Fighting the Dark Cloud of pudge!!

Due to work and my trip to CT I have not been at WW for three weeks.  At this point I figured I had gained all the weight I lost (ok that is not a huge leap) and there was no point.  BUT since I paid for a membership until March I decided to go anyway.  Naturally I got the nasty woman who scowls when I gain weight.  Lo and behold I stayed the same!  So, now scowl this week.  The sad truth is I have lost only about 2 pounds in 6 months.  Obviously I have some serious obstacles.  I am stressed and that means I eat chocolate. truth be told, carrots do not cut it when stress strikes.  Also, me work schedule is too jam packed that I cannot work out.

As I mentioned, I am doing some serious reflection - after all this is my health we are talking about!  First of all, as my job is up for renewal, I decided not to apply.  There are a few reasons for this.  First of all, I do not lose a job by not applying -meaning I may not be a dept head but I will still have a teaching job.  Secondly, the extra $4500 a year I get as a dept head, although nice, is not worth the stress I am undergoing.  I am tired of working late and losing anywhere from 1 - 3 days vacation per cycle in order to get my job done - and I am a well organized person!

My third reason for not applying is that they have now created a new resume process - which (like the VP process) requires a workshop to figure out how to do. Personally, I do not like the VP process nor do I think it succeeds in getting strong candidates.  I opted not to go that route as I thought the whole thing was ridiculous.  AND the VP process only required you to have 10 competencies - dept head requires 43!  I would not mind if the 43 were actually what my job is, but they are the ‘extras’ such as outreaching into the neighbourhood or creating equity programmes.  Oddly enough I do all of those things so could prove myself on the resume, but I think the hoops are not worth the salary.  Finally, by sheer coincidence the closest workshop is on a Wed night and i teach at the university those nights.  So, at least I have an excuse (albeit a flimsy one) if my boss bothers me about it.

My present job does not end until the end of Aug so I guess that is a midrange plan.

I have also been thinking about food ( as I know we all do).  Is it a coincidence that the more I read about what I should be eating and practising it, the more I gain?  After all I started this venture (in my life not on this blog) at 132 pounds!  Now I weigh 205.6 (according to WW).  When I look back at the foods I enjoyed as a kid before weight became a major past time (and industry!) I realize I loved vegetables - and was even a vegetarian for a while.  I ate chocolate but was not that thrilled with cookies.  Lo and behold decades later I learned I had a wheat issue.  I like the whites of eggs and not the yolks - years later discovered the whites were better for you.

Maybe it is not about portion control or eating protein with each meal etc.  maybe it is about looking back on what you loved as a kid (with some consideration after all wax lips are not a meal!) and starting there to see what you should and should not eat?

Recently I showed my university class the 7up series from England.(by Grenada).  It began in 1964 when they took a varied group of 7 year olds in England and followed the premise of “show me the child at 7 and I will show you the man”.  Every 7 years they go back and interview the group - with the last one being 49Up.  Many of the adults chose the professions they loved at 7 etc.  Maybe I should be doing the same with food.  Show me the food I loved at age 7 and maybe those are the foods MY body needed to be healthy.

Food for thought??

I am down in CT.  Had I known there was a WW nearby I would have weighed in here.  ButI did not know how close it was so I did not bring my book or card.  Still, I did buy some 1 pt bars - I love the chocolate carmel ones.

AND I am doing some foody soul searching.

Nothing more to tell you!

I had to work this weekend so I did not get to WW.  I will be in CT next weekend and then working the Sat after that - so three weeks without a weigh in.

This was the last week of school for this “quad” (which we have instead of semesters) and it was very stressful.  It must be a planetary line up as everyone I know had a week mirroring mine but it seemed everything I did ended up with a parent or someone calling a superintendent!  Even when I had documented evidence that a VP would do something, and then did not, I got in trouble!  How can that be???  I know sh*t rolls down hill (as my DH tells me).  Nothing severe enough for a reprimand or anything, but enough to get me thinking.  (did you hear the hamsters running?!!)

It is always dangerous when I start thinking - hence why I try to do as little as possible!  I started thinking about the pure cr*p I take at work.  I am not even talking about the students (incidentally the staff are in agreement that the kid who killed someone with a hammer and the girl accused of formerly being in the sex trades are our best students!).  I am tired of the administration bullying me; lying to me and the like.  this happens a lot!  Then I get a few days or even weeks where they are nice to me and all is good and I think this is not such a bad job.  Well, the light bulb went off.  First of all, I am getting all the sugar and honey now because they want me to reapply when our jobs go up for renewal.  Secondly, if I was dating someone who treated me like cr*p most of the time but was occasionally nice - you would all tell me I was in an abusive relationship and to get the heck out of there!!!  I know you would and you have never met me!! I know my friends would tell me to get out - and I would berate them for not doing the same.  So, I am thinking…why am I still there???  For the kids who steal from us every time we turn around???  I do enjoy my staff, but they, too, are seeing the handwriting on the wall.

So, what does this have to do with the dark cloud of pudge??  I know you can see where this is heading…  before I can lose weight, I have to figure out how to deal with stress.  I used to exercise, but I have absolutely no free time what with the day job that always ends two hours after I am supposed to leave (funny how the principal left for vacation at 3pm but I was there until well after 5pm!); teaching at the university once a week (and it takes me two or three nights to get my lecture notes together); taking a Masters degree course; and taking care of my mother - never mind the husband (who also had a yucky week and wants me to help him find a new job - and he is new to Canada )- and the dog..  I do get a bit of walking in but not nearly enough to destress.  Years ago I learned that I need to walk 8 km before the stress starts being relieved.

I am on vacation now until Nov 12.  Aside from the fact that I will have to go into work at least two days of that vacation (I have not even done the time tabling for the kids next quad!! I was too busy writing reports for the superintendent!), and am going to the US for 6 days, and have to still teach night school and do course work for my MEd course, I hope to get some time to start addressing the dealing with stress.  On the up note, we did just qualify for a Wii with points so that should arrive shortly.

Any suggestions will be welcome.  Right now, I relieve stress with chocolate!

Cheers!

OK I am up 1 pound.  No big deal although being at WW since last June and only being 2 pounds down is not exactly motivating.  But, as Sarah so kindly put it, I have a lot going on.

As much as I enjoy teaching at the university, I am not going to do it in person next semester (if they ask).  I find it too exhausting.  Granted, I am creating all the lecture notes this time round so next time would be easier, but I really just want to sleep.  It is enough that I work all day at a difficult school and take a course (which I really do not like) online for my MEd.

Thank goodness I have a year off the day job after this school year - of course it doesn’t end until July 19!

I will keep up the fight!

Hi there:  thanks for the nudge, Sarah.

I did not go to WW last week as every second Sat I have to teach - which coincides with my WW meeting.  Things have been stressful.  I have not been eating well and feel very fat because of it.  Not great.  Had to have a talk with Mom as I have been so exhausted taking care of her that I was starting to feel ill.  So, she has made other arrangements for breakfast on the weekend so I can sleep in.  YAY!

Slowly I am trying to get things back on track.  Perhaps it was a good thing I bought a 6 month membership to WW!

I will give you the pudge news after my weigh in on Sat

Had a rough week this week and it showed a little at the scale.  I am up the .8 I lost last week but in all fairness, I was wearing jeans this week and light pants last week, so it probably isn’t as bad as it seemed.

As for this week - FULL MOON OR WHAT???  I had two girls fight - one taken away in handcuffs!  What was the reason???  ”you’re ugly” , “well you can’t apply foundation”.  I kidd you not!!  Apparently this had been escalating and one girl brought a 2.5 pound weight from home and had it in her hand as she punched the other one!  Fortunately, just a scratch and no broken bones…well a deep scratch that needed stitiches.  OY!  That was Monday!

We had a series of bizarre happenings - thankfully none as bad as that - throughout the week and it capped off with one of my staff serving a grievance (on behalf of 4 schools - the others had requested no part in it but the union didn’t care - to our administrators on Thursday.  Never a dull moment!!

Have a good week, Blog buddies!

Well the official weigh in was today at my WW meeting and I Am down .8 of a pound - so almost a pound!  Although it does not sound impressive it is really good for me as I lose weight so slowly.

It seems all I am doing is running around right now.  I am exhausted.  This week I started teaching at the university.  Just Wed night but 5:00pm - 9:30!  One 30 minute break.  It is a LONG time to talk blah blah blah!  I gave them a 20 minute break and we left 20 minutes early.  I was previously told this is how it is done, and as all the other classrooms were already dark when we left, I guess that is true.  But my dear students wanted to talk to me after class so I did not leave until 9:45.  WAAAAY past my bedtime.

The new teacher at my school is very active with the union and has lodged a grievance against our principal already.  Not sure how effective that will be and noting she is on contract with that, I am not sure what will happen when the dust settles.  I have no problem with the grievance, but somehow I think it will not work out well for us.

Had my last meeting with the psychologist today.  Workers’ comp gave me a stress psychologist after that known drug user kid spit in my face last year (resulting in my having to get HIV testing every three months for 1/2 a year).  Actually she first suggested 10 sessions (I was amazed she thought I needed that many) but I was more or less declared over it by session 3 but she wanted a 4th one after school started again to make sure I was ok.  Nice enough I suppose but then again the board paid her $180 an hour to “cure” me of my stress.  I just liked the idea of someone being FORCED to listen to me talk about ME for an hour!!!

Other than that, chickees not much is happening here.  DH is at work and I am about to settle in and do the weekly work for the MEd course I am taking.  Personally, I have found the first two weeks of that course a waste of time.  It is a required course but the articles we have to read are lame and then we have to post a summary of 250 words, and comment on two other postings.  So far I seem to be the only one who thinks the readings are useless (ok I am more diplomatic than that when I comment) and I am tired of the pompous postings by the PhD students.  OY!!  This course ends on Dec 4.  I can barely wait.

Keep up the fight, blog buddies.

Well, I am down .6 of a pound.  Who knew basking and robbins could do that!! Actually, I am sure the trimming of my hair on Thursday had some impact.  But why look a gift loss in the mouth, right??

Thanks, Sarah, for your email.  I hope to be a positive influence in many student’s lives, but at least I can reach out to this girl who needs it.

I am quite stressed right now, as usual.  The university course I will be teaching in person starts on Wed.  I have taught the course three times online, but never in person.  So, timing etc is a bit of a concern.  No doubt it will work out in the end.  I find it ironic that the university coupled me with a new teacher to train to teach the course - especially since I have never taught it in person before.  I have no recollection of anyone mentoring me, but what the hay.  I don’t mind.  Sometimes having to teach someone else only makes me learn it better.

Meanwhile, the MEd that I am taking is very confusing. It is an online course.  The programme they use is not very user friendly.  We are given instructions that are  very convoluted and written in high academic language.  In all honesty, I rarely find anyone who says anything worthwhile when using high brow English.  AND I hate when it takes 20 minutes to figure out what a couple of paragraphs mean simply because the author wanted to show off her/his vocabulary.  All of my postings are in every day English.  I figure that if I have something to say, everyone needs to understand it!!  So, I cannot figure out how to use the programme.  The assignments are vague do I cannot really figure out what they want.  Naturally we get no feedback so who knows if we are on the right course.  I have until midnight tomorrow to post my summary (of an equally vague and pretentious article) or maybe I am not supposed to do that.  Perhaps I am supposed to just comment on the summary of the readings written by the presenting group.  AND do we all really need to read the 45 page convoluted pretentious articles if a group will summarize them for us?  (and how convoluted must an article of 45 pages be if it can be summed up in two power point slides?!!)

WHY AM I TAKING THIS DEGREE???  I DO NOT EVEN NEED IT!  I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE INTERESTING…SO, when does the interesting part come into it?!!  You know, I now see why I dropped this damn programme twice in the past!  The course I am taking is the one required course for the programme.  I am hoping it gets better with the next course.  If not, I will consider dropping it AGAIN!  I won;t even go into the fact that I already have a Masters degree so if I cannot figure it out what hope do the people who are fresh out of a bachelor’s degree have?!!  Or maybe they are gearing the course to the PHd students in the class and ignoring our needs.  Hmmm..

OK, enough ranting for the end of Sept!

Cheers!

Hey there.  I am still being highly stressed although the much anticipated budget follow up meeting was anticlimatic.  I never really know if the stress is the build up suspense or the actual event.  In this case it ended in a slight fizzle and things seem back to normal.  No need to freak out, threaten to quit or anything.  I am certainly glad, but the lead up gave me enough cardio workout to last me a while!

I have noticed that one of the less popular girls at school is even more withdrawn than usual.  She has been trying to lose weight but her mother (who is also overweight) has not been all that supportive.  They live by the idea of the magic diet pill/tea that will solve all their problems.  (if only, if only..).  Sadly I think this girl has little at home supporting her in anything, and obviously not much at school as the “queen bees” have not deemed her someone worthy of their interest.  She is a nice girl - bit socially awkward (ok, who isn’t in high school, but perhaps more than most in that dept).

So, I decided to ask her if she was still dieting.  She told me she is but not really getting anywhere.  Figuring as much, I asked her if she would help me out by being my diet buddy.  Anything that makes her feel special seems to really interest her so she jumped at the opportunity.  I had brought the week 1 WW booklet, suspecting she may go for it.  This evening I hunted out a previous “Getting started” ww book (as if I don;t have several hanging around based on my on again off again love affair with WW.  I am hoping that this helps both of us out. With this girl in particular I think she needs the teacher who takes an interest in her to really allow her to blossom into the young woman she is meant to be.

Other than that, my week has been stressful.  Possibly a slight weight loss, but the entire box of Mac and Cheese and the cone from baskin robbins may change that.  OK, the mac and cheese was last night.  Regardless, I am feeling the pudge right now so I need to focus and get on with it.

Cheers blog buddies.

My stress this week has been off the charts.  My boss (control freak) is upset that the students and staff support my ideas and programmes (after all I am in charge of programmes for the school).  So, her infinite wisdom has caused her to try to tie my hands by controlling (over controlling) my budget.  Imagine someone saying I cannot spend $100 or more without her approval!!  I mean $100!! What can I get for that!  I have been going nuts.  She even freaked out when I put a hold on a FREE cabinet from another school!!  She challenged that there could be delivery charges!  OY!!

Add to that, a huge fight with DH and the fact he still has not got a full time job and is really not even looking!

According to my scale I was up 4 pounds.  DH even said that was impossible as I was not eating a lot!  I tell you, stress does it.  Anyway, final WW weigh in showed a 2.4 gain.  Noting that it takes me months to lose that much I am quite disheartened.  Not totally disheartened as I plan to up the level of effort, but disheartened none the less.

Things have improved with DH who is now making a job effort.  We will see how long that lasts.  As for work, I plan to take control at budget meeting part 2 on Wed.  If she insists on tying my hands, I will resign as head of Programmes and simply be a teacher - something I had considered last year but she blocked me getting any other jobs (yes I have proof, not just sour grapes!  I am not the only one she did THAT too).  this will leave her to deal with the fact she may not have someone willing to take this over unless a coworker steps up - which I have no problem with.  Next year I am on sabbatical and if I do not have another job BEFORE then, I hope to find something while on leave.

So, you can see how stressed I am.  Oh and on the dog front, I think she might fly in from Winnipeg next weekend.

Shana Tova to all those celebrating the New Year this weekend.