Just when you think you’re winning the battle…
someone comes along and has to shit on you. Last night, we went out with my two best friends and their boyfriends to see B’s patient who was playing in a band. Happened to be the same bar where I ran into my childhood tormentor Derek. Unfortunately, he wasn’t there last night to see how good I looked. I was feeling really good about myself, looking hot, even K and B told me I looked thin- awesome! So we get there, things are fine, some guy almost smashes into me with his drinks. I backed off, and he apologized, oh I’m so sorry. “I’m ok, you didn’t get me.” He then decides to make it up to me by kissing me on the cheek. Uncalled for and a little weird, but I smiled gracefully and then prayed I didn’t get clamydia. So I’m moving on and this other guy, old and creepy, says something I didn’t quite hear. Well, I kinda heard, but thought I might have misheard so I asked him to repeat it. I’m pretty sure he said “How can you not kiss such a pretty fat girl?” WHAT?????????? YOU SHITHEAD!!! But, I very coolly did not respond and walked away, trying to process what he said, and decide if I misheard or if that’s what he did say. I’m pretty sure that’s what he said. I guess it’s possible I still misheard, but I can’t figure out what else it would have been that could have still sounded like that. At the time I wasn’t bothered by it because the guy was just gross, but after I came home it really started to bug me. And that pisses me off. Who cares what this guy thinks? But, A. you’ll get this, the fat girl inside of me started up with, “yeah, he’s right.” So frustrating since I’ve been working so hard at losing weight, but also on not feeling like the fat girl. “Well, maybe you really are fat. Maybe you really are just a pretty fat girl”, says my head. It kills me that some guy I don’t care about can get in my head like this. It bothers me that it bothers me so much. I know I shouldn’t care what someone like that says, but the truth is that I do. Asshole.