A Life Less Overweight

So fifth grade decided to take advantage of the $2 per kid field trip deal at the Museum of Science (MOS) here in Boston. It is an AMAZING museum, lots of hands on activities. It was also JAM PACKED with kids today. Holy hell, I’m amazed we came out with all of our own kids, and without a few extra too! But they really loved it, we avoided the dreaded Halloween party, and it made the day fly by! It was supercrazy though. We did a lot of walking, and I’ve only eaten a bagel, 5 grapes, and a thin piece of cinnamon bread, so I think as wiped as I am, I can forgo the gym for today. Back to the grind tomorrow though.

As I don’t have my own kids, and I live in a condo, usually I go over my parents house to give out candy and see the costumes. I’ve had enough kids today it set my birth plan back two years…

As I mentioned this weekend was our Halloween party and we had a pinata, stuffed with all sorts of stuff, including candy. My favorite, Butterfingers, were in there. Well, when I was stuffing the pinata I ate one, and realized I didn’t even like the taste of it anymore. I couldn’t believe it; I used to LOVE those. So I tried a Nestle bar and that was so gross, I threw it out after one bite!! I can’t believe I used to like all that stuff, it’s not even good! I think I’ve gotten used to high quality dark chocolate, which has a low sugar content and is allowed on the SBD. Not that I’m complaining. I’m amazed by how far I’ve come in terms of my food obsession becoming severely diminished. My attitude toward food is so much healthier, and I’m not constantly thinking about when I’m going to eat next and what I’m going to eat. In fact, at times I am so busy I forget to eat. In BoSoxGirl land, in the past, that was NEVER an issue. I like the freedom of not being a slave to food- it makes it easier to enjoy eating in a totally different way than I used to.

Well, I am going to start off by saying I wish I had bought furniture!! This store around here offered a deal that if you bought furniture from them by April 15th, if the Red Sox won the World Series, you get your furniture for free. DAMMIT!!!! Of course, had I bought furniture they wouldn’t have won! That’s my luck.

So, needless to say, things are pretty fantastic here in Beantown. The parade is tomorrow and apparently it will feature Papelbon’s Irish Jig- that dude IS CRAZY!! I’d like to party with him. He gives me a Papel-boner.

Speaking of partying, we partied like rock stars this weekend. We had our annual Halloween bash- I was Rainbow Brite and J. was the Karate Kid- yeah children of the 80s! J’s costume last year was even better- he was Heath Ledger’s character from Brokeback Mountain, and he made a Jake Gyllenhaal that he attached to his crotch. Hysterical. This year our party got bigger and we had about 30 people, lots of booze and food, a pinata stuffed with adult goodies, and a costume contest.  I ate a lot, drank a lot (but at least this year I didn’t fall down the stairs and pee myself when I started laughing because of it- yes that really happened last year), and danced a lot, and I had a GREAT time. I am now totally wiped between party setup, partyING, party cleanup (which took all day, our place looked like a college frat house when all was done), and staying up to watch the Red Sox sweep the Rockies. So, my diet sucked, but I’ve thrown out all remnants of bad diet killing food and am starting over tomorrow. And now, I crash.

Yes, I’m tired from staying up late to watch the baseball games

Yes, I ate a cupcake today and f-ing liked it.

Yes, I am having a rocking Halloween party and will have a lot to drink

Yes, I am still maintaining my weight loss (HA, not for long)

Yes, I have gone to the gym this week (only once though)

Yes, I have updated the wall of men.

RED SOX RULE!!!!!

Thanks Leeda for checking in on how it’s going! Well, today is Saturday and I just returned from the gym, having done cardio and weights- yay me!! Also, last night we went out for dinner to Chili’s and I ordered chicken (ha had cheese and bacon on top) but no BBQ sauce (which I love but sugar!) and broccoli. Now, I’m not going to kid myself that the meal was healthy, but it was better than some of the other things I would have liked to have ordered. And even though the broccoli had butter on it, it wasn’t french fries. I would say overall, I’m happy with my steps back onto the right track.

By the way, if you’re looking for a good movie to see, go see Gone Baby Gone. It’s amazing, such a thinking movie. And it’s set in Boston! I’ve lived here all my life (suburbs though) and went to college in the city, and even after watching the movie it reminded me how amazing it is that you can live in the same town as others and have NO idea how some people’s lives are worlds different than yours. Most of the extras are Dorchester natives and that really is how it is in most of that area, not 30 mins away from me. Yet I cannot even fathom growing up seeing what unfortunately so many of those kids see, and then become stuck in the cycle of. Anyway, it’s a fantastic flick, our own Ben Affleck directed it and his brother Casey stars, and if the movie or Casey don’t win any awards I’ll truly be shocked.

And lastly, if you have nothing else to watch tonight tune into Fox to see the Sox come back and take a last stab at getting to the World Series. Tonight is do or die, so GO RED SOX!!!!!!!

1) make it a priority to “just say no” on the weekends. I am not about to let two days undo my months of hard work.

2) Restart my strength training sessions at the gym

3) have to start going to the gym on the weekends. The weekdays are so busy, and too often things come up so that I only end up going one or two days weekly. The only acceptable number is three or more from now on.

4) Cut out all sugar and stop allowing myself a little of this and a little of that

5) not accept any weight gain. I’ve worked too damn hard and I am NOT going to let the fathead inside of me blow it.

Sigh. I can’t seem to win this battle. I won’t even tell you that I ate chips and dip, Doritos, three slices of pizza, and two cookies Friday night.

Well, I’m not doing quite as badly as I had been on the weekends before, but weekends are still killing me. Luckily the scale hasn’t moved, but if I continue this it will. Over the course of the last two days I’ve eaten a cookie, a brownie, and a small piece of cake. NOT on South Beach. And now my sugar cravings are back. My husband was telling me his doctor when he was a kid lost something like 100 pounds by smelling food and convincing himself he’d eaten it. HA!!! I smell food and I convince myself it’s OK to eat it. I know I have the willpower to avoid these foods, as evidenced by this summer, but it’s slipped away and I’ve got to get it back.

And if you buy pre-packaged granola bars or something like that, you might not want to read this section. Yesterday I was eating a South Beach Diet bar. At the store, I reached into the back of the shelf b/c I wanted a box of the chocolate ones. Well, as I sat there eating yesterday, a small brown bug with a spiky tail was crawling on my leg. EWWWWWWWW!!!! It definitely came from the bar! I asked my MIL who’s a nurse and she said prepackaged foods with chocolate in them that have been sitting on shelves for a while can have bugs or worms in them. She said they aren’t harmful, it would have died in my stomach acid, but that is absolutely disgusting. I looked it up on line and it turns out it was a beetle larvae!!! I liked those bars, and I am sure they aren’t the only ones like that, but I will not be buying those again. I was so grossed out- even J. couldn’t finish the yogurt he was eating. Shit, I’m getting the willies just writing and thinking about it.  BLECH!!!!!!!!!!

It’s funny how because you see yourself everyday, you can’t look at yourself objectively. I know that I’ve lost weight because the scale and my clothes tell me so. And I do see subtle differences here and there, in my belly mostly, but I’m still surprised how losing only about 10 pounds has prompted so many positive comments from others. One mom at school I haven’t seen in about a year or so saw me for the first time last week. She was shocked and told me I looked fabulous, and that I must have lost 20 pounds! I thanked her and was gracious, but my first thought was “shit, was I that fat??” Another parent of a student from 3 years ago saw me tonight and told me I looked great, too. I’ve always been wary of telling people that lose weight how good they look, because I know how sensitive I am, and how I always used to get embarrassed when people told me I looked like I lost weight. I felt as though they were insinuating that I didn’t look good before. But suddenly I don’t feel that way, perhaps because I know how much it took to get here, and how I hope to keep going. I also think part of my hesitancy to make comments stemmed from my insecurity- if someone else has lost weight, it means I am now fatter than they are. And another woman’s success is my failure, or at least that is how I used to see it.

Since I’ve lost a little, I not only feel better, but I feel like I dress better too. I only just bought a few new things, but I wear them more confidently. And I feel like that makes a difference.  It’s amazing how losing a few has changed my perspective on myself, and on others. I guess all the fat was clogging my brain!

Hehehe. Ok, get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking about my sneakers and my foot. On Sunday, I wore them all day, and then at the end of the day the ball of my left foot hurt terribly. So sore, I couldn’t even put pressure on it. I tried massaging it, that made it worse. I wore flats to school yesterday and today, and magically today it started to feel better. So much so I was able to run on it today at the gym. I have no idea what was up, but it seems to be ok now. It feels a little precarious, like it could hurt again at any time, but I wasn’t about to skip my gym session since I haven’t been in like two weeks. Which, considering, I did well, ran intervals for 25 mins. And had a partial conversation through 5 mins of it. But, now my left big toe hurts at the very tip, it’s raw, and I think it’s ultimately because these damn sneakers are just too small. Next paycheck, it’s time for some new kicks.

In other news, we just found out my sister in law is pregnant with their second child. My favorite thing about this blog is I can say things I’d never say out loud, so here goes-but don’t judge me, even though this is gonna sound awful. They have a two year old with all sorts of health and developmental issues. She’s constantly complaining about how she has to do all the work, how my brother in law D. doesn’t help (that’s actually true), and how sick L. is all the time. Ok, so good idea, let’s add another dependent to the mix. Between D. who is in a commission based field, L., a full time job, and money woes, it seems to me like this is the wrong time to add to the family. And it was planned. To the point where when I asked her 6 months ago when they would like to have another, she was like, “I’ll be pregnant in September.” Boy, did she have it her way. But when we asked him, he was like, not for a while, maybe another year or two. Nice conversation guys. So now, my mother in law, whom I really like a lot, will spend even MORE time there. She lives like 4 hours from them, but considering, makes a few treks out there every few months. In the two years we have owned our place, she has come twice, Thanksgivings. That’s once  a year people. WTF??? And we have offered on multiple occasions to have her up, take her to all the fantastic museums around here (which she loves), even take her to Fenway. But no. Doesn’t happen. All I have to say is her ass better make it up here when WE have kids. So, now I am done shitting on other people’s joyous occasions. Anyone have a wedding they need me to squash?? Geez, I’m a bitch.