A Life Less Overweight

Girlygirlsebas reminded me of another thing to add to the list of reasons the gym is entertaining. I am so glad you mentioned this one- I thought of it in the shower yesterday and wanted to add it, but forgot. It also brings me to my subject thereafter, so thank you!

11) People who spend their entire time at the gym socializing. If I wanted to pay $74 a month to make friends/meet people, I’d have signed up for e-harmony.com or some shit like that! Stop talking and get your ass off the stretching mat!

Which brings me to my next subject. There’s this guy at my gym who (follow me now) is a friend of a friend of a friend. Literally. (By the way, at the gym he is a chronic socializer and he LOVES watching himself in the mirror- he’s not even good looking, in my opinion). I see him once in a blue moon when we go out. Now, I am a nice person, polite, social. Married. So in the past when I’ve seen this guy, I make an effort to make conversation. Nothing. Barely a response. He’s a complete ass. No, even though you think you’re God’s gift to women, I am NOT hitting on you, relax. My husband is standing right there. Geeeeez. So, anyways, after not seeing him for a while, I’ve seen him at the gym for like three days consecutively. I made it a point “not to notice” him. But, one day he caught my eye. Ok, fine, hi, how are ya. Move on. Well, yesterday, I’m minding my own business, sitting on the mat, just completed some abs, fiddling with my iPod, when someone KICKS a stability ball into me! I was like “hey what the fuck” (in my head). I look up, sure enough, it’s Mr. Universe. What, now you’ll talk to me??? We’re friends NOW??? Of course, now that he knows I go to the gym- apparently only people who make an effort to be fit are worthy of his conversation. Buddy, go screw, I don’t want to talk to you or your “guns”.

…there are a few things that I find humorous, gross, or annoying:

1) The gyno machine. You know the one I mean. The person who invented that, definitely a man.

2) Creepy guys who like to watch girls DO the gyno machine. Buddy, if you want to see what’s up my pants, you’re gonna have to buy me dinner first.

3) Stinky people. I know you’re sweating, but can’t you smell nice while you do it? Or at least just step back 10 feet. Thanks.

4) People who do weird stretches from the Jane Fonda videos a la 1977. Stop bouncing.

5) Ass sweat. Not claiming I don’t get it, but at least you can’t SEE mine.

6) People who air guitar/air drum to their iPods while they walk. Just because we can’t hear your music doesn’t mean we can’t see you- you aren’t invisible.

7) Watching the older guys (55+) who never learned how to check a girl out without moving their heads. They look like they are at a tennis game while they use the elliptical.

8. The faces I make when I am lifting free weights.

9) People who go to the desk, grab the remote, and change the channel near your treadmill. No, don’t worry, I wasn’t watching to see what happens next to the cancer-surviving woman on Oprah who just had a million dollar makeover and they are about to reveal her to her family whom she hasn’t seen in six years and give her an Extreme Home Makeover House with Brad Patt (from Ocean’s 11 not any other movie) waiting there with an engagement ring…the NBA draft is far more enthralling.

10) People who come to the gym with their kids in tote to leave them in the babysitting center…all the while carrying bags of McDonald’s for their kids’ dinners. HELLO!??!!!