A Life Less Overweight

It’s been a crazy week already and it’s only Weds. There has been absolutely something every night this week and will continue into the weekend. I have realized that to some degree I am a stress eater. I didn’t think I was, but I am. But big deal that I know that, because even as I am thinking “I only want to eat because I’m stressed” I am gulping down something else. I weighed in on Monday to find I gained back 4-5 lbs of what I lost. I’m hoping it’s water weight, but that is still way too much for me to be comfortable with. Things still fit loosely, but it was a wake up call. I’ve been cheating a lot and I should have known it was going to catch up with me. No, I did know, but the pizza tasted too damn good to say no. So I am battling back, once again. I am so disappointed and frustrated with myself. I knew that things would be a lot harder when school started. But I feel like my “bad” times are the weekend. This wasn’t an issue during the summer, why is it now? Probably because I feel like I “deserve” it after a long week at school. I have to change this mindset. J. loves going out to eat (so do I) on Friday nights, and it certainly is nice to not have to cook. But my mindful eating goes by the wayside, and no matter how healthy a dish I choose I a) over eat it and b) can only imagine what it’s cooked with and in that makes it a lot less healthy than it appears to be. I don’t want to stop eating out, but I need to make some changes that can result in my being happy with my progress and enjoying life in moderation. I’ve been to the gym once already this week, and hopefully I can get in one tomorrow after the dentist, and then one this weekend if not two. This is the ONLY thing that keeps me from falling totally off the wagon and sometimes I feel like the gym motivation is teetering too. I keep telling myself my motivation is to lose enough before we want to get pregnant, and that isn’t too far away. The time’s a-ticking and if I am not careful, I will explode.

Motivation was much better yesterday and today. I did great at the gym yesterday, I ran intervals and it kicked my ass, but I wanted it! Today I purposely went a little easier since yesterday was tough, but I also lifted, so I feel better about my gym excursion. I think I might be getting my period soon, which can always mess with the mind set.

I went “back to school” shopping today. I have always loved shopping for fall clothes, ever since I was little. Hell, who am I kidding, I’ve always enjoyed shopping period! But now that I’ve lost a few it’s an even better experience. I was always able to find clothes that fit me at regular stores, and though they looked fine, they were just a slight bit snug. Today, no more! 14s fit me the way the should, with even a little room. I felt really great about how the clothes looked on me, so much so that I spent over $200- for me that’s a lot, so I felt a little guilty. After bringing them home, however, and doing the summer clothing pack away, I saw what little I had for fall/winter clothes and don’t feel so bad about the $200. I tried to buy pieces that are easily mixed and matched, yet still stylish. We’ll see how long it takes for me to overwear them!

Have you ever seen that Pantene commercial where the woman walks in the ballroom from the floor above and everyone turns to admire her? This may sound so self-centered, but I’ve always wanted that to happen to me. For everyone to turn and say “oh my goodness WHO is that gorgeous woman?” Every man would want me and every woman would envy (yet like) me. I feel like I’ve had people notice me when I walked into a room before, but only because I tripped and fell, or had spinach hanging out of my teeth. I’ve also always wanted someone who loves me from afar. You know, that guy that you had NO idea he was in love with you, and though he can’t have you, his heart is yours? Too many sappy movies for me.

Well, on the upside, I made it to the gym even though I did NOT want to go. I told myself tired isn’t an excuse. I didn’t do so well, I ran for 7 mins (that’s all I could muster), then walked another 30ish. And it was kind of a medium paced walk, nothing too strenuous. I guess it’s better than not going at all, but my performance, much like Britney’s VMA show, was lackluster. Half-assed. I keep telling myself that I’m not going to keep losing if I keep this shit up. I don’t know how to reinstate the motivation I had even just a few weeks ago. In my head I know why I need to do this, but I keep making shitty choices. Boo to me. How do you remotivate yourself when your attention to detail is flagging?

Thankfully, I get paid on Thursday. Maybe filling my kitchen with lots of healthy choices will make it easier for me to find something healthy to nosh on at 4ish, rather than scrounging around and being frustrated because I can’t eat anything. I also think I’m eating too many carbs, albeit healthy ones. I’ve got to get my act together dammit!

By the way, I have to say this out loud. My next door neighbor is a bitch.

Well, after all is said and done, I’m up two pounds. I know it could be worse, but it’s definitely a step in the wrong direction. In a way though, I’m glad, because it’s forcing me to be as strict as I was before, and it makes me see that I cannot eat those thing and still lose. I am still within four pounds of my goal, but geez, I think this is the longest time anyone has ever taken to lose 10 pounds! I am back on track, water was good today, thanks for all the suggestions and your supportive comments. It really does help to know people are rooting for your success! I promise I will find the time to read all your posts too, things are hectic getting back into this routine!

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LOTS of cheating. I don’t even want to name it all, but it included pizza, chicken nuggets, and cake. Sigh. I feel like I’ve been on a little of a downward spiral this week, and I don’t like that feeling. I don’t want to lose control of myself. At work, eating is great. It’s just the cheating that makes me feel terrible, yet I tell myself, “Oh, just a little is ok”, but then I feel like crap about myself. I need to just not allow the cheats as frequently, and I need to go back to the saying no that I was so proud of. I knew going back to school was going to make things more challenging. I have to find a way to keep my summer mindset and have it transition with me. I’ve worked too hard to let this go to shit. I’m afraid to weigh in tomorrow. Maybe if the scale goes up it will scare me- and it will make me feel bad too. NO MORE CHEATS!!!

Well, today was day one. I did well with eating and water. I’ve still yet to find a good water solution- I appreciate the suggestions and will try them out. Since it was the first day back, I didn’t get to the gym this afternoon, I was very tired, still left over from my late night plane arrival the other day. But, considering how I’ve felt in past first weeks, I’m not as tired and I think that’s due to how much exercise I have been getting. I plan on going back to the gym tomorrow, giving myself a day to adjust. We’ll see how things go. I’ve had nothing but positive comments on how I look, which is surprising because I don’t think I look all the different. I think it shows mostly in my face though. But, I vow to continue, to lose what I gained in KY and make haste toward the last few pounds toward my mini goal.

Well, I’ve returned in one piece, and carrying a few extra pounds. I can see why some Southerners are overweight- soul food is heavy and greasy, but delicious!! Lodyangel and Baileysmomma, Kentucky really is a beautiful place. I was surprised by Louisville, there didn’t seem to be many people in the city itself. But we enjoyed exploring Churchill Downs (Kentucky Derby racetrack) and 4th Street Live. I also had fried chicken for the first time- delish! Glad I don’t live anywhere that makes it that well!

As usual, I didn’t stay even close to South Beach on the trip, but school starts tomorrow, and I am back on phase one. I was a maniac getting my room ready today, and I’m still not totally set for tomorrow, but the kids wait for no one.

Over the next few days, I look forward to reading up on your posts that I’ve missed- hope y’all are doing well (you like that southern accent?) I’m a little nervous about going back to work and maintaining my progress on diet, gym, and water consumption.  I haven’t quite figured out how to keep my big jug of water from getting piss warm during the day and therefore avoiding drinking it. Any thoughts?

Thanks for the birthday wishes! Overall, it was pretty good, although birthdays are never like what they were when you are a kid…sigh…to be young again. I had cake, but didn’t enjoy it as much as I had hoped (it wasn’t very good), but I made up for it in other areas of my eating!! We’ll see what year 27 will bring!