It’s all up to me

Yesterday was the first day of the weight loss contest between my sisters and myself.  All weekend we were trading emails, trash talking about how each person was going to kick each others’ butt.   That memory served me well yesterday every time I was tempted to eat something off the program.  I wasn’t able to exercise yesterday (my son had an appt. with an endocrinologist) and as we all know when I can’t exercise I have a hard time sticking to a diet.  The little devil on my shoulder was saying “don’t worry, it’s the first day, you’ll have plenty of time to get back on the program” while the angel was saying “you need to make the right choice because it’s the right choice”.  I basically told both of them to piss off and listened to my pride instead, which said, “Your sisters are going to give you so much crap if you lose so suck it up, you’ll survive.”  Thank God for pride.

It’s amazing how much more in control I feel knowing that I’m back on the “diet”.  I know it’s not the healthy approach to take but  I need this security blanket.  My sisters and I are embarking on a 4 week Biggest Loser type challenge to get us through the holidays without doing damage.  Then, others who want to not have to restrict themselves over the holidays are going to join us the first Monday in January for a 12 week contest.  Money is at stake but so are bragging rights.

I’m actually glad this gives me a reason not to make poor eating choices.  In reality, there isn’t too much stuff that I can’t live without.  I was eating pizza yesterday (the final day of gluttony) and it didn’t taste all that great.  Don’t get me wrong, it was good, but not fabulous.  Unfortunately this contest means I have to rely on the scale again but the way I will guide my own progress is through clothing.

Here goes the next attempt to get back on track.  Some of my friends and family are joining me in a Biggest Loser style competition starting Monday.  I’m excited to do this now because it will keep me from spiraling out of control over Christmas.  We are all going to throw in $100 and at the end of 12 weeks the person who has lost the biggest %age wins half, the 2nd place person wins 30% and the 3rd place person wins 20%.  This way there is incentive to keep on going even if someone completely pulls away.  I am fully aware that the all-or-nothing mentality is something I need to shake but it’s the crutch I need to get through the holidays.  Plus, we’ll all be together over the holidays so we can be good support for each other.

<> Round, thank you for the great ideas you sent me.  I will file them away for future use when I go back to trying to make good choices instead of just being on a “diet”.

I have realized I am an all or nothing kind of girl.  I am trying to just make healthier choices and while it works on a day when everything is fairly regular it doesn’t work during this season of Christmas parties, bringing food trays to work, holiday gift bags, etc.  I feel like such a failure that I can’t beat this. I know I shouldn’t feel that way but I am a successful woman who finished a Master’s Degree by the age of 27 with high honors.  I’m not stupid.  But when it comes to food choices you would think I am illiterate. 

So even though I’m disappointed in myself I’m going to pick myself up and dust myself off.  I haven’t completely decided exactly what I’m going to do to try to get through the holidays without gaining weight but when I figure it out I’ll let you know.

Wow, what a bumpy weekend.  We had my son’s Christmas party and let me just say that 11 kids ages 3-5 are too many to have in one place at one time.  I don’t know how much money my son’s preschool teacher makes but they should double it.  The kids had a blast but they drove me crazy.

I also ate about 10 Christmas cookies over the weekend loaded with frosting.  I hate to brag but I make fantastic cookies and I haven’t made them in a couple of years.  On the good side, though, we had good snacks at the party like grapes, carrots and broccoli and I honestly found myself wanting those foods over the cookies.

So this morning I wrapped up the extra cookies and brought them to school.  The guys I teach with will eat ANYTHING so they were gone within 15 minutes.  Now when I get home I can have a relatively healthy environment.

I’m still struggling with the idea of not being on a “diet” but I have realized that I prefer to eat healthy foods in general.  It’s all part of the learning process, maybe someday I’ll wake up and hate anything with sugar in it!!  Keep dreaming, right?