I want to be a loser

One day at a time.  Today was ok.  I cleaned a house and that was my exercise for the day. 

Breakfast-cereal

Lunch- yogurt and banana.  And small portion of potato salad and carrots. 

Dinner- home made nacho, good portion. 

Dessert is going to be a popsicle.

I washed the rest of the potato salad down the sink.  No more temptation.  I wish more in my family would have liked it.  I will have to make it for a family event.  It was good, but expensive to make. 

Might be going out of town.  I hate not having a food plan, but I will try and be good. 

 I weighed myself today.  At the house I clean they have a scale.  So every other week I am there I pull it out and step on it.  I have done this for 13 years.  I have seen the scale as low as 100 and it is at the highest 4 weeks ago.  The last time I stepped on the scale it read 158.5.  So I stepped on it today.  155.5.  Stepped off, stepped on again.  155.5.  Stepped off, moved scale, stepped on.  157.5.  Stepped off, cussed myself out for moving it, moved it back to original good spot, stepped on.  156.5.  Sold.  I put it back and keep that number in my head.  Next weigh-in in two weeks.  I think I will get my scale out and try that one and see how it goes.  I just don’t want to weigh myself everyday.  That is why I like doing it while I am cleaning.  Also, this is with clothes on.   I don’t want to get to 100 again.  I would love to see 130 and go from there.  I think I have said that before.  But, I like reminding my self.  The other thing I have to keep reminding myself is that I didn’t gain the weight over night so don’t expect to lose it over night. 

So I tried wearing spandex underneath my shorts.  My shorts still rode up but the spandex stayed down.  I can deal with that. 

Went for a 3 mile run today.  Lifted some weights, ab work at inner thigh.  

Food intake was ok.

Breakfast-cereal, Lunch-yogurt with banana and potato salad, Dinner-chicken, potato salad and spinach and carrot salad.  Lots of water.  Dessert is going to be lemon meringue pie.  Yummy.  Kept my portions on the potato salad normal. 

I started out good.  My body is yelling at me that it is hungry.  I started with a bowl of cereal.  Then went for a 4 mile walk.  With hills.  Good work-out.  Came home and had lunch.  WW meal.  Then went grocery shopping. 

Dinner was 1/2 chicken breast, potato salad(yummy) and a spinach salad.  For snack today I had about 15 almonds and 3 Ritz crackers.  I ate more of the potato salad than I wanted to, but not as much as I would have 2 weeks ago.  I guess I can pat myself on the shoulder for that. 

I ended up buying a lemon meringue pie.  So I will have a small piece for dessert.  I have drank a ton of water today too.  Maybe that is why I feel so full.  I also think I am PMSing. 

My body is sore so I can tell my muscles are working.  Yeah!! 

Tomorrow I am planning on going for a 3 mile run.  I think my path is not flooded.  I will try and see in the morning.  Food wise-Will probably be left overs. 

That is the song that helped me get through my run today.  Beastie Boys.  The last time I used my ipod it was dying from no charge.  So, when I went to go for my run today it was dead.   I threw it on the charger and asked my son if I could borrow his shuffle.  “Yeah, but you probably won’t like the music.”  was what he said.  I don’t care.  I need something.  So off I go to my path.  Put the ipod in my ears and the first song is Back in Black.  What a way to get me going.  Slow and Low, Welcome to the Jungle were next with a bunch of other stuff thrown in.  It kept me going and I did 3 miles with no problem.  I think I will use my own ipod next time though.  I might have to move some of his songs on to mine. 

Eating has been ok.  Not good, but I feel like I have been doing ok and I cracked a little last night. 

Saturday:

Breakfast-2 eggs, dry toast, apple.    Lunch-Ham Sandwich and carrots.   Dinner- 3 slices of pizza(cheese, basil and mozzarella) Dessert was a Costco berry sundae.  Yummy. 

Sunday:

Breakfast-cereal.  Snack-yogurt.  Lunch-ham sandwich and carrots.  Dinner-too much spaghetti.  Dessert-popsicle.

I didn’t make it to the farmers market, so I am going to have to hit the grocery store.  I need more fruit and veggies.  A big spinach salad sounds good.

Plans for Monday is-cereal, yogurt, sandwich, carrots.  Chicken, potato salad and maybe that spinach salad for dinner.  Home made ice cream and strawberries for dessert.  Small portions of course.  I over did just a little bit with the spaghetti and don’t want that cycle to start again. 

Another day down.  Almost.  I slept late today.  Sort of.  It is my daily ritual to get up with my kids before they go to school and make their lunches.  So I got up at 6:30.  Fixed 2 lunches and kicked them out the door.  My bed was still warm and it was calling my name.  And it was raining.   So the bed won, this round.  DH was home and so when I got up from my nap we headed out the door for errands.  Back to the house and off he went to work. 

I dropped my son off at the club and I took off for the path.  The same one that is flooded.  But this time I started on the other end.  I made it farther than the other side.  Still not enough for my mileage that I want to be doing.  But I got out there.  I guess I could double back.  But, like my dog, when I start heading to the car there is no turning around. 

We signed my son up for the athletic club by our house today.  Him and all his friends play basketball so it was worth it.  I am hoping that in September my dh will sign up the whole family.  I think I will use it.  There are so many classes and machines.  I wish I had someone to go with that first week.  I am hoping my dd will go with me.  It is always better when you have someone to go with.   Dh has no desire to go. 

I did well eating again today.  Cereal for breakfast.  PB and Jelly and carrots for lunch.  Stroganoff for dinner.  I think I will have an apple and a popsicle for snack. 

We will head to farmers market in the morning if it isn’t raining.  Pick up some fresh veggies and fruit.  

Today was a good day, bad day.  I ate good.  No toe procedure is needed.  Garage sale went good.  No run though. 

The foot doctor told me I needed to try and find a different shoe.  So I will head to a shoe store this weekend and get fitted.  I am going to go to one of those stores that watch you run and then fit you on what they think will work best. 

Cereal for breakfast.  Peanut butter and jelly sandwich and carrots for lunch.  Yogurt for a snack.  Then I had about 15 almonds while I was heating up my dinner.  I went with a WW dinner and half an apple.  I will make stroganoff tomorrow night.  No one was going to be home to eat a home made meal.  Snack will be a popsicle.  I didn’t eat one last night. 

I was all excited to go for my run.  Got dressed. Got my rain jacket on.  It was sprinkling and I figured I could handle a little rain.  Too bad the path I run on can’t handle the rain.  It was flooded.  I am going to have to find a new path. 

I am sore from lifting weights last night.  That is good, right? 

Another day down. 

Is that the truth?  I keep telling myself don’t go back.  It is so easy to tell myself-have that slice of pizza, what difference will it make.  Have a bowl of ice cream, what difference will it make.  But it will make a difference.  It will put me back at day one.  I don’t want a day one again.  I want a day 30, day 45, but right now I want day 4.  And tomorrow I will want day 5.   One day at a time, but no more day ones.  That is my new motto.

I didn’t go for my run today.  Timing and weather were not in my favor today.  But I did lift weights, worked out on my stair stepper for 10 minutes, worked on abs and of course my inner thighs.   I plan my work outs around the TV. I am hoping that will change one day.  Today it was Malcolm in the Middle.  That show makes me laugh.  I do the stepper while watching the show and the other stuff during commercials.   I don’t feel the pressure to HAVE to do so many minutes on the stepper that way.  And it gets it done, right?

Diet consisted of cereal for breakfast, peanut butter and jelly sandwich and carrots for lunch and dinner was 1/2 caesar salad from Costco.   I am going to have a popsicle for dessert.  I need to go shopping tomorrow so I can buy more popsicles. 

Tomorrow I am working at a garage sale and I am worried about my diet.  I will be there from 8-3.  I will have cereal before I go.  Maybe I will take a yogurt and carrots for a snack.  Pack a sandwich?  I will play it by ear.  Dinner will be beef stroganoff cause I have some beef in the fridge and I can make that real quick and easy.  Small portions. 

I am also planning on going for a run tomorrow night.  It will be my last one for a while.  I might be having a procedure on my toes.  I have done a race called Portland to Coast for 8 years and after each race I would lose a toenail or two.  About 6 years ago I was having problems with my big toe so I went to the doctor and he suggested I have my toe “clipped”.  Where they take the sides of the toenails off so it doesn’t become ingrown.  Well, 2 years later I had to have the other big toe done.  Now it is a couple years later and I need to have the next two toes done.  They just keep giving me problems.  And with me doing a big race in August I need to get it done now.   Bad toes run in my family.  Thanks dad.  :)   I find out Thursday if I have the procedure on Friday. 

I have no desire to run.  It hurts. Not my muscles. Not my feet.  Not my breathing.  I breathe great.  No huffing. No puffing.  The puffing is coming from my thighs.  I think when I am done running I could start a fire with the heat coming from my inner thighs.  I didn’t notice it while it was cold out because I would wear long sweats.  But these past two weeks I have been wearing shorts.  All types of shorts.  Trying to find a pair that don’t rise up.  A pair that doesn’t bunch.  A pair that stay down and stay even.  And no spandex.  If I wear spandex I feel like a link sausage. Let me clarify that I have spandex and will wear it it comes to it, but I don’t like it.  I even have skirts with shorts under them.  They are like tennis skirts.  Real cute.  But the shorts don’t stay down. 

So I end up running down the path pulling on my shorts.  Why don’t I see other people running this way?  Do they wait like I do and wait until no one is watching and pull them down so they can take 50 more steps with no friction?  And pray that no one is up ahead so they can pull them down again. 

So my inner thighs burn.   I am working on figuring out a way to get them to stop and still keep on running. 

Meal wise Monday I did great.  Stayed with what I wanted to eat and only had a bite of the dessert that was served at bible study.  Came home an had no ice cream I had a popsicle. 

Today I had cereal for breakfast. Carrots and a chewy bar for snack.  No lunch.  And dinner is cooking.  I am hungry but will keep my portions small.  Popsicle for a snack. 

I am planning on doing a weight work out later.  Sit-ups, arm work and I will do some inner thigh work. 

Plans for tomorrow are cereal, good lunch, and a good dinner.  Don’t know what yet, but I will keep the portions small.  I know this is weird, but I feel better already and it has only been two days.

So I woke up today ready to work out and my husband wants me to stay in bed with him.  I want to stay.  I try and stay but I know in the back of my head that I won’t go for a run later in the day so I do it.  I get out of bed.  I loaded the pup in the truck and took off to my path.  Not my path cause if I had a choice I wouldn’t let anybody run on it while I was running.  So, the general path by my house I head to. 

It felt good to get out there.  It was perfect weather.  Dog was in fine form for keeping me going.  I got to the .25 mile marker with my warm up walk and started running.  I went to the 1.25 mile marker and wanted to turn around but I didn’t I kept going.  All the way to the 1.75 mile marker then we turned around.  It is kind of funny cause there is a part of the path that turns to an open field and it is like my dog knows that I am going to be turning around soon, she keeps turning her head towards me and looking at me like she wants me turn.  When I made it to the 2.5 mile mark a lady passed me and she was going a good pace so I tried to keep up to her, but staying about 50 feet away.  When I got to the end I thanked her for keeping me going.   Any ways, I run all the way back to that first .25 mile marker.  3 miles of running, 1/2 mile of walking.  40 minutes. 

As far of food goes it has been a good day.  A bowl of cereal for breakfast.  Tuna sandwich and carrots for lunch and yogurt for snack.  I bought some of those Eating Right meals from Safeway so that is what I am going to have for dinner with an apple.  And corn.  I have been drinking water like crazy all day. 

I have bible study tonight and I know that there will be a snack there.  But I will either have something small or not have anything at all and reward myself with a fruit popsicle when I get home. 

When I know I am going to be posting my food intake it sure makes me more aware of what I put in my mouth.  I am a honest person so even though anyone that reads this would have no idea if I am telling the truth or not, I would know.    So that helps so much. 

I can thank my online running buddies for helping me find this site.  If it wasn’t for the support they have given me the past 9 weeks I would still be sitting on my couch.  I can honestly say that I can run 3 miles without stopping.  Although my face is beet red when I am done, I can do it. 

So, now I find that it is time for me to get support and an outlet for my eating habits.  I tried doing a blog before and it worked for a while.  I even had a deal with my daughter that if I didn’t lose the weight that she would post my before pictures on my myspace page.  I was only wearing my sports bra and tiny shorts.  Not a pretty picture.   I didn’t lose the weight and being the loving daughter she is she didn’t post the pictures.  I also deleted my myspace page just in case she changed her mind. 

My eating habits have never been good.  But I hope that having to write everything down I will be more conscience of what I eat.  With that said I will let you know I just finished off a bowl of rocky road ice cream.  I don’t think that it is bad to have ice cream.  It is the size of the bowl that matters. 

A little background on my life-6 years ago I dropped 25 pounds.  I was 125 when I started and at my lowest I was probably under 100 pounds.  I was unhealthy.  I was going through a stressful time in my life and my diet consisted of tums, water and sometimes a power bar.  Every once in a while I would have an apple, yogurt, or a string cheese.  That was it and not at the same time.  When my life started get back on track I started eating again.  The weight came back on.  And back and back.  Now I am up to close to 160.  I would like to just get down to 130.  And then see from there. 

So here I am going on and on.  I should be going to bed so I can get up and go for my run. My goal for Monday May 19th is to have cereal for breakfast. Yogurt for a snack. WW lunch with an apple.  Dinner I don’t know yet, but I will keep my portions small.  And drink water all day. 

I am also planning on running 3 miles in the morning. 

I will say that today I did work out during The Office.  I lifted weights and did some ab work.  I will do that Monday night too.