My trainer let me off easy last week. She didn’t do the weigh in. She could see I had a bad week, poor choices and generally high stress.
I am still in a high stress mode today so I think I may go and work it off tonight at the gym.
I don’t feel well at all. I had a piece of cake and I think it’s taking it’s toll on me now. I don’t feel groggy but I feel tense. Not to mention the fact that I ran across my ex-husband and his new wife on Facebook. I don’t know why I’m mad all over again. It’s like the divorce happened yesterday and it’s been almost 3 years. Yuck. I don’t like feeling this way. I suppose it’s just compounding the “not feeling good about myself” mode that I seem to be in today. I”m not sure how to kick it.
Aside from the piece of cake eaten in celebration of an event, I haven’t really done too bad today.
Here’s my theory on why I’m so angry at the ex today. I’m really pissed off that my sister is still living with me. Again she was helpful in the beginning but truthfull if it weren’t for my a–hole of an ex husband, my sister wouldn’t be living with me today. So it is all his fault after all. Funny how things turn out. I heard that song “So much for my happy ending” yesterday. It just made me reminisce about the time when I still believed in such fairytales.
Enough angry rhetoric. Time to get to work.
I am sorry sis is still causing you trouble. have you sat down and written out a list of possible options? Don’t analyze right now whether they are viable or not… just get them all out of paper , as weird as they may sound. Something may pop up for you that would work!
I am very glad you said the following about your stress -”I think I may go and work it off tonight at the gym.” Do you realize that no that long ago, you nevr would have uttered that phrase? You have come so far. Give yourself some credit for that!
June 18, 2009 @ 11:55 amI agree with Linda. Maybe a good solution will pop out of your brainstorming….
sorry you are still needing to work through the feelings re: X…..I suspect it will take a long time to work through them, as you did have a relationship with him once…and just like losing wt, it can’t happen overnight. But still….it sucks when he seems happy, doesn’t it? I mean, the man doesn’t deserve to be happy! LOL
June 18, 2009 @ 1:04 pmFirst, re: your Father’s Day question … Luckily, my kids made things at school, complete with wrapping paper and cards, lol. So that took care of that. In the past (when they were to little to make something) I did let them pick out something small for him. However, over the last five years he has consistently lied, not paid child support, etc. nor has he EVER taken the kids to purchase anything for me. Now, it isn’t “tit for tat”, I certainly don’t work that way. But let’s use this last xmas as an example. I sent the kids with a HUGE bag filled with two small gifts for each of the X’s family that would be there (XH, XSIL, SBIL, XMIL, AND even one gift for XH’s current GF). They were small, for example, XBIL was a set of Mets xmas ornaments and a pair of Wii lounge pants. But those are things he likes, not just junk, know what I mean? I didn’t even get a thank you. Nothing. And these were gifts from the “kids”, and yes, I realize that they do buy for the kids - but so do I! Much more than they EVER contribute. Anyway, a thank you would be nice. On Mother’s Day, he did not take them to even get me a card (but they did make stuff at school, although HE had no way of knowing this, he is so uninvolved) and I didn’t even get a HMD from him. I still try and be the better person, so if the kids had not made gifts at school this week, I would have either helped them make something at home or given them a (very) small amount of money to pick something out. If your DD doesn’t want to make him something, maybe set a limit, even $5 or $10, and let her pick something out - all by herself. I guess that is what I would do.
But apparently I am a doormat, lol.
Remind me again why I am baking XSIL a cake right now? lol
Okay onto you … I am sorry about the FB mess. I still get that way over certain things after 5 years - but NOT because I want to be with him, just because I am still a little angry that HE gets to be happy and live his life so carefree. In the end, I know I have it better though. I just have to remind myself.
Sorry to hear about the situation with your sister. It’s hard because she is unemployed, you can’t exactly put her out. Can you sit down and discuss and give her a generous timeline - 3 months, 6 months even - to get a job and move out? If you are this unhappy, SOMETHING has to be done. And chances are, she is also unhappy with the situation.
Hugs!
June 18, 2009 @ 5:01 pmi think you’re still angry with him b/c of the WAY you guys broke up. after all, he was cheating on you. had you guys just got tired of each and decided to split amicably, i truly think you’d be feeling different. ((hugs))
June 19, 2009 @ 9:50 amI was mad at my ex also off and on for a long time. I always felt stupid being irritated because He shouldn’t have any power over MY happiness. I make my own happiness. But knowing this logically and emotionally are two very different things…! Dang it. (((hugs))) Looking at “their” family vacation/holiday photos with the kids always chapped my a$$ for some reason. It was good for the kids I know, so I always hid my feelings and was crabby in private. What a PITA!
Stick with your guns and exercise! Work off that stress and irritation rather than eat it.
(((hugs)))
June 24, 2009 @ 9:38 pmWHERE ARE YOU????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come back. We miss you. Hope all is ok.
July 10, 2009 @ 6:50 am