It’s all up to me

I’m not kidding.  I think we’re handling things the right way with our older son but I would love it if an expert watched everything and told us “Yep, he’s just being a normal 5 year-old.”  Generally he’s a good boy, and to my knowledge he has only gotten in trouble once in 2 years at pre-school and so far not at all at kindergarten.  But at home he is showing about 5 different personalities.  Part of his problem is that he is very smart (I know, all parents think that, but he taught himself how to read at the age of 4 and can already do subtraction).  We have never babied him and so he speaks like a much older child so I think we forget sometimes that he’s still a little boy.  Add in the fact that he started school this year, which dramatically cut down the amount of time we have to hang out, and the fact tht he hasn’t been sleeping well lately, and you have a recipe for disaster.  The details of what happened tonight aren’t important, just the fact that I’m at my wits end.  I’m proud to say that I kept my emotions under control and didn’t lose my temper, even though every urge in my body wanted to drop the f-bomb at him about a million times.  I just always wonder if we’re being effective in teaching him the lessons that we want him to learn.  I go back and forth between thinking we should explain things to him vs. pulling out the old school “because I said so” in order to make him realize that there is a pecking order in life and that grown-ups are not on the same level as kids.  AAAARGH!  And I’m sure the fact that I’m a teacher adds to this b/c I know what kids turn out like when their parents don’t discipline effectively.  I absolutely DO NOT want to be one of those parents who make excuses for their kids’ behavior b/c they’re too smart…not challenged enough…whatever. 

I’m also struggling w/this b/c I know that if I didn’t spend so much time working out that he and I would have more time together.  I honestly do not feel guilty about taking time for myself, I have finally come to the understanding that I not only deserve time to myself but that I NEED it.  What’s frustrating, though, is that no matter how much time I sacrifice to spend with my older son he won’t feel it’s enough.  I mean, he’s only 5, he’s always going to want more attention.  What I have decided that I’m going to do is cut my workouts short by 15 minutes.  So instead of getting home at 4:30 (when our nurse leaves) I’m going to be home by 4:15 at the very latest.  It will still allow me at least an hour for a workout which is obviously adequate.  What I have to figure out is how to get him to understand that when our “alone” time is up it’s not b/c I don’t want to be w/him anymore, it’s just that I have to help w/adult stuff like supper, laundry, etc.

Man, I always looked at adults and thought they had it so easy.  How wrong I was.

Food/exercise-wise life is good.  I chanced it and took a sneak-peek this morning and saw 250.5.  I still am perfect for food and workouts.  I honestly don’t know if I have ever had 4 (well, 3 1/2) perfect days in a row.  I modified my weightlifting to do one set of heavier reps instead of 2 sets of lighter weights.  I read that mixing it up like that keeps your body guessing which is what we want.  Then I finished it up w/55 minutes on the treadclimber.

Progress toward workout goal:  48/250

PS–Is anyone else watching “Big Brother”?  I am sick to my stomach right now.  I think that Dan is one of the most despicable characters on tv.  I know it’s reality tv but he hides behind the Catholic school teacher facade and pretends to be so moral.  Plus, he thinks he’s so damn smart and he’s just a cocky jerk.  I think I’m just frustrated b/c I don’t like seeing people like that being rewarded and he has been.  Personally, I would have to think that the school where he teaches might have to talk w/him regarding his unethical behavior (I used to teach at a Catholic school and I know that we signed a morality clause.)  I can’t believe I’m getting this worked up over reality tv…it has definitely been a long night.