Today was a bad bad day. Though idk entirely why. It started off just blah and never got any better.
I had a bad dream that I woke up to this morning. Full of insecurities & stress. That ofcourse probably didn’t help anything.
Then I got DISTRACTED. A problem I often have. I am trying to learn tarot and part of my goal is to do a daily reading. Which has not been smooth to be honest. And I was trying to set up my tarot blog and got majorly side tracked playing around with that. Next thing I know it is 8pm… where did the day go?
My blog is nice though lol!
But that is a big problem. I need to wrangle in my easily distracted self. I know I got alot done yesterday but it doesn’t mean I can just sit and do nothing all day today. I need to move atleast alittle bit god.
I am gonna do some wii games nothing big. Maybe some boxing or whatever idk.
On top of it all my cabinets/fridge are like empty. We usually go shopping on wednesday but my DH’s schedule got changed so he works wednesdays now. and I like ran out of everything lol. I have enough stuff for one smoothie tomorrow for breakfast then one grilled cheese no turkey for lunch but out of salad stuff and idk what to have for dinner.
House Cleaning (Yes it counts lol more calories burned then if I were sitting on my butt! lol)
Wii My Fitness Coach~ 30 mins (141 calories burned)
Food Tracked Jan 17th- http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_tracker.asp?id=CAELESTIS&dte=1%2F17%2F2011
Today was ok. I decided to do some super cleaning today (very early spring clean lol). Scrub scrub scrub. It took a bit and had me feeling pretty tired afterwards so it kindof pushed back my exercise plans for the day.
But I still worked out. Did My Fitness Coach as usual. I had to stop in the middle to try and stretch out. My calves are just killing me. Mostly my left one. And it just was too much to keep going without a break.
It isn’t like omg rush to the doctor pain or anything. I am not injured! Just that soreness that you get after you like go for a long walk and then afterwards are sore all over.
My muscles are just used to be lazy and not getting any work. So it is to be expected. But I wasn’t sure what I should do.
I asked on sparkpeople and got some great help.
So I am gonna just take a super cardio break tomorrow. I will do yoga and maybe try some of the wii boxing.
Wii Free Step~ 30 mins (115 calories burned)
Wii Yoga & strength
Food Tracked Jan 16th-
So last week I lost zero… yuck But this week I turned it around and did great. I lost 1.2lbs!!
I am very proud of myself. Though at the same time I was feeling alittle bit like I just wish it would go faster or that I was farther along. Remembering how I had lost over 20lbs before and then just threw it all away and gained it back. Getting down on myself. But I know there is no reason to feel that way. I need to focus on here and now and the progress I am making now. I am right on track rolling along with my goals.
Anyways I am 1.8lbs away from losing a total of 15lbs this time around. So yay! & then 17.8lbs until Onederland!
Walk Away The Pounds~ 30 mins/2 miles (242 calories burned)
Wii My Fitness Coach~ 30 mins (140 calories burned)
Food Tracked Jan 15th
Today felt so short. Poof its gone. I did really great today (once again woohoo for me).
I am in such pain today.It is like all my muscles are screaming at me. Like hello we are used to not being used what do you think you are doing? lol It hurts bad. It is funny because during the workout I will be like omg I am gonna die. Then right afterwards I am fine. But by the time night hits my legs and arms are just killing me from it. But they will get used to it!
I am working on those distractions. Always easier said then done. But I can’t expect to change over night. But I got in two different work outs today and it felt great. I did Walk Away the Pounds after breakfast. I was only planning on doing one mile but I stuck and did 2! Then after lunch I did Wii My Fitness Coach. I realized that it is alot easier for me to slack off and not stay in rhythm with the WATP dvd when I am just walking. So that might be why I don’t feel it as much as I do with the Fitness Coach.
Food wise I did good too as far as not over eating. But kindof scrambling at the end of the night to find calories to up it. I had a smoothie for breakfast then the left over mac & cheese with veggies/chicken for lunch then a huge salad for dinner but a salad is just not alot of calories even with chicken, dressing & croutons.
I need to work on my shopping alittle bit better. It is so tough to plan ahead and make sure food gets used and not wasted. Veggies/fruits and bread go bad so quick.Ofcourse it is hard as well because I buy stuff thinking it is for DH & myself and then he doesn’t touch it lol
Tomorrow is weigh in day! Wish me luck. I feel good about it. I KNOW I lost something. It is funny the whole time I was just thinking today- Last chance workout from biggest loser lol
Wii My Fitness Coach~ 30 mins (144 calories burned)
Wii Fit Free Step~ 30 mins (116 calories burned)
Food Tracked: Jan 14th
I am doing really good. I love how this path makes me feel. I haven’t lost weight yet. No big changes out on the front but still the progress I have made has me on cloud 9.
I have energy! I have hope! I have courage and inner strength! I feel like this strong beautiful woman just screaming on a top of the mountain to get out of my way because here I come! I can take on the world and do anything!
So yeah I feel good
But at the same time I need to really refocus. I am carving out a path here but it is kindof sloppy. And I am no good on a sloppy path. I need that firm foundation so I make less slip ups.
Like I blogged about before I plan to work out after breakfast then don’t get around to it until like 7pm. I then feel rushed and trying to get everything in. It is just going to lead to bad stuff. So I need to tighten up my plans and schedule there.
But I am still working out everyday yay me
Today I ended up using the Wii Fit Free step and switching through the channels trying to find something to watch while I did it. Put it on the food network- Diners, Drive ins, and Dives was on lol. I got a good laugh at that. It felt so funny watching food network while working out like I could totally imagine that it made me seem kindof sick in a way.
Food I am doing better but kindof on accident. I started messing up last week and then this week noticed I was sticking to my lowest calories possible. While working out that isn’t so good everyday. But then I mess up and eat something I shouldn’t really and it puts me at a normal range. idk… I think it all goes back to that sloppy path again. I just need to kindof define my path alittle bit better and all will be well.
Tonight for dinner I made a box of kraft mac & cheese deluxe but added a ton of veggies and chicken. It was sooo amazing. And so filling with all that extra stuff in it.
Besides that it was a kindof crazy crazy day. I have birds & cats. Never had a problem until today. Kitty bit down on the birds tail feathers that were sticking outside the bars of the cage. Bird is thankfully ok. But ugh made me so angry. Then my other cat has begun to get the habit of jumping onto the stove. Tried the other day while I was cooking and scared me. Then tonight jumped up there and helped him to some of the mac & cheese. It scares me alot since it is so dangerous.
I yelled at my DH & said no more people food for them.
First I love that I decided at the start to mark my calender and have a spark streak # posted on my wall. Updating my number & seeing it posted there is just such beautiful motivation!
Up to an 11 day streak so far woohoo!!!
Today started off slow and sleepy. I keep staying up late with the DH and then I just am tired the next day. Must get to bed earlier grrrr.
But I knew i had stuff to do and pushed myself to get it done. I cleaned the house a bit, cleaned the birds cage. Then worked out.
I love MY Fitness Coach for the WII. I can’t say that enough lol. It pushes me my hardest. Like they say if you have a hard time talking you know you are working hard lol and the whole time I am panting feeling like omg I can’t go on. But somehow how the routine is set up you can get through it. and boom next thing you know it is over. and I LOVE how you end the workout.
I then watched the biggest loser and did the Wii Free step for 30 mins during it.
I am doing very good eating today. yay.
I am just feeling so good.
So my first weigh in day since I restarted. It has been a week now.
and the grand total of weight lost this week= ZERO
Yeah I didn’t lose a thing. But the good news is that I did not gain anything either.
I know what happened. I did very bad with food this week. But it is ok. I still feel good. Things go wrong, mistakes happen. All I can do is learn from them & do better next week & the week after.
Really focus on what I am eating. Add in more veggies. Eat more salads. Don’t put myself in bad situations where I end up overly hungry and/or wanting to binge. I am the one in control of my actions and I do have the strength to make good choices.
So this week I am focused on food mostly.
Looking back through this week I have had my ups and downs for sure. But no matter what what, even if I fell on my face I didn’t give up. I think that is so important. and I am very proud of myself for that.
I think I am doing really good fitness wise. I am working hard yay!
Food wise not so good lol. I just need more planning and self control. A new day will come and I will just keep learning from my mistakes and get better.
I have gotten alot of great inspiration and motivation Great super nice comments on my last blog entry helped me alot to put things in perspective. I love this site people are just so nice here.
I read the thread here:
“A year from now you’ll be glad you started today.”
How the woman has not yet met her weight goal but she stuck to it all year long and didn’t give up.
That was just so beautiful & so inspirational. It just reminds me this is not just about losing weight but making healthy choices and having that inner strength to stick to it and not give up no matter what.
I also got this quote from Jillian Michaels off her facebook:
“Motivation tip: There’s much talk in self help jargon on what to achieve - “just love yourself” etc. but not a lot on HOW to achieve it. 1 key to believing in yourself is EXPERIENCING success (no matter how small) & nurturing that experience. Write a list of everything you do well & everything you have accomplished that your proud of. When in doubt look at your list to bring back a feeling of capability & strength.”
That is probably the most amazing wisdom I have ever heard. Like you always hear just do it, etc… and that is all great but then you are like how? lol
It is not just hitting a switch or some magick button. It takes time and small changes and you need to be able to look at your accomplishments and be proud.
Tomorrow is my weigh in day. I hope ofcourse there is a loss but even if there is not I am still going to be proud of what I have done this whole week and willcontinue to do!
Yesterday was bad. Very very bad. I just want to curl into a ball and cry/die. Part of me is saying we all make mistakes don’t let this get you down. But we all know this was far more then a mistake.
I ate an entire pizza myself and 2 slices of another pizza. That one pizza was more calories then I should have had all day long! It took me up to 2,676 which is just 1076 more calories then I should have eaten. Well more then that since yesterday was a non workout day. I went over my fat limit by 60, my carbs by 122! I don’t even want to look at the sodium.
I hate myself so much right now. And to be honest I have never ate an entire pizza myself before even which idk feels so much worse to me.
It started off an ok day. I blogged happily. I focused myself on my goals. I was feeling very proud of myself. I even did some stuff on the Wii. Just Dance for like 20 mins and I kindof half assed played with Wii fit but was feeling tired.
It was my husband’s day off though. I don’t get to spend alot of time with him because he works alot and when he is home he is often on the computer. But he had to go into work “for just alittle bit” to help with inventory. That ended up being 5 hours. Oh because he decided to stay and talk, then eat, then run to the store for them with some of the guys.
What upset me was 1. He always does that. If he ever goes to do anything he will spend forever doing it.
2. He won’t text me and let me know that he is ok, that he is staying longer, or anything else. I text him even & he doesn’t answer me.
3. I asked him nicely to bring me home a turkey wrap for lunch. I planned for it, counted it in my calories for the day. So I waited to eat thinking he would bring it home for me. As it got later in the day I began to have a problem - I was hungry but worried that if I ate then he brought it home I would still eat it and then be in a mess calorie wise.
So I ate like a handful of salad. I should also point out yesterday is our usual shopping day so I didn’t have much in the house. and then I waited longer not eating. When he got home omg guess what- he didn’t bring me anything.
I was upset that he had been so just his usual insensitive self. Not thinking about me. & then I acted so well by just going into the bedroom and pouting and crying and not talking to him about it.
So later he comes and is like lets just order pizza. Knowing I am trying to lose weight. and knowing pizza is my favorite food and that I could probably eat pizza everyday and never get sick of it. But I say yes. I order it.
Right away I tell myself it will be ok. I can eat 1-2 slices and save the rest. I won’t eat breadsticks at all either. But at the same time I can feel the excuses start to rise up inside me.
When it gets here I am starving. It is now 9pm. All I had to eat all day is a smoothie for breakfast and a handful of salad. And to top it off the day before was a low calorie day for me.
I am starving! I don’t even know what happened at first. Before I know it I have 1 slice left. I hate myself and just eat it anyways. Then about 1-2 hours later I go to my husbands pizza and eat 2 slices…
I am just sitting here crying my heart out asking why? why? why? I feel like just another person. So out of control. Like somehow my body just isn’t mine and someone else is controlling it. I know it was wrong. I don’t understand why or how I can be so self sabotaging. So self hating.
I don’t know. I don’t know what to think about it at all. Part of me is just in denial and wants to not think about it. Because the only answers I can find are that I am weak and horrible and just a loser.
But I looked up the calories of that damn pizza and wrote it in my food journal. And today I will go extra low on my calories. and tomorrow I will do better and the next. I won’t give up. I won’t let this be like other times where I mess up and so I give up. I will keep trying.
I didn’t write yesterday. It makes me a bit sad but trying to not beat myself up about it. It is NOT the end of the world and I did really great yesterday!
Yesterday started off not too well. Mostly because I am really easily distracted. My wind constantly wonders. And even if I am focused and ready to do something - oo something shiny and I am lost lol
Yesterdays distraction was the internet. Sometimes I get on thinking I will just be a minute then get caught up reading stuff and spend the whole day. It is a big problem for me. I was planning to work out a bit after breakfast. But then It got late so I was like ok after lunch. and then before I knew it 7pm was here.
But I did not let that discourage me. I still worked out. And it felt amazing. I pushed myself really hard. I did My Fitness Coach on the Wii which I just so love. Did that for 30 mins and then right after I put in walking away the pounds and did 15 min/mile. In the past I always had a hard time doing it. But I haven’t done it in a long time hell I haven’t been active in a while besides these 4 days. But I was so charged up. I was power walking/jogging through the entire thing! It felt so good.
I ate really really well yesterday too. Late at night I got all munchy but there was nothing around that was within my calories left. and I must have went to the kitchen like 10 times but I didn’t give in. I said no. It wasn’t worth it. So I am very proud of myself. I can do it!
Today now is my husband’s first day off since I began. I am alittle scared lol. I usually do not do as well with him around me lol. But it will be ok.
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