A Life Less Overweight

Well, knowing that we are soon going on vacation isn’t helping my eating. I have decided to stop doing phase one of SBD, since it’s going to be pointless on the trip. I am going to try to have self-control, but I am also going to countries I have never been to like Italy, and I refuse to miss out on a huge part of the culture-food- because I need to eat a specific way. I may never get back there again! So, I will be taking exercise clothing so I can try to squeeze in a workout or two, just so I can hopefully counteract the eating, then refocus when I get back. It’s not going to be easy. For the rest of the time I am still here, I have to eat perfectly so I can allow myself a little leeway there.

Well, here I am one year later, almost to the day. It was this time a year ago when I joined this site, made the decision to make a true effort at losing weight, started the South Beach Diet, and lost 15 pounds over the summer. Overall, it’s been a good year. I’ve maintained most of my weight loss, although this summer I am out to lose 10 more pounds. I ran my first 5k ever, and although I regained some weight and haven’t been to the gym in three weeks at this point, I still feel like the past year has been overwhelmingly positive in terms of goal setting and meeting, and living a healthy, positive lifestyle. So, all in all, I would say I’ve been successful.

So here I am again, a year later, restarting SBD and ready to re-evaluate, restart, and reconnect to my thoughts about this process. I probably won’t blog everyday, because I don’t feel the need to. I got a lot of my shit out over the last year, all the nasty self-damaging beliefs I had been harboring for a good portion of my life. Am I fixed? No. Do I still have days where I feel bad about myself- HELL YEAH! But, I feel like I am dealing with my demons regarding my weight, and I am learning to accept myself as I am, not as I dream myself to be. And I don’t mean accept that this the weight I am and I can’t affect it, but that I need to accept myself in the now, and focus on all the good, rather than all the bad, which I had done for so long. So here’s to year two- looking forward to further successes!

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Next week is the end of school. Last year at this time was when I started SBD and it helped me lose the 15 pounds I lost over the summer. I keep telling myself (and everyone else for that matter) that on Thursday of this coming week, I begin again. And I don’t doubt that I will. But until then, the word judicious hasn’t been in my vocabulary. I am going out of my way to eat things I wouldn’t eat- cookies, breads, ice cream- so I can get in a “last hurrah” before Thursday. And on top of it all I haven’t exercised since my 5k two weeks ago. I know that I have some events coming up at the beginning of the week that are end of the year parties, and will have lots of food and drinking. I guess I figure a few more days to enjoy it, then get back to where I was with healthful eating. But, the one thing I am going to change before then is the exercise. I will be returning to the gym on Monday, I don’t see the need to wait until Thursday. I am ashamed that I have fallen this far off the wagon, and that I let it go this far. I think once I start exercising again, I will be less likely to want the crappy foods.

It will also help that I won’t be hanging around my new friend from school as much. She is taller than me and weighs less because she is taller but she is normal weight. However, she eats pretty much whatever she wants and all the time, but she also runs a lot too. Hanging around her I have given myself permission to eat what she eats- “oh, she’s eating one I can have one too”. Except she exercises fat ass. I just need to learn to do what I need to do for myself, and not allow other’s eating habits to give me the green light to do the same.

Have tongue surgery. That will keep you from eating dammit. I had a small raised piece of tissue on my tongue removed and it kills!! I won’t be eating, but the way I’ve been eating lately that’s a good thing.