I’ve lost 18 lbs and have hit a plateau.. I am so depressed. while my muscles ache from activity and I have been obsessive about counting my calories I have stalled out for 2 weeks.
I think I have dropped my calories too low and I am terrified to eat more.. I just feel full at about 1500 calories daily. I am absolutly terrified of being at my start weight again.. I was so miserable.. It is hard for me to be happy with myself at this weight even though I can not deny that I look better and I know for a fact that I feel better.
It is hard to look in the mirror without any clothes on but in clothes, I look pretty nice.. But, where I am now is such a high number on the scale.. I think I would be happy with another 15 lb loss. I won’t be unrealistic.
I just didn’t expect to hit a stall this early I guess. I thought Maybe i would lose the first 30 and then maybe but, life does not always end up the way we expect it to.
I don’t know what to do.. All I know is I am very depressed and seriously thinking of everything that goes into my mouth now.
I felt so empowered in the beginning.
I will WILL do 1700 cals this week.. maybe for 2 weeks and If I still don’t lose any weight revaluate I guess.
“sigh”
Posted on February 18th, 2009 by blackbutterflies
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well.. It’s been a minute Dear Journal.
No I have not fallen off the wagon ! YAY.
I weighed yesterday at my grandmothers and it showed a 10 lb weight loss from the last time I weighed at her house which was ???????????????????
So I believe over all I’ve lost somewhere between 13-15 lbs. in six weeks.
It is completly amazing.
My pants are loose on me.. Only thing is I am craving new clothing already and really need to clear out alot of crap that I never even wore when I was heavier. I know that I still have a long way to go but, I am very proud of myself. This is the longest I have ever stuck with a diet/exercise plan.. The weather has been shit so, It’s put me off the park but yesterday I walked on my grandmothers treadmill.. Then there was the knee thing so, That put me off course so, I am not walking the same distance I used to but I am incorporating the jog/ walk change up so, I hope I see results with that.
My plan is to go walking today , weather permitting if not there is always my biggest loser dvd back up plan.
I’d really like to challenge myself at the park to get back up to the 2 mile speed again. But we shall see.
I can’t wait for it to get warm again.
I have found that setting myself up to lose x amount of weight by x days is kinda lame o.. Although I’d love to be in Onederland by My son’s 1st b day.. I won’t be sweating it if I am off by a few lbs.
BUT ONLY A FEW LBS will be acceptable.. hehe.. I am deathly terrified of the dreaded Plateau..
Because the idea of changing things around and possibly gaining makes me really nervous .
For once in my life, Things seem possible.. Mental energy and physical energy is at an all time high.
Posted on February 2nd, 2009 by blackbutterflies
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I’ve been weepy and tired lately.. Real nasty and grumpy.
I’ve been feeling discouraged and hungry.. I went over my calories with a bag of Freakin Doritos last night.
140 cals over.
I have to make it up sometime this week.
Who knows when? I wish it wasn’t so darn cold.
also.. feeling super paranoid about food.. If I’m counting my servings correctly.
I tend to get obsessive.
Posted on January 22nd, 2009 by blackbutterflies
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Well, I felt like total shit today
to put it midly.. I took pics and All i could see was fat fat fat and no progress to speak of.
I really felt down and out.. It’s too freakin cold to go walking so, I danced around my computer room for 30 minutes and ran the steps 5 times.
I dunno.
I drank 4 bud selects too and only went over my allotted 1500 cals by 11 cals
but fucking hell.. I just want to be thin right now and feel like I should be doing better.
I want to be above average.
I ca n’t give up.
I refuse to give up. i refuse to give up I refuse to give up
Posted on January 20th, 2009 by blackbutterflies
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I’ve made it 18 days!
I ate Chocolate m&m’s last night and I think it’s cos I was upset about the gas bill. I hardly ever crave sweet things but, I stuck to just serving. I think I stuck to my Calorie Goal all the same though. I always doubt my serving size even if I measure myself but, speshly if hubby is making dinner.
I need to stop obsessing I guess. Oh, And also the bathrooms at the park were locked so, I only did 1 mile so, that means that today I am most definatly going to have to “step up” my game and walk my arse off. Hopefully GG will watch The baby so, I can get a little work out in since the hubs is going to school tonight.
It seems like the bills just keep racking up and we are about to be without any heat during the last month of winter. Isn’t it lovely how they make gas bills so high for the average joe? We can not afford 400 bucks for gas alone. I’d rather spend 100 on 2 nice heaters. forget about it.
Geez.. Whatev’s so, I think I was stressed yesterday because of that.
but, atleast I didn’t go binge on some fast food and I also stayed away from the 2 beers left in my fridge and for that, I am proud.
Hopefully we have SOME funds left over when we get down putting down a down payment for a new house and paying all our debts off.
I’d really like a couple new pieces of clothing and A little vacation.
Probably too much to ask.. I need to get out of this negative state of mind and PRONTO. TONTO.
heh
Update..
Later today.. I made a wise decision at Applebee’s today.. I split an entree with my grandmother which she was all too happy to oblige because she likes to save money and she is big on weight control so that worked out well
then she watched my son for me while I went walking at the park and I jogged and walked 2 miles.. I am starting to jog more and not give out of breath.
Also everything I try on that was a little to snug for me 2 1/2 weeks ago fit comfortably if not have alot of room in them.
This is working
this is magic
this is me?
wow.
Happy happy today
Posted on January 15th, 2009 by blackbutterflies
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yesterday was a hard day for me to resist cravings and I got a little light headed after walking one mile and had to sit down for a few minutes but managed to finish my 2 miles.
I’m not sure why but I think it was related to my medical problems I have been having as of late. They are really getting me down and I won’t have the money to go to the doctor until We get our taxes back.
So far so good today, I’ve had breakfast
but it’s really cold outside so I may just do my biggest loser dvd for exercise.
It’s really really cold burrrrrrrr!
I can’t wait to weigh myself this Sunday. I hope I have lost atleast 2 lbs cos I’d really like to lose maybe 10 lbs this month.
I think that would give me a great confidence for my first month of this life long journey of weight loss and maintaining. I have never liked to wait but slow and steady wins the race so, I’ve been told
Posted on January 13th, 2009 by blackbutterflies
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it’s early morning and I am yet to eat breakfast yet but, I’d like to take this time to say that, I am still very dedicated and need to keep my eye on the prize.
I know slow and steady like a train is the way to go but, Damn it.. I want to be thin again so bad right now.
1-2 lbs a week is sooooooo slow.. “sigh”
Posted on January 12th, 2009 by blackbutterflies
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Hello!! Today is a beautiful day because I am feeling GOOD about myself.
In 2 weeks I have lost 5 lbs! I still can not believe it.
Calorie counting is working out really well for me so far and I am up to working out 6 x’s a week. Don’t get me wrong it’s hard going.
Last night I treated myself to 4 bud select beers woo. hehe and I feel a little groggy so, That just gives me more ambition to drink even less.
The Daily Plate is the bomb
Posted on January 11th, 2009 by blackbutterflies
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It’s a new day.
everyday in everyway I am losing more and more weight.
Skinny Bitch was an ok book but, I wish it had more exercise tips rather than telling me about the sick aspects of eating meat. I already know this. I am a vegetarian and i guess I should have done my homework before spending 14 bucks on it. It was a good educational book though but, mostly for people who haven’t gone veg yet so, I g uess it is a good thing for them.
Did my biggest loser dvd Yesterday and I’m real proud of myself for that.
Today I am taking the day off from exercise because I am addicted and should really take a rest day.
I am not happy about this though.
Stay away from those trigger thoughts tonight reasoning etc.
It’s Friday night.. I wanna drink some burrrrrrrrrrrrrr! 
wah wah.
If I don’t My body will thank me for it later.
Posted on January 9th, 2009 by blackbutterflies
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DAY 10 :
Walked two miles
ate out TWICE SUBWAY AND CHINESE
I was impressed by myself at subway. I got the veggie delight with no cheese
BUT.. We had a power outage in my area and I fucking went and got Plain Lo mien at china house.
but, I still managed to stay at my calorie limit.
I then went to walkmart and whilst walking around decided to get on a digital scale.
big mistake.. It’s not time to weight yet and It weighed me at my starting weight and the two pounds i’ve lost did not register.
I should take into account that I am on my period and it was later that night but I can’t help but be a little depressed.
THE LO MIEN MADE MY BODY FEEL TERRIBLE.
i don’t want it anymore so i guess that is a good thing
hubby woke me up being loud before work so, I am very tired too and now a bit cranky.
Day 11 :
Did my new biggest loser workout dvd.
Beginner cardio and was able to keep up most if not almost ALL of the workout so that is a good thing.
Stayed under my calories.. I actually had to make myself eat something to get up to my calories so I treated myself to a beer and some light popcorn.
woot.
feeling strong and empowered.
Posted on January 8th, 2009 by blackbutterflies
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