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Also i’m re-addicted to fast food. There have been several days in the past week where i have only eaten fast food all day.

I can use the excuse of being so busy with my last week of classes as to why i haven’t been blogging, much less dieting. But we all know, its not about not having enough time, its about not “making” enough time.

I think that once i got off schedule with the workouts, i went downhill.

I just have to get it together. I’ve been avoiding the scale and not caring about calories. In fact, it almost seems like i am fully cognicent about over eating.

On the up side, i have a whole new idea for my next body of work. I haven’t told this to anyone yet, but my last 2 metals projects have been centered on it (and they are primo work if i do say so myself). And i have been contemplating this for a few months, trying to think up good ideas.

Umm, um, um .. .. .. .. I am now officially announcing that my fall art show will be art about being fat and unhappy with it and the struggle to lose weight .. .. .. .. ta da!

As soon as school is out i will post pics of the 2 metals projects i am talking about. I actually sort of started on this last semester when i made some dishes that say things like “blessed are those who hunger and thirst for they are sticking to their diets” and “gluttony is not a secret vice.”  The bulk of the work i am thinking of for the fall show will be sculptural.

Another thing that has been bugging me: this one is hard to talk about, hard to admit. .. .. ..

I have discovered that the reason why i like eating so much is that most of my happiness comes from food. .. .. .. I know this might be a simple conclusion, but i really have been thinking about it a lot.

I have to be honest, i am not that happy with my home life, and by home life i mean my marriage. Listen, i love my husband i really do, but things just don’t work right with us. We have different goals in life, different ideas about where we want to be in the future, way different interests, we don’t work well together and most of all he is just too damn bitchy. I can’t hardly stand it. I am a pretty even tempered gal and i don’t want to be bothered with nonsense. Like, the two of us both enjoy fishing and we went together on saturday and sunday, sounds nice right? Just the 2 of us hanging out in a boat on a pond out in the country. All alone, its almost romantic. But that asshole ain’t a bit romantic, he just complains and cusses nonstop. He lets every little nuisance ruin his life and i am getting resentful from wasting my life with all that penny-ante bullshit.

I’m sorry if i am laying way too much out there all at once. I guess i just need an outlet. And i’m not getting divorced or anything (maybe i should write at least not yet). Its not like the marriage is all bad, we certainly have a lot of good things going on with each other. It’s just that i’ve been trying to work this out with him for years and i feel like i’m sort of at an impasse with him.

I’ve got to find another source for my happiness. My daughter is wonderful, of course. I love going to school. I am truly happy when i’m there. My friends tell me i smile all the time. And i find that i eat well the whole time i’m at school. I am able to make healthy choices while i’m there. But, it’s like as soon as i leave… As soon as i leave school!! Then i need to find a supplemental happiness.