This has to be my last day off plan. I am self-sabotaging in the other direction. Now that i am focusing on my course work i am letting my diet go. Topsy-turvey! I so need psychotherapy. I just can’t figure out why i can only focus on one thing at a time. I have seriously thought about seeking counseling via the school programs to help my self-sabotaging but i have never made the 2nd step.
So today… where to begin. Probably my 1am munch attack. 2 squares of 86% dark chocolate (125) with a tbls of peanut butter (90), then i had a grilled cheese with a slice of 2% american (45) & a 1/2 oz of fat free cheddar (23) on low cal bread (70) with a bit of butter (20) then i had to have another one! (45+23+70+20).
Got up late today and had to run by the bank and go to school first thing to make porcelain. I didn’t eat until 12:30pm. I had brought 300 cal worth of peanuts and granola bar with me but i ignored them in favor of fast food. I decided on a steak n shake double cheeseburger (425), i almost got a steakhouse from backyard burger but i knew it would be double the calories. I didn’t eat again til after i got home in the afternoon having been to the grocery store where i was responsible and bought things so that i could eat healthy this week.
My daughter went to her grandpa’s for the evening so philip and i went to applebee’s for dinner. It was nice, i considered it sort of a date night for us, we never go out together. I could have been good. Applebee’s has a weight watcher’s menu. I even like the stuff on the WW menu there. But NO, i was feeling loosy goosy and had a 7 oz sirloin with the shrimp parmesan (est 460) on top. I also ate half of the big caesar salad (est 170) and a serv of steamed vegees (est 80) and less than half an order of fries (180). I was so full when we left. I wish applebee’s would list their nutritional info so i wouldn’t have to estimate.
When i got home i knew i was going to have wine tonight. I was jonesing it while i a was at the restaurant. The first thing i did was have a square of chocolate (63) then i began the port wine. Port wine gets me drunk quickly and like i said i am in a loosy goosy mood. I am currently on my 6th 4oz glass of port wine (1128). Umm, wow! I am certainly a loose goose. I don’t know how i am still typing.
When i came in form the garage (at least i am still in pottery work mode) i was snack happy. I had a strawberry cottage cheese double (130) 1 square of 86% chocolate (63) and a hostess snack cake (100). Oh man! The damage i did today! I’ll add this stuff up tomorrow.
joking. I love some grilled cheese too. perhaps the chocolate is a trigger for you? I know its got to be hard to try to eat right and do school work on top of it. Thats a lot of discipline you must have to do both. You are only human girl.
