It’s all up to me

I had my first personal encounter w/lice today.  A girl in my class has been dozing off lately (just found out parents are divorcing, lots of drama) and as her head was bobbing I saw little bugs crawling around.  I still feel itchy just being around her.  I referred her to the nurse, thankfully it’s not part of my job to deal w/that.

Not much else to report today.  Food has been good and so has exercise (1 hr. cardio, lower body weights).

While I was at the gym I watched “Oprah” w/Michael J. Fox.  I have always liked him but Parkinson’s Disease is somewhat similar to my son’s disease so I was curious to hear what breakthroughs are possible now that the stem-cell research ban has been lifted.  Dr. Oz said that he thought we were single-digit years away from a cure and I nearly cried.  I know that a cure for Parkinson’s won’t be a cure for Canavan’s but it can’t hurt.  And I also know that even if Kyle is cured tomorrow that he won’t be “normal” but at least his disease won’t get worse and he won’t die from it.  It was very uplifting, I think I’m going to read Michael J Fox’s book this summer.

Days on plan this month:  20

Progress toward workout goal:  211/250

Again I forgot to update the slumpbusters challenge.  Water is good

Days on plan this week:  1

Workout minutes:  150/250

…until the end of the school year, that is.  Ten more weeks until my schedule is more flexible, until my stress decreases a bit and until I can completely kick ass.  I’m not giving up until then but I do realize that the weight I can lose during the school year isn’t as great as what I can do during the summer.

My plan for the summer is to do Chalean Extreme which is a 90 day program.  I sold my Total Gym over the weekend and the money from that will pay for this workout system.  I’ll also be busy getting our house ready to sell so I’ll burn extra calories that way.  Plus, keeping busy is a great way to avoid extra eating so my calories will be under control.

So for now my goal is to be out of the 220’s by the end of the school year.  I’m in the mid-230’s right now so it’s definitely do-able.  Then, I should be able to lose 20 pounds over the summer which puts me below 200 for the beginning of next school year.  My size-12 goal dress that I wanted to wear for my hubby’s graduation is now going to be my 1st day of school dress.  I’m ok w/that, it was an ambitious goal and I know I’m not going to go from an 18 to a 12 in 5 weeks!  If only

Today has been good for food and exercise.  I have very few distractions for the next 2 weeks so my goal is to be on plan during that time w/my usual exception on Sunday.  I have done it before and I will do it again.

Days on plan this month:  19

Progress toward workout goal:  210/250

Forgot to update my Slump Busters progress.  I’m not going to keep track of the water ounce by ounce b/c I generally drink about 120 ounces or more a day, so as long as I drink my normal amt. of water I’ll be ok.

Exercise:  75/250 minutes

On plan eating 0/5 (I’m not going to record it as a day on plan until tomorrow!!!)

I am in a cooperative weight-loss challenge w/my brother and sister.  I’m the 5th of 7 kids and they are the 2 oldest so we’re really not all that close.  I have been kind of discouraged b/c since the middle of January when it all started I have only lost 7 pounds.  Actually, I have probably lost 30 pounds but gained 23, you know how it goes.

Today we had my boys’ birthday party and it was the first time I had seen then in person since the challenge started.  They both look bigger than they did before.  It shouldn’t make me feel good but it did.  Plus, everyone kept complimenting me on how great I looked and how much I have lost, even my skinny-bitch SIL (the one who had a boob job but won’t admit to it).  I know I’m not setting any weight-loss records but I’ll eventually reach my goal.  And the compliments of the last few days remind me that even if I haven’t lost 140 pounds (my initial goal) I still look better at 235 pounds than I did at 289 and that will keep me going.

Eating today has been completely unhealthy but I have enjoyed every minute of it.  I’m guessing tomorrow will be bad, too, w/leftovers but I don’t care.  I’ll get back on track on Monday when the tempting food is sent off to school w/my hubby and since there are only 2 weeks until Easter I’ll be able to hang in there for that long.  I did get in an hour workout this morning before everyone got up so that day wasn’t a complete waste.

Hope all is well w/all of you.  I may or may not have time to check in w/all of you.  If I don’t leave a comment don’t think that I have abandoned you, I’m just on the bottom end of the sugar coma from the cake and ice cream

Days on plan this month:  17

Progress toward workout goal:  209/250

We have the day off from school since we had conferences the last 2 nights and I am using every minute of it.  After our nurse got here I hopped on the treadmill to watch TBL from Tuesday.  I might just start taping it on purpose so I can fast-forward through the fake drama of the weigh-in, the product placement and the stupid challenges.  Although I must say that I did enjoy the end of this challenge when Tara won in spite of the guys ganging up on her.  I don’t mind them giving her their weight but they did it in such a mean-spirited way that it showed a lack of class.  And Ron???  I had always liked him but now I realize it’s b/c I like  his son so much.  I swear, when he said he was giving his weight to Helen to punish her from straying from the group he reminded me of a mafioso or a gang member.  Oh well, I don’t like Helen anyway so I guess it really didn’t bother me too much. 

Since then I have been cleaning like a maniac.  Our master bathroom should honestly be condemned it’s so gross so it felt great to get on my hands and knees and scrub.  I also cleaned out my older son’s room and weeded through his toys so that everything fit into his closet.  I forgot what color the carpet was in there :)  This summer we’re going to have an enormous garage sale and I can’t wait to go through everything I have thrown into our storage rooms in the basement.

Got a nice compliment today.  A friend’s husband brought back some banquet tables they had borrowed and he said “Holy crap, you have lost a ton of weight!!”  When I tried to downplay it (it still makes me uncomfortable sometimes) he said “No, seriously, you look great!”  Considering that my hair was still back in a headband and I was in my grubby workout/cleaning clothes I was pretty excited to hear that.

Going to take a minute to catch up w/a few of you and then get back to cleaning.

Oh, btw, I was able to stick to good eating after the puppy chow/cookie situation.  And yes, Joy, puppy chow is the cereal mixed w/peanut butter, chocolate and powdered sugar.

Days on plan this month:  17

Progress toward workout goal:  208/250

The week of conferences often spells disaster for my weight loss. Monday and Tuesday are normal but we’re at school all day Wednesday and then have conferences until 8 pm and then Thursday we have conferences from 9 am until 7:30 pm. We have a break for lunch but it’s usually around 2 or 2:30 which throws my eating schedule off and generally we go out to eat. Since I know Weds/Thurs is going to be goofy I often have a hard time sticking to the plan on Mon/Tues.

This week, though, has been good so far. I had the small bump in the road on Tuesday but was able to recover before there was too much damage and then yesterday I actually stuck to my eating plan. That is giving me energy and confidence to stick to the plan today. Fortunately we only have an hour for lunch which really isn’t long enough to eat at a restaurant so I brought a ton of healthy snacks and my lunch with me. We don’t have vending machines so as long as I stay away from the bake sale I’ll be ok. I got up early this morning and got in an hour of TJ and upper body weights so I have my workout under my belt.

Tomorrow we’re cleaning, cleaning, cleaning for our boys’ birthday party on Saturday. Eating shouldn’t be a problem b/c we’ll be so busy I’ll probably forget to eat. And then Saturday I’m going to let myself enjoy the party food, within limits of course

The one thing that may throw everything off is the weather. Justin’s b-day is March 18th and Kyle’s is April 6th so we decided to combine their parties since my family lives out of town. We figured by the end of March it would be warm enough to throw a few tables in the garage for eating since our house can’t fit 30 people comfortably. Really, who has a house that can??? Anyway, we’re predicted to get 6 inches of snow on Saturday. Nice. Oh well, my parents have a space heater that they’re going to bring so it should still work.

Days on plan this month: 17

Progress toward workout goal: 207/250

12:00

OK, I was derailed by a bag of puppy chow.  Every year the student council kids bring us treats and generally I give my bag away to another teacher but I was not going to give up puppy chow.  That would have been fine but then I bought 2 cookies from the bake sale.  This madness stops NOW!!!

Yesterday I was only able to eat part of my lunch b/c part of it looked like it had gone bad.  Then we had meetings right after school so I was starving when it came time for supper.  No surprise on what happened next, I made poor food choices.  Almost like clockwork, cravings kicked in.  My hubby is always hungry for sweets so I casually mentioned that I wanted a treat and his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.  We decided that we wanted Blizzards from DQ and I said that if I could take 15 minutes to go tan that I’d run to DQ.

I don’t know why but as I was baking in the tanning bed (I know it’s bad but it feels so good) I decided that I didn’t want the ice cream anymore.  I picked him up his Blizzard and did eat about 3 bites but then I was done.  I was very tempted to get one anyway, what’s an extra 600 calories???  But I knew I would be eating it for the wrong reasons so I said no.  Yay!!!

********************************************************************************

In the continuing saga of our banking problems, here’s the update.  I called the bank on Monday and they fixed everything but I expressed our frustration b/c this is the 3rd time in 15 months that they have put the money in the wrong acct.  Yesterday we received a note in the mail from the woman I spoke with.  At first I was impressed that she was writing to clarify what happened, but as we read the letter we realized that she was pointing out 2 mistakes that she thought I made, completely refusing to take responsibility on their end.  It was completely juvenile and vindictive, plus she wasted her work time and postage to rub my face in my 1 mistake.  So hubby and I wrote a letter back, taking responsibility for our 1 mistake and explaining why the 2nd mistake was their fault.  On top of it, we explained that due to her immaturity that when we move/build in the next year that we will take our business elsewhere, costing her bank tens of thousands of dollars in interest.  Then, we Cc’d it to the bank president.  I’ll be curious to see if there’s further contact.

************************************************************************************

Due to my poor food choices last night I decided it was a good idea to workout this morning and I’m glad I did.  I have a lot of energy and feel stronger to make better choices today.

Days on plan this month:  16

Progress toward workout goal:  206/250

This is a very busy week for us but I’m hoping that means it will go quickly.  We had a meeting after school for Kyle and now it’s time to get ready for supper, showers, etc.  Tomorrow we have school and then have conferences until 8 pm and then Thursday we have conferences from 9 am until 7:30 pm.  Friday we’re off but we’ll be getting ready for the boys’ birthday party on Saturday and Kyle has 2 doctor’s appts.  Whew, I’m tired just thinking about it.  I’m debating on if I’ll get up at 4 again tomorrow to workout since it will be a 14 hour day.  I’m not feeling as compulsive as I usually do about exercise but I know that I generally have MORE energy if I get up to workout.  I got up this morning at 4:00 which is the only reason I’m considering sleeping in but if I had to guess right now I’d say that I’ll be up before dark, feelin’ the burn

This morning I did my favorite FIRM DVD and I have finally realized that I need to buy a new copy.  It must have gotten scratched somehow b/c I can’t believe that I have done it so many times that I ruined the DVD.  It skips in 2 different places and really ruins my rhythm but I love it so much I keep doing it.

I’m going to opt out of the Slump Busters challenge this week, only b/c I won’t be able to get to the gym to track mileage.  I did finish 5 miles yesterday so I’d be halfway to the goal but I know w/our goofy schedule this week that I’ll be working out at home to DVDs.  Hopefully next week I’ll be able to rejoin the group.  For now I’ll cheer you on from the sidelines.

Days on plan this month:  16

Progress toward workout goal:  205/250

I spent the weekend doing a lot of thinking.  A lot of eating, too, but that’s another story.  I was trying to figure out why I was having such a hard time dealing with everything all of a sudden.  Yes, I have a lot to deal with but that’s nothing new.  I tried to pinpoint the moment when things became the most unbearable and it basically coincided w/seeing a higher number on the scale.  Now I have seen numbers on the scale before that I haven’t liked but with everything else that is going on it caused me to have a majorly bad attitude.  I am a firm believer that your attitude shapes your life and since I had a crappy attitude I was having a crappy life.

Thankfully I am married to a wonderful man.  Yes, I was the one who was just griping about things but he finally broke through yesterday.  My older son was spending the weekend w/grandma and there was another opportunity to have sex that wasn’t taken.  This added to my bad mood.  He asked what was wrong and I pulled the standard “I’m tired.”  But instead of accepting it he wrapped his arms around me and asked again.  First of all, his arms fit all the way around and it has been years since that has happened.  Secondly, he didn’t let go.  We probably stood like that, in silence, for 3-4 minutes.  It’s actually a long period of time if you think about it.  I don’t remember what I said but I finally had the courage to tell him how unhappy I have been lately w/our marriage, at least romantically.  I said that I was afraid if we continued on this path we would either grow apart and become strangers or end up divorced.  I asked if he felt that way, too, and he said he knew things weren’t great but he didn’t realize they were that bad.  So he asked what he could do and I told him that he needed to make me feel like he wants to be with me.  It was like a huge weight was lifted.  I’m not used to being so needy and he’s not used to me being so needy so we’re learning together but things are 100% better today.

I know, though, that my happiness isn’t his responsiblity so I continued to think.  Looking at my weight loss over the last 1 1/2 years it is very up and down.  I stumble along through the school year and then kick ass in the summer, leading to an average of about a pound a week.  So why am I surprised when I lose weight, gain it back and have to lose it again?  Realizing this I am going to modify my goals, at least weight-wise.  I haven’t figured out exactly what my new goals will be but they are going to be much less ambitious than they were.

Then I set off to school this morning w/a positive attitude and amazing, the day went very well!  A few of the classes where I was having some behavior issues snapped to attention when I put them in a new seating chart and I just assumed that things were going to go well.  I tackled several items on my to-do list so I feel more in control of my life.  I hit the gym and got in a good workout and now it’s time for supper.  Hopefully I’ll have time to catch up w/some of the chickadees here, I feel like I have been neglecting you.  Thank you SO MUCH for all of the support during my pity party, you guys have gotten me though a lot.

Days on plan this month:  15

Progress toward workout goal:  204/250

Today hasn’t been a good day.  I stayed on-plan yesterday and even though I knew I wouldn’t lose weight this week I figured I would drop at least .5 pounds from yesterday so I hopped on the scale for a morale booster.  Up a pound.  Determined to not let this derail my day I started my Saturday w/the traditional pilates/weights workout.  I really wasn’t into it but held on long enough for a 30 minute workout.  Trying to bolster my spirits I weighed myself again, knowing that exercise generally gives me a fake, immediate loss.  Up another pound@!

I gave up.  My life right now feels like it’s spiraling out of control and there isn’t really anything that is going well.  I can’t believe how much I’m complaining right now b/c it really isn’t all that bad, it’s just that I have been so stressed for so long and it’s finally catching up w/me.  Kyle started sneezing yesterday and it continued this morning, along w/a nasty cough.  Even though he’s on 2 anti-virals and an antibiotic I took him back into the doctor.  They repeated a chest x-ray to see if his pneumonia had gotten worse and she said that everything looks fine, he just most likely has a cold on top of everything else.  In reality this is good news but it’s like “Great, one more damn thing to have to deal with.”

We haven’t heard anything about my hubby’s interview yet and the guy said not to expect anything until late next week so my hubby typed up a few thank you notes to send.  Our printer died.  No problem, he ran over to his mom’s.  Her printer is out of ink.  Once we got it figured out we realized the only stamps we had in the house were Disney.  Nothing screams “hire me” like Cinderella or Daffy Duck on a stamp.

It’s just this chronic, little stuff that’s wearing me down and making it difficult for me to handle the bigger things.  Generally when one part of my life is in the crapper the other parts make up for it but right now I’m not enjoying my new students, very frustrated w/my boss, we’re trying to decide if we are going to build a new house, the bank is messing w/our credit, the list goes on and on.  And of course, the sexless streak continues even though we had a chance this morning.  Plus, I realized that 2 weeks ago when I told my hubby I was feeling a bit discouraged and would appreciate a compliment when I was looking nice and haven’t heard anything.  Nada.  Zip.  He really is a great guy but he’s not used to me being needy like this and isn’t responding well.

So what does my title “naps” have to do w/anything?  Kyle fell asleep this afternoon and we all took naps.  I don’t feel great but I feel so much better.  I’m not going to let the  mini-binge from this afternoon set me up for the rest of the night, I have the strength to hang on for 4 more hours until bedtime.  I have also decided to make an appointment w/my therapist if my ability to handle my life doesn’t improve.  I know that I have a lot on my plate and most of it is out of my control, but this is the reality of my life and it isn’t going to go away any time soon.

Thanks for listening, sorry for being such a grouch.

Days on plan this month:  15

Progress toward workout goal:  203/250

That’s the philosophy I try to follow and that I teach my students.  If I can’t control something there is no sense worrying about it, but sometimes that’s easier said than done.  I am completely exhausted…mentally, physically and emotionally.  I’m so tempted to relax a bit on the food but I know that I would basically be on a free-fall through next weekend if I did that and could honestly pack on 10 pounds.  Instead I ate a healthy supper, watched a movie and was feeling better.

Then I opened the mail.  Our mortgage and home equity loan are through the same bank and we got a past-due notice on the home equity loan.  I paid it, they cashed the check but it has been reported that we are late.  This is the 3rd time in 2 years (and the 2nd time in 3 months) that this has happened.  I’m enraged but I need to calm down.  I’ll save my fury for tomorrow when I go into the bank and get to the bottom of this.  We’re going to demand a copy of our credit report so they can prove to us that it hasn’t affected our credit.  If necessary we can pay off the HELOC and move it to another bank and since we will be moving/building w/i the next year we will NOT be getting our mortgage through this bank unless they resolve it to our satisfaction.  Maybe I’ll calm down by morning but I doubt it.  Grr

I got in a good workout after school and then got a new cellphone.  At least I have a new toy to play with.

Hopefully tomorrow brings a more relaxing day.

Days on plan this month:  14

Progress toward workout goal:  202/250