Fat and ugly

Hi,

My name is Michelle. I am 30 years old, married , and I have a 5 year old son. I am doinf Weight Watchers and have successfully lost 24 pounds in the past 2 months. Since I have been losing weight I have been doing a lot of thinking. Something I thought about last night was that I consider myself an Ugly person. You read that correctly, I think I am unattractive. The last picture of my self that I consider to be “pretty” is when I was about 4 years old. That thought made me cry because that means that I hate every yearbook, family, Christmas, wedding photo of the past 26 years! I weighed between 130 and 160 throughout highschool, and at 5′10″ that’s not REALLY fat. But I was also a little odd, so needless to say the tall, ugly, eccentric bookworm had few friends and even fewer dates. It became a way to make myself feel better to say that I didn’t have boyfriends because I was fat not because I was ugly. (Because after all you can lose weight, you can’t lose ugly) My husband and I were never exceptionally happy or really ever MADLY in love. We kind of just settled (like most ugly people do). And so, I have grown more and more unhappy thoughout the years and also more and more fat. The fat has always been a protection device and now that I am losing it I know that I will have to accept that I will still be ugly after the fat goes away. No one has ever said to me what most women dread hearing “but she has such a pretty face”, oh how I wish someone would say that. I think the only one who has ever said I was pretty was my parents and really, they have to , don’t they? Now by now you are probably thinking I have a tumor growing out of my face, LOL. But it’s nothing like that, I’m not ugly enough to attarct stares, just the opposite, I’m so unappealing that noone even takes a second glance (well except the few people who have made rude comments about my weight). I guess it just sucks that even after all my hard work I don’t think anyone will ever love me. Does anyone else feel like this sometimes? I would love to hear any feedback you may have!

Filed under: Uncategorized on February 22nd, 2009 | 2 Comments »