A Life Less Overweight

It’s been a SUPER long time since I’ve used this blog, but it’s always helped me in the past so I’m back. I’m off for the summer (yay teaching!) and have time to focus on myself and getting into some serious shape. It’s so rainy and disgusting here, there’s nothing else to do than go to the gym anyway! I have good feelings about what I’m going to be able to accomplish this summer. I’m already less than I was last time (178 compared to my 184) and my goal is 160. Now, can I do that in one summer? Hmm. That would be awesome. I would like to lose at least 10 pounds, which would get me closer to the 160. But I’ve decided that once I reach 165 I am buying myself a HUGE indulgence…a fabulous pair of Christian Louboutin shoes!!!!!!! Not sure which ones yet, but here’s a pic of some of the awesomeness that is Louboutin.

Today I did an activity at school with the kids that required them to build a graham cracker house, glue it together with frosting, and then find the surface area. MAN, that frosting smelled so gooooood! But, I doled it out and didn’t give it a second thought, didn’t lick my frosting-y fingers, nothing. So, I think that’s a pretty good victory, considering I dreamt about brownie sundaes and pizza monday night!

The weekends are totally  killer. I am so good during the week and have such a hard time on the weekends. I have to try and be more disciplined and use the “checking account” sort of thinking. Budgeting for calories, so to speak. Between money and food, I hate budgeting!!! But, I gotta do what I gotta do.

Keep on keepin’ on.

Started off the weekend so well, so determined. It’s sunday night and I hate myself. I ate myself into oblivion between yesterday and today. Sigh. I suck.

I can feel I am getting sick, and I am totally exhausted. This is usually where the bad eating kicks in. I have no energy and don’t care and can’t muster the willpower, so this is where I usually fall apart.
I am hoping I don’t get too sick. And I think I’m going to be able to hold it together this time. Power of positive thinking…right???

I’ve come to realize that there are a lot of people who don’t like you when you know exactly who you are and are confident in yourself. I know that I have a lot of work to do in the making my body over department, but besides that, I really do like myself and know who I am. As I get older, I am beginning to see that a lot of women are threatened by that. And I can’t figure out why. I have one “friend” in particular who always seems to be talking crap about me, and my other friend concluded that she thinks it is because I have my own way of doing things, and that she doesn’t like that I don’t depend on her to make up my mind about things or depend on her for my social calendar. It pisses her off that I know myself, know my comfort level, and can confidently go up against her. She is so used to the other friend agreeing with her on every last thing that when it comes to me and I don’t agree with her, she hates it. And it has lead to this really odd dynamic in our friendship, if that’s even what you can call it.
Women really are our own worst enemies. You can say that guys hold high expectations, high standards, and judge us, but really not as harshly as we judge each other.  How often do you really hear guys talking shit about a woman?? Not often, because they really just don’t care. They either like you or they don’t but they don’t do all that nice to your face crap. And I like that about them. At least they are real.

So today was day two of south beach phase one. I drank a ton of water, eating was good, and avoided some trigger/highly craved foods. Today at school we had a nationally known reading specialist come to our school and do some training on teaching reading. As part of our day with her, we were provided lunch, which came in the form of wraps. I wanted so badly to eat the wrap, but I didn’t, I scraped out the insides and ate that instead. AND I didn’t have the chips, the cookies, or the brownies that were out. So a small victory, but it was something.
One thing I did really want to do today was get to the gym. I went yesterday to a cardio kickboxing class, and boy did it kickbox my ass! But I loved it!! So my hope was to continue the pattern today, but I didn’t get out of work until 530, home at 6 and was STARVING because of the scraped out innards of the wrap. I wasn’t pleased, but my decision was food tonight. But I will be at the gym Weds and Thurs for sure. I am feeling good and positive, which is always helpful in this journey to find my wagon.

So I am back because I fell off the wagon too far to chase it down. I had to catch a plane then a train to find where the wagon ever went to. And on that plane and train I ate pizza, chinese, a half a package of cookies, half a container of ice cream, and various other things that I can’t even remember.
Forgive me blog, for I have sinned.
Perhaps with your help, I can sin no more???

We’ll see. Today is day 1 of driving the wagon, not just riding on it. I am going to do one week of south beach phase one, because I don’t think two weeks is really necessary. I am not really craving bad food, I am just eating it. I am also going to commit to working out Mon-Thurs, plus one weekend day.

I am going to use these next 6 weeks of the biggest loser contest to motivate myself and lose 5 pounds. That’s my goal. 5 pounds in 6 weeks. I think I can do this.

Let us pray.

On the wagon, in the saddle, with the program, etc. I was sick for a good week, so that was not great, but I went to the gym for the first time today in a long time. It felt really good. I need to hold on to that feeling to remind me on those days when I DON’T want to go the gym of why I SHOULD go, because I actually do like it. So why is it so damn hard??

Tyra Banks confuses me, and I get the feeling she talks out of her ass. What I mean is that she just says stuff to sound a certain way or to represent herself in a particular light, but I’m not sure she really means it.

First of all, she modeled for Victoria’s Secret prancing around in her skivvies. Ok, fair enough. You’re a model, great body. I get you.

Then wait, now she’s not a model, she’s judging others to find America’s Top Model. Ok, so now you’re done with the modeling thing and want to find other people whose careers you can launch. Got it. Still in the model/appearance mentality.

But then, in an interesting turn of events, she lands herself a talk show, gains weight, and is now PROUD to weigh approx 200 pounds. Then, finds other women who are also overwight and that are “Ok” with it, prances THEM around in their underwear, declaring how we have an obsession with looks and that we need to be comfortable within ourselves.

But then she’s back on top model, critiquing appearances.
CONFUSION!!!
So which is it???? Appearances matter, or they don’t? I think that Tyra’s whole “it’s ok to be you and me” stint was a way to make everyone believe she is at peace with her weight gain, when in actuality it was all a coverup for her insecurity about it. Instead of letting the media and her “modeling peers” call her out on her weight gain, she once again went running around in her skivvies to prove to everyone that she was “totally fine” and not ashamed of how she looks. I think that was complete bullpoop. If she REALLY, TRULY didn’t think that appearance was important, then why would she be running a show where they are looking for attractive people, whether that be bodily attactive or facially attractive, to MODEL???

Hypocrite.