My name is Aimee. I am 26 years old. A virgo. I am married to a wonderful man. We live in Western NY with our 4 kitties and 1 parakeet. I am a spiritual soul though I have lost my way and am seeking to have more balance mind, body and soul!
This year (Jan 27 2009) I discovered I had diabetes. My BS was in the 200-300s. My A1C was 11%. I was on Metformin and Novolog 70/30 insulin. In just one month I lowered my insulin & got off the metformin and my numbers are generally in the 70s-80s. I feel great and should be off the insulin soon! I decided it was time for a change, a big change. I would be healthy, lose weight, be fit and be happy.
I count my calories and carbs. Currently at 1300-1700 calories and under 200 carbs. I try to eat healthy, whole wheat and veggies.
I do Leslie Sansones Walking DVD 6x a week. I am currently up to 3 miles each day and walking for 45 mins. I also take short walks in the morning try for 5 days a week. I follow sparkpeople.coms strength training program so far on Wed & Fri. + some pilates. I also do yoga and stretches along with some meditation everyday before and after my workout.
My most important goal is to be a happier and healthier person.
Goal Weight: 165 by 09/22/09 (my birthday)
Goal 1- Under 200lbs **Met!! 3/27/09
Goal 2- Under 191 (no longer obese)
Goal 3- Under 180
Goal 4- Under 170
It might seem alittle extreme to say this is some epic journey I am starting on. Yet that is how it feels to me. It is me starting along a new path, one that will be often difficult for me to walk but hopefully one that I can find the strength to walk whereever it should lead me. They say it isn’t the destination but the journey. How beautiful and true.
You have this idea of some magickal perfect goal just out of your reach and you long for it so deeply that it hurts. But I know once I climb my mountain and plant my flag at the top it will be amazing and have a beautiful view but it will still be far from perfection. Even if I woke up tomorrow and somehow in my sleep I lost all this weight and was at the weight I dream of it still wouldn’t be perfect. I will still stumble and fall on my face sometimes. There will be days when I am still sad or feeling bad. I will still have other goals to reach for etc… Being skinny won’t fix everything.
I realized that if I want to be truly happy that I need to stop grasping for some far off reality where I will be happy and instead live in this moment. Work on being happy today and everyday.
I think finally understanding differences from all the other times before where I said I would do something and make changes but never did.
So here I am… I am 26 years old. And though that may seem so young to some I feel ancient. Last september my birthday came and I just ached. I have lived for half a century now and what do I have to show for it? I have wasted those years. Not to say that it was all useless or empty. I have an amazing husband, 4 kitties, family and things I love and wouldn’t trade for the world. But at the same time every single year I get more depressed. Sad, angry and hurting. Dreaming of what I could do if only…. Wishing I had more confidence and felt better and healthier. Wishing I was more balanced and happy. I dreamt instead of experiencing far too much. sigh.
It is so much easier to wish and daydream and never actually do anything.
Well here I am now. I am ready for a change. I am ready for the next 26 years to be something I can smile about and be happy with.
It is not just about losing weight. I want to be balanced. I see problems in one aspect of my life and I realize that it isn’t some chunk that is seperate from the rest of me. You need balance…body, mind and spirit! I want to be happier, healthier, more spiritual, loving, passionate! I want confidence & inner strength as well as outer!
So where to begin…this part always screws me up lol. I get distracted far too easy and once you are on a certain path that you are used to and feels safe (even though it hurts you and makes you sad-strange huh?) it is despretly hard to make the move to a new path. I was thinking it was like a doorway..you just walk right through. But now I think I like the idea of paths better. You can’t just jump over or walk through something. You have to declare and then make the choice to take the exit off your current path and then walk your butt over to a new one. Taking a very rocky, dark, scary, thorns and monsters galore path to even get to the other one. Sometimes once you clear through the whole mess you even find that you still have to put in the back breaking work of starting the new path!
You need a good firm plan. Sometimes it is nice to wonder around letting the flow take you whichever way. But other times you need to make yourself alittle map. Knowing that you don’t have to follow it religiously but to keep you focused on finding that path and reaching your destination.
I’ve made plans before and they were half-assed dreamy. Oh I will exercise and eat less. that is not a plan lol. Because you step up and you are like oh wait…what the hell does that actually mean? You end up hungry and eating that whole pizza or realizing you never stopped to exercise because you got caught up or too busy with whatever.
So anyways this time I have plans! I need a firm, well grounded foundation before you can build anything. It is two parts. One ending the cycle of bad habits and two building the new good habits.
1. Eating healthier and smaller portions.
I am planning out all of my meals at the start of the week. Going to the store with a list & a plan. I want to learn correct portion sizes and how to untangle all the information about nutrition. Understand what I am eating and what it means.
I want to eat well balanced healthy meals everyday. Keeping myself less hungry or bored snacking and more scheduled. Eating breakfast is a must everyday and not eating 10 mins before I go to sleep either! I want to eat more fruit & veggies. No more pop eek. More tea, herbal teas, water a smidge of juice.
I am tracking my calories & carbs but also watching all my nutrition to make sure I am being healthy.
I need to get moving. You feel better when you exercise, I know and I miss that feeling. I sit all day long on the computer & watching tv and it is killing me. I ache and hurt all the time. Walking from the parking lot into the store shouldn’t kill me seriously. I want to be flexible and energised. My biggest issue is what do I do? I am doing the Leslie Sansone Walking DVDs. Which I love. I will keep upping my walking and I want to start pilates and yoga and when I am in better shape I would love to do yoga booty ballet and some normal ballet too. Maybe even some kickboxing. Maybe someday I will run a marathon even!
3. Spirituality. I want to have a healthy spirit as well. Trying to meditate daily. Trying to pay attention to that spiritual essence around me. I thank the Goddess everyday for all the blessings I do have. I strongly feel that She has led me to this new path. I was at such a low point in my life and I would just cry and feel so lost and call out for some guidance and then I had to go to the ER where I found out I had diabetes. It was the swift kick in the butt that I needed to get this whole ball rolling. I know that it is still my path to walk but I feel blessed to have that light to guide me.
I know that I can do this and this site and this blog are going to help me so much to stay focused. I am feeling happy. There is nothing to be afraid of. Nothing to stand in my way. I can be happy. I can be a strong beautiful goddess inside and out!