It’s all up to me

I tried to figure out a way to get sarcasm into my title but it’s not possible.  Today, and most likely tomorrow, hubby and I are installing new appliances.  I don’t know if I wrote about it on here but our fridge is starting to conk out and we decided to replace the whole set b/c we’ll be moving in about 2 years and that way we can say “new appliances”.  Everything but the fridge arrived yesterday (of course, the 1 appliance we NEED is backordered until Aug 28th) so right now I have 2 ranges, 2 dishwashers and 2 microwaves in my kitchen.  After going to the gym this morning (60 min on bike at a resistance finally high enough to get my heart rate into the 130’s), I spent the next hour cleaning my oven.  Funny how I didn’t care that it was dirty when it was cooking my food, but since we’re going to try to sell our old appliances they need to be clean.  I did 2 rounds of cleaning and although it’s not perfect it’s clean enough.  Next I’m onto the microwave and then we’re going to start taking things out and putting the new stuff in.  I’m excited to see how it’s going to look w/stainless.  I’m sure it will be awesome…then I get to go crazy trying to keep 5 year-old hands off my stainless doors

Overdid it a bit on the dark chocolate M&M’s last night.  I hate PMS.  But I missed a snack yesterday so the calories probably balanced out.

The pool was awesome, surprisingly uncrowded.  The lifeguard had to blow her whistle at us, though, b/c I was acting like an alligator and he was riding on my back.  Apparently that’s a no-no.  Funny how you still feel like a child when the lifeguard blows her whistle at you, even when you’re 34 and there with your son.  He had a blast telling my hubby how Mommy got in trouble w/the lifeguard.  Yesterday he told me he loved me sooooo much b/c I take him to the pool.  I’m going to be so sad when school starts and he’s not my little boy anymore

Enough of the pity party, I have appliances to clean.  Toodles.

Progress toward workout goal:  24/250

I forgot what summer in Iowa can feel like.  It’s only 10:30 and I sweat through my shirt standing outside for less than 5 minutes.  It kind of makes me rethink our vacation to Florida/Georgia next week.  To them, I’m sure our weather calls for a sweater.  Oh well, I don’t care if I’m hot if I’m by the beach.

Today I got back w/the weights and I can tell it has been a little while.  But it felt good to be lifting again.  I’m not sure if it’s offically a sanctioned exercise by my doctor but I wasn’t having any impact on my heel, just squats and lunges.  It’s no different than casual walking, which I have to do next b/c we’re going to get groceries.

I’m going to sign off for now b/c in the next 90 minutes I want to get groceries, eat lunch and get my butt to the pool.  Our pool has waterwalking from 12-1 and although I can’t do that, they also allow parents and small kids in then to play in the baby pool.  It’s going to be so hot today that I know the regular pool will be packed, so if we can get our 1st hour in when it’s not so busy I think it will be best.  Plus, being the tanorexic that I am, I’ll get a better tan if I’m out from 12-2!!

Progress toward exercise goal:  23/250

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the supportive comments.  I was overwhelmed when I logged on this morning and saw how many people had sent well wishes my way.  Even though we have never met, I consider all of you my friends.

Life is getting closer to being back to normal.  I got a great night’s sleep last night, from about 9 pm until 5:20 am when I had to get up to relieve the night nurse.  Kyle had been up for several hours overnight but he had just gone back to sleep so as soon as the nurse was driving off I scooted my butt back into bed and was able to sleep until about 7.  We took Kyle to the doc for a recheck and he said that things were sounding better but that the pneumonia was still definitely present in his lungs.  I’m supposed to call back into the office on Thursday and let them know how things are going; if there hasn’t been any improvement they’ll do another x-ray and see what’s going on.  I absolutely love our pediatrician, he’s one of the few people who really knows how hard we work to keep Kyle healthy and you can see the caring in his eyes whenever he talks to us.  It shouldn’t matter, b/c we do what we do for Kyle, not for praise.  But it’s nice to know that a doctor feels that the main reason that Kyle is still alive and doing as well as he’s doing is b/c of all of the hard work we put in.  OK, I’ll quit patting myself on the back, I must sound awfully full of myself.

After we got back from the office I headed to the gym and got in an hour on the bike.  My feet must be getting accustomed to the bike b/c they didn’t start to tingle until 30 minutes in to the workout.  One thing about the bike, though, I’m having trouble getting my heart into the target range for my age.  I’m 34 and for the 65% I should be at least in the 120’s and I’m generally 115 or so.  Does that make a huge difference?  I have increase the resistance, with little increase in heart rate.  My rpms are generally in the high 90’s, but I can’t maintain anything higher for a long period of time w/o feeling like a cartoon character.  I’m sweating but I’m not breathing as hard as I would if I was on the treadmill.  I’ll just have to keep adjusting the resistance higher and see if it does anything.

We leave for vacation a week from tomorrow and once we get back I only have 2 days until school resumes so I had better get my butt in gear.  I have a list a mile long that I want to finish before school starts and since it is hot as hell and humid today, I guess I’m going to tackle the inside projects first.  I’m hoping later I will have some time to catch up on what you all have been doing.

Progress toward workout goal:  22/250

I almost forgot…yesterday I took my older son shopping for school supplies.  He’s starting Kindergarten and since we leave for vacation in a week I figured we had better get his stuff now.  I looked like complete death warmed over (no sleep, no make-up, no shower, same clothes from the day before) you get the picture.  Who do I run into?  My ex-boyfriend!!  In 10 years of living in the same town we have never bumped into each other and I have to see him when I looked awful.  Plus, even though I have lost some weight I’m still about 25 pounds heavier than when we split up.  It really honestly doesn’t matter what he thought b/c I’m so glad we’re no longer together and I have one of the best hubbies around, but why couldn’t I have run into him when I was all dolled up? 

I forget how hard it is when Kyle’s sick.  The pneumonia has gotten worse and last night he only slept for 90 minutes…in 2 stretches.  He was just so congested that he couldn’t breathe.  We put a humidifier in his room w/Vicks liquid to help him but I think it just made things too humid.  Fortunately, our wonderful nurse is here now and later I’m going to take a nap.  My hubby has a test this morning and then he’s going to skip his afternoon class so that he can watch our older son.  We considered taking him to my MIL, but he always gets his way there and we don’t want to have to put up w/the attitude when he returns. 

So beyond getting a nap, I’m not sure what’s in store for the day.  I just ate breakfast and Kyle does have physical therapy this morning.  By the time we get home from there my hubby should be on his way home and then I’m going to hit the sack.  If I wake up w/enough time to get in a workout, great, but if not I don’t care. 

My goal for the week is to get under 250, but depending on how Kyle does I don’t know if it’s realistic.  I’m just going to have to bust my ass and do the best I can.

5:00

What a difference sleep makes.  I was able to sleep from 11:30 until about 4:00.  I could still sleep for several hours but that’s good b/c then I should be able to sleep tonight.  Food has sucked today and it’s going to continue to suck (I just ordered pizza) but I don’t care.  Nutritious food just isn’t appealing.  I’ll get back on track tomorrow.  Kyle also took a 3 hour nap, the nurse actually had to wake him up after 3 hours.  We have a different nurse coming tonight so I’ll be able to sleep no matter what.

My older son is very bossy and likes to try to put my hubby and me in our room for time-outs.  We keep explaining to him that we would LOVE to be sent to our room, he doesn’t quite understand yet why we would want to be in time-out.  As of today, I not only want a time-out, I want to run away from home. 

We took Kyle to the doctor yesterday and not only does he have an ear infection but he has pneumonia.  The rest of yesterday went fairly well, other than the fact that I pounded snacky food.  I kept eating the M&M’s and honestly knew I wasn’t going to stop, so I tried to make it healthy by adding raisins and almonds.  Last night was my night to sleep w/o interruption and I can’t remember the last time that happened.  I slept in the downstairs bedroom so that I didn’t even have to be bothered by the sounds in the monitor and woke up to my older son coming downstairs at 7:30.  My hubby sent him down b/c the baby was getting worse and apparently he thought I could wave my magic wand and fix him.  I was not amused.  A small argument ensued w/my hubby saying that I was acting like I thought he was incompetent.  I truly don’t feel that way, but I do think that HE thinks he’s incompetent regarding Kyle.  Long story long, I called the doc and he changed Kyle’s meds.  He’s now on a stronger antibiotic and a steroid.  Hopefully we won’t get the hyper side-effects that usually come w/a steroid, right now he’s napping so maybe we can avoid those.

Food-wise today I’m ok, but it’s Sunday so I’m not going to worry.  I had another batch of my homemade trail mix and am behind on my water.  My hubby’s napping b/c he got up at 3:00 to take care of Kyle and I’m doing my best not to throw myself a pity party.  Tomorrow our nurse will be here so life will get better.  Normally I would call my mom for help but she’s taking care of my dad; plus, she’s going to have Kyle starting next Wednesday for a week and I’m already worried about that b/c my dad’s rib is going to take weeks to heal.  I guess we’ll have to cross that bridge when we get there.

I’m not going to workout today, I need a day off.  Back in the swing of things tomorrow.

I have a feeling this is going to be a long weekend.  Both of the boys are sick, and when our older son is sick he wakes up crying/shouting.  He’s still 1/2 asleep so there’s no rationalizing w/him.  Last night the battle started b/c he took off his pants and wanted to sleep on the floor naked.  He’s still not potty trained at night so he wears what we call “nighttime undies”, without those we know he’ll pee on the floor.  Finally, after about 30 minutes of him shouting, my hubby telling him to keep his voice down (not very effective) and me trying to do the tough love approach, he put the undies back on and went back to bed.

Kyle has the beginnings of a nasty cold which means sleep for the next little while is going to be hit or miss.  He has a chest treatment he takes 2x daily to help him break up the mucous in his chest but for some reason the last 2 mornings he has screamed bloody murder when I put him in the chair.  We’ll get it in later, it’s just not a good omen for the day.  Plus, there is a rogue fly that’s buzzing around and keeps landing on his face.  He can’t swat it away so if I’m not paying attention there’s a little fly feasting on my baby’s face.  Nice.

Then, my dad, who turns 65 tomorrow, fell off a ladder last week and got so goofy that he couldn’t remember why the furniture was missing from the house (they had gotten new carpet).  He has been to the ER a few times this week due to anxiety attacks (apparently they can be common after a major physical trauma) but yesterday he had to go for acute pain.  The docs said he cracked a rib when he fell and then Thursday night he coughed reallly hard and dislodged the rib.  Now he’s on Percocet and Xanax and it will be a couple of weeks before he’s good as new.  My parents have always been so healthy and it’s scary to go through this, especially since he’s hitting such a milestone b-day.  I guess I don’t like the reality of their mortality staring me in the face.

Even better, hubby and I are being grouchy w/each other.  It’s not bad enough to say that we’re fighting, b/c we’re not.  It’s just that the last couple of weeks have been really hard and we’re both sick of it.  He’s sick of constantly hurting all of the time, and I’m sick of always having to be the one to get up with Kyle.  Plus, since all of his joints ache, sex is obviously out of the question and when I go without for too long I’m not a fun person to be around.  This has been our problem for a while and basically I’m tired of always being the adult and bringing up the topic for conversation.  I have explained to him that simply grabbing my ass as he walks by or wrapping his arms around me from behind can be just as effective as a roll in the hay.  Plus, he has yet to comment on my weight loss.  If I ask him he’ll say that he sees a difference, and I have told him that if there’s a day that I look really good that it would help me for him to say it, but nothin’.  I still love him and I know he loves me, life is just hard right now.

Sorry for the long ramble.  On a good note, my weigh-in was decent.  I’m going to go w/252, even though I saw 251 and 250.5 at different times.  But 252 is what I got when I weighed in like I always do.  But then I got out my other scale (it measures body fat, water and muscle) and my body fat is down to 44.4%.  When I started out I was at 52.6%.  So since I’m a facts and figures kind of gal, when I started out at 289 pounds, 152 pounds of me was fat.  Now, “only” 111 pounds of me is fat.  That’s a fat loss of 41 pounds, when my body weight  loss has only been 37 pounds. 

My goal for today is just to make it through.  My dad’s party has been cancelled so I’m going to stick to the program w/the only exception being that my hubby is going to grill out.  It will still be healthy (shrimp and sirloin), just slightly higher in calories.  If the baby naps I’m going to do a new pilates DVD that I bought.  It has 5 different 10 minute pilates workouts, and the plan is to do one of them each morning when school starts.  It will be enough to get my moving in the morning w/o (hopefully) getting me all sweaty so I can still shower at night.  It saves me about 25 minutes in the morning if I can shower the night before.

Keep your fingers crossed for me that I don’t pull all of my hair out before the sun goes down!!

11:30

Somehow I confused 2 handfulls of dark chocolate M&M’s with my regular meal plan.  How did that happen?  But the good news is I have pulled myself away from the bag and managed to do the Pilates DVD.  I really like 3 of the 5 segments and can tell that they will do some good.  The stretching section is ok and the total body section is beyond my abilities right now but it’s something I can work toward.  I feel much more in control now that I have worked out.  I’m going to try to forget the candy from before, b/c I can’t undo it, and just make sure that for the rest of the day I stick to the plan.  I think we’ll have to end up taking Kyle into the doctor at some point, odds are it’s an ear infection.  Whenever he gets sick that’s usually what it ends up being.  But it has been two months or so since he has been sick which is fantastic for him.  So it will be a minor blip in the road and then we’ll get back to normal.

Progress toward workout goal:  21/250

I hopped on the scale this morning to see if I had dipped below 255 and it said 251.0  WHAT????  I got on again to make sure and it said the same thing.  Late last week I was 257 and I pigged out all weekend.  Then I was banned from the treadmill so I was going to be happy with a 1-2 pound loss.  I have been especially strict w/my diet but I never would have expected 251.  I’m not going to consider it my “official” weight until tomorrow (we have my dad’s b-day party Saturday night so I’m going to weigh in a day early) but it has definitely kept me on track today.  Maybe I was exercising too much?  Is that possible????

Today has been a good day.  I went to the gym and did about 20 minutes of weights and 45 minutes on the bike.  Thanks for all of the suggestions about how to fight the numb-feet problem, I made it to 25 minutes until there was a problem today.  Another guy was on the regular bike so I just stayed put and finished out the 45 minutes.  While I was there I watched a show called “How to Look Good Naked” or something like that.  It’s with Carson Kressley, one of the guys from “Queer Eye”.  It was funny and made the time go quickly.

I’m also proud of myself b/c hubby and I went out to lunch today and I made good choices.  We went to Applebees b/c they have a WW menu and I knew I could find something under 400 calories, which is my usual lunch.  I had a grilled chicken breast, a few potatoes and steamed veggies.  Yummy!  It was only 330 calories so I took one of his boneless buffalo wings.  I wouldn’t think that 1 would be more than 70 calories, it was barely bigger than a quarter.

So the goal for tonight is to stick to plan for eating and drink a ton of water.  I don’t want any sodium retaining H20 for my weigh-in tomorrow.  I have been looking forward to 250 for so long that I can’t believe it’s almost here!!!  Yippee!

Progress toward workout goal:  20/250

I joined the gym today and I think I’m going to like it there, but I realize that I hate using the stationary bikes.  I started on the recumbent (sp)? bike, figuring my ample tush would be more comfy there.  It was, but after about 15 minutes or so my feet started getting numb.  I held out until minute 20 and then decided to switch to a traditional bike.  My feet were better, but my nether regions became numb.  So between the 2 bikes, I biked 10 miles in 40 minutes.  I will keep doing it, b/c I have to, but as soon as the doc releases me I’m going to jump on the treadclimbers like there’s no tomorrow.  I looked up the calories I burned and it said 460, so for 40 minutes of work I can live with that.  If anyone has tips on how to avoid the numb feet let me know.

I went to the library after my workout to pick up some more dieting books and ran into some former students.  One of them was the kid of the woman who wrote the letter to the editor about a movie I showed in class.  I so wanted to say something about it, and I could tell he was really nervous talking to me, but I decided to be a grown up and let it go.  All I would have said was “I really wish your mom would have talked to me about her concerns instead of writing to the newspaper” but I figured it was over and done with so I should let it go.  Man, I hate being the adult.

Oh, I almost forgot.  When you join the gym you get a free t-shirt and when she asked what size I automatically said 2X.  She said, “Oh, honey, I think that would be way too big for you.”  And she was right!!  It felt great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Progress toward workout goal:  19/250

Wow, thanks for the tremendous response to my last entry.  Seems like plantar fascitis is pretty common out there.

I have calmed down a bit from yesterday, I guess I tend to be a bit of a drama queen.  Anyway, I looked up the calories burned on an exercise bike and realized that it’s actually more than walking!  This could be a blessing in disguise.  I called the gym that I plan to join and I’m going to go tomorrow at 11:00 to get the orientation.  For today, I’m going to do upper body weights and pilates to keep myself on track.  I figure tomorrow when they’re giving me the tour/info I can ask for other activities that I can do.  Hopefully they have a rowing machine b/c my doctor said I could do that, too.

On a good note, I tempted fate and got on the scale this morning and it read 255.5!!!!  My goal for next Sunday was 255 so I need to keep charging ahead.  I’m not going to let this derail me.  My biggest struggle for today is going to be going out with my friend for breakfast.  It’s the same one I was going to go out w/ 2 weeks ago but it didn’t work out, so today will be my first real test.  I know they have fresh fruit on the menu so I plan to eat my normal breakfast here and then order fruit and water there.  Won’t the waitress love me!!  I’ll update later after exercise and my breakfast date.

PS–Did anyone watch Oprah yesterday?  I caught the last little bit and Dr. Oz was on there.  He mentioned that if you double the amount of sex you’re currently having that you can add 3 years to your life.  I told my hubby that if we aren’t careful that we’re going to die tomorrow :) 

5:30

I did my lifting for my arms and a 30 minute Pilates workout.  I also went out with my friend for breakfast and think I did ok.  I had 1/2 my normal breakfast and then ordered an omelet w/egg beaters, onions, green peppers, celery and tomatoes plus some fruit.  Then my son and I went to the pool and ran some errands so I have been doing good on the food front.  Tomorrow I’m going to mow the lawn in the morning if it isn’t raining and then later I’m going to officially join the gym.

Progress toward workout goal:  18/250

My butt is currently being kicked by a cold.  It started out as a minor sore throat on Saturday and then I woke up with a stuffy nose on Sunday.  I figured it was due to the new carpet at my parents’ but it has hung around so I’m guessing it’s legit.  Plus, now it has settled into my lungs so I sound like a barking seal from time to time.  The good news is my sore throat is gone and my hubby let me steal some of his allergy meds so I can breathe, but I am pooped.  I would be taking a nap right now but I have to go to the doctor in about 30 minutes for my foot so I figured I would hop on the computer instead.  Hopefully I’ll get home soon enough from the doctor to sneak in a nap before our nurse leaves.

Fortunately, I’m still feeling well enough to workout.  It was a struggle today b/c I was up for a while before I had a chance, but I knew that if I didn’t that I would be setting myself up for problems today with food.  I did an easy aerobics workout and then started my 6th and final week of my interval walking program.  I haven’t decided if I’m going to jump right into C25K next week or just keep repeating this final week until we go on vacation in 3 weeks.  I plan to workout on vacation (definitely!!) but I won’t have access to a treadmill and I get shinsplints if I walk outside.

On a different note, I had to return some clothes today so of course I had to try on new stuff.  It’s amazing how different sizes can be from brand to brand.  In one store I tried on a dress that was 2X and it fit just about perfectly.  It looked quite pretty (if I do say so myself) but it was still a bit too expensive for my tastes.  I’ll watch the clearance rack and see if it makes it’s way there.  But then I went to another store and tried on a dress I never thought would fit b/c it was a size 18.  It actually fit w/room to spare!!!!!!  I almost bought it for that reason alone but then realized it was twice as expensive as the previous dress and honestly a bit too dressy to wear to school.  But it felt good anyway.

Hopefully the doctor will tell me a good way to help my aching heel that doesn’t involve wearing “sensible” shoes.  I’ll let you all know how it turns out.

Progress toward workout goal:  17/250

3:30  I just got back from the doctor and as I suspected I have plantar fascitis but he said that I have to stop walking/running for at least the next month.  I’m freaking out.  Not only does exercise keep me from binging, but I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!  I’m trying to stay calm, but I’m panicking.  He said I could do things that don’t involve pressure on my heel so I’m going to try to figure out as many things that I can do as possible.  I figure I can continue doing pilates and weight lifting, I’ll just leave out the squats and lunges.  And he said a stationary bike is ok.  I was going to join a gym when school started b/c it would be harder to workout here but I guess I’ll just have to join early so I can start biking.  This sucks!  And then I had to buy new tennis shoes.  Well, I guess I didn’t HAVE to buy new shoes but he said if I got better ones and wore them all of the time that I’d heal more quickly so $133 later I am the proud owner of a new pair of tennies.  I’m going to wear these puppies to bed if it helps my foot heal faster.  That should make those romantic moments kind of comical (like they aren’t already) but nothing is going to get in my way of healing this damn foot.

If any of you know of other non-weight bearing activities please let me know.  I’m not a very good swimmer so that’s out but I’m willing to try anything.  Boo hoo, I’m going to hang out in my pity party for a little while longer and then I’m going to research biking workouts to see how many calories I can burn.   Grr.