Fear of????
I am bummed that the Biggest Loser is now over. I really liked that show for inspiration. I think about those people when I’m at the gym to keep me motivated. I know if they can do it, I can do it. And yay for a first time female winner!
I also like that the show recognizes that people are overweight for underlying reasons, and encourages people to explore why that is. I have started thinking about fear as motivation in weight loss. We all have some kind of fear surrounding it, whether it’s the fear of becoming ill, or the fear of losing people who love us, or some other kind of unknown fear.
Here is my fear. For some reason, I keep telling myself that I only want to get down to 165 pounds, and that’s good enough. That I don’t WANT to go any further. And I truly don’t. I’m afraid. 165 is only about 5-6 pounds from my current weight. Now, technically, for my height, I could go WAY lower than 165 and still be healthy. But, I think on some level, I am afraid of losing more than that. And I think I’m beginning to know why.
I am afraid that if I get lower than that, people will make more comments, albeit positive ones. I am afraid of those comments. I’m still trying to figure out why. I am not one who dislikes attention- I welcome it. I performed all the time in high school, and I’m a teacher. I’m outspoken. I’m attractive and like male attention. But somehow, I don’t like that idea of all those weight related comments. “Wow, you look so good”, “Oh my god!!”- all that scares the crap out of me. I have no idea why. Watching the BL and seeing all those people go home for the first time, and the receptions they get fills me with mixed emotions. I’m happy for them, but on another level I feel like those reactions suck. What the fuck? They weren’t good enough for you before? They weren’t worthy of that kind of reaction before, but now that they are skinny, they are?
I am afraid of feeling like once I lose weight, people will think I looked bad before.
Also, I am afraid if I lose too much, I will have to buy all new clothes and I can’t afford to do that. So instead, I keep myself at a weight to keep me in what I have.
I am also afraid of losing a fair amount, then gaining it all back when I get pregnant and then after not be able to lose it. I would have completely undone all the work I did, and on some level, disappoint all those people who said I looked good.
I’m afraid to feel like before, I wasn’t good enough.
I also think a large fear is that people will talk about me when I lose weight. I HATE being talked about, especially regarding my weight. It has been such a part of my life for so long, being overweight, that I have become amazingly sensitive about it. I don’t want to be the subject of people’s “guess whose fat ass lost weight?” conversations.
I know I have the potential to do this. I know I can do it, if I make the commitment and let go of the fear. I can’t do that yet. There’s something else there, something still holding me back. I need to find out what it is.
omg this totally resonated with me, because this is exactly how i feel. Last year I lost 15 lbs, and I still ahve another 15 to lose before I’m in the middle of my ideal weight range. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I dont’ have the motivation, because of exactly the smae reasons u outlined - that people will comment, that somehow I wasn’t/am not good enough the way I am…
thanks for the post.
I hear you on this too. I had lost a whole bunch of weight after my first two kids. Everyone at work commented and congratulated me on how I looked. I didn’t mind that. Then I had my third and then fourth and gained all the weight back plus some. Now I feel like I have to apologize (in some weird way) to all those people who complimented me before. It’s twisted, the mind games we play on ourselves sometimes. Lose the weight that you want to lose. If you will feel good about 165, then that’s fantastic! But if you really want to lose more then look into how to conquer your fears. Don’t let fear stop you from getting what you want. It’s about making yourself happy and only yourself. Screw what anyone else has to say.
I use to weight about 190 pounds and got down to 147…in the begining i hated the comments too cause you feel like people are noticing because you looked bad before and now you look ok..the thing is is that soon that you have been that new weight for a while people dont remember or focus on how you use to weigh..they just think of you as you now..your name..not weight..now when people ask if i have been losing i just yep been working out..that sounds positive you know? you have to take it as good and not bad..i know its hard but its easy to learn and then when you have been down in your weight for 3 years like me people dont even remember or know you use to be heavy…keep loosing!
All I know is I’m stuck; and been stuck with these last 8 to 17 pounds for almost a year. And it is depressing, and I’m sick of it, and I can’t pull myself together and lose the rest no matter how many times I say I’m gonna. Is there some underlying reason, psychological in nature? Probably, but I also acknowledge that I’m very much the type who’s content to float along on the surface and not delve into the hard stuff; fact is, I wouldn’t know how or where to begin. OK whine over.
Superficial—yeah, that’s me.