This weekend I went to my husband’s family’s house in NY. What a carb fest!! But, I was able to resist and did well, ate only what I should. There were all sorts of temptations, like booze, cake, pancakes, bagels, etc. but I was so proud of myself and so was he. It’s weird, he’s been eating worse since I have been stricter. Partly, that is due to him eating what I leave aside. For example, we went to a Red Sox game the other night. I kind of cheated by eating a Fenway Frank (how can you not-it’s blasphemy!) but just ate the hotdog, not the bun (which by the way, totally took away from the experience of a Fenway Frank- but the boys won, so all is well!). Well, he ate my bun, plus his whole hotdog, and a sausage and ice cream. I think he’s subconsciously trying to avoid my diet by eating more, to prove he still can. He paid for it yesterday though when he finally hit a carb crash. He’s a healthy weight, but his dad and brother are large- I am afraid it will catch up with him too eventually.
So what is my point? Yes, I do have one. I guess it’s that I actually have more self-control than I previously thought, as exemplified by passing up all the carbolicious goodies, and that in itself is something to be proud of. I will keep that in mind when I transition into Ph. 2 of SB this Wednesday (coincidentally Independence Day!) I am a little scared, but I know that’s insane. Which brings up another point. Why are we so obsessed with food? Why I am I so obsessed about food? I have seen so many posts on a forum talking about how people are scared to move to the next phase of the diet. While I 110% get that, another part of me thinks that is so strange. I guess that further exemplifies the reason WHY so many of us are overweight to begin with- because we allow food to control us, rather than us controlling ourselves. We allow our heads to believe that we must eat something to satiate a craving. “Oh just one” turns into four or sometimes more. When I observe thinner people’s eating habits, I see in them what up until now, I have been unable to do- be able to walk away without giving food a second thought. Leave your plate with food on it. Actually stop eating when you are full, not keep eating just because it tastes good. Actually believing that FOOD IS NOT A BIG DEAL! It is obviously no big mystery why the overweight are so (and let’s face it, very rarely are there medical reasons for it). For so long I have made excuses for myself, when in actuality, the reason I struggle is because I am unwilling to admit I have food obsessions and I have been unwilling to walk away from food. I know that it’s a problem also, when things like bulemia sound like a good idea! I am smart enough never to head down that road, but sometimes I think “uhhh, I just want to throw it up and get it all out of me.” AHHH! SCARY!!!!! What the Fuck????? How did I get to that????? That ends now. In order to be healthy, I have to think healthfully. And one step in that is not thinking about what I’ve eaten, what I will eat, and not going to bed happy that tomorrow is another new day so I can eat again! I want my life to be so much more than that. I want to be casual, blase about food, but still enjoy it within reason. I just want to be normal.
Blah. Head cleared. Thank you. You may send me your bill for psychiatric services rendered.
