Journal for change.

Okay - so it’s just a 7 pound weight loss, but STILL.  It’s stayed off for about a week or so.

even with THESE challenges!:

1.)   crazy berserk scales. yeah. I mean ridiculous.  When I first started this - I was using an analog scale.  It’s so hard to see any progress with those - and that’s a real buzz kill!  So I estimated my weight at 250 (It was more likely closer to 255).  I got tired of not seeing ANY change on the little needle, so I bought a digital scale - a Taylor from Target.  OH MY GOODNESS.  It gave me a different weight every time I stepped on it!  I was hoping I could figure it out and get used to it, but I finally just gave up - there was absolutely no pattern to the randomness.  Last week, I took the lowest weight it gave me, of 246, and just went with it, even though after that, it read such things as 252 and 249.  yeesh!  no consistency!  So I ordered an “Eat Smart” scale off of Amazon.  It had really high ratings and many people said it was very very accurate.  Well, with all the fluctuations in weight (on the scale - not my actual weight), I made a commitment that once I received the working scale, no matter what it said, I would just keep doing what I’m doing, because I sure can notice a difference in how my clothes fit and how I feel.  Anyways…the scale came in the mail today, and when I stepped on, it read a delightful 246.2!!  I was sure it would read at least 250.  Boy am I excited!!!  My work wasn’t in vain!  And although I knew that it wasn’t in vain - it’s sure nice to see that work *finally* backed up in numbers on a scale.

2.)    Bum knee!  Yeah, that’s right.  I don’t know what it was, but it was localized in my right knee, and it hurt something awful.  I think I just pulled a muscle..but it hurt so bad that I had to limp when walking.  So jogging for C25K was definitely out of the question last week.  I wanted to jog so bad, but I decided it was better to let myself heal.  So i didn’t jog, and hoped that the healing would occur and I could get back to jogging quickly.  Lo and behold, this week, knee pain is gone!  I’m so ecstatic to start back up on week 2 of the C25K program!  We ran yesterday no problems, and my knees don’t hurt today…so we’re definitely jogging tomorrow too!  I can’t wait.  I’m just so excited that it was just a muscle or something - you know…nothing permanent.

Anyways…those were my struggles this past week - and I’m just so glad that even sacrificing exercise, I didn’t gain weight!

This week, things are going pretty smoothly…except for last night.  Yeesh.  I had a total emotional meltdown or freakout or something while we were out running errands.  and it ended when I totally binged on a basket of chips at a mexican restaurant.  But hubby and I talked about what happened, why it happened, and what to do the next time it occurs, so hopefully, the next time it happens, we’ll handle the situation a little more healthily.

Here’s to the end of the week - and hopefully another 1 lb. of weight loss coming soon!

<3 Emily

I don’t know what’s been up the past couple of days.  It’s just been unbearable emotionally.  Drab and depressing.  I feel lethargic and tired.  Sunday was a bad day.  I don’t remember why.  I was feeling quite sad and made myself a huge bowl of spaghetti - my comfort food.  :/  I think that was when I first realized that I definitely eat emotionally.   Also, I had intended on running on Sunday, but I felt sick to my stomach (from some MSG in some Asian food from Saturday night) and just couldn’t make it.  This morning, I was so rushed I didn’t have a chance to eat a proper breakfast.  I had to eat a late breakfast, then never got to eat lunch.  But I ate an early dinner with my mom at a mexican restaurant - and of course ate too many chips.  :/  But then mom and I went to quilting class and that was fun.  And then I got home and ate a smallllll sandwich and more chips (baked at least).  Anyways, after several days of dreariness, I’m ready for the up and up.  I’m going to run in the morning, look for more ways to cut fat and sugar out of my diet (no more refined pasta - whole wheat only).  I’m also going to try to start researching ways to do body weight exercises (since I definitely can’t afford a gym membership - and also can’t afford any weight training equipment) so I can work on that on days that I don’t run.

:/  Hope tomorrow is better than today.

Also, weigh in was today.  Still at 248.

Well, this week is at an end, and I’m excited about the prospects of next week!  Jogging 3 or 4 days next week, and having some yummy veggie filled dinners (Thanks Moosewood cookbook!).

This week we’ve jogged: Monday, Thursday, & today (Saturday).  We also intend on jogging tomorrow.  I think next week we’ll switch to a Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday schedule as it means we don’t have to wake up as early.  (I sure do love my sleep!)  I also think that starting on Tuesday, we’ll go ahead and move on to week 2 of the C25K program (yipes! I’m hurtin’ just thinking about it!).

And I’ll keep up with the same ol lunch - soup and salad.  I feel good about eating it.  It’s doesn’t satisfy any cravings (which is how I’m used to eating), but it’s yummy and good.

For breakfast this week I ate Kashi’s “Go Lean” (1 cup) with lowfat milk.  It’s good.  and fast - so I definitely think I’ll stick with it again next week.

Well, with almost 2 weeks of this under my belt, I’m feeling good!  I’ll weigh in on Monday.  Until then, I’m out!

Well, hubby and I managed to run on Monday, but not Tuesday or Wednesday.  We ran again this morning.  Amazingly, I was able to do just as well as I did on Monday - no need for breaking the intervals or walking just a little bit longer than jogging - you know, fun little “cheat” type things - so I’m super excited by that!  In my head, I think I thought that my body would “forget” how to jog if I didn’t do it everyday.  I don’t know why I had that misconception - so you can see why I really was surprised when after a 2 day break, it was as easy to jog as it was 2 days earlier.  I hope that makes sense.  I thought I would be huffing and puffing like my first session of training - but not at all.

I’m left thinking that since the C25K plan actually only asks you to train every other day, that maybe this is what I should do.  I’m so anxious to lose weight that initially I wanted to train every day, but I think it just wears me out right now and encourages me to “take a day off” and then I feel bad about myself.

So from here on out, I’m going to follow the C25K plan a little more closely - jogging 3 days a week rather than 6 days a week.  And I think we’ll move on to week 2 next week - as the week 1 is definitely starting to feel comfortable!  Yay for progress!

ETA: Since my TOM is winding down - I’m excited to report that I’ve lost 3 more pounds!  Now 248! (Starting weight was 253).  My first 5 pounds!!!  GONE!!!  :D

That’s right!  2.0 lbs. to be exact!  I’m pretty excited, to say the least.  I think I may work a little harder on my diet to encourage weight loss.  We’ll see.  I want to make sure I can keep my cravings under control first.

Since I haven’t actually listed these yet, I’d like to not some of my goals/mini-goals.

Starting Weight: 253

Current Weight: 251

Long term goal: 145 lbs.

Mini Goal #1: Lose 10% of my starting weight (lose 25 lbs.) 228

Mini Goal #2: Onederland! (lose 29 lbs.) 199

Mini Goal #3: “Overweight” BMI (lose 25 lbs.) 174

Also - a mini goal for November - lose 8-10lbs. by the end of the month.  I’m getting there!

Good afternoon!  Tomorrow is my weigh in.  It will be 7 days from my first weigh in on the 27th.  I have a feeling I haven’t lost many “pounds” (especially considering it’s my TOM :/  )  but my clothes feel looser and I feel better already.  Here’s some info about the past week.  I think it’ll help me to put it all in one place:

- Hubby and I trained for the C25K five days this past week!  I’m so proud of us!!!  I think we’re going to repeat week 1 of this training though, just because I’m still struggling through the last 5 minutes of the 20 minute jog/walk intervals.

- I didn’t binge at all!!!!  I came close one day when hubby was out to the basketball game with his family, but luckily for me, there weren’t any chips in the house.  There really is merit in not buying things you don’t want to eat.  If there would have been chips in the house that evening, I would have eaten the whole bag.

- I worked hard on eating correct portion sizes during my meals.  One of the biggest ways I did this was to serve the meals with a big side of veggies.  When I eat pasta, if I eat the veggies first, I’m not ravenous and craving the pasta the way I usually do, so it helps me to eat less.

- I’m finding the need to eat snacks.  Usually I would have chips around to binge on - but with those no longer around the house, I don’t have any snacking options.  Or at least that’s what I feel like.  I bought some greek yogurt, and that was very satisfying - but I want some other snack options that are easy and cheap.  Any ideas?

<3 Emily

Wow.  It’s already day 4, huh?  That’s pretty neat! Just a quick overview today.

-Neglected to train in the morning, we instead chose to run this evening.  It was interesting.  I don’t think I know which I prefer (morning vs. evening).  I think we’ll take a rest tomorrow and then start back up on Saturday.

-Breakfast - same as usual - all bran and lowfat milk

-Lunch - same again - Salad with homemade dressing (did I mention that stuff is amazing!), and potato leek soup

Dinner - leftover casserole from last night and a piece of bread
I know I should be watching my carbs, but right now, I’m more focused on cutting out many of the processed “staples” in our diet, so that we rely on fresh fruits, veggies and meats rather than canned oversalted, overprocessed “food”.  It’s quite time consuming, but I really do enjoy all the cooking.

Now I’m off to quilt up a storm!  I’m working on an awesome Dresden plate quilt with 1930’s reproduction fabrics!

Also - binge free again today!!!!  Wooot! (Although I have to admit, it was more difficult today than the past two days.  The only thing that’s been different in my daily routine is that the past two days I jogged/walked in the morning, and today I didn’t.  I wonder if the jog/walk helped my body to stave off later “binge” cravings?  Anyone got any ideas about that?)

<3 Emily

Welp.  It’s day 3 of my new committment to change!!!  This morning, hubby and I, again, woke up at 6 and proceeded to follow Workout Plan # 1, Week 1 for the Couch to 5K program - which alternates walking and jogging for 25 minutes or so.  I made it the whole 25 minutes this time!  We didn’t even have to change routes!  I passed my house without even thinking about it.  I’m pretty sore around my hips, but I’m sure that’s because that is where I carry all my weight.  :/  Anyways, hubby and I feel great this morning and are so excited about our future selves.

Also, I had another major success for myself last night.  I mentioned before that I have a problem with binging.  Especially chips.  Really…mostly chips.  Anyways, hubby wanted to go to a Mexican restaurant last night.  I told him yes, and mentally began to prepare myself for the onslaught.  A basket full of hot salty chips on the table?  I could inhale that whole thing at the drop of a hat.  However, last night, for the first time, ever I think, I limited myself to 5 chips.  Hubby let me have one more for good behavior, so there we have it.  Me…the one who can’t control herself around chips - whose mouth is watering at the very thought of them, had only SIX chips.  It was difficult, but I had water in front of me, and it helped that our food came pretty quickly.  I’m just so excited.  Binge free so far!!! My big idea for today is, It’s possible!!!!  Jogging is possible!!  Not eating the foods I crave is possible!!!  I can do this :)  I will do this!

Anyways, back to today’s plan.  Since I’ve got my jog/walk in for the day, I’m doing good on the exercise front.  I ate bran cereal with lowfat milk again this morning - and a big glass of water.  For lunch I have my awesome potato leek soup, and a salad with homemade dressing: olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, mustard, and garlic.  Hope it tastes okay.  Yesterday I had fat free Italian with my salad…and it wasn’t awful…it just wasn’t very pleasant.

See you tomorrow!

Emily <3

In the past, I have been too informal to follow through on any thoughts or ideas I might have had about losing weight.  I always knew I needed to, but I never took the jump.  My husband and I talked about it, but I never fully committed myself.  I always though “Well, I’ll start that tomorrow.”  But then tomorrow came and went, and I was more distracted than ever.  I promise to be focused on my well-being in regards to my weight and health, and to do my best to record my ups and downs here.   I don’t have much else to say right now.  I just want to get this thing going.

Yesterday was the day that I decided I was going to lose weight.  After eating almost an entire bag of chips in the course of one sitting (several days before), I realized I had a problem.  I have a close friend who had spoken to me of “binge” eating before, but I was sure I didn’t have the full fledged problem.  Now I admit.  I do.  I binge eat.  At least once a week, I submit to my cravings and just have at it.  I don’t have problems with sweet things, it’s more the high fat salty things.  Chips, nachos, pasta in a creamy cheesy sauce - anything that satisfies that salty creamy fatty craving that is making my mouth water right now. So once again, to restate, I do have a problem.

I’m tired of feeling tired because of my weight, and I’m tired of my clothes getting too tight.  I’m tired of seeing the symptoms of PCOS - which I know would probably be resolved if lost weight.  I’m tired of feeling at risk for heart problems and diabetes.  I want to have children, very soon.  And I want them to live in a healthy body.  And I want them to learn to take care of their bodies.

I will do this.  For me and my family.  I hope you all can help me through this.

Day 1 was yesterday, a formal commitment to myself to do this.  The next couple of days are going to consist of really planning out my “plan of attack” per say.   Today is the first day “in action” I guess.

Day 2 (October 27, 2009)

Weight: 253

Hubby and I woke up at 6:30 to jog/walk.  We are going to try to train using the Couch to 5 K Program online.  Today was to be “Workout 1″ in week one.  I think the total workout was supposed to last 25 minutes.  Ours lasted 15.  We live in a subdivision, and around the 15 minute mark, we were passing up our house.  I was tired.  And the mental image of plopping down on the couch wouldn’t leave my brain.  I think I could have kept going if we wouldn’t have passed the house.  Anyhow, I proceeded to whine until hubby was willing to stop, and thus ended the 15 minute jog/walk.  Perhaps we can plan a different route tomorrow…so that I will not be tempted with rest and a comfy couch - at least until I get a little stronger.

As far as food goes, I started off the day with a bowl of all bran and some lowfat milk.  Lunch will be potato and leek soup (yum!) and a salad.  Dinner will probably be a repeat except with fresh warm bread.  But no chips here (I’m debating banning these from my diet entirely - since I just can’t control myself around them).  Hopefully this will be day 2 of me being binge free!

-Emily