure how to kick it.
Aside from the piece of cake eaten in celebration of an event, I haven’t really done too bad today.
Here’s my theory on why I’m so angry at the ex today. I’m really pissed off that my sister is still living with me. Again she was helpful in the beginning but truthfull if it weren’t for my a–hole of an ex husband, my sister wouldn’t be living with me today. So it is all his fault after all. Funny how things turn out. I heard that song “So much for my happy ending” yesterday. It just made me reminisce about the time when I still believed in such fairytales.
Enough angry rhetoric. Time to get to work.
Well at least I made it here today. It hasn’t been a good two weeks. No excuses just a lot of emotional eating. I have managed to keep up with the exercise but the reckless eating got out of hand this weekend. There was a lot of tension in the house. I just don’t know what to do about it.
It’s been busy at work and in the house as well. With the weather getting better I have a whole list of things to get done and yes unfortunately, eating at regular times just didn’t rank high enough in priority. The aquarium I set up which was supposed to be a relaxing item in the house is causing much stress. It’s not the aquarium per say nor is it the fish but my sister’s constant nagging and critiquing of how I’m managing it. She’s constantly on my ass about how one or more of the fish looks sick, I must not be changing the water often enough. Day in and day out she’s giving me an earful yet she won’t lift a finger to do anything with the aquarium being a germophobe and what not. It’s so aggravating. I really needed a break from her this weekend but it wasn’t meant to be. About 4 weeks ago, my sister was venting to me about my father and she called him an idiot and did so in front of my daughter. DD promptly told my father and since then he hasn’t stepped foot in my house. My sister won’t apologize (just because she never does). She was suppose to go hitch a ride with them to Indiana to visit my other sibs thereby leaving me and my daughter alone in a QUIET and STRESS-FREE environment but because my father was still pissed at her, my parents deliberately left her. Not only were we stuck with her for the whole weekend but now we have to listen to her vent about my parents stranding her here. Aaaargh!!!!
Sounds awful doesn’t it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. She was kind enough to come live with me after my divorce and help with my daughter. But mind you, that’s all she does. She doesn’t cook nor does she clean. She basically does DDs laundry because she won’t touch mine and picks her up after school. That is all. Otherwise she sits and watches TV all day. I think that is a big part of the problem. She needs to get a job and distract herself with a career. Perhaps then she would stop being hypercritical.
I’m in desperate need of coping strategies that don’t involve food. I can’t believe it. I’m almost happy I’m going back to work tomorrow. I need some time away from my sister. I just wished I could take my daughter with me.
So today breakfast was oatmeal, soy milk and coconut.
Lunch was leftover tenderloin with stuffing.
Dinner was a tunamelt and chips then dessert was a juice smoothie.
Doesn’t seem much but it all adds up.
Exercise yesterday was 20 minutes cardio and an hour of strength training. Today was an hour of cardio.
Goal for tomorrow. Cut down the carb intake. Get the stress down.