What do I need?
Current weight: 233 (+1)
I get a weekly email from a woman who is an author, dietician and has struggled w/her weight for many years. Today’s email was about emotional eating and how when you’re reaching for that cookie/donut/burger/bag of chips/etc. to identify what need you’re trying to fill. We’ve all heard this 1000 times but instead of just saying “Oh yeah, I need to figure out what emotion I’m trying to ‘feed’” I decided to actually do it. I won’t bore you w/my actual list but they all fit into a couple of categories. The biggest category has to do w/my need for control. So much of what has stressed me out lately (problems w/the bank which is delaying the construction of our house, uncertainty of my curriculum for next year, is our house going to sell, my son not sleeping well which means I don’t sleep well) revolves around things I can’t control and I don’t like it.
The other main issue revolves around our lack of friends/support system. As we’re finishing up our house and getting ready to build the next one I’m realizing that we don’t have a lot of true friends. We lost some friends around the time that Kyle was born and diagnosed w/his illness for 2 reasons. One, we can’t go out a lot b/c you can’t just call up a regular sitter for a kid w/his condition. Plus, we were exhausted for so long that if we did have some free time all we wanted to do was sleep. On top of that, some people (understandably) didn’t know what to say to us after he was diagnosed so they just disappeared. The second reason we lost some friends revolves around money. My hubby had been laid off by then and was a full-time student so we were surviving on my salary for nearly 4 years. We couldn’t afford to go out.
Geez, could I whine any more? It is what it is and I suppose the people who disappeared weren’t true friends anyway. Those who have remained have shown us that they are golden and we appreciate them so much. The good news is w/my hubby starting a teaching job this fall we will have more money and an expanded opportunity to meet new people. I know it will get better, it just got me thinking b/c I was trying to figure out who could help us move and there aren’t a lot of people who I feel comfortable asking.
On a more positive note, I have noticed lately that I like the feeling of pride I have when I’m checking out at the grocery store. I feel good about having the conveyor belt loaded w/fruits, veggies, whole-grain cereal, yogurt, cottage cheese and other natural foods. Much better than the feeling of shame I had last night on my candy binge. I need to remember that feeling and settle for nothing less.
This morning I wanted to do anything other than workout. It’s unseasonably cold here and was dark, like it was going to rain. Would have been so easy to pull the covers over my head and sleep for a few more hours. Since our nurse came I did get good sleep last night but it still didn’t makeup for the few hours from the night before. The only thing that got my moving was seeing my hubby hobble around. He is so sore from lifting/bending/hauling things but he’s still moving. I helped him load the wood from the old deck to take to the dump and then came home and worked out. Afterward I did a ton on sorting and cleaning of cupboards so I feel good about getting a lot done. It’s finally starting to feel like we might finish getting this house ready to sell sometime soon.
Thanks for listening to me grumble. I’ll get rid of this pitiful mood by tomorrow, I promise 
Progress toward workout goal: 49/300
It’s okay! We all have these kinds of days. I wanted to tell you that I finally finished reading your old blogs. It’s been quite a journey! You should go back and read your posts. You’ve had quite the mental transformation in my opinion. You went from always finding excuses for everything to being motivated, working out like crazy, and having generally an optimistic outlook on the present and future. I’m sure you getting more sleep these days helps, but I bet it’s more than that. Just thought I’d share that with you. Tommorrow is a new day!
Do NOT ever say your sorry for getting things off of your chest. We all have those kind of days (although I have been a brat and mine has lingered into months)
I know what you mean about the support system. We do not really have a support system either for kind of the same reasons.
You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are only human though and will have your bumps in the road. You really inspire me esp. as a mom.
I know just how you feel. When we moved to California, things totally changed for us. I had a great group of lifelong friends at home, and we got here… nothing. There wasn’t even anyone that I liked enough to want to be friends with. That feeling of isolation is really sad and frustrating. And since I don’t know anyone here, I never leave my kids. Babysitters scare me! So the people my hubby met at work wanted to go out, but we had the boys. UGH.
And, I feel great when I get good groceries, too, and when I get bad stuff I have to fight the urge to tell them its for the boys! lol
I hope your day is better today!
*HUGZ*
I hear ya- it seems nowadays people don’t make as much effort to be friends- I only have like 2 good friends I see periodically- the others are online and through phone since they live so far- but it’s like dang when people have issues it seems they just want to run away from you!
Hang in there- at least you and your family have each other
It’s got to help to write that up. Better than keeping it bottled up and eating some more junk right? Even if you don’t get rid of the pitiful, we’re still here and interested. Thanks for your support; wish I had better for you!