A Life Less Overweight

For any of you who read this in cyber-land, I’d like to make something clear. When I write my blog, it is as I call it “cheap psychotherapy.” What you are reading is a diary entry that you get to peek into. It is for my own psychological benefit. That being said, if I rant about something that you take offense to, then please, take it with a grain of salt. You have to remember that we all use this site as a means to help us complete our goals but also to vent our frustrations. It is no different than if I wrote in my diary. I understand that because it is public, people might disagree with what I say or feel at times. I can appreciate that, because I often disagree with others, too. However, as long as I haven’t name called, I haven’t made slurs or used racist language, and I have simply vented, then in my mind, no harm no foul. I say things here I wouldn’t be able to say in public, to someone else. These are my own private thoughts, in an anonymous forum. If you think I am being judgmental or offensive, then don’t read my blog. There are many out there to read. I do think that I should be able to say what is in my mind, within reason, without fearing what others are going to think. That is why I blog, and so do you, right? I do not feel I am any part of any special “fat enough” club. I truly DO understand that even thin people have goals and such. I have a friend who is 95 pounds soaking wet and is trying to GAIN weight! And I love her dearly. I do not judge her. Am I jealous of her?? HELL YES! But, I also know that she hates being 95 pounds. So although it may not seem like it, I do get both sides of the coin. I am just saying what’s in my mind so it doesn’t eat away at me in an unhealthy way. I am not a bitch, I am actually a very nice sweet person, and I think very highly of every person on this website that has the courage to put down the fork and pick up the freeweights.  But my blog is my deepest thoughts that need to get out. I hope this puts any offenses to rest, and if not, I apologize you feel that way.

On her blog, Leeda has posted a lovely picture of a woman in a bodyslimmer. I find it very interesting that the women who model the bodyslimmers look like they are thin enough to have extra room once those sucker-iners are on. Maybe the thinking is we will see how great she looks and say “oh, if I buy one of those my hips and tummy will look as great as hers- and I’ll look like Dolly Pardon to boot.” Then, our lovely lady lumps would be in the right place, rather than on our backs and bellies. If that damn piece of lycra can make me (a size 14) to look like her (a size 4 maybe?) I’d shell out hundreds of dollars, never take it off, and even wear it to bed. Maybe I could just cut a few key holes in it…

Whoever made lycra is a genius.

Yeah, wow, I had those on nice and tight yesterday. Sorry! Feeling much better today. I think I may have had a little case of South Beach Flu. Apparently in phase one if you don’t eat enough foods with natural sugar in them (milk and beans), your blood sugar can drop pretty low and make you feel shaky and crappy. And that’s how I felt. I’d never experienced that before, but coming off a sugar-full week and going back to ph. 1 for a detox, that could be why. And as pissed at myself as I was for eating that cake yesterday, it actually made me feel better physically because of the sugar. J and I went for an hour long walk last night so I figure I negated it at least.

This weekend we are going away with my family to Newport, RI, where we have gone the last 20 summers. No lie. It’s nice, but really getting old. I am a little concerned about staying on the Beach, but mostly because, although I LOVE my family, they are a little nosy. Like I know for certain one night we will walk downtown and get Ben and Jerry’s. And I don’t want it. But, I’m already like, how am I going to explain that one? They will ask “why aren’t you having any?” Then my dad will ask me 10,000 questions about what I’m doing, how does it work, and then start watchdogging “should you be eating that? Is that on South Beach?” I know they are well-intentioned but it’s so irritating. I don’t want to have to explain my choices or reasons to anyone. My parents (more my dad) watchdogged my eating enough as a kid (to the point of embarrassing me in front of others, although it wasn’t intentional) I don’t need it now as an adult too. My dad is a great guy, but he just sometimes doesn’t realize his efforts to be helpful (in any area) are sometimes intrusive or misdirected. The worst part is that if I try to solve it by kindly asking him to back off, my mother jumps in and gets all offended for him. “Oh, sorry, we can’t ask you anything” and the such. Lordy. It’s gonna be a long weekend.