Deep thoughts
We made it through the 1st snowstorm and fortunately have school today, not so sure about tomorrow and Friday. Oh well, we’ll take each day as it comes.
This morning I had to get up early to workout b/c I have a meeting after school and since it was quiet I had a lot of time w/my thoughts. In our basement there is a print on the wall close to the tv area where I workout. The glass in the picture sort of acts like a mirror so I am able to watch myself (yikes) when I’m lifting. Anyway, I was looking at myself this morning and tried to imagine what I’ll look like 6 months from now. Then it dawned on me that I honestly don’t believe that I’m ever going to be thin. I know that I have come so far but I have been overweight for my entire life and so I don’t know what I look like skinny. It’s not that I don’t think that I have the ability and determination to do it, it’s as if I think my body is unable to be thin. For some reason I think that working out every day like a crazy person and watching my food will just keep me spinning my wheels instead of moving forward. Maybe that’s why I am having so much trouble getting smaller than an 18, it is the smallest size I have ever been as an adult. So I am going to work on retraining my brain to see myself as being able to be a healthy size. Man, I hope that this is the obstacle that’s keeping me this size.
Progress toward workout goal: 130/250
I fight this thinking constantly when I’m on-plan. It’s almost as if I think my body is different from everyone elses and I have to find my secret code to unlock the ability to lose this weight. And, if I don’t discover this code, I’ll never be smaller no matter how much I watch the calories and how much I work out. Crazy stuff, huh?
I am like that, too. Isn’t it so weird??
Also, I just want to tell you… you rock! Really, you are so dedicated and I think that is so awesome.
I’ve lost weight and even so was CONVINCED BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that I will never have anything even close to a flat tummy without a tummy tuck. NO WAY IN HELL. Then this week, I noticed that the tummy tuck needing area was considerably flatter than it has ever been since I had my DD9, almost 10 years ago. Flatter being relative and for someone who actually has a flat tummy they’d laugh their a$$ off if they saw what I am considering relatively flat.
The point is, I knew that no matter how much weight I lost, I’d need a tummy tuck. And now for the first time in ever I am thinking maybe there is a chance that with more weight loss and actually doing some toning exercises, I might be able to have a normal looking stomach someday after all.
It’s a Christmas miracle! This change in my thinking, that is. I’m hoping it rubs off on you.
what tiny2b said! Yeah, you go girl. That deep thinking will get you… life changes. I know what you mean. I did lose weight once and get thin and had a ball. Everything was different! How I felt, how people treated me. Now I’m thinning down and today I glanced in the mirror and my light sweater was skimming my sides, not emphasizing my rolls. Whoa! Deep thinking is good. We can do this. Delita
Reading what you shared today was really helpful… because now I don’t feel as alone in thinking EXACTLY the same way!! I have been overweight my entire adult life and down inside I still don’t believe that I can actually be thin. I’ve gone on many diets over the years and I’ve never before lost 45 lbs., so that’s encouraging, but regardless of my belief that I *can*, I still have a hard time believing that I *will*.
Keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll be there before you know it. When you think about it in the long run, Brandie, your adult life has been pretty short so far. How old are you? I’m betting you haven’t been an adult for more than 15 years so you’re not necessarily meant to be overweight. Adulthood is at least 50 years! You’ve just begun! Think of it as being in adult puberty! You’re just now developing into the adult you want to be.
That’s one of my biggest obstables as well. I was skinny at one time but it’s been soooo long ago that I have trouble believing it now. But you can do it; you’re so dedicated that’s inspiring. If you’ve never been smaller than an 18, why not find a picture of a model from a Cato or Lany Bryant catalog that is a size 16 or 14 and hang it somewhere for inspiration? I have one of my skinny pix on the fridge. Course, for me, inspiration hasn’t hit yet but it will!
Hang in there. We’re all pulling for you to succeed!