It’s all up to me

Thank God we don’t have anything yummy in the house because I think I would be chowing down right about now.  All of my normal tricks aren’t working.  I have been snacking to keep my hunger at bay and got in a great workout.  I can’t even pinpoint what I want to eat, I just want to eat!

The plan for now is to have an early supper so I can fill myself up with some protein and veggies.  And I’m not going to allow myself to cave because I worry that if I cave today I won’t get back on track until next Monday when we start the 2nd installment of our Biggest Loser contest.  You know, that could be part of my problem.  One of my sisters is way in front of all of us so I don’t think there is any way I could win our contest.  Part of me is thinking that if I can’t win this contest maybe I should go off the diet for a couple of days so I have good results when I go back on the diet.  There will be close to $1000 at stake so it is well worth my time to find a way to win.  Stupid, I know, but I am way too competitive for my own good.

So for now I’m going to stay the course.  I have been craving waffles so I am going to allow myself to have waffles for breakfast on Sunday.  It will be after the last weigh in and allow me to get the waffle cravings out of my system before the 12-week contest starts.  My hubby is also going to join the contest, which is great, but he’s wanting to have all of his “last hurrahs” and is loading up on high-carb foods.  One thing he wants is coconut creme pie which I would have trouble resisting so I told him I would not make it for him until Saturday.  I figured I could resist it for 1 day until the weigh in and then I’d have some on Sunday.

The baby needs to be fed so I’m going to log off now.  I hope everyone else is having a better day than I am.

Why are men such babies?  Last night was my hubby’s night to get up with the baby and he was up for about 3 hours with him.  I know how much that sucks because more often than not it’s me up with him but my hubby is being an incredible grouch.  It’s sad that most nights I would rather suffer from the lack of sleep myself than have to put up with my hubby when he’s tired and grouchy.  Oh well, I guess this is the “for worse” part.

Other than that today has gone pretty well.  Even though he was grouchy I still left the kids with him this morning and did some Pilates and then jumped on the treadmill.  I would walk all day if there were enough Ugly Betty episdodes to watch.  I am going to be so sad when I’m through all of the DVDs, it really is a fabulous show.

We also are pretty on track with food.  My hubby grilled enough food to last us probably 3 days so I don’t have to wonder what’s for supper.  All I have to do is pick out a vegetable and nuke the rest, my kind of cooking.  My biggest obstacle this week should be Wednesday when we have to take my son to an appt with his GI docs.  I honestly don’t know what they’re going to be checking, I think it’s just a follow-up to his feeding tube surgery.  But it means spending a good part of the day in the hospital (2 hours away) which limits good food choices.  But beyond that I should be able to be pretty in control this week.

Hope everyone has a good week and a great 2008.

My plans yesterday didn’t turn out as I had hoped.  Not only was I not able to fit in a workout but we weren’t able to go to the grocery store so there was very little healthy food in the house.  We had not eaten a meal at home for nearly a week so all of the fresh fruit/veggies were either gone or gross and all of the lean meat I would normall eat was frozen.  I ended up reheating some chili I had made a while ago figuring it was the healthiest of the unhealthy options available to me.  The rest of the day didn’t go any better (apple crisp and ice cream, my son’s tootsie rolls, raisins and nuts, etc.) 

But today is another day.  I made sure I worked out first thing in the morning so now I have that good feeling.  I threw out my son’s candy and we went grocery shopping so the house is full of healthy food.  My hubby is going to grill out tonight which means we will have plenty of food ready for the next few days because when he grills he goes all out.  I was also happy because I finally worked up enough nerve to hop on the scale and see what damage this week has done and it wasn’t as bad as I expected, 284.  That is only a 3.5 pound gain this week and considering what I ate I am happy with that.  My hope is that I can maybe drop it before I weigh in again on Monday for our contest so I can at least maintain what I had lost. 

I also ordered a new scale and I can’t wait to get it.  It measures pounds, of course, but it also calculates your water, fat, bone and muscle percentages.  So this way if the scale isn’t moving I can hopefully see a change in my muscle and body fat which will keep me encouraged.

I am so sick of snow and it’s only December.  I actually like snow but we have had so much of it and it keeps ruining my plans. Today the boys were supposed to go to the sitter so that my hubby and I could get some things done around the house and I also could get back on track with eating, workouts, etc.  Our older son did make it to grandma’s today so he isn’t here but by the time I would have taken the baby to the sitter’s the snow started and we’re supposed to get about 6 inches.  It was already slick and they aren’t running many snowplows because they are already overbudget with overtime from all of these other storms. 

I’m still hoping to get in a workout today but it’s not going to be guaranteed.  I just spent 90 minutes working on a class that I absolutely need to finish.  I know I could have used that time to workout but I am so far behind in this class and if I don’t get it done I don’t know what I’m going to do.  I did set a limit though and I have reached it so now I’m going to take a break.  I need to check to see if the baby is still napping and if he is then I can workout…Crap, I just heard him cough so he’s up.  Hopefully later he’ll be happy so I can leave him with the hubby and fit in a workout.  Regardless I’m not going to use this as an excuse to eat off plan.  That’s what happened yesterday and after I blogged last night I decided to go for broke and eat a brownie fudge nut sundae.  I fell into that all-or-nothing thinking that I’m so famous for.  But at least I enjoyed every, single, gooey bite.  Now I just need to hop back on the horse and keep moving toward the new, healthy me.  I’m also trying to keep in perspective that if I wasn’t starting my diet now I would have honestly gained between 5-10 pounds over the holidays, so even if I only lose 10 pounds in 4 weeks it’s really more like 20.  Ok, got to go and be a mom.

Wow, let’s just say the last 2 days didn’t go exactly as I had planned.  My grandma didn’t have the peanut clusters that I was going to allow myself to eat so I was like a deer in headlights.  I decided to eat one of the other desserts that actually wasn’t too unhealthy (angel food cake with strawberries and cool whip) but it wasn’t all that good so I moved onto the chocolate cake with some custardy-type filling.  Guess what, that wasn’t all that good, either, so I figured that maybe the strawberry dessert would taste better the 2nd time around.  Nope, still not very good.

On the 26th we were headed to my parent’s house to drop off the kids so that my hubby and I could get away.  I walked in the door and laying out on a plate were PEANUT CLUSTERS!!!  That was the beginning of the end.  I ate a couple before we left and then had a healthy seafood lunch.  We came back to mom and dad’s for a party that evening and although I ate fairly well (mostly veggies and water) I had more peanut clusters.  No problem, I figured, when we got to our hotel I would shift back to the plan.  We relaxed for the evening and in the morning the plan was to workout before breakfast.  To my disbelief, the hotel had no fitness room nor did it have a DVD player to play the workout DVD I brought along.  I could have gone for a walk outside but we had fresh snow and I didn’t bring any workout gear that could withstand outdoor temps.  After that it was all downhill.

At this point I’m going to let it go and focus on tomorrow when I can get back to my regular life.  I can’t change what I ate/didn’t exercise these last 2 days so I’m going to try to let it go.  I can tell by looking at my body that I have lost weight so that is what I’m going to focus on.  I’m also going to try to remember that while I was choking down peanut clusters 2 of my sisters were doing the same and they are in this contest with me.  So there still is a chance to win, I just have to kick my butt in gear.  I’ll keep you all posted to let you know how it goes.

I finally chose to eat something not on my plan tonight.  It actually wasn’t at dinner, I did very well there.  I ate a late lunch so I wasn’t starving and my youngest son cooperated by taking a late nap so we were able to arrive when everyone else was already eating.  Then I had to feed him so by the time I made it to the table there weren’t too many people to notice I was only eating from the relish tray.  It was honestly what I preferred, beyond the fact that it was the healthiest choice because his grandma went simple this year (finally) and just had shaved ham sandwiches.  I HATE shaved ham so I wouldn’t have chosen to eat it even if I wasn’t avoiding bread.  Anyway, I made it through the night and chose not to eat any pie or goodies.

Then we got home and we were putting out cookies and milk for Santa.  My older son wanted to share a cookie and I figured why not??  Half of a sugar cookie would taste good and it wouldn’t be so much that it would throw me off track.  If I had stuck with the 1/2 cookie I would be ok but between the time he went to bed and now I have eaten 2 1/2 more cookies and nearly a whole piece of that damn cherry pie we brought home from my MIL.  Borrowing an idea from Round, though, I enjoyed every bite of everything I ate

So why am I blogging at 11:00 pm on Christmas Eve?  This is like a confessional for me.  Now that I am posting it here I can forget about it and move on to tomorrow.  I made some sugar-free jello to take to my grandma’s and I know there will be a big relish tray and roast beef that I can eat.  I am going to allow myself to eat a peanut cluster or 2 but I’m going to save them for right before we leave so I can’t be tempted to eat more as the day goes on.

Time to go to bed, kiddies will be up soon enough to see what Santa brought them.

I’m down to 280.5 today, yippee!  I actually saw 279.5 one day earlier last week but I’m going with this for my official weigh in.  That means in 2 weeks I have lost 8.5 pounds.  The best news, too, is that I fit into a pair of size 22 jeans.  Not the pair of jeans that I had for my goal but a different pair in the same size.  I’m going to wear them tomorrow to my grandma’s to remind me of how much I have accomplished in the hope that it will keep me from overdoing it on all of the goodies.

Tonight is Christmas at my hubby’s grandparent’s house and neither one of us are really looking forward to it.  His side of the family always has drama because there are obvious favorites in children and grandchildren and my MIL, hubby and his sister are not in the chosen group.  Don’t ask me why, they are a strange bunch.  It’s not that people don’t like them, it’s just that they prefer the others more.  Actually, I do know why.  The others in the family kiss up and tell grandma and grandpa exactly what they want to hear and my hubby doesn’t do that.  I admire him so much for that but it doesn’t make it any easier to see him taken for granted and the others worshipped for just setting foot in the house.  The good  news is we have decided to go later than usual (5:00 instead of 2:00) which should make the evening easier to take.  Plus, it will allow me to eat enough to fill me up in the event there is nothing for supper that I can eat.  I’ll just eat a little so I don’t make his grandma feel bad.  I know, I shouldn’t be eating to please someone else but she’s 86 and in failing health so this may be the  last year together; I don’t want the memories to be negative.

I may not get a chance to post tomorrow with all of the excitement from Santa so I wish everyone a Merry Christmas if that is your culture, otherwise a happy holiday season.

I did it, I did it, I did it!!!  Last night was our first Christmas at my in-laws and I am very pleased with the eating choices I made.  My son cooperated by falling asleep in the afternoon so I did have time to fit in a tough workout before we left.  Then I noticed that I was hungry about 30 minutes before we left so I made a big salad and ate that so I wasn’t starving.  When we got there I stayed out of the kitchen so I wouldn’t be too tempted by the candy trays.  I thought about eating “just 1″ but I know everything was store-bought and wouldn’t be as good as my grandma’s homemade candies that I will encounter on Tuesday.  For supper I ate the ham, sugar free jello and a very small scoop of corn.  Normally I would have passed on the corn (too starchy) but I was telling my older son that he needed to eat his veggies so I figured I had better do the same.

Today so far is a bit more of a challenge.  We were supposed to go to my parent’s house for an adult’s only party but a huge snow/ice storm has forced us to stay home.  This is good for my diet because I can only imagine what temptations would be there but I’m bummed not to see everyone.  My sister and her hubby live in GA and we only get to see them a couple of times a year.  We will see them later this week, though, so it’s not worth the risk to drive in these conditions.  They have even pulled the police off the roads except to respond to emergencies so this is more than a regular snowfall.

My goal is to fit in a workout today and stick to the food plan.  The only danger food we have in the house is some cherry pie my MIL sent home last night (the ice came on so quickly we had to leave before dessert) and I am just not going to allow myself to have any.

Tomorrow is dinner at my hubby’s grandparent’s house and I don’t think there is any way I’m going to get away from eating foods off-plan.  We are going to be there from early-afternoon to evening so I will be hungry at some point no matter how many healthy foods I eat at home.  If the weather improves at all I’m going to hit the store and at least take over a relish tray so there are good veggies to munch on.  So if I am encountered with nothing but high-carb foods I’m just going to try to minimize the damage and enjoy what I eat.

Turns out I’m not going to fit in a workout today.  My younger son is sick and we had to take him to the doctor.  Nothing serious, but enough that it disrupted everything.  I’m going to be lucky if I have time to take a shower before we head off for my in-laws.  And the anxiety is already sinking in on what I’m going to eat.  I don’t know the menu ahead of time so I’m not positive if there will be something that fits my plan.  So the goal for now is to eat something before I go so that if I can only nibble at supper that I’ll make it through.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the supportive comments.  Knowing that there are people out there who care about my progress and who are rooting me on is making this possible.

Today begins our five days of Christmas and I’m very nervous.  Instead of being stressed I’m trying to look at is as being lucky that we have this many people who want to spend the holidays with us.  Hopefully the weather will cooperate; we have been stuck with fog the last few days and now a huge snow/ice storm is headed our way. Oh well, can’t control the weather.

 Tonight the event is at my mother-in-law’s.  This first time out I plan to stick to my eating plan.  I would love to say that I am going to allow myself to relax and enjoy the holiday treats but I still don’t feel strong enough to do the whole moderation thing.  I suppose this is the one good thing about having my youngest son prefer to be with me, I will have something to keep me busy.  She also usually can be depended on to have sugar-free jello which will allow me to have something sweet without breaking the bank.

I also told my hubby yesterday that I am going to need to workout FOR SURE today, tomorrow and Monday.  I am going to to a tough workout so that my muscles are sore to have a reminder of all of the good things I am doing for my body.  Plus, if my legs ache maybe I won’t cross the room to inhale my grandma’s peanut clusters.  HA HA.

I broke down and got on the scale again yesterday afternoon and fortunately it paid off.  It said 281.5!!  Yippee.  I am going to let this good feeling hold me through tonight and then tomorrow will be my official weigh-in for week #2.

I’ll write tomorrow to update how I did tonight.