Quarterlife crisis
Apparently that is a real thing, as my research has revealed. And I think I’m in the middle of one. Triggered by various factors, not the least of which is my clarity in what I thought was my best friendship, I am just beginning to understand what’s going on with me and how to deal with it.
Most quarterlife crises are related to jobs and finding your place in the world. That’s not my problem. I know exactly who I am. I am confident, independent, and I love my life and career. I like who I am, and especially now that I’m losing weight, what I’m becoming. My crisis is more social. I am finding frustration in my friendships . For one, I’m realizing those who I bend over backwards for and have always regarded as special would not and do not regard me in the same way- at least that is my impression. Also, many of our (J. and my) friends are now parts of couples. We are VERY glad for this, and for the happiness they’ve found. However, I can’t help but feel as though people think that once they move in or get married, there is no reason to go out and do things with other people anymore. They are just reveling in each other. Part of my problem is we’ve been there, done that, and don’t get me wrong we still do. However, it scares the CRAP out of me that I’m 26, some of my older friends are having babies, we’re in the prime of our lives with ZERO responsibiilty, and NO ONE WANTS TO DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!
If you’re tempted to tell me to understand and that people my age have bills and rents and mortgages, please save it. I know this. Rationally, I know why this is happening. However, a quarterlife crisis is personal and selfish, and me realizing all of that is not making this go away.
So, I have taken to drinking. Not fall down, puke it up, black out drinking. Just actually drinking, which I never really found appealing. And I know exactly why I’m drinking. To make things FUN because everything is so FUCKING BORING!!!! I know this won’t fix it, I know it’s a bad way to deal with this, and I am working on nixing this (meanwhile, let’s keep this in perspective- 2 cocktails last Friday night, 4 Saturday night- that’s literally it for the last whatever months). And to be honest drinking isn’t really even that fun- it just gives me the impression of fun at the moment. And just a whole lot of pissed off emptiness the next day.
I just need to find an outlet for socializing. I never really thought making friends would be difficult, but at this weird point in my life it is. Everyone at work is either older or has babies or has their own thing going. Where am I supposed to meet new friends if not work?? I feel like meeting a guy to date would be easier than making friends at this point. I’m about ready to go to f-ing match.com and ask for some friendship dates. I see someone that looks nice at the grocery store and I want to beg them to be my friend. I went so far as to ask for some couple’s phone number we were chatting with at a bar. They probably thought we were trying to pick them up to swing. Although, that sounds like a pretty fantastic idea right about now……
You really sound lonely and sad and frustrated. Let me take a stab at the problem of where to meet people. It’s kind of difficult to meet and get to the point of considering friendship during a contact of only an hour or so, the people at the bar, for example. How about volunteer work, taking a course, learning a sport? A book club or discussion group at the library, a tour or trip with a group, a movie discussion group. Wine tasting club. Some type of dance-square, folk, swing, ballroom, line. An evening spent at a large table at one of those mystery theater-dinner places. I think most couple friendships are set up by the wives and the guys just go along. You could tell your husband to start looking for possible “couple friends” to cultivate too. It doesn’t all have to be on you, although if he’s like most, he probably hasn’t noticed how bored you are. I think your best bet is an activity where you see the same people week after week. Hope this helps or at least gets you thinking of something.
Better days ahead.
I did the match dot com thing to find some new girlfriends. And it worked! I basically set up a form type letter saying that I was looking to make some new friends and was very specific that this wasn’t any kind of quirky sexual thing.. just some girlfriends to go to happy hour with and sent it to the women that lived in my town.
At our first get together we had 14 girls show up. A few of us remained friends for a couple of years.
Try it! Soclose had some good suggestions too.
I’m sorry about your friends
I’m kinda in my own quarterlife crisis now. I’m 26 and just finishing grad school and most of my freinds are married with kids or simply really wrapped up in their marriages. I too love my job, but I’m going to try something different before I settle in and completely commit to my career and that for me is going to teach English in Korea in a month. I suppose we all treat this time differently. Good luck with your own journey.
You sound just like my friend, but her problem is not friendship (because she has me and I love her like a sister) it is her job. She has taken to drinking too, sometimes even a shot before work to (calm her nerves).
Anyway, finding quality friends does seem to be hard. I agree with so close about joining some book clubs or other classes. I am sorry that you are lonely, if I were near you I would be your friend in a heartbeat! *hugs* I hope you find someone who is worthy of being your friend and is a good one to you.