Update
Things are still going well, at least on the diet/exercise front. I have officially lost 9.8 pounds since I joined WW. I was really hoping for that extra .2 this week b/c I would have hit my 10 pound star AND 5% lost but at least it gives me something to look forward to for next week. What I’m most excited about, though, isn’t the weight loss but a feeling of confidence. We had a nurse last night and my hubby and I went out to dinner. Generally he lets me pick the restaurant so I can pick somewhere “safe” but last night he really wanted to hit a big buffet we have in town. It has a lot of seafood and he has been craving it for a while. He NEVER voices an opinion so for him to ask this I knew he really wanted it so I said ok. I started w/a big plate of salad, then went back to the buffet and got some steamed broccoli, green beans and several different types of protein. I tried a piece of porkchop but didn’t eat any more b/c it was dry. In the past I would have eaten it anyway. Took a bite of one kind of fish, didn’t eat much more b/c the batter was too greasy. I did have 2 pieces of dessert but it’s not a stretch to say in the past I would have had 4 or 5. I was full, but not stuffed, and this morning I jumped on the scale and there wasn’t the usual 3-4 pound gain (real weight and water weight from carbs) that I would normally have after a night out.
I’m not cocky enough to say I have this figured out b/c I know I don’t, but I’m starting to realize that I can be successful w/o 100% control over the situation and that is a HUGE step for me.
On the not-so-good side of things, my SIL contacted me today to let me know my FIL is not well. It’s not worth going into details but about 5 years ago my hubby decided to cut ties w/his dad. I understand his reasons and support them but every now and again we talk about it to see if it’s worth giving things a try yet again. We have reached out in the past only to be rejected–it’s very complicated. A couple of years ago my FIL had a heart attack and my hubby decided not to visit him, partly b/c we were truly worried that if we showed up at the hospital that we’d give him another heart attack. My own dad had just died and I was very worried that if my FIL died that my hubby would later regret not trying one more time to patch things up. My hubby was able to acknowledge that there may be a time in the future that he would have regrets but at that he wasn’t going to visit. Fortunately my FIL rebounded but things sound very serious again.
The hard part is I don’t know what is right. I do worry that my hubby is going to have regrets in the future, but is it right or worth it to visit at the end when there hasn’t been a relationship for 5-7 years and the small bit of contact that has been made has been pretty ugly? If I knew it would simply be a final time to say goodbye I would encourage the visit more but I truly worry it would be one last time for my FIL to blame my hubby for things he didn’t do. Knowing how hard it was for me after my dad died when we had a wonderful relationship and no regrets I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have an awful last memory.
I know there are no answers out there, I just needed a place to vent and I just got done reading her email. My guess is he won’t visit, nor would we go to the funeral if there is one. I just don’t know what to do. I’ll keep you all posted.
My best friend just lost her dad. He was a horrible man,an even worse father,and hadnt even tried to contact my friend in about ten years. She found out he was dying and went to go visit him several times before he passed away. She is SO thankful she had that time with him. He expressed regrets about his life,my friend got to have a very short lived relationship with her dad,for the first time in her life. It was a huge healing process for her. She was a tortured soul,now I feel like she can move on from this. None of this would’ve happened had she stayed bitter and not gone to visit him. All I’m saying is,sometimes you have to be the one to extend an olive branch. If it turns out hostile,then at least your husband did what he could. And he wont have regrets. However,if he’s not on his death bed,and your not sure about his health status. It might be a little harder to decide to go. I totally get that! But sometimes that’s a great starting point to a mended relationship. But that is totally up to your husband. I hope he does what’s in his heart. Good luck
That’s a big accomplishment to be able to go out to eat and not feel the need to control it. I’m still struggling at times, but we went out recently and I did what you did — I started out with a big dose of veggies. By the time the other stuff was in front of me, I wasn’t starving so I ate a few bites and went on with it. It really helps and works! So, KUDOS to you for doing so well!
Sorry about the FIL situation. I have no advice. I’ve seen it turn out both ways and well… it’s not as if we have 20/20 vision and know what the end result will be. Unskinny is right in that he could go and try that way he could look back and say well at least he tried, but he’s done that once and it backfired. So, sometimes you just have to make peace with your decision and let it rest. I hope either way he can do this.
Keep up the good work on the weightloss! I hope you see more than the 0.2 loss next week and PASS your 10lb. goal!