It’s all up to me

I didn’t make it to the gym yesterday b/c my hubby is really sick and it would have gotten me home too late.  One more day wouldn’t hurt.  Sadly, though, I strayed from my food plan once I got home but again, one more day won’t hurt.

Today has been better although it’s hard.  I limited myself to 30 minutes on the treadclimber and although I felt I could go longer I stopped.  I was definitely more tuckered out than I normally am after an hour but I know it’s going to take a while to get back on track after pneumonia.  Then I went to the store and by the time I got home I had broken into a sweat and had to have a snack.  I am proud, though, that I kept myself from buying a treat in the check-out aisle.  I was debating the “one more day won’t hurt” concept in my brain but I know that “one more day” would turn into the entire week, plus I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.  I knew I had a baggie of almonds in the van so in 5 minutes I could have a healthy snack.

Then I get home and see that my older son got in trouble at school.  Sent-to-the-office in trouble.  He definitely made the wrong choices but I do think we rushed him back to school too quickly b/c he asked to take a nap when he got home and that was after he was released from his room for being in trouble.  I vow, however, not to be a parent that blames the school so when he wakes up we’ll talk about what he should do if he doesn’t feel good instead of shoving a kid on the playground or dumping parts of a game on a child’s head.

On a good note, though, Kyle continues to improve.  Sunday and yesterday he didn’t eat very well so I was concerned b/c that usually signals the beginning of an illness but today he has been eating like a champ.  Our nurse thinks the gunk in his lungs was coming up and stuck in his throat so who wants to eat w/phleghm in their throat?

I’m back to keeping track of goals.  The workout goal is easy to pick-up but I have to adjust my on-plan food goal.  There are 12 days left in February and I had 1 day on plan before all of the sickness so I’m going to shoot for 10 days on plan this month.

Days on plan this month:  1

Progress toward workout goal:  174/250

We are finally home and I have never been so happy to see my messy house.  Kyle ran his last fever Friday night/Saturday morning and yesterday he started eating normally again.  They were going to do a final chest x-ray this morning but the doctor actually cancelled it b/c his lungs sounded so clear.  I know the x-rays don’t hurt him but they’re such a pain since he can’t sit up on his own; I feel like a contortionist trying to hold him in the proper position w/o getting my body in the x-ray.  But the good news is they handed me the regular size lead gown instead of the plus-sized one.  Hey, at this point I’ll take good news anywhere I can get it.

I am so far off track w/food I’m going to need to stop for directions to get back on.  And I can’t even use the excuse of not having anything healthy in the hospital, although that is true.  This was a pure choice to use food for comfort and it’s going to continue for today.  I am too tired to even think about food choices.  My hubby has strict instructions that when he goes to the store to pick up our many, many prescriptions that he’s to bring back frozen waffles.  I love those damn things.

My older son is still sick but hopefully he’ll be on the mend soon.  Thank goodness for my MIL b/c he has basically lived w/her since Sunday and he loves it over there so much he doesn’t feel like he’s been abandoned.  But now my hubby has the bug so my days of being sick are over.  He went to acute care before he picked us up at the hospital and all of the doctors and nurses know our family by name.  The doctor didn’t even run any tests, he just looked at his red throat and asked where he wanted the prescription sent.  It’s not a good thing when you’re that well known at the doctor’s office.

Tomorrow I’m going to slowly inch my way back to exercise.  I’m going to make myself stop after 30 minutes on the bike and evaluate how I feel.  I went to the store yesterday and was so tired when I got home that I actually had to take a nap.  I guess my lungs haven’t fully recovered from the pneumonia.

If there’s time today I’m going to catch up on what all of you ladies have been doing.  Thanks so much for all of the well-wishes, hugs and prayers.  They worked!!!!!

Well, it’s Friday and we’re still in the hospital.  Yesterday/last night was a day I hope to never repeat.  He was doing better and we were actually talking about going home when he had a seizure.  Then his temp spiked to 105 overnight and they had to pack him down with ice packs twice to get his fever to break.  It did, finally, and today has been better.  His highest temp has been in the 102 range (sad that this is now considered a low temperature).

Our doctor contacted a pediatric infectious diseases specialist and she said that a nasty version of RSV is going around the state.  He told her that Kyle tested negative for RSV but she suggested that he test again.  He described all of Kyle’s symptoms, including the extremely high fevers, and she said that this is consistent w/what the other kids are doing.  So now he thinks that this is RSV and that the pneumonia is viral instead of bacterial which would explain why 2 antibiotics aren’t doing anything to improve the situation.  I understand enough of the medicine to realize that this makes sense but what reassures me most is that our doctor now seems calm.  This morning I think he honestly wanted to tear his hair out b/c he couldn’t figure out what was wrong w/my baby.

So they re-ran a RSV test and we’re waiting for the results.  I am at home now to shower (I realized I’m in the same clothes since Tuesday) and I’m going to sleep here tonight.  My mom is going to stay w/Kyle and my hubby and I are going to hang out w/our older son.  He has been home sick for the last 3 days and when I talked to him today he started crying b/c he missed me.  I haven’t seen him since Monday and I miss him so much.  I have always explained to him that mommies stay home w/their kids when they are sick so he doesn’t understand why I’m not w/him now.

Thanks so much for all of the support you guys have given.  I am going to hop on the scale tomorrow just out of curiosity.  I won’t be surprise if it says 240 (it was 233 last week) and I won’t be surprised if it says 225.  My eating has been so out of whack as well as my sleep that I’m sure my body is freaking out.  I’m not worried about it, though, b/c I know when everything is on an even keel I’ll make up for lost time.  Hopefully I’ll have good news soon.  For now, I’m going to wash 3 days worth of hospital slime off my body.  Those poor nurses, I’m sure our room was starting to smell w/me in there for days on end

Thanks for all of the well-wishes and happy birthday greetings.  I popped in at home to take a shower and wanted to update all of you.  Kyle has pneumonia and it isn’t responding to the 1st antibiotic so they’re adding a 2nd one after an extra chest x-ray today.  His fever has been varying between 101-104.5 even w/Tylenol and Motrin but hopefully tomorrow he will begin to turn a corner.  Eating has been horrible, not even b/c I was turning to it for comfort but b/c there is nothing but shitty food available in a hospital.  I’m not going to worry about it for now, just make the best choices I can and not eat another piece of pie!

I have decided to quit having birthdays.  Not that I’m going to die, I’m just not going to celebrate them.  Yes, today’s my birthday and I’m 35 and I have been spending it in the hospital.  That’s where I have been for the last 2 birthdays and the one 3 years ago was on an airplane on the way to seek medical treatment for my son.  I was never a big birthday person but it would be nice to have a day just to relax and be the focus of attention.

The morning started out well.  I slept until almost 8:00 and considering the fact that I went to bed at 8:40 last night that was pretty good.  Then I hopped on the scale and was thrilled to see 233.2.  That’s a 3 pound loss from last week w/only 1 day of exercise.  I truly think that fighting a fever must burn extra calories b/c I know I stayed at my calorie range or went over every day.  Plus, I’m on steroids now which I have heard causes you to puff up.

Then I left my bedroom and learned that my younger son was sick.  He was napping but I figured I had better get showered and cleaned up so I could take him to acute care when he got up.  I did and we were admitted.  I felt so bad for him and selfishly felt bad for myself that yet again, I get to spend my birthday at the hospital.  Fortunately his blood cultures were good and he’s just a bit dehydrated so 24 hours w/an IV should be enough.

And although I have been in the hospital w/him too many times to count I have never been there when I was sick.  My hubby and mom conspired to make me agree to go home tonight to get some rest so that’s why I’m here.  My mom took the day off tomorrow so she’s taking the night shift at the hospital and I’m going to head in at 6:30 so I don’t miss the doctor on rounds.  He’s our regular doctor and really knows our family so I want to make sure to speak w/him.  And, after listening to my symptoms he agreed that I either have pneumonia or an adult version of RSV.  Even though I know I’m not doing him any good if I’m there coughing all night and that I’ll be no good to him when he’s home but I still feel like the worst mom in the world for being at home in my own bed while he’s at the hospital.

One good bit of news to report was that I had no desire to turn to food.  When my hubby brought some things to the hospital I had him grab me fruit, yogurt and almonds.  We did go out for supper w/my older son b/c I realized that since Kyle has been born I haven’t spent my birthday with him but I stopped eating when I had eaten enough and I only ate about 1/2 of a piece of cake.  And since Sunday is my high-calorie day it all fit into the cycle.

Man, I’m really ready for spring.

I am the first to admit that I am a very bad patient and since I don’t get sick very often that I’m probably unrealistic about how long it takes to get better.  I went back into the doctor today b/c I feel like I’m getting worse.  The doctor agreed but the dingbat said she thought I had asthma.  Hello?????  Do you generally get a fever and chills w/athsma?  I have never had allergies/asthma and neither does anyone on my side of the family.  Could it be that I’m sick which is causing my bronchial tubes to become inflamed?  I didn’t push the issue too hard b/c I got the antibiotic that I wanted, along w/a steroid.  I haven’t used steroids before but my son has and they made him better in short time.  I do know that they can make you puffy so I’m not excited about that but if I can feel like normal it will be worth it.  They checked my oxygen levels and they have dropped from 97% on Thursday to 90% today.  Gee, maybe that’s why I’m so tired all of the time.

Sorry, I know I’m a grouch.  I feel so bad for people who have to put up w/chronic illness.  I realize that I have taken my health for granted for too long.

If I do start to puff-up I might avoid the scale for a while so I don’t get discouraged.  I’ll stick to the food plan and ease back into exercise when I can.  This sucks.

I am starting to feel human again but I’m not ready to say that I’m feeling better.  I decided to go to school today b/c I was showing a video and I knew that I could push play and the slump over my desk if necessary.  Fortunately as the day went on I was feeling better so now I’m glad that I went.  I still feel weak and I can only imagine how whupped I’m going to be when I resume my workouts but for now I’m considering it a victory to be upright.

It’s funny how kids can get a little too comfortable w/their positions in your classroom.  I have one student in particular who is an excellent student most of the time but can be a big snot.  I actually have a niece just like her and she drives me crazy.  Anyway, when we had class today she said to me “And just where were you yesterday???”  As if she has any right to question where I was.  I hate to say it but she’s the kind of kid that you enjoy finding mistakes on her work b/c she’s always sure that she’s perfect.  As much as I would have loved to say “None of your damn business” I decided to remain professional and said “Trying not to die.  Thanks for your concern.”  Sorry, couldn’t resist the sarcasm.

The “good” news is being sick does burn calories.  I weighed in for my contest this morning and saw 233.5, down about 3 pounds from last week and that’s with only 1 day of exercise.  I’m a little bit worried that when I start eating normally again that I’ll put a few back on but maybe I won’t b/c I do think my calories were just about on track the last few days.  I may have actually gone over since I was eating a lot of peanut butter and comfort food.  I even ate ice cream last night b/c we had fresh strawberries.  Yum.

I’m hoping that by Monday I’ll feel good enough to resume regular exercise.  I know that I’ll have to ease back into it b/c I actually got tired today just walking up a flight of stairs.  Once I get back to normal I’ll readjust my on-plan eating goal for February.  I’m far enough ahead of my workout goal to not have to adjust that so at this point I’m not making any changes there.

The good news is the levy passed and pretty convincingly, about 63% in favor.  I’m glad that it just didn’t barely squeak by at 50.1%, this way we can say that we have true community support.  There will still probably be cuts for next year but instead of being 4-5 million in the hole we’re only 1.5-2.5 million down. 

The bad news is I am still sick as a dog and I don’t like it.  I considered staying home yesterday but I was giving a test and I don’t like to be gone on test days in case they have a question.  I actually felt pretty good yesterday until about lunchtime and then the ickies hit.  Last night was horrendous.  I had no energy and I couldn’t get warm enough.  It took 5 layers and a blanket just to stop the goosebumps.  To make it worse my hubby really pissed me off.  Normally he is the most thoughtful guy in the world which makes his bonehead choices even worse.  Basically he did nothing to help me.  Our general division of labor in the evenings is he takes care of our older son when needed but at almost 6 he’s pretty self-sufficient.  He also makes supper and cleans the kitchen afterward.  I take care of our younger son who requires attention almost constantly.  Last night it was no different.  I was laying on the floor next to him and my hubby was watching tv or on the computer.  In his defense, our son doesn’t respond to him at all, it has something to do w/his disease.  Kyle won’t eat for him and he won’t go to sleep for him, so I realize that me going to bed at 6:30 like I wanted to do was out of the question.  But he should have freakin’ offered.  I didn’t want to bring it up b/c I hate reminding him that our son doesn’t do well w/him but I just wanted to crawl into a little hole for about 15 hours.

So I was quiet.  All night.  And he was quiet.  All night.  Finally, about 8:00, I said “Why are you so quiet?”  “Because I thought you were mad so I didn’t say anything.”  That was the end of talking for the night.  He KNEW I was mad and either was too much of a wuss to ask why or he knew why and wasn’t going to deal with me.  Apparently I’m so scary that a 6′2″ man is afraid of me when I’m angry.  Granted, I’m sure I was a grouch b/c I didn’t feel good but that’s why I was angry.  Plus, when he was sick over Christmas break I sent him to bed every night at 7:00 and took overnight responsibility for Kyle for nearly 2 weeks straight.  Grrrr.  I actually went to bed w/o even telling him good-night.  This is one that we’re going to have to talk about.

Today I’m staying home.  The kids are working on a reading activity in pairs so they don’t need me and the podiatrist called and they had a cancellation.  So I’m going to go to the doctor, come home and sleep for about 6 hours.  Bliss.

I have no clue how I’m doing on food b/c all I have wanted lately is soup and peanut butter sandwiches.  Obviously I haven’t worked out and I don’t even care.  If I feel better after a nap I might try some pilates today just to strech my muscles b/c they ache from sickness and inactivity.

Hope all of ya’lls day goes better than mine!

5:00

My hubby redeemed himself b/c after I stormed off to bed last night he came in a shut off the baby monitor so I didn’t have to get up w/Kyle.  We talked about why I was upset and all is better.

I went to the podiatrist and he said at this point the problems are b/c I have flat feet and the nerve is close to the skin so when my shoes press against it there is pain.  For now he said to ice 2x daily and the nurse showed me how to relace my shoes so there isn’t as much pressure.  They felt great.

As we were leaving he said to me “You should really get that pneumonia taken care of.”  WHAT???  I thought it was just a little cough but he said “Nope, sounds like pneumonia.”  I went home and talked w/our nurse and she agreed that my symptoms indicated more than a cold.  They tested me for influenza and pneumonia and both were negative but the doc said that if I’m not improving by the weekend to come back in b/c it could turn into pneumonia very easily.  Great.  So since Kyle catches illnesses like Babe Winkleman catches fish my mom is coming up tonight to take care of Kyle so I can go to bed.  I’m going to try to go to school tomorrow b/c I’m showing a video and won’t have to talk.  Plus, I’ll be able to get about 11 hours of sleep tonight which should help a lot.

At least I hope I’ll lose some weight out of this.  I haven’t eaten very much and I do think fighting a fever burns calories.  That’s at least something positive

I’m sick and I feel like I want to die.  OK, maybe it’s not that bad but I do want to crawl into my bed and not come out for a day or 2.  I debated on going to school today or calling in sick but as all of the teachers out there know, it’s more work to make sub plans than to go.  I should have stayed home.  About 8:00 I felt like a truck had run me over.  Then, the doctor’s office called and said that they had an opening for 10:30 this morning!  I could have rested and gotten into the doctor.  Oh well, the day is over and I made it through.

I didn’t workout this morning and I’m not going to tomorrow, either.  I always have meetings after school on Wednesday so I have to get up at 4 to workout and there is no way in the world that I’m getting up a minute before I have to.  I hope this goes away soon.  I don’t get sick very often so I guess I don’t handle it very well.

The levy vote is today so keep your fingers crossed that it passes.  I’ll let you all know tomorrow how it turned out.

Days on plan this month:  1

Progress toward workout goal:  173/250

As glad as I am that we’re getting closer to spring I can’t believe how quickly January went by.  Hopefully the rest of winter goes as quickly and we’re warm, soon.  This weekend we had a taste of 40 degree weather and I want more!  Fortunately this weekend they’re predicting mid-40’s so hopefully the rest of our snow will melt.

I called the podiatrist today and can’t get in until March 9th!  What????  They said that they’d put  me on their cancellation list but I have to wait over a month to see a doctor for right now.  A month w/o my beloved treadclimber??  Oh well, what’s a girl to do?

So I hit the gym after school and lifted weights for my lower body.  After that I had planned to hop on a bike but they all were busy.  To make matters worse, there was a treadclimber that was open!  I thought I would try it at a slower pace w/my shoes tied very loosely and it turned out that my foot didn’t hurt too badly doing it that way.  And for some reason it was harder going slower and I only burned 80 fewer calories over the hour.  Not too shabby.

Right now I’m trying to decide if I’m sick.  My throat hurts and I have a cough plus I have the chills.  And while I realize that I probably am sick I guess what I meant was am I going to acknowledge that I’m sick. It’s not bad enough that I want to hide under the covers all day but enough that I just don’t feel good.  It’s not really convenient for me to stay home until Thursday or Friday of this week so I’ll try to hang on until then.

Hopefully I can carve out a bit of time tonight to check in on all of you.  With the Superbowl yesterday (yay Steelers) I was a bit busy getting ready for company.  I won’t even go into how bad my food choices were yesterday but the important thing is that they were choices.  I enjoyed every bite but now it’s time to get back on track.  My birthday is on Sunday and I would love to be below 235 as a gift to myself. 

Days on plan this month:  0

Progress toward workout goal:  173/250