It’s all up to me

This weekend’s plans have gone out the window.  Our day started yesterday with Kyle having another seizure.  This was a pretty serious one.  We have some medication at home that we give him when his seizures have been going on for 5 minutes or more (it’s basically a bunch of valium) and it took quite a while to get it under control.  Normally after he has a seizure he takes a long nap and wakes up good as new, but yesterday he was really fussy.  He literally had to be held every waking moment until about 8:00 last night.  It was a long day.

I didn’t sleep well last night because any little noise in the monitor woke me up.  I’m feeling guilty because Kyle was making noises yesterday morning but they were normal wake-up noises so I didn’t check on him right away.  I just wonder how long he was having his seizure before I got to him.  I also think that’s why it took the medicine so long to work since we didn’t get it in his system as quickly as we normally do.

I have decided to have my tubes tied.  I had a dream last night that the preg. test was positive and I about had a panic attack.  After yesterday I realized that we cannot handle another child as much as I would love to have one.  I took another test this morning and it was negative.  I should get my period tomorrow so when I do I’m going to call the gyno to schedule a consultation.  I’m scared because I have never had surgery before but I think it will relieve a bunch of stress for us.  Hopefully it will provide me with motivation, too, because I just researched the procedure and it stated that obesity was a complication.  I probably wouldn’t have surgery before summer so maybe I can drop 30-40 pounds by then.