It’s all up to me

I was reading a magazine yesterday that had women of various sizes and shapes, talking about what they love about their bodies.  There was one woman in particular, obviously a bit heavier than the others but what I would consider a normal size, that I zoned in on.  I flipped the page and it gave their height/weight and I was amazed to see that I’m only about 15 pounds off from where she is.  Now I know that when I hit her weight (220) that I won’t look exactly like she does, but I was honestly expecting her to be about 190 pounds.  Later in the article a doctor gave tips for each of the people and it said that although she’s active and happy w/her body, she should get to a healthy range (180-200 pounds) to minimize her risk of illnesses.  I was floored to see in print that a healthy range for someone about 5′6″ could be 180-200!!  My goal is 150 and I’m still striving for something around that number but I’m happily reminded that even when I’m not at my goal I can look great and be healthier

So today I’m letting go of all of the chaos of last week and making the choice to get the old me back.  The one who overcomes challenges, works out w/enthusiasm and eats food b/c it’s good for her body, not just good for her feelings.  I have watched a few of the P90X workouts and although I’m intimidated at the intensity and the time committment, I’m excited that in 4 weeks I’ll be starting this program.  Today I jumped back into the 2nd month of Chalean Extreme and reminded myself why I love lifting weights.  Even after 1 workout my muscles feel tight and combining this w/healthy foods my belly will be shrinking and my clothes will look better.  Watch out girls, I’m back!

I can be so inappropriate sometimes.  The week didn’t get much better as the days wore on so I haven’t worked out since I got up at 4 am on Monday.  The reason I say I can be so inappropriate is b/c on Thursday I was working w/a girl w/some major, major issues.  She was talking about how she gets so angry sometimes and how running helps but with the winter weather that’s not always an option.  I asked her if she had ever done any kickboxing or had any workout DVD’s and she said “Yeah, we have P90X and the Kenpo Karate is good for that.”  Now as I said, this girl was dealing w/MAJOR stuff, and my response was “P90X!!!  I have wanted that forever.  Is it fun?  Does it kill you???  Blah, blah, blah.”   After the high school counselor freak-out I thought I’d never see her again but she came back Friday morning…twice actually

So anyway, I get home from school yesterday and our nurse said “I signed for a package for you, I hope it’s ok.”  There sat my beautiful little P90X package that I ordered from ebay but thought I got scammed on.  It’s like the heavens parted and the sun began to shine.  I’m still not going to start them until I finish the 2nd month of the Chalean Extreme program but today I’m going to be previewing the workouts.  On the weekends there’s a lot of time spent sitting on the couch taking care of Kyle so I will have the time to do it.

On another note, I need to remember not to eat high-sodium foods.  I baked some chicken breasts last night (good, healthy) but supper got delayed so by the time it was time to scoop the cottage cheese and cut up the tomatoes (good, healthy) I was too tired and too hungry.  Instead, I took a scoop of the Ramen Noodles my hubby had prepared (not so good, unhealthy).  I never liked Ramen, but in the last few years I have developed a taste.  Anyway, I feel like a sponge b/c I’m holding so much water and I actually woke up in the middle of the night from thirst!  I think I can plan on about 100 trips to the bathroom today b/c I will be chugging water like crazy.

Hope you all have a great day.  I’m off to watch P90X

I have been absent for a few days and I swear it’s legit.  I won’t go into details…actually I can’t go into details, but I can honestly say I have never experienced the craziness and stress that the last few days have brought.  The family is good and for now everyone is healthy, it has to do w/school.  I may have been looking for a reason to go off plan but when I got home yesterday I was so emotionally wiped and tired that I don’t know if I physically could have lifted a 10 pound weight. 

So instead of working out and making healthy food choices the last 36 hours I have done a lot of thinking.  A lot of things have contributed to my recent stumble, but the common thread is that I’m no longer excited about what I’m doing.  My workout has gotten boring which then makes it hard for me to stick w/a food plan.  To counteract that I’m going to do what I need to do to stay energized.  Here’s the plan I have developed so far:

1.  Starting Sunday, I’m going to jump back into the 2nd month of Chalean Extreme.  It’s my favorite month of the program and even though I haven’t done the first part for a while I have been lifting consistently so my muscles will be ready.  If I don’t feel like doing the warm-up b/c it’s the same thing EVERY time then I’ll just do a bit of cardio and lift a few lighter weights before I start.

2.  Four weeks after that I’m going to start P90x lean.  I was going to wait until summer  b/c I’ll have more time but the lean version is slightly more focused on cardio and not as intense.  Then when summer comes I can do the regular P90X and get ripped!

3.  I need very short-term, tangible rewards.  Yesterday an unexpected check came in the mail so it’s kind of like free money.  I went to the bank today to deposit the money but kept $100 in $1 bills.  For every day I follow my food plan I will give myself $1.  Same thing w/following the food plan.  On days that I do both I will give myself $3.  This will be my fun money.

4.  The final (I think) step to my plan is I’m going to put my scale away after Sunday morning when I get my “new” starting weight.  I’m going to have my hubby hide it and not let me bring it out for 2 or 4 weeks, I haven’t decided.  I would love to see what an entire month would bring, but I worry that w/o seeing the scale that my plan might not work and I wouldn’t know it.  Has anyone gone this long w/o weighing in?  If so, how did it work?

Let me know what you think about my plan.  I need to get my mojo back.

Last night didn’t go well for food choices.  Actually, most of yesterday didn’t go well which set me up for problems last night.  We had leftovers from Friday night in the fridge so “lunch” ended up being a piece of black forest cake.  I didn’t get too upset about it b/c I realized I made a bad choice and substituted the lunch calories for the cake.  I ate a snack before we left for the party so that I wouldn’t be starving but I didn’t eat enough b/c I was hungry.  We got there at 6 (when it was supposed to start) but of course about half of the people were late so we didn’t order until 7:00.  By then I was starved and had started munching on the chips.  Chips led to nachos which led to mini-tacos…bring on the water weight.  I did choose a fairly healthy entree and as a good screw-up the waitress brought rice instead of beans.  I HATE the rice you get at a Mexican restaurant so I gave it to my hubby.  But then I ate 2 cupcakes.  So it was no surprise this morning to see 235, essentially where I was a month ago.

So I’m trying to figure out why I don’t want to lose weight enough to make the choices I need to.  I know how to do this, I have done it before, but for some reason I don’t want it enough to overcome the momentary discomfort of passing up unhealthy food.  I’m still working out on a regular basis and have dropped some inches, but I know that to make this truly work I have to add the food component. 

Ugh, I hate feeling like this.  I just need to do it and expect that it’s going to be difficult.  Not impossible, just difficult.

5:30 update

Geez, what a pity party I just threw myself.  Sad to say, even after my gripe session I had an ice cream treat and some more cake.  I know, get rid of the crap in the house.  Anyway, after 2 hours of trying Kyle finally went down for a nap but I was sucked into “Paranormal State” on A&E.  Have you ever watched it?  After getting the be-jezus scared out of me I worked out and feel much better.  I’m already choosing to skip the baked potato I had planned to have w/pork chops tonight and eat the rest of the salad from Friday night.  Baby steps

Food wasn’t good yesterday, even after my awesome workout start.  I knew what I was doing, somewhat enjoyed every bite, but didn’t care.  What’s going to be different this time is that I’m not going to let it turn into a binge for the entire weekend.  I did my pilates workout this morning and hope to get some cardio today but that may or may not happen.  I’m going to eat healthy food and then do the best we can when we go out to dinner tonight.  It’s my sister’s 40th birthday and she picked a Mexican restaurant.  I’m going to avoid the chips/salsa and choose the healthiest entree I can find.

Here’s a recap of the brilliantly funny post I tried to write but for some reason didn’t post to the website.

1.  Justin wet the bed at 4:00.  Not enough time to fall back asleep but I decided not to workout b/c I would have to shower afterward (I shower @ night) and my hair looks better when it’s washed the night before.

2.  Avoided a chocolate binge by buying myself some long wanted jewelry @ Target.  Granted, the $17 I spent was way more than the $1 I would have spent on candy but it was worth it.  Now every time I look at the rings on my finger (the aforementioned jewelry) I can remember the wise, healthy choice I made.

Hopefully today should be fairly easy.  We finally have school after 2 days off for ice and it’s the last day of finals.  Kids get out around 12:00 so I don’t think we’ll be too busy in the afternoon.  Tonight we’re having my hubby’s family over for dinner which is ready to be baked so it will be more cleaning after I get home from school. 

Have a great day, ladies!!

8:00 update

Turns out we had a 2-hour delay so I was able to workout anyway.  Yay!!

Still icy outside so we’re home again. I wasn’t thrilled with the prospect of another day to make up in June but again, I might as well enjoy the day off b/c it’s here and being grouchy about it won’t get me out of making the day up @ the end of the year.

One good thing about being home is that I get in my workout for sure. I may not have had time today b/c I would have been preparing food for a dinner we’re hosting tomorrow night. I threw in the “Grey’s Anatomy” DVD and hit the treadmill. Part-way through I decided to “jog” and made it 5 minutes w/o dying. I honestly could have gone longer, and will soon, but I knew I wanted to watch another episode of the show on the elliptical so I needed to conserve some energy. The first 42 minutes was up so I shifted to the elliptical and watched the next episode. I love that show!

All stinky and sweaty I headed off to the shower to clean. We have lived here for over 2 months and other than spraying the shower after I get out I haven’t actually cleaned it. I think the daily cleaner works and there is no mold in the grout but I had time so I grabbed the pinesol and a rag and started scrubbing. It was nice to take a hot, steamy shower in something so clean and lemony fresh.

So what am I doing now??? Avoiding cleaning my floors. I need to scrub our wood floors and absolutely do not want to. I know that if I don’t do it now I’ll have to do it when I get home tomorrow so I guess I had better get moving.

As far as the running is concerned, I think I’m going to use the same approach that my sister did. She just decided to run one day and covered the display so she truly listened to her body. When she couldn’t run any more she checked her time and then made sure she ran at least that far every time after that. Every once in a while she’d do the test again of covering the display to see her new baseline time until she was running about 4 miles at a time. Granted, she’s probably 60 pounds lighter than I am so I know it’s going to take me a while until I can do that long, but I will get there.

Things are going well, I just haven’t been able to get online to post. We had a financial aid presentation at school last night and a few parents hung around to chat afterward. I love talking w/them but not when it’s 8:30!!!

Food has been good but unfortunately exercise is going to be a challenge. Yesterday was my scheduled rest day, but I have a meeting after school today which will prohibit me from lifting. I know I could have gotten up early but that’s just not appealing anymore like it was last year. We’re also ordering lunch in b/c it’s finals and we have a longer lunch. Normally I wouldn’t partake, and I didn’t yesterday, but I’m trying to learn how to balance “normal” eating w/being on a diet. I have to learn how to go off-plan a bit and not go completely crazy. When I get to school today I’ll find out where we’re ordering from and then make a plan to eat something quasi-healthy.

11:00 update

School was cancelled due to a pending ice storm.  I was definitely frustrated and disappointed b/c I was literally putting on my coat to walk out the door.  Fortunately I was running a bit behind this morning b/c most mornings I would have been at school already.  Oh well, the day will have to be made up whether I gripe about it or just enjoy a day to relax.  Plus, I was able to fit in my workout so I can continue on the plan.

I am a bit worried about a purchase I made on ebay.  I found someone selling a used copy of P90X for $36.99.  The box is damaged but everything is working.  I made the purchase and paid for it.  The next day I got an email from paypal stating that if I haven’t already paid for it to hold off b/c it could be fraudulent.  The seller sent an email stating that it has shipped so I guess we’ll wait and see.  If it does arrive I’m still going to wait until summer so I can lose a bit more weight but more importantly have the hour a day to dedicate to the workout.

I’m back at that place where I actually know what I need to do AND I feel like doing it.  I’m not going to break my arm patting myself on the back b/c I know how fickle this feeling can be but I have missed it.

Yesterday Kyle took a nap so I was able to get in a good workout–upper body weights and cardio.  Today is a scheduled day off so it was pure cardio.  Instead of hitting the treadmill or elliptical, though, I pulled out a TJ DVD where you use the exercise ball.  For whatever reason the last time I did it I didn’t like it so I haven’t done it again.  I LOVED it!!!  It’s an hour of cardio intervals mixed w/abs on the ball.  I plan to work this in once a week b/c I think it can really make some changes to my bod.

The new inspiration is my desire to get the P90X program.  I was feeding Kyle Sunday morning and as I was flipping through the channels I saw that QVC had the program on special.  Tony Horton (the creator) was there.  I was very tempted to buy it right then, but I know I need to wait until summer for two reasons:  I need to lose a bit more weight and I need the guaranteed workout time that summer provides.  So that gives me 4 1/2 months to get myself into better shape and drop some more pounds so the intense workouts don’t kill me.  Plus, I have some dresses that I bought on clearance that almost fit at the end of summer last year.  Sadly, I’m about the same size right now so if I want to fit into them for the end of the year I need to get moving.  I’m not a girly-girl but I do love wearing dresses so it’s definitely a motivator.

I was pleasantly surprised to see the scale say 231 this morning. The last few days I have been very hungry so I have eaten more than I usually do. For the most part I have held myself to healthy choices, but not everything has been healthy so I didn’t know what to expect. This morning may be a fluke, I don’t know, but it’s going to definitely help me get through the day.

I am proud that I decided to workout yesterday. My legs were screaming after a very tough lower-body workout on Wednesday. Normally I come home right after school and workout but I had to run an errand and then Kyle wasn’t down for a nap like he normally is. My hubby told me I could workout anyway, and at first I turned him down. My legs hurt, I was tired and it technically was a rest day on my program. But I decided to take a semi-easy walk on the treadmill and watched an episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” so I got in 42 minutes. Knowing that I exercised helped me to not go crazy w/food last night. Continuing the trend I did pilates when I got up this morning and hope to have time to do another round of cardio today. The progress I’m making is slow but at least I’m making progress.