It’s all up to me

Sunday mornings are my day to sleep in and fortunately everyone got to sleep extra b/c both boys slept until 7:15.  That is unprecedented in our house.  Anyway, as my hubby got up to take care of the kids I stayed in our warm bed, trying to decide if I was going to get up or sleep a bit longer.  Trust me, I could have gone back to sleep in a heartbeat, but I decided to get up so I could workout right away in the morning.  Before I got up, though, I noticed something new about my body.  Our closet doors have mirrors on them (they were there from the previous owners so don’t go thinking that we’re kinky!!!) so I could see myself in bed.  What I noticed, as I was laying on my side, was that I’m getting a decent shape.  My hips no longer stick out as far as they did and they are nicely curved, not all lumpy like they used to be.  Then, the blanket actually sloped down b/c I have a waist!!!  I know I still have a ways to go but it’s nice to see proof of the hard work I have been doing.

Bolstered by this happy sight I decided to kick my own ass.  I have some old FIRM workouts and I pulled out the one that makes my muscles want to scream.  To add insult to injury I used my 12 pound weights for all of the leg and most of the arm/back exercises.  What’s so exciting is that I made it through.  It was tough, and I was sweating like a stuck pig, but I know that I’m getting so much stronger.  So even though my weight is going up and down all over the place, I know that the overall trend is going to be down.  I’m just going to keep focusing on my behavior and rejoice when the scale cooperates, but try to not get frustrated when it doesn’t.

I’m also excited to see that I’m getting stronger b/c I have decided that I’m going to order the P90X when I reach 200 pounds.  If I keep losing at a rate of about 5 pounds a month that will get me there by summer which is perfect.  I checked out their website yesterday and they even say that their program is not for everyone, that you have to be in fairly good physical shape to complete the workouts.  They have a fitness quiz you can take and as of now I need to bump up my upper body strength (pull-ups).  But otherwise, I was encouraged to see that my overall fitness would be considered good enough to tackle this workout.  Take 40 pounds off my body and I should be able to do a pull-up or 2.  So anyway, my plan for the summer will be to workout 2x daily, once w/the P90X program, and the other time either on the treadclimber at the gym or doing pilates to tighten things up.  I will have the time to workout like this since I’m off for the summer and being intense for 2 1/2 months will make up for the fact that I have accepted the fact that I’m going to lose weight more slowly during the school year.

Sorry for the rambling blog, thanks if you made it this far.  Have a fantastic day!!!!

Progress toward workout goal:  94/250

Today we’re going bowling w/my older son and it’s my hubby’s day to sleep in, so I knew that if I didn’t get up early to workout it wasn’t going to happen.  I had to do something quiet b/c everyone was sleeping so I pulled out the old yoga/pilates DVD and just realized that I need to do that one more often.  It’s not a huge calorie burner but it’s extremely relaxing and I know that if I did it more often that my body would tighten up faster.  I’m going to think today about how I can work this one in at least twice a week.

It was tempting, though, when the alarm rang to roll over and go back to bed.  Our warm (60-75 degree) weather of the week changed abruptly yesterday and it snowed.  I’m guessing it got into the 20’s last night and I was all warm and snuggly in my bed.  But after I logged off last night, literally seconds after I closed the laptop, I ate 4 of my son’s fun sized candy bars from Halloween.  To compensate I ate a smaller supper, but I knew that if I didn’t workout today that the weekend was going to be a total loss. 

I decided to change my weigh-in to this morning, though, b/c with our day I won’t be able to have full control over my eating.  I have previewed the menu at the restaurant where we’re going and I’m going to have a deli sandwich w/cottage cheese.  So when I stepped on the scale (after reading in the 230’s the last 2 days) it said 241.5 :(  I’m smart enough to realize that 4 little candy bars didn’t put me over the top, and since I reduced my supper I probably only went over by about 100 calories, but it’s still frustrating.  So now I have decided to weigh myself again tomorrow and see if this little fluke goes away.  Plus, it will give me motivation to stay away from the popcorn and other salty treats at the bowling alley.  I can do this.

Progress toward workout goal:  93/250

Actually, I learned 2.  One thing I learned today is that I need to eat a more substantial snack before I go to the gym.  Generally I eat an apple but I wanted to be on the treadclimber for 70 minutes today (at a slower pace of 3.5 mph) and could only hold on for an hour.  At about 40 minutes I felt like I was going to pass out, and I experienced that once before, again on a long workout day.  So on the days when I plan to lower the intensity and increase the duration I’m going to add a cheese stick or some almonds to my snack.

The second thing I learned is that shopping while hungry is a BAD idea for me.  I know, not rocket science, but I tempted fate big time today.  Since I cut my workout short I had time to swing by Sam’s club and pick up a few things I had been needing.  Talk about overwhelming.  The song “Danger Zone” from Top Gun should have started the second I walked into the store.  On a normal day things would be tempting there, but since Christmas is coming every corner had some tasty treat.  Somehow I made it through but I had to bust into the box of Fiber One bars in the parking lot. 

Now I’m feeling much better.  I’m going to focus on making it through tonight and then worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.

Progress toward workout goal:  92/250

I generally have good rapport with nearly every student, even those who cause trouble elsewhere.  There is one I have, though, who is very challenging.  I don’t say this often but if he does not end up getting killed himself through his behavior I have no doubt that he’ll end up in prison.  Keeping his truly violent nature in mind, what he did today really wasn’t that big of a deal, but it’s pathetic that schools have to deal w/issues like this instead of teaching.

Long story short, this kid needed to borrow a pencil.  The only one that I had that was sharpened was a Ticonderoga, and if you don’t know it, Ticonderogas are the Cadillac of pencils.  Anyway, I jokingly told him to be very careful w/it b/c I wanted my special pencil back.  Apparently he thought I was blind b/c while he should have been taking his quiz, the got up to get a tissue, blew his nose, and the proceeded to wipe his snot all over my pencil.  At the end of class, he very politely and innocently came up to my desk to return my pencil, thinking I didn’t know that his boogers were all over it.  I pretended like I didn’t know b/c this kid LOVES a confrontation so I just told him to put it on my desk.  He insisted 3 or 4 times that I take the pencil from him since he knew how important it was to me but I was finally able to get him to put the pencil on my desk.  Nice, huh???  This is why we need a few months off over the summer

The rest of today was good, though.  Food has been on track and I just finished the Hi-Def Sculpt from the FIRM.  My hubby and I are going out to dinner tonight, I can’t remember how long it has been since it was just the 2 of us.  I know I will go over the normal 400 calories I have for supper but this restaurant has fantastic grilled pork chops and shrimp, so even if I go over it will be with healthy food.  Not that I truly think that anyone cares exactly what I eat, but I’m going to post when I get home just to keep myself accountable.

Got to go wash the stink off my body

Progress toward workout goal:  91/250

Supper was good.  I had broiled cod w/tomatoes, green peppers, onions and a bit of cheddar cheese.  I did eat the hashbrowns but only after inquiring about the veggie (mixed veggies, I don’t like those).  I was going to turn them down but ate them for 2 reasons.  One, they are just like my mom’s and nobody makes hashbrowns like that.  Two, I was going to get pork chops (still healthy but more calories) so I figured that since I went w/the fish that I could eat the hashbrowns.

One area where I was disappointed was that I ate the roll that came w/dinner.  Our food was steaming and I was so hungry that I ate it while my food cooled down.  Not the end of the world, I realize, but it would have been better if I had resisted.  Overall, though, a good night.  And I need to keep these lessons handy b/c we’re going out for lunch on Saturday w/my older son and then going bowling.  Yikes, bad food abounds.

I don’t even know what to title my posting today b/c I feel like I’m torn in so many directions. The weather is still good for Iowa in November but it will be making an abrupt change beginning tomorrow. I’m thrilled that the election is over (and yes, I’m thrilled w/the outcome) so I think there’s a bit of an emotional letdown. I didn’t realize how tense I was until I woke up this morning and officially learned that Obama won. I was nervous all night last night and to be honest, probably the last few weeks as well. Today was a great day at school, it was actually one of my favorite lessons that I teach. The kids had a blast and learned a lot. But hiding behind it all was so much sadness. I had been fighting it for a while and finally gave in around 2:00 this afternoon, bawling in my classroom, fortunately by myself. If someone would have walked in they would have honestly thought that I had lost my mind.

Nothing major happened, at least not to me. But over the weekend, a little boy died who has the same disease as my younger son. I had gotten to know his parents over the last year and although they live in Maine we talked quite a few times. I thought I was doing ok w/it but then I found the link for his obituary and saw his beautiful face, it made it more real to me. Most kids with Canavan’s Disease resemble each other so it was kind of like looking at my own son. Then I also got an email from another mom who’s son has the same disease and they’re dealing w/some pretty serious concerns w/him, too. The combination of these events brought me back to reality concerning my son’s future.

Knowing that a good workout often clears my head I headed to the gym. It was fairly empty which was great. I was about 30 minutes into my treadclimber workout and a girl came, turning on the tv next to me. It was BLARING!!!! The general etiquette is that if 2 people are there you turn the volume down and turn on the closed captioning but she didn’t. Then, some guy that she knew hopped on the bike next to her and they talked loudly and didn’t even watch the tv. On top of it, she was going on and on about how Hilary Clinton shouldn’t have dropped out of the race b/c she would have won for sure. I’m a former Government teacher so I so wanted to explain the electoral process to her but realized she probably wouldn’t have appreciated the civics lesson I’m sure on a regular day I could have tolerated it just fine, but I actually left more aggrivated than when I got there.

Since these people bugged me so much, I stopped my workout after 45 minutes and went home to cut the grass. It probably didn’t need it, they’re actually predicting snow for Friday, but I was able to run the gas out of the lawnmower and chew up the rest of the leaves. And fortunately, being outside was just what I needed. It gave me 25 minutes by myself w/my thoughts and the cool breeze was invigorating.

I am still sad and I’m sure I will be for a while. But I’m making good food choices tonight and that’s a huge accomplishment. I’ll worry about tomorrow when it comes, for tonight I’m going to focus on getting through staying on plan.

Progress toward workout goal: 90/250

7:00 am, Thursday

I hung in there last night and was rewarded by seeing 239.5 on the scale this morning.  It was exactly what I needed b/c hubby and I are going out to dinner tonight and this will help me to make good choices.  I’m going to lift weights before we go out to help keep me on track.

I have a meeting after school today so I got up at 4:15 to workout.  Even though I worked out in the morning last week, too, I didn’t stick to healthy eating.  I’m not going to fall into that trap again.  I just won’t let myself.  I will be busy w/my meeting during the time I would normally workout and then it will be supper and snack as usual.  Fortunately the rest of my week is fairly routine so it will be easier to stick to things tonight b/c I know that I won’t be fighting battles every day of the week.

I did the 1st level of Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred and found some parts very challenging and others kind of easier.  Sadly, my 245 pound body isn’t graceful doing jumping jacks but I did them.  And I’m guessing that even though some of the weight/ab parts felt easy that my muscles will be telling me otherwise later today and tomorrow.  When I get back on track for weeks at a time if my weight loss stalls I might get up early every morning and alternate this workout w/Pilates or something like that.  Burn some extra calories in the morning and throughout the day (thanks for the idea, Patty )

I’m sure lgad that I voted w/an absentee ballot based on what they’re showing on the  news.  Some people are waiting in line for 9 hours to vote early.  I remember than in 2000 I had to wait about 20 minutes and that felt like forever. 

Got to go hop in the shower.

Progress toward workout goal:  89/250

Here we are, yet another Monday where I’m starting over.  And although I’m kind of disgusted w/myself for going hog-wild over the last 4-5 days, I know that in the big picture everything will be ok.  Just this weekend my dad called me skinny.  I honestly looked around to see who he was talking to.  Yes, I have lost 45-50 pounds but I still honestly have 100 to go so I am not skinny by any stretch of the imagination.  But it’s nice to hear a comment like that from my dad.  He’s the type of dad that I was afraid to tell him I was pregnant b/c then he knew that I wasn’t a virgin anymore.  Granted, I had been married for 3 years so he probably figured it out but talking about bodies w/him isn’t normal.  But I digress.

As per my usual Monday today I was good w/food.  I got in my hour on the treadclimber and burned a little over 1200 calories.  My goal for this week is to get into the 230’s again.  My weight has been such a yo-yo lately, I want to be a bit more consistent.  A second goal is to have 2 good weeks in a row.  To accomplish this I need to keep my scaled-back goals in my mind.  Right now I want to charge ahead and lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks or something crazy like that.  But being strict like that is what set up this yo-yoing in the first place.  Instead, I need to remind myself that slow and steady wins the race.  As a third goal, I want to be closer to 230 than 240 by the end of the month.  And by the end of the year I want to be in the 220’s.  Basically that’s 5 pounds gone in November and December, very doable even w/the holidays.

I hope that tonight I can catch up on what you all are doing, but the SNL election special sounds appealing and my Steelers are on MNF.  My hands are going to be busy flipping the remote back and forth.  And all I can say is thank God the election is over tomorrow.  It kind of feels like Christmas as a little kid, you never believe that it’s actually going to be Christmas day b/c you look forward to it for so long.  Even if my guy doesn’t win I just want it to be OVER!!! 

Progress toward workout goal:  88/250

My demise continues.  I know it had something to do w/not being in my regular routine, but I was in some weird kind of mood yesterday and I truly had no clue what got me there.  I would cry for absolutely no reason and that is not like me at all.  Yes, I cry all of the time, but I generally know why.  At first I hung in there for a while w/good eating but then I found the stash of Halloween candy that my hubby bought and it was “game over” from that point on.  Normally I buy the candy and I buy stuff that I don’t like so that I don’t eat it, he didn’t have the same philosophy…he was hoping for leftover candy.

My knee is still bothering me so I didn’t get in a workout yesterday which I’m sure contributed to my foul mood and poor food choices.  Plus, the weather was freakin’ fantastic (70 degrees in IOWA) so my hubby was outside doing a ton of work and it was honestly more important to me that he got some of the outside work done than it was for me to have a workout.

I feel like I’m spiraling out of control, at least for the weekend.  I know that when Monday rolls around w/my nice, predictable schedule, that I’ll be better.  So I’m actually trying to loosen the reigns a bit and not control every second of my day today b/c fighting to maintain absolute control is going to zap energy that I don’t have.  So what I am going to do is make the best “bad” choices that I can.  I am jonezing for peanut butter something fierce, but instead of eating a Reese’s PB cup (I threw those out last night) I’m going to eat sugar free pb on a banana, one of my favorite treats.  The name of the game for today is “Damage Control”.

Hope you all had a much better day than I did.  See you tomorrow.