It’s all up to me

I think I’m going to tape an infomercial explaining how to gain 5 pounds in 1 day.  I checked yesterday morning and saw 230.0.  Food for the day continued to be good…until we came home from the hospital.  What I have learned about myself is that I’m a rock during a crisis but when the trouble is gone I have trouble.  I was able to eat healthy foods and exercise while Kyle was in the hospital but once we got home I started the comfort eating.  Of course I didn’t realize it was comfort eating at the time, I was just going to eat a bite or two of something yummy.  I’ll spare you the details of the exact foods I ate but this morning the scale showed 235.0  I’m smart enough to know I didn’t honestly gain 5 pounds, a lot of it was probably water b/c I ate a lot of salty stuff.  I’m back on plan today and have to weigh-in tomorrow for my challenge so we’ll see how much actual damage I did.

Kyle is doing well but the saga continues at school.  I came back to a poor sub note in one of my classes, bad enough that our principal had to be called.  Our principal was gone today so I couldn’t talk with him about it but after I talked to several kids in the class it sounds like the sub made a racial slur to one of the kids that set off the confrontation.  I then talked w/the specific kids who were involved and we talked about how they could have handled the situation better.  I left a message for my principal stating that we need to talk about what happened; I’ll be curious to see how it turns out.

After school I put in my hour at the gym which puts me over the 250 minute mark for this weeks challenge.  I had considered dropping out w/Kyle being in the hospital but I knew that I could do it if I put my mind to it.  Without the focus of this challenge and Eileen’s stars I don’t think I would have done as well.  Thanks, gals, for keeping me on track.

Days on plan this month:  14

Progress toward workout goal:  201/250

Kyle is still in the hospital, he’s doing ok but he can’t shake his fever.  Today is my older son’s birthday so my mom came up last night to stay at the hospital so I could surprise Justin in the morning.  I stopped by Perkins and picked up his favorite muffin and this morning when he got up we put a candle in it and sang “Happy Birthday.”  He was so excited to see me and the muffin.  To be honest, I think he was happier to see the muffin!!  But I think he was inwardly pleased that I made a special trip home to see him.

We planned it so that he was in bed when I got home last night so that it would stay a surprise and it also timed out well to watch TBL.  I decided to watch it from the treadmill so I logged 105 minutes and 6 miles.  I kept the speed on the lower range (about 3.5 mph) but bumped up the incline.  Then this morning I got up early and did a FIRM weights DVD as well as the 20 minute TJ workout.  I’m in tiny2b’s challenge that I stupidly set up for this week to exercise for 250 minutes.  So far I have accomplished 170 minutes and I will get the other 80 somehow.  When I go back to the hospital I’m going to wear sweats and tennis shoes so if Kyle takes a nap I can go for a walk.  I might be on the verge of compulsive exercising but it gives me something else to think about than a sick kid in the hospital.

I’m proud of my eating since we have been in.  When I went home on Monday to gather a few things I grabbed a bunch of apples, oranges and grapefruits as well as a small bag of almonds and a bag of baked wheat thins and natural peanut butter.  Yesterday the nurses made me get out of his room for a while and eat something so I grabbed a big salad from the cafeteria and ate outside.  It was close to 70 degrees here yesterday so it was nice to sit outside.

They were thinking we’d go home today but he started running a fever again yesterday and it hasn’t gone away so I would guess we’ll be in again overnight.  I would love it if we’re home on Thursday.  Oh, speaking of Thursday, my hubby has a job interview on Thursday afternoon!  This is huge b/c there aren’t many teaching jobs available in our area.  I feel bad for him b/c he went shopping for a suit yesterday and nothing fits him.  Maybe this will be enough to let him know he needs to do something about his weight.

Days on plan this month:  14

Progress toward workout goal:  200/250

Update:  4:30

We’re home!!!!  The doctor said that his low-grade fever isn’t anything to be concerned about and that we could give him Tylenol/Motrin at home just as well as they could in the hospital.  It’s so nice to be home.  Mom came home w/us which allowed me to pick Justin up at school.  It made my heart break to see how happy he was to see me again.  Then Kyle went down for a nap and Justin and my hubby went to run errands so I squeezed in a yoga/pilates workout.  I know I’m probably overdoing it but I’m afraid I’ll sit around and eat if I don’t keep myself busy so now I’m at 210 minutes for the weekly challenge.

So glad to be home.  Now I’m off to make pancakes for Justin’s birthday supper.  He’s definitely my kid, I LOVE pancakes for supper

Kyle is back in the hospital.  We woke up to a pretty major seizure and when we got to the hospital we learned he has Influenza A and pneumonia.  Things are always serious w/him but we have had 2 kids die lately from pneumonia so I think they are going to be extra cautious.  I know that exericse is going to go out the window and I’ll do the best I can w/diet.  Hopefully we’ll be home sooner than I think but I’m guessing it will be a while.

I made it through yesterday w/o eating a single cupcake.  I did take 1 nibble of the frosting but I know I was under for calories yesterday so I’m still going to count it as an on-plan day.  This morning, however, has been another story.  I have had 3 (yes, 3) cupcakes and ate the rest of the frosting on crackers.  But I have told myself that I’m done w/cupcakes for the day and then I worked out.  I’m not foolish enough to think that today is going to be on-plan as far as food is concerned but I’m not going to say “Oh well, I have blown it today so I might as well eat…”

My weigh-in was decent, 231.5  Not the 231.0 that would have made it 20% of my total weight gone but I’ll take it.  If I remember from last Sunday I’m down 3 pounds which isn’t too shabby.  Next week I should definitely see something in the 220’s. 

I saw some friends at the birthday party yesterday who ooh’d and aaah’d at how “skinny” I looked.  I also received several appreciative stares by some of the guys at the bowling alley as I chased after kids.  Granted, I’m not too impressed by guys who are drinking beer and doing shots at noon but they still looked

Days on plan this month:  12

Progress toward workout goal:  198/250

I think I wrote yesterday that I made it through the cupcake baking so now this morning I have to get through the frosting of the cupcakes and then the birthday party.  The day has started out on the right foot which will help me to be strong.  Kyle slept in until almost 7 am (hooray) and then I got in my hour of pilates and weight lifting for upper body.  I have my healthy breakfast in my tummy and the rest of the morning will be spent getting ready for the party.  I will time my morning snack for the time we frost cupcakes and then pop in a piece of gum right away or brush my teeth to keep me from licking frosting.  During the party I’ll eat lunch right before we leave and then chew gum during the party.  I’m also going to bring a baggie of almonds to munch on just in case I struggle.  The good news is that since Sunday is the day I’m more relaxed w/my eating if I REALLY want a cupcake I can have one tomorrow w/o guilt.  I desperately want to see 231 tomorrow so it is worth the sacrifice.

I also brought up an issue w/my hubby that has been bothering me for a while so I’m not dealing w/as many emotions.  As many of you know we struggle w/our incompatible sex drives.  I want it more, he’s like a camel who can go for much longer.  What I try to explain to him is that it’s not even the sex, it’s the physical contact.  Giving me a hug as he walks by is helpful.  Grab my ass, cop a feel, whatever.  It lets me know that he’s at least interested even if we’re both too exhausted by the time we’re able to crawl in bed at night.  I had been trying to let this issue go until after he finishes this last semester of school b/c I know he’s stressed but I started wondering if things will really change once he’s done.  It’s not like our lives will go from busy to leisurely or that we won’t have any stress at all.  He knew all night that something was bothering me but I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet so I said that I was tired.  Later, though, I asked him if he thought that things would improve dramatically once he was done w/school.  As we were talking I told him that sometimes I felt that even though I know that he loves me I didn’t really know if he was IN love w/me.  He acknowledged that he needed to do better in this area and so far things have been better.  I know that he’s stressed and tired but if we don’t plan times to be a couple then we’re just going to grow apart.  Part of my frustration, too, is that I know that he’s tired all of the time b/c he eats like crap and doesn’t exercise.  Two or 3 nights a week he eats a frozen pizza and noodles for supper.  Hello, carbs anyone???  Of course he doesn’t want to do anything other than watch tv and collapse in his chair.

OK, I know that I’m preaching to the choir.  He wants to be healthier and this summer will be a good time to make changes.  I’m trying to walk that line of being supportive w/o being bossy.  Too bad he wasn’t one of my students, I could just make him do what I want.  If anyone has been successful in helping someone start a healtheir lifestyle I would love to get some tips.

Days on plan this month:  11

Progress toward workout goal:  197/250

As far as I can tell I have 3 major hurdles this weekend.  One, mix and bake cupcakes for my son’s b-day party.  I don’t really care for cupcakes once they’re baked but I could eat an entire batch of batter.  My hubby offered to mix them up for me if I was feeling too tempted but I can’t keep running away from food so I did it.  Several times I was going to automatically lick the spoon or even take a huge bite but I stopped myself.  I know that 1 bite would have been ok but I also know it wouldn’t have stopped at one bite.

The next 2 challenges come tomorrow.  We’re frosting them in the morning and then there’s his party in the afternoon.  Like I said, I don’t really even like cupcakes all that much but I need to stay strong and not eat just b/c of the social situation.

My weigh-in this morning really helped, 232.0!!!  One more pound and I will have lost 20% of my original weight and I’m so near my first mini goal of being out of the 230’s by my son’s birthday on Wednesday.  I killed myself at the gym tonight (60 minutes treadclimber, 15 minutes elliptical and 20 minutes lifting lower body) and have stuck w/healthy foods tonight.  I so want to see 231 on Sunday morning for my official weigh-in.

Days on plan this month:  10

Progress toward workout goal:  196/250

I’m sure we all have experienced the ebb and flow of motivation and eagnerness in this journey. Lately I have been a bit discouraged, not because this is too hard (b/c it isn’t) or because I’m struggling to make the right choices (b/c for the most part I’m not); it’s b/c I have no concept of myself smaller than I am right now. Even though I know it’s not possible, I sometimes wonder if I’m going to stay a size 18 forever. I told my hubby last night that I’m in need of some support right now so if he notices a time that I’m looking particularly thin-ish that he should mention it. I also looked at some progress pics and I think I’m going to take some more so that I can prove to myself that it’s working. And the funny thing is I would rather eat healthy food (most of the time) b/c of how it makes me feel.

This morning I got up early and lifted for 15 minutes b/c I was only going to have 45 minutes after school at the gym. I was dreading getting up but I knew that cutting 20 minutes off my sleep would be worth it. Now I’m glad.

I weigh-in for my challenge tomorrow and I’m very curious to see what it says. I haven’t peeked on the scale at all this week but it’s TOM so I have no idea if I’ll be up, down or the same. I know that my behavior has been on track so if I am not happy w/the number that it will change next week but I REALLY hope that it’s close to 230.

Days on plan this month: 9

Progress toward workout goal: 195/250

Oh, for those of you who are in tiny2b’s challenge I have figured out what next week’s challenge will be. I’ll also have her post it on her blog. Basically, instead of it being a mileage goal it will be a time goal, 250 minutes of deliberate exercise from Mon-Fri. If you do not meet this challenge you have to tell a significant person in your life your true weight, and it has to be someone who does not already know your weight. I’m still looking for the “award” to post on your site but I wanted to give people some time to decide if they’re in for next week.

Gotta go, supper time!

Here’s the award for next week, kind of lame but nice and shiny.

I figured out how to copy the picture from tiny2b’s blog since I finished the challenge for week 1 of SlumpBusters.

An even bigger victory, though, happened when I picked my son up from school.  There is a huge hill behind his school and every day he runs up the hill.  I don’t get to pick him up very often but when I do I watch him race his friends and then he waits for me at the top of the hill.  He was about halfway up the hill when I decided to race him.  Granted, he didn’t know we were racing so he may not have been going at full speed but I whupped his 5-year old ass!  His giggle at the end was well worth it

I know, creative title.  Apparently I’m not very witty today.

Before I forget, I need to update my slump-buster challenge mileage.  Somebody was on the treadclimber when I got to the gym yesterday so I started w/25 minutes on the bike which got me over 6 miles.  So between the bike, treadclimber and 15 minutes on the elliptical I was over 9 miles yesterday.  Combine that w/the 2+ miles from Monday and I have met the weekly challenge.  Sorry, you won’t get to see this fat ass in a swimsuit anytime soon

Today I’m attending a meeting about encouraging positive behavior in our students w/a few teachers from our building and our principal.  I always get mad at myself at these meetings b/c I get hopeful and then reality sets in when we get back to school.  I like our principal a lot and he has fantastic vision.  He is also a whiz at improving instruction but since you can’t be good at everything, he lacks the ability to manage discipline in a low-SES building of nearly 600 students.  I love my job when I’m in my classroom and am in control but as soon as I have to be in the hallway, cafeteria, etc. I want to quit.  Since he has taken over our school has experienced a dramatic decline and sadly, the one AP who is a genius at discipline is retiring at the end of the year and due to budget problems there will not be a replacement.  So anyway, the reason I get mad at myself is I tell myself before I go that I’m going to listen and that’s it, but he’s such a fantastic motivator that I buy into everything, really think it’s going to change, and then when we get back to school and NOTHING happens I get upset.  I am a smart gal, I should know that if it hasn’t happend the last 500 times it’s not going to happen again.

Geez, what a negative tone.  I’m going to follow my own advice and only worry about the things I can control.  This morning I controlled getting up early to get in my hour of exercise (that’s a star!!) and right now I controlled my food b/c instead of going out to lunch w/the group I came home and ate. 

I’ll check in on you all later when I’m home for good.

Days on plan this month:  8

Progress toward workout goal:  194/250

Our school is on trimesters so I got a new batch of kids on Monday.  I had been warned about my 6th period class b/c they are kids who are low academically as well as immature.  I have turned it into my personal quest to turn these kids around by the end of the school year.  Yesterday went fairly well so I actually got a little cocky, thinking that it was going to be a piece of cake.  Today I was humbled.  I let the kids choose their seating chart and as long as it works they get to keep it.  Some classes have actually been able to sit by their friends for the entire trimester.  This class lasted less than 5 minutes.  I’m a bit worried b/c I have to go to a meeting out of the building tomorrow and they’ll be with a sub but we talked today about my expectations.  They don’t know this but if a kid misbehaves I’m going to make each child call their mom (I hate the term “guardian”) and explain exactly what they did wrong plus the regular consequences.  Like I said, good thing I like a challenge.

I was able to fit in another 90 minutes at the gym, lots of cardio and weights for my lower body.  I have been experimenting w/the levels on the elliptical.  What level do you guys use?  I’m not even sure how far up it goes.

Days on plan this month:  7

Progress toward workout goal:  193/250