Starting back at square one (almost)
Here I am, once again. Boy I am I sorry I ever left. Back in summer 2007, I lost about 14 pounds, which was a huge effort for me. I was SO proud of myself. I looked good, I felt good, everything was good. Now, winter 2008, a year and a half later, I’ve gained back 10 pounds, and the way it’s going it will all be back soon if I don’t do something about it.
So I am.
When I think about all the things that made me successful the first time around, here’s what they are:
1) The time and ability to focus on myself- I made myself the priority
2) South Beach diet- NO SUGAR!
3) Blogging helped me stay on track and put my feelings in a place where I could get constructive feedback and find people who could identify with me and motivate me.
4) Monitoring my eating, and eating when I was hungry, not because I was scared to feel hungry.
Reasons why I’ve now fallen off the wagon:
1) Everyone and everything has become more important than taking care of myself
2) Allowing myself treats lead to full blown eating just about whatever I wanted
3) Allowing others to influence my eating in negative ways
4) Beating myself up for not eating well, not going to the gym, and then not feeling good about myself, which in turn harbored more bad feelings, which in turn caused me to gain weight, which made me feel bad about going to the gym because I was too fat, which caused me to feel bad about myself, which caused me to eat, etc, etc, etc.
This month’s issue of Oprah magazine pretty much sums up the path that has befallen both her and me:
I shouldn’t say befallen, because that puts the responsibility elsewhere. Just like Oprah writes in her article, it seems hard to believe that after all that work and effort, it’s just too easy to lose a grip on it all and find yourself where you were before, or worse.
So, now I HAVE TO find my way back. It’s going to be hard, I think. I think my state of mind isn’t as positive as it was before, but I’ve got to find a way to make it so. If I don’t, I won’t be successful. My Christmas present to myself IS myself. Finding time for myself. Not worrying about making dinner, not worrying about staying at work so late, not worrying about being home with the dog. I’ve got to worry about myself, because I’m the only one who can change what I don’t like. And I MUST stop beating myself up. For some reason I’m struggling with this again. Part of my transformation had been improving my self-deprication. I just think it’s that vicious cycle revolving itself and it has to be broken for things to change.