I have struggled this week something terrible. It’s all because I let my emotional state bring me so far down that I was not motivated to do anything at all… I barely stayed on track eating wise, and I think I had 1 day of exercise I haven’t had money at all for groceries, so I wasn’t really eating well at work. Thursday and Friday I didn’t take anything at all, and scraped up change for chips out of  the vending machine. I don’t have any good fruits or vegetables, so nothing healthy is even slightly appealing. Yesterday I WENT THROUGH A DRIVE-THRU FOR LUNCH!! I can’t believe that! I haven’t done that is months! I had a Southwest Grilled Chicken salad and a grilled barbecue Snack Wrap from McD’s Oh well, it could have been much worse. I make a promise to myself that I am going to do better this week. I am going to get back into the gym which means I will be taking gym clothes to work with me. I am supposed to get paid Tuesday, so hopefully I will be able to buy some groceries. I am GOING to have a better week. I have to look back, but I don’t think I even lost a pound this week. I am by no means giving up on my weight-loss. I just let life get in the way this week, but I am determined to get a handle on things, and go back to being healthy and responsible.

Here are the stats:

Last week: 167.8

This week: 166.4 (-1.2)

So a 1.2 pound loss is better than a 1.2 pound gain, and that’s exactly what could have happened with the way I’ve been slacking off. I appreciate my body for having my back even when my mind has been so screwed up. Thanks body- I owe you one!

I guess I haven’t written since Friday maybe… well there’s a reason for that. I haven’t been feeling well AT ALL for the past 2 days. Well Saturday I was fine except for the fact that I spent about 9 hours in the deadly heat out at my kids’ track meet. I consumed all kinds of horrible things like:

crunch n munch

a big pretzel- sans salty coating

Gatorade

Ocean Spray Cran-Grape juice

Capri Sun

I came home around 7pm and crashed for about an hour because I was soooo exhausted from the heat. Then I got dressed and went to meet my friend at a bar near my house. I didn’t feel like going, but I promised, so I felt obligated. OH, WHY DID I GOOOO? I ended up eating horrible bar food. French fries and fried chicken wings to be exact! I also had Malibu coconut rum and pineapple juice (x3). I haven’t had a drink in months, so why I drank this night beats the hell out of me. I just promise not to do it again. I felt like CRAP all day Sunday! I was completely sluggish and tired. I had a stomach ache too. I couldn’t even eat. Everything I put into my mouth made my stomach cramp up. And on top of it all, I hadn’t been able to have a BM in like 3 days! I was all screwed up! Sunday morning, I got up and took the kids to the pool. I was able to force down a banana for breakfast. Lunch was dried cereal (Quaker oatmeal squares). I also ate a ridiculous amount of popcorn at Target while we were shopping with my grandma. My stomach hurt so bad after that, that I didn’t eat anything else for the rest of the day. What I did was go to bed! As soon as I got home from taking my grandma shopping. It was probably around 7pm when I went to bed for the night.

Sunday’s Weigh-In:

This week: 172

Last week: 173

Monday:

Started my new job. Worked up until lunch time.

B: banana, yogurt (gave me a stomach ache)

S: trail mix (stomach ache)

L: baked chicken (skin removed), broccoli (more stomach ache)

***TMI ALERT***: I was finally able to go to the bathroom, and haven’t been able to stop since. Seems like every 15 mins or so, I’m running back! waaaaaahhhh! I just feel like crying :’(

I don’t know if I’ll be eating anything else today. Everything I eat seems to make my stomach cramp up horribly. I feel bloated and gross. My tummy just keeps gurgling and bubbling.

Oh, and I haven’t worked out since Friday

Last Week: 177

This Week: 173 (-4)

Even after Waffle House this morning, I was down 4 pounds this week. I’m glad and hopefully a new decade is just around the corner. I’m at a total loss of 9 pounds for the month of May plus 6 lost for April to make a grand total of 15 pounds lost. I am 3.8 away from my 10% mini goal. That’s pretty cool.

I had sort of a free eating day today. It wasn’t so bad, but with tomorrow being a holiday, and the fact that I am going to a barbecue, I know there will be more “free” eating for me. Today, my indulgences included a teensy sliver of sweet potato pie, a very small amount of potato salad, and 2 servings of home made baked macaroni and cheese. All this was made by my mother in law. She is a wonderful cook, and I am totally weak for her mac and cheese, as you can see. I didn’t overdo it today. I had a small breakfast, an even smaller lunch, and a dinner as described above.

I also had a very good workout today. I did more intervals on the treadmill. I ran at 7.0 today it was great. I run on the nordic track machines because I like the little track that they show you so you can see your running. One lap around a track is 400m. For my intervals today, on each lap I did 100 meters at 3.0, then kicked it up to 7.0 for the remaining 300 meters. I did this for a total of 3 miles. It was very challenging, but fun. I love running. I hate all the other cardio machines because to me, they are boring. I have recently decided that I love the stair climber though. Those are my two. I need to kick my butt in gear and do some weight training. It’s been a week since I lifted a weight. That is also boring to me.

My husband commented today that my boobs are shrinking. Yet another NSV!!! I hate big boobs. Especially my 38D’s. I noticed that my bra’s were getting a gappy and loose, so I put on one of my old bras size 36C and it totally fit! He wasn’t happy with the “shrinkage” as he called it, but I was! I’d actually pay to get a reduction and a lift if I could. A full B cup is plenty for me!

I’m going to get to bed now since it’s 11:30 pm. Happy Memorial Day everyone!

This week: 177

Last week: 176.4

So after a weekend of eating a whole bag of baked cracker crisps, double helpings of veggies, back to back snacks, stealing bites of the kids’ Ramen Noodles, tortilla chips, 2 1/2 baked chicken nuggets, almond trail mix, honey toasted peanuts, 100 calorie packs of cheese, gummy bunnies, and eating late, I gained 0.6 pounds. I must say that a gain is never good in my book, but after all the eating/snacking I did over the weekend, half a pound is not too bad, and it’s definitely not the end of the world. I think what saved me is that I continued to eat my normal, healthy meals despite the snacking in between. I may have even been alright altogether if I had been able to drink my 96 oz of water each day. I’m not sad about the weigh-in today because I KNOW I wasn’t following my plan of 3 meals/2 snacks a day. I did not work out Saturday, and didn’t really do any cardio on Friday. I was back OP as soon as I got home yesterday evening. I even went for a full 30 min jog. I will stay on plan for the entire rest of the week and weeks to come!

Yeah so I got on the scale this morning for my weekly weigh-in and it read 176.4  Thats 0.8 down from last week. Of course I am disappointed. I can’t believe thats ZERO pounds lost for the week. I worked so hard. I did not go off plan with my eating either. I don’t know what I did wrong. All I know is I have to fix it for next week. And I guess I’m ok with not seeing a decline on the scale as long as the numbers are not going up. I notice changes in the way some of my clothes are fitting, including certain underwear which are now pretty baggy. I refuse to try on my size 10 pants until I hit the 160’s. I don’t expect them to fit perfectly by then, I just think they’ll be closer to fitting, and hopefully it won’t be frustrating or discouraging. Now, what about a plan for improvement for next week? Sad thing is, I don’t really see what more I can do. But I’ll try. So here’s what I will do to maybe help the scale budge for next week:

1. Log all food and portion sizes.

2. Photograph all meals and post pictures in a “photo food diary” in my blog.

3. Eat carbs (with the exception of fruit) with only 1 out of 3 meals, either breakfast or lunch.

4. Limit calories to 1200 per day: no more, no less

5. Drink at LEAST 96oz water each day.

6. Exercise for at least 30 mins every day except Sunday, which I am officially designating as my weekly rest day.

These are my goals for the week. I plan to stick to them each and every day. I have a problem though, I am leaving Thursday night for a long weekend in Oklahoma City to visit my sister. My sister is a health conscious eater, and she also works out. I won’t have a problem exercising, or eating decent meals. My problem is the structure of my day, and how it will change for 3 whole days. I’m also worried about the Sunday weigh-in. I have options- I could use her scale which is different and unfamiliar, I can wait until Sunday night when I get back, or I can weigh in on Monday morning instead of Sunday. Decisions, decisions. Well, that’s about it for the day. My eating was poor because I was a little discouraged after my weigh-in but it still wasn’t crazy.

B: unmeasured amt of RF Peanut butter and banana in a whole wheat pita

S: apple slices

L: whole wheat wrap with turkey breast, dijon mustard, tomato, spinach, and 2%milk cheese, cheddar rice snacks

S: 3 string cheese, orange slices, apple, Kar’s Sweet & Salty mix (not all at the same time)

D: Romain lettuce salad with Light Raspberry Vinaigrette, baked cod, steamed carrots

Let me explain all the snacking… I ate breakfast at around 8 am, and headed to the track for my kids’ meet. I ate a few apple slices for a snack in between, but was hungry for lunch around 11:30. I ate my wrap and rice snacks, but that only held me for a little while. By 2 pm, I was HUNGRY, and all I had were small snacks, so I picked a little here, and a little there trying to satisfy my hunger. It was either my food, or the BAD stuff at the concession stand. We did not leave the track until 5:30! I was able to hold out for dinner by making a nice sized salad while I made my children hamburgers and fries. Then I made my fish and veggies. Overall, it was not a GREAT day, but it could have been a LOT worse.

Because that’s exactly what I’m doing! I was so excited to weigh in this morning because I KNEW I was going to be out of the 180’s. I could feel it! I stepped on the scale and it read…. U ready?…. 177.2!!! I am ecstatic!! I was hoping for 179, but 177?! I had to do a double take. I have been trying so hard. This Sunday I am at another track meet with my children. I packed healthy snacks for us to eat. I am better prepared this week. When I get home, I plan to either go to the gym or run in my neighborhood. I’ll report back later I’m sure

***UPDATE***

Scratch my plans to work out- didn’t happen. I have a little track star on my hands. My 7 year old son placed very well in his track events today. 3rd in the 400m dash, and 2nd in the 800m dash. They were timed finals, but he was 1st to finish in his heat each race! I was super excited because he was 2nd and 3rd out of more than 40 other runners in his age group. What a super duper mothers day gift to see my boy run such great races. He also did well in the long jump, but we don’t have those results yet. With all that said, we didn’t leave the track meet until after 5pm. I had no Mother’s Day cards, gifts, etc. for anyone, so I had to run to the store. My mother-in-law hadn’t made it home by the time I got to her house, so I went around the corner to my grandma’s house and waited for her. I spent the remainder of the evening visiting with family. I finally made it home around 9:30 pm. I still had to feed the kids dinner and get them bathed and ready for bed. I am exhausted now as I sit at the kitchen table with them while they eat. I know that as soon as they are done, I am going to to take a shower, wash my face and go to bed. There will be no type of physical activity for me today. I did some walking around, running around, climbing bleachers, giving my 62 pound son a nice, long piggy back ride, so that will have to tide me over until the morning. Oh and I bought a new workout DVD for my Wii Fit while shopping today. I am excited to give it a try. But that will have to wait until tomorrow or Tuesday. Tomorrow the kitchen and I have a all day cleaning event to attend.

Saturday I was a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding. I was not looking forward to the reception. There would be an open bar, lots of food, and CAKE! The wedding was beautiful! Everything went perfectly! We took pictures in the church, by the lake in the park, and in front of a beautiful water fall. Then it was time for the dreaded reception. Eeek!! Well, the menu was Italian salad, steamed green beans, bacon cheddar mashed potatoes, broccoli fusilli pasta, chicken spidini, and baked ham and pineapple. When I made my dinner plate, I was conscious of portions, and didn’t pick anything that would be too bad, but I was STARVING, so that was really working against me. I had salad, a wheat roll, green beans, pasta, and a small amount of potatoes without bacon. I did not have an overly full plate, and I left off the meat because the chicken was breaded and looked fried, and I don’t eat pork, so ham was out of the question. I avoided the bar, and drank 3 goblets of water. I did have one glass of champagne at the toast to the bride and groom, but that was all the alcohol I consumed for the night. Here’s where it gets BAD!!! My friend, being the wonderful creative mind that she is made the cutest candy buffet I’d ever seen. Her main wedding color was purple, so she had all the purple candy you could find! Purple chocolate kisses, purple licorice, yogurt covered pretzels, and SO MUCH OTHER GOOD STUFF! I couldn’t resist! I sampled m&m’s, yogurt covered pretzels, and OMG the licorice! Everything was so good, and I have a MAJOR weakness for candy! I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to shake it. I can avoid buying it in the store, but when it’s on display in a beautiful buffet, I’m toast! Ok so and yea, I had a piece of cake too. But that was it!

Sunday was bad on a whole different level! To start, I skipped breakfast AND lunch. My children had a very early track meet, so I was very busy getting them ready for that. I drank lots of water, and I did have a granola bar. When the track meet was over, I headed to Subway and had a turkey sandwich with lots of veggies, and no cheese or mayo. I came home and jogged about 2 miles, then my grandma had a barbecue…. NOOOOO! 2 days of uncontrolled eating! I had a salmon burger without condiments, a grilled chicken leg, a piece of garlic toast, another chicken leg with barbecue sauce, cauliflower, red and orange bell peppers with ranch dip, hummus and pita chips, diet iced tea, AND a handful of peanut m&m’s. Doesn’t sound all THAT bad, but it felt BAD. My chicken had skin on it, the dip was made with regular sour cream, not light or fat free and I ate a LOT of it with my veggies. I did manage to avoid the chips, soda, and ice cream though. That was a victory!

*** Sunday’s Weigh In***

SW: 188

CW: 180.8 (-1.2)

GW: 138

I’ve decided that as hard as it’s going to be, I can’t get on the scale every morning like I have been. I was really upset when I stepped on the scale and saw 182.0. That puts me at a total of -3 lbs for the week. To a sane person, that’s GREAT! But to me, it’s just ok because on Friday the scale read 181.2. Why the .8 gain from Friday? I don’t know, but if I limit my weight checks to one day a week, I won’t be disappointed with normal daily fluctuations. It’s not that I’m in a hurry to lose the weight. Slow and steady wins the race and I am in this for life. I just don’t like to see the numbers on the scale increase for any reason.

Oh! and I measured myself today. I figure I’ll do measurements on the last Sunday of each month. I was NOT happy with what I saw. I’ll post those later on.

On another note, it’s FREEZING today in Saint Louis, MO. Not to mention raining. I stayed indoors most of the day cleaning, and doing laundry. I worked up a pretty nice sweat! Around 5:30 pm I managed to pry myself away from the nice cleaning groove I was in, and went to the track. It was so cold. I was able to run my mile in 11 mins, and I walked a lap for warm-up and cool down. My total exercise time was 21 mins start to finish. I would have liked to do more, but it started to rain.

I started tracking my calories using livestrong.com or what used to be thedailyplate.com. This is part of my goal for the month of May. I want to track my calories for a month just to make sure I’m staying within a reasonable amount. I really don’t see the need to count for much longer than that as long as I continue to measure my foods and watch my portions. Counting calories is very tedious and time consuming unless you eat the same things day after day. I am allowing myself no more than 1,200 calories per day. I used this number because it’s what I used back in 2008- the last time I was on a “diet”. This time there is no “diet” just me making adjustments to my eating and exercise habits. I plan to continue this for life. Never again will I get into the habit of eating McD’s 3 nights a week and Papa John’s the other 4 nights. Even when I reach my goal, and enter the maintenance stage, I will treat myself in moderation.

I am having fun with this new-found obsession of mine! Becoming a healthier, happier me feels amazing!